Ev
I was running. I had to get away from him. I had to keep running. He was going to kill me. Not only was he going to kill me; he was going to kill my son. I woke up screaming in white hospital room. The nurses came rushing in. They put something in my IV and went back to my comfortable black vout of nothingness. The blackness of sedation was my friend. It welcomed me, cuddled me and protected me. I did not want to wake up and face this. I didn’t want to answer the questions my parents had or worse, the questions my son had. He could look at me and see how damaged I was. I was a husk of a person. I felt as though my soul had been carved out of me. I felt so dirty. My guilt over Ness’s death was heavy. I welcomed the sedation. I craved the black abyss of pain killer sleep.
I was lying in bed, barely awake when Dug came in.
He sat down next to me and said: “Ev, you have to come back to us. I know you are hurting. I know that mean things were done to you but Donnie needs you. I need you.”
“How long have I been out of it, Dug?”
“It’s been four days. I need to bury Ma, but I won’t….if you can’t be there,” he told me. “Her Law man needs to see you and tidy up some things.”
I smiled at him. “I needed you to tell me to get my shit together.”
He laughed. “Ev, I didn’t say shit.”
Donnie and my mother came in, surprised to see Dug sitting talking to me. My mother rushed over and hugged me. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m hungry.” I told them and smiled at Donnie. “I could use some fast food.”
“I think we can do that,” Donnie said smiling. “I am sure you want some of that crappy Mexican from that shit hole you like so much.”
“Watch your mouth.” I told him with a smirk. “Yes, I would love that and I am going to live wild side. I’d like a coke with that.”
“Come on Dug. Let’s go get her some food.” Donnie said and Dug followed him.
After they were gone, my mother, sat down next to me. “Ness had a lawyer and he needs to talk to you.”
“Do you know why?” I asked. It was so hard for me to think if Ness as dead.
She shook her head no. “I’m guessing maybe about Dug’s well-being and care.”
“Oh.”
She took my hand. “Are you okay?”
“Not really,” I answered. “I have to be.”
“The doctor said you need to see someone and talk about what happened to you,” Mom told me. “You can’t recover without help.”
I sighed. “Right now, I just need to get my strength back. Where did they take him? Is he in jail?”
“He is.” She answered. She looked down at the floor. I could tell she didn’t want to tell me something.
“What is it, mom?”
“The bastard has been asking for you. He wants to talk to you.” She told me fretfully.
I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t going to be able to escape the monster. “Okay.” I sighed and a sob caught in my throat. I swallowed it back and shook my head to clear my thoughts. “Where is dad?”
“He will be here soon. I am fixing to call him and let him know you are awake.” She told me.
She went over to the hospital phone and called him.
I was lost. Why did Adam want to talk to me? What could he possibly want to say to me? I had nothing to say to him. He had tortured me, raped me and maimed me; I had nothing to say to him that would be beneficial, except maybe to say: I hate you. Why wasn’t he the one dead instead of Ness? It wasn’t fair.
My mother and I sat in silence. She seemed scared to talk to me. She didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to say either. Donnie and Dug arrived with my food and they seemed to beimpressed that I was eating. It was good but I couldn’t eat much of it. The best thing was the coke. It was delicious.
My mind was going several different directions. Adam. The lawyer. The counselor. Everything was a jumbled mess in my mind. I was glad Donnie was safe but I worried that it might have been better if I died. I would have to testify against Adam. The press would sniff this story out like a shark in bloody water. It would make the news. It would sell papers and magazines. I was about to be famous for the worst thing that ever happened to me. I was going to be a tabloid sensation for something I never wanted to talk about; something I wanted to forget. I slept fitfully. Every time, I twisted, my body ached, and every pain reminded me of the hands that had done the damage.
This was not going to be easy. Living was not going to be easy. All I wanted was peace and healing. Adam wasn’t going to allow that. He would get to me, even from a prison cell.