Donnie
I decided to go see Dug and Ness. I had an idea. I had some posters made with my mom’s picture on them to hang in the neighborhood. I also wanted Dug to go with me door to door. I wanted to see if he got any “feelings” about anyone. I know that sounds crazy but desperation will make you depend on crazy things. I knew that if we didn’t find my mother soon, it would be too late.
I could almost feel her despair. I don’t know how but I felt connected to her sadness. My mother wasn’t perfect. She had really pissed me off these last few years. She spent some money that wasn’t hers to spend, in my opinion, and it really made me more angry and bitter than I had ever been in my life. I couldn’t live with her and I sure as hell couldn’t look at her. I still loved her. I know she knows she was wrong and she has told me sorry so many times but just to be a shit, I wouldn’t accept it and was a bigger shit than I started out being. Her story about the money was that she was unemployed, no insurance for either of us and spent the money for us to live on. We did go to Disney and Universal Studios. I know in her mind she did what she thought was best.
Now, I had to find her. Dug would help me. I knew he would. He loved my mom with an innocence that was so sweet. He was a good guy and the loss of my mother would devastate him. Ness was like the salt of the earth. She fed me every time she saw me. She took food to my grandparents, who were beside them self with worry. She would sit with them and listen to their fears. She even prayed with them. She was a good woman. She was strong, even though she looked frail. I know that she was extremely worried about my mother. She seemed to have some kind of darkness behind her that she tried to keep from Dug. I could see it sometimes, when she thought no one was looking. I wondered what her hidden story was.
When I pulled up to the house, Dug was already waiting for me on the steps.
It freaked me out how he always knew when I was coming. The fact that he knew things, that by all accounts he shouldn’t know was downright creepy. I would never tell him it was creepy, but damn…it was.
“Hi, Donnie,” he told me. “I knew you were coming.”
I smiled. “You always do, Dug. You have one hell of a mind on you.”
He laughed. “You are funny. My mind is all screwy.”
Ness came out of the house. “How are you, Donnie?”
“I’m here.” I told her. “I was wondering if Dug could go with me to hang up some posters of my mom. I was thinking we might knock on some doors.”
She sighed. “I guess, Donnie, but you better be careful. If he has one of his moments and seems at all shaky, you better get him home. Do you understand?”
“I do understand. I know you are worried, but Ness, I have to do something. The longer we don’t find her, the possibility of her coming home goes down,” I told her honestly. She came into my personal space and hugged me. I hugged her back. “We weren’t on the greatest of terms. I can’t let it end this way.”
“I know,” Ness said. “Go on and hang your posters. I will cook a pot of spaghetti. You better stay and eat. Your grandparents know you are here, right?”
“Yes ma’am. They do.”
I didn’t tell her that they had become so shell shocked they didn’t realize or care that I was driving with just a permit. It had finally hit them that my mom might not be coming home, ever.