Ev
I was hurting. The nurse, at the hospital, told me this would be the hard part. Getting my life back. They never talk about that on TV shows. What happens after the victim comes home? I’m home, but not really. I’m at my parent’s house, and it hasn’t been home in many years. I know that I need to stay here but it isn’t easy for me. It hurts to walk and it hurts to sit,because there are tears in my vagina and anus. Yes, tears….I am torn in the most private of places. I sit in this chair with a donut pillow under my bottom and wonder if I will ever want a man to touch me again. Will I ever feel even remotely sexual again or will I just lock myself up and wither away alone.
I hate everyone fawning over me. I don’t like needing help. I can see it though. The way they look at me and don’t know what to say or they are picturing what was done to me and feel revolted, but at the same time they feel pity for me.
Donnie will grow up. He’s almost grown. I can’t depend on him to be my company for the rest of his life. I don’t’ want him to think this is what sex is because it isn’t. It isn’t supposed to be forced and brutal. It is supposed to be fun, exciting and passionate.
There are so many thoughts in my head that I don’t even see Dug standing beside me with a coke.
“Hi Ev,” he says sweetly. He holds out the glass of iced coke to me. “I know what you are thinking. You won’t be alone. You won’t be.” I take the drink from him and sit it on the table beside my chair. I take his hand in mine.
“I’m just trying to understand things, Dug,” I explain. “I don’t want Donnie’s future with others to be overshadowed by this experience. I want him to know that intimate relationships aren’t what that man did to me. Does that make sense?”
He leans over and kisses my cheek. His kiss feels like butterfly wings flapping gently against my skin. “Yes, but you shouldn’t worry so much. There is always hope. Always.” He turns and walks away leaving me there with my drink and that thought.
I drift off to sleep and once again I hear the words: There is always hope.