Ev
As I was sleeping, I was in a memory dream. I was remembering a nice man I met once when I was staying in a hotel for job training. We sat by the pool and talked for hours. We laughed and carried on like we had known each other for years. I felt so comfortable with him and him with me. It was the most comfortable I had felt with a man in years. His name was Kyle. Maybe, it was because I felt safe because I knew he lived in another state. He told me, that he loved the way I was so sure of everything that I wanted to accomplish. He wished I was staying longer; he would have loved to catch a movie with me and hang out. It was a surprising moment for me. I couldn’t believe that he found me interesting or remotely attractuve. Most men ran from my quirkyad outspoken personality. Looking back it was almost like a scene in a movie. A romantic comedy of sorts.
I awoke with a smile on my face, wishing that I had decided to go into that man’s hotel room, but when my eyes opened I was still in the basement with shackles on my wrist. I was angry and thought to myself: “If I ever get out of this God forsaken place, I’m going to try and find that man.” I moved my sore body around trying to get the blood flowing. My body started to wake up and the pain begin to spread as the blood began to flow. I didn’t hear anything above me.
I looked around and saw a plate of crackers and spray cheese on the floor by the bed with fresh water. He must have come down and noticed I was out like a light. I stood up on the bed, trying not to lose my balance. I was still weak from the beating I had taken. I was still sore. I felt stronger but not well. I knew that I had to get out of here. I started moving the bar back and forth trying to loosen it. It was loosening but not as fast as I would have liked but I had to be quite so I couldn’t put much power behind it. I was determined to get it loose and use it as a weapon or as some way to get out of the fucking basement. I wanted to cry. I missed my son, my friends, and my family. I wanted to go home and live my friends, my parents, my apartment and my son. I had to make amends with my son. He was my reason for living. He was part of me and I wanted to watch him grow up and live his life. I couldn’t die without fixing things with him. It had to be done and I knew that I would never have any peace unless we made amends. I was thinking too hard and my head started to hurt. I sat down on my bed exhausted. I looked at the crackers and suddenly I was starving. I shoved them down and drank the water. I would love have a warm bath. I would ask my captor if I could have one tomorrow. I reeked of sweat and infection. I couldn’t see my back but it throbbed which led me to believe that some of the cuts were infected. I knew I needed more than the salve and oral antibiotics I was given. I needed a hospital. I needed a doctor and IV drugs.
I was becoming depressed. I lay down again and closed my eyes and tried to remember good things like my son’s birthday parties in the past, holidays, friends, and a family get together and yes, even that chance encounter at the Homewood Hotel with a nice man at the pool. I wasn’t as sure of myself as that man thought I was. I knew what I wanted to be but had no idea how to get there.
I was such a failure at all kinds of things. I always said I would be smarter than the ’final girl’ left in all those scary movies. I was beginning to wonder what stupidity I had done to get me into this cluster fuck of a situation.
Running at night probably didn’t help. Running alone wasn’t really smart either, but it doesn’t give a sicko- psycho the right to kidnap me! He just ripped me out of my life. Ripped me from everything I knew. Ripped me away from the chance to make amends to my son, my family, and my friends.
My eyes became heavy; I knew I was fixing to fall asleep. I tried to put myself at that pool, with the nice man, my son, my family and friends. I wanted to be in a beautiful and calm place with all those I loved and cared about. I hoped that when sleep came, I would be there. I would be well and happy. I would be smiling.