THE REPLY

July 23, 2008/12pm

C.S.P. New Folsom

Respresa, California

Brother,

What’s happening?! I hope everyone is doing well in you family and staying out of this miserable heat. I’m ok, and I just finished another course in Asbestos Awareness. Another very stressful, mind-boiling, head banging class that I didn’t think was going to be that difficult when I signed-up. I just didn’t know what I was getting myself into, but I still wanted to complete what I had started. I’m glad I did, glad it’s over, and glad I passed this one too.

I wonder at times why all of these challenges have been coming my way, Bro, because I really don’t need anymore stress than I already have. I wonder why I continue to sign-up for many of these different courses offered by the State, and why I continue to put myself through this same stress over and over again because I’m not sure they’re going to do me any good once I’m out.

Anyway, I got your last letter last week, but as I mentioned, I was down to my last stamp. I was waiting for my dear daughter Misti to send me some more stamps, and well, I finally got them. I’m very thankful to my daughter for sending them to me, and now being there when I really don’t deserve it.

Mike, it’s still been very hard for me in here Brother, and I keep having my mood swings, but I’m trying to keep busy. Yet I get at times like I feel I’m going to blow a head-gasket and feel this could happen at anytime. So I pray to God everyday to relieve me of troubles, help me with my moods, and I ask him for strength, courage, forgiveness, and that somehow I can receive some sort of happiness while I’m in here.

I pray for all of our family and the people who are homeless and even less fortunate than I am. It may be bad in here Bro, but not as bad as I’ve realized it is for others. So I just try to block-out my personal issues that are small in comparison those homeless people, and try to focus on what I have to do to prepare myself to make-it somehow out of here sane!

I’m really amused at all the things you have written, and I’m quite surprised at the things you still remember that happened so many years ago. Of course, I remember our grandparents and Aunt Mercy. And when your wrote about them it brought tears to my eyes, picturing and remembering them, and all of those open embracing arms they always had for all of us. Of course I remember how Aunt Mercy use to chase us around and always wanted to Box with us, and she always won. That was just the loving ways our aunt had of expressing herself.

In a sense, Brother, I sometimes wish that we could go back in time, if even for a single minute, but I know that we can’t. It’s ok because when God says it’s “Our Time” I know will all be reunited, and see them all once again. Then we’ll have those same embracing arms and special moments like we use to have. You remember, Brother, those special moments that I had forgotten. I hadn’t remembered those good-times until you reminded me, and I thank you for these precious thoughts.

You actually took me back for a few minutes and I had forgotten about being in a bad mood. I really got a kick out of you remembering “Leo Lord” and I didn’t remember all of the things we did back then, and I actually had to sit-down and focus. Then I remember Leo Lord’s Workshop, and the way you and I played in the Sawdust, just like you said in your letter.

It’s so crazy, Mike, how so many years have just quickly gone by when we remember the things we use to do when we were children. Then I think should this be a time for change in my life? I leave with this question still in my mind, and I’ll write again very soon. I thank you, Brother. Please give your family a big hug for me.

God Bless us, love you,

Robert

P.S. Keep doing what you’re doing, and stay in the “Word” Bro.

RC

FIVE

GUARDIAN ANGEL

June 3, 2008

Right now as we continue on our spiritual journey and days of old, I must share how very reluctant I am when reminding you of what happened to me when I was just a three years olds. But instead of continuing to keep this event a family secret, which it’s been for quite some time, I’m going to take the advice in your last letter and stay in the Word. Before I share what happened let me share this scripture with you that stood-out to me.

In James 1:8 (NCV) THE Bible says “God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made.” So you see, it’s only after reading scriptures like this I’m reminded no to be afraid to bear witness to the truth, because out of all things created by God, you and I are the most important creators of all. With this in mind let us now go back in time, and revisit that special day only few know about up to this point.

I still remember as very young children how after weeks of anticipation, our family was taking a very special trip to have a picnic at Avocado Lake, which is located just a short distance from the city of Fresno, California. The plan was we’d leave early morning and meet-up with many other relatives for this big yearly event on the 4th of July. We soon started traveling east towards the Central Sierra Nevada Mountains while starting to innocently sing vacation songs like “Ninety-nine Bottle of Beer on the Wall.” Definitely a stretch from Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

We had soon reached the lake while singing those off-key songs, and sharing silly jokes that only made everyone laugh because they were so lame. We then made a pit-stop by that old gas station just a short distance from our picnic area to tak care of our business and changed into our swimsuits. Our father was busy airing-up those three different size inner tubes we had brought along, upon seeing this, we began to argue who was going to use the largest inner tube first. My attention was then suddenly taken away by the view of the lake.

There was a reflection of sunlight glimmering over the water just right, surrounded by Giant Pine Trees that perfectly framed this canvass that kept whispering to me with a soft rippling sound. As my eyes focused closer, I could see that there were many other children at play with their buckets and shovels on the dark shore, while their parents were close by relaxing on colorful beach chairs and blankets, with an ice chest within reach. My attention was then drawn to these kids that were loudly arguing over this large inner tube while in the water waist deep, while others were calmly floating on theirs without a care in the world.

After we had arrived at our picnic area and were greeted by our cousins, we were then given permission to down to the lake if we promised to stay in a group. One of our oldest cousins was put in charge. Everyone then began racing downward on the slanted terrain towards to water while I was youngest and last one, trying to keep-up as best I could while my swimsuit kept falling because I hadn’t tied my drawstring. With my chunky built and swimsuit slipping, running down that sandy landscape became very challenging for me. But I somehow managed to still stay just about two or three short strides behind you.

Upon reaching the water I immediately was taken back once again by all of the calm, shimmering water reaching out as far as my little beady eyes could see. Everyone began “howl” as if we were this pack of young wolves, so I followed with mine that was more from a pup on his first adventure from his mother. We then made our “mark” in the dark, damp sand before taking a few high sniffs of all the fresh surrounding wilderness air. Yes, we were some funny kids.

Soon we were making new friends and began playing Tag up and down the shoreline. Even our two sisters Sylvia and Sandy had marked their own territories, but the problem was every time they’d get splashed while making sand castles they’d suddenly start to scream. Kind of reminded me of the screaming we’d hear at home anytime we’d touch their Betty Crocker Oven without their permission. How could you possibly forget a thing like that? But you know we always got such a kick out of seeing them get so upset over the littlest things.

Soon after we were then informed by our parents that it was lunchtime, and everyone had to now meet back at our picnic area to eat. Everyone got upset hearing this, but I was the one who made the “biggest scene.” I suddenly began to howling just as before, while I start kicking at the shallow water my feet were submerged in, as everyone else silently watched from shore. I didn’t notice everyone was so unamused with my childish antics, but I finally complied with these orders to vacate only after being promised, ”Don’t worry, you can come back and play after you’ve had something to eat, but you have to eat at least one hamburger or hot dog.” It was then my young mind started repeating part of what I’d just heard:

“You can come back and play after you’ve had something to eat.”

“You can come back and play after you’ve had something to eat.”

Back at our picnic area we were instructed to go directly to those long picnic tables and start serving ourselves from the plastic containers already filled with different types of food. There was Bar-B-Que Ribs & Chicken, Hot Links & Hot Dogs, Chile Beans, and three or four different types of salads. I quickly got in line behind you Big Brother, as we started to look-over all of our options. When you grabbed your paper plate and reached-out for a hot dog bun and hot dog to fill it, I then motioned in the exact same manner. When you then added a good portion of that “off brand” mustard and ketchup on top of your hot dog, and walked over to the ice chest, looked around a few seconds before choosing an “off brand” canned root beer soda, I copied you.

Seeing that the picnic tables were filling-up fast with people I still managed to keep-up, and sit right next to you. I know all of this only annoyed you since this was the same sort of thing I did back home, but you accept it for what I was, and didn’t get upset in front of everyone. You were my older brother, and I, your younger brother. And we put up with each other’s flaws because that’s what brothers do...that’s just what brothers do.

Since I was a chubby little kid back then who always had “slightly more of an appetite than you,” my hot dog was long gone before yours in about three or four hungry bites. I then washed it down with my ice cold root beer after seeing you take a drink, and it tickled my throat right before I suddenly let out this loud uncontrollable burp that caught everyone’s attention. Then I guess you can say “It was on!” This Burping Contest began between us and many cousin that were sitting at our picnic table, but these “childish games” only lengthen the time of lunch that now seemed to be taking for ever to end before we could return to the lake and play.

I then did something I was skilled at, and done before. Without anyone noticing I wandered-off on my own, you know, just like I use to do while playing in front of our grandparent’s house and I’d sneak over to Leo’s. The only difference is Leo Lord hadn’t been invited to this particular event at Avocado Lake, so he wasn’t around to protect me and hand me over safely to our parents. So with every additional little stride that my flip flops could carry me closer to the water my confidence just kept growing. I had convinced myself that there wasn’t anything wrong with me going down to the lake by myself since everyone would soon be joining me. And I was eager to find the same spot and play with the same kids as before.

When arriving to the shore I did find the same friends now playing tag, running up and down that dark sand, and sometimes into the shallow water. I then noticed other kids also happily playing just a short distance away. They seemed to be having so much fun I then decided to go down the shoreline just a little more to join them. In my mind everyone one was having such a good time, what could possibly go wrong if I played with these who were waist deep in the water? So I slowly started entering into to water ankle high before stopping to see if anyone else from our family was coming towards the lake to join me. I thin continued in until the water level had reached-up to waist before then quickly reaching just above my chubby little chest. I then started jumping up and down on my little tip toes as the water reached chin level, and was eager to join playing King of the Inner Tube.

Once I had gotten close enough I was then helped-up by a couple of those older kids, while two or three others were swimming to get back on once again. I was trying my best to keep a firm hold onto my little spot while being surrounded by all of this loud laughter and constant pushing and shoving. Soon, I couldn’t hold-on any longer, and was bumped off by two kids that were wrestling. After falling into and underneath the water temporarily I then resurfaced, and began holding on to the side of that big inner tube after dogpaddling a very short distance.

But after four or five times of being knocked-off into that dark murky water, each time I started to feel many underwater craters at the bottom of the lake, which only made my resurfacing that much more difficult. By that time everyone was having so much fun while giggling and laughing really loud, they didn’t hear my pleas for help the last time I was knocked into the water. When I resurfaced I was in full panic because the crater I had just stepped in was deeper than any before, so it took my more time to push-off from the bottom. I was choking from drinking some water I didn’t want to drink, and thrashing in order to get someone’s attention and help, but no one noticed that I was “in real trouble.”

Before I continue-on with my experience, I just want you to know that I never want to purposely get you upset in any way, shape, or form with anything I write you. I don’t want to burden you with anymore negativity you’re having to deal with right now, but you have to know the “Full Truth” of what I experienced underneath the waters of Avocado Lake when I drown.

After I was unable to get anyone’s attention, I actually remember feeling when my little body began slowly sinking down through all that dark, murky water. But instead of trying to desperately catapult myself upwards the surface as before, I had now stop fighting. I had automatically given myself over to a much greater power that I could ever begin to comprehend as such a young age. The following is the best explanation I can possibly give of what I experienced. It is written in italic because it all just seemed to be The Most Beautiful Dream.

While I don’t know exactly how much time had elapsed from the time I’d been knocked-off the inner tube the last time, and ultimately went under water, I do remember finding myself standing at the bottom of that dark, murky lake while starting to look up through the darkness. I was not afraid of being there one bit as these beautiful luminous rays of light slowly appeared from above, and immediately found me. They slowly began becoming brighter and brighter as this combination of luminous rays of light began to circle all are me. When this happened I felt engulfed by this magnificent surge of energy that suddenly rushed throughout my entire body form head down to the tips of my little toes.

This beautiful light all around me became so bright I had to close my eyes for a second although I really didn’t want to. Upon reopening them I found myself in the center of this powerful, luminance light that was now pulsating with such magnificent. This loving circle of energy seemed to instantly take away all of my pervious feelings of panic, fright, and worry, and now, had replaced them with total calm, bliss, and this beautiful harmony. I can only describe these new sensations as the most comfortable, loving feelings I’d ever felt in my entire life up to that point, and even up to this very day.

As I was consumed by all of this energy I instantly knew there was someone else with me. Comforting me and letting me know that I shouldn’t be afraid. Now looking back, I know those were the exact feelings I needed to feel during this most beautiful dream I couldn’t awake myself from. So I started embracing all of these comforting feelings of love that had been given to me as I yearned to look upward once again to see exactly where all of this comforting light was coming from. When I did this, I began to see this magnificent, bright, luminance image slowly start to descend towards me, directly where I stood on the bottom of the lake.

In awe, I then began reaching upward with my right hand towards this beautiful image I now longed to be with. Then suddenly, I began feeling my body being lifted-up through all that dark, murky water. As this began to happen I started hearing the sound of muffled voices all around me, but I couldn’t anyone or anything at that point. I can only further explain that the muffled voices reminded me of a crowded room of people adjacent to a quiet room you currently were in. The voices seemed to be made up of a mixture many adults and also children of all ages.

When my little body continued to slowly be lifted upward through the center of this beautiful luminance circle that was getting brighter and brighter it began to narrow in the cone shape. Those muffled voices began to get also louder at this time. I don’t really know how high I’d climbed when trying to look-up once again, but this beautiful light was now quite blinding. As I continued to still try and look-up, I could clearly see the image of this passionate face as it was now smiling down upon me. Behind this smile and the backdrop of all this luminance light, where these big immaculate wings entirely opened. But as I looked I still could not see a body connected to this passionate face and immaculate wings.

After receiving this warm expression of love while I was still being lifted upward all of this magnificent light that surrounded me became so bright I once again had to momentarily close my eyes. And when I did this I instantly felt this feeling as if I was softly being carried through the air on this soft cloud. I have to honestly tell you that at this point of what seemed like a dream, I really didn’t want to be awakened from a place of utter peace.

When I reopened my eyes once again, I was suddenly awaken by the sound of this loud siren blaring all around me. I’d been so startled I instantly tried sitting-up, only to find my little body and arms now firmly strapped down to a gurney in the back of this big ambulance. Of course, I didn’t know what I’d just been through here on earth, and how I’d drown and found already floating on the surface of Avocado Lake. I just found comfort finding our mother there sitting next to me, now telling me to “Lay back down. Everything is going to be alright. Just lay back down and rest.” She was saying all of this to me while trying to fight back her tears and emotions for my sake.

Rich Warren states, “A very important test is how you act when you can’t feel God’s presence in your life. Sometimes god intentionally draws back, and we don’t sense his closeness.” So I’m sure that while that nurse nicknamed “Pinky” continued to administer CPR on my limp body on shore while I didn’t have a pulse, in her mind she must have questioned the Will of God over and over again, while others were recommending she already stop what she was doing. Thank God she didn’t listen to anyone but that voice insides telling her to continue working on me until the paramedics arrived and could take over care.

Now I want to share with you how through my search for personal answers while looking through many Religious Books I realize what those muffled voices were. They were “the sound of complete strangers” who had quickly surrounded my lifeless body on shore as they began to pray for me. This was a critical time, and I know that without their prayers and the Grace of God, I wouldn’t have received this second chance at life. And you wouldn’t have all of these words of encouragement to read from Your Little Brother.

Remember my experience of when I was floating upward in the center of that magnificent light, closed my eyes, then suddenly felt this bolt of energy run through my entire body? It was the Heart Defibrillator the paramedics had administered on my chest, and shocked me with on shore right after Pinky had felt a faint pulse after continuously working on me. You know she’s the one that really saved my life. It’s just so fulfilling to know that I’ve found importance answers.

In the book titled, “Angels” by Billy Graham, it’s mentioned that Paul from the Bible warns that “Satan transforms himself into an angel of light.” (2 Corinthians 11:14 KJV) But in nearly three hundred other different places the Bible also teaches us that God has countless angels at His command. Furthermore, God has commissioned these angels to aid His children in their struggles against Satan. Billy Graham goes on to share, “I believe in angels because the Bible says there are angels; and I believe the Bible to be the true Word of God, but we are warned not to worship the creature, rather the Creator (Romans 1:24-25 KJV).

“God…is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or ever dream of –infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.”

Ephesians 3:20 LB

Next Chapter: Chapter#4