SEVEN

KOI FISH

JUNE 17, 2008

I now want to share with you how I still remember that nice elderly couple who use to live on right side of our three bedrooms two bath house on Lamona Avenue. You know, our house that had the “studio apartment” attached behind the garage that we’d use as our play room? It was in the “mid 1960’s” when you and I had just start attending elementary school. At that point in our lives we really didn’t have much to worry about. Our parents did just about everything for us, and this also included the needs of our two sisters Sylvia and Sandy.

Since first moving into our house it wasn’t long after that The Mossesians became more like “adopted grandparents.” Our whole family felt this “closeness constantly grow” as we’d spend as much time with them as we possibly could. Our nice neighbors wouldn’t have it any other way.

The Mossesians spoiled us rotten back then because we were the youngest in our family, and we always got the most attention. Why we’d actually have these “childish arguments” over who was the most spoiled. You’d always win after telling me, “Well you’re spoiled rotten to infinity!”

Do you still remember anytime Mr. or Mrs. Mossesian would see us out playing in our front yard, how they’d quickly try to call us over to visit? They’d try getting our attention by waving their hands and arms high in the air until one of us finally spotted them. When I saw this, for some reason it reminded me of the times you and I played “Cowboys and Indians.” I would have this “imagine” of Mr. Mossesian dressed in a Cowboy Outfit, with a Black Cowboy Hat, Black Leather Gloves, Black Gun Holster with Loaded Cap Guns ready to go. He’d invite us over by saying in this Clint Eastwood voice “Make my day. Come over and have some ice cream…or else.”

Mrs. Mossesian was right behind him wearing this beautiful Tan Leather Indian Maiden Dress with this beautiful Head Set filled with Large Feathers. She wore this Colorful Beaded Necklace, and had this “Plastic Bow and Arrow Sets” on her back, just like ones we use purchase a few blocks away at the “Corner Asian Store” with our recycling money.

Speaking of “recycling,” do you still remember how the redeemable price for a small bottle of pop use to be a nickel, and how we’d get a whole dime for the larger bottles?! Wow. But I guess those were some pretty good prices considering this was some “40 years ago.” Still before receive this “gold mine” we’d still have to haggle with the store owner over accept a few of our bottles because he always claimed weren’t “redeemable.” We knew this to be true, but would try anyway.

After receiving our “loot” we’d then instantly start shopping in the same store, eager to spend all of our “hard earned money” on an assortment of penny candies, junk food, and cheap toys. We’d always walk out of that store with a small brown paper bag filled with treats in one hand, and a small, cold soda pop in our other. But we still thought that store owner was a real cheap skate for not taking all of our recyclables!

Anyway. If our family didn’t have plans to go anywhere it seemed we would then go next door to visit the Mossesians. After getting permission from our parents we’d both quickly race over from our front porch to theirs in order to right their doorbell to see if anyone was home. I’d say 9 out of 10 times someone was always home.

When either Mr. or Mrs. Mossesian would open their front door, you could instantly see by the big smiles they shared we were always welcomed. When Mr. Mossesian opened the door he instantly shared this big smile and squinted behind his large, black framed bifocals, just like the ones Grandpa Angel use to have. He’d then quickly invite us in where we’d usually find Mrs. Mossesian busy cooking something in the kitchen, or sitting on her colorful antique, calling us over to sit next to her. She’d always greet us saying something like, “Hello boys! How have you been!? Would you like some cookies and milk, or how about some candy?!”

I still remember how their house always smelled like a “bakery,” with this heavenly scent of cookies that would instantly make our mouths water. Looking back, do you think Mr. Mossesian would sometime purposely coming over to our house and invited us over, or was it just “a mere coincidence” Mrs. Mossesian happened to have fresh baked cookies once we arrived?

All of those Butter Cookies, Sugar Cookies, and Snicker Doodles were all so yummy, but my favorites were those Big Chocolate Chip Cookies that were still warm out of the oven. Mmmmmmm! Please stop it because you’re starting to make my mouth water! Besides all of those delicious cookies, The Mossesians always had those “mounds of shiny, individually wrapped candies” that over-filled all of those Candy Dishes on top to their coffee tables in the living room. To this very day I can remember all of those Crystal Candy Dishes of so many different shapes, and sizes. There was this Egg Shaped Crystal Candy Dish that always sat in the center of their Antique, Cheery Wood Coffee Table. It was always filled with this golden mound of yellow Lemon Drops. On each side of their antique couch stood these Round, Cherry Wood Coffee Tables, stood a Square, Crystal Candy Dish always filled with those little packages of Sweet Tarts Candies. I use to like them so much because there were about “10-12 little candies” in each individual wrapped little tube.

Anytime we’d hear the Ice Cream Truck approaching from down the street Mr. Mossesian would get so excited, and always offer to buy us our “favorite cool treat.” I’d feel a little guilty at time because he was very generous, but if you remember Mr. Mossesian just wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. Through those early years we ate so many “50/50 Bars, Missiles, and Neapolitan Sandwich Ice Creams together, and had so many laughs.

Besides all of those “material treats,” do you still remember how the Mossesian had that beautifully manicured Zen Garden in their backyard? How can you possibly forget that rectangular Koi Pond with a showering fountain that sprayed-out form the center and constantly showered thee entire pond? Personally, it’s nice to know that I can still hear that “trickling noise the fountain made” as the showering water landed gently enough on the pond not to disturb the slow gliding Koi Fish just beneath. Back then, we could watch those Koi Fish swim around for hours. Mr. Mossesian would sometimes let us feed them, tell us “Just a couple of little sprinkles.” Then we’d all watch the Koi Fish quickly swim-up, and start “jockeying for food position.”

Whenever we’d be playing in our backyard and heard Mr. Mosesian in his, do you remember how we’d run over to the wood fence that divined our two properties and start sticking our little fingers through knotholes trying to get his attention? When he didn’t notice us we’d then start telling him things like, “Hello, hello, what are you doing back there?” We could then see how Mr. Mossesian smile quickly grew before instantly asking, “Do you guys want to come over and help feed my fish, and help me in my garden?”

After hearing this “invitation” we’d quickly run inside and ask permission! Then we’d run next door in a flash to find Mr. Mossesian waiting for us. His pond was always stocked with such healthy looking Koi Fish of so many vibrant colors. Guess I was just “so in awe” because in my entire 3-4 years if existence this was the first time I’d ever actually seen “Koi Fish,” let alone have them as our neighbors. I’d seen Gold Fish, Trout, Dolphins, and even Sharks and Whales on TV. But they just didn’t compare to the real thing.

Do you still remember the reaction I got out of Mr. Mossesian when I asked him that one time if his Koi Fish had been “painted”?! He started laughing so uncontrollably after hearing “my childish question,” and I didn’t understand why. We both just watched him for a few seconds as he continued laughing. Then gave me this look “as if I had just fallen off the turnip truck.”

We really didn’t know what else to do as Mr. Mossesian as he continued to laugh and was now starting to bend forward while placing his right hand on his little belly and slapping his left thigh with his left hand. After “unbending” in between his laughter while trying to catch his breath I remember him first attempting to speak-out, but it was very difficult to understand what he said, “Pa….pai…..….painted?!”

We soon began worry about him because his face started turning the same sort of colors as his Koi Fish! Mr. Mossesian had lost his breath many times and could breathe. I was tempted to go call Mrs. Mossesian and report her husband might be catchhting “Koi Fever!” After a few seconds he was able to speak in “whole sentences once again.” To this day I still remember how he said, “Funny little boy, my Koi Fish haven’t been painted, they’re born with colors. And as they grow older their colors will become even more vibrant!” “What’s vebrant?” I asked. “No, not vebrant, v i b r a n t!” Then he started to laugh all over again as he done before.

“Vibrant means their colors become increasingly bright as slowly they grown-up! Haaaaa…ha…ha…ha!............You funny little boy!”

Needless to say that I learned two valuable lessons that very day. The first is that I learned Koi Fish are born with beautiful colors that become even brighter as they mature, and their colors aren’t painted-on at all. The second lesson was that sometimes “older people with light complexions,” like Mr. Mosesian, can also turn all sorts of vibrant colors after they’ve started laughing “very uncontrollable.” And in some instances the color of their faces can become vibrant than Koi Fish” even though they themselves “weren’t necessarily born that way.”

I still remember how I enjoyed helping Mr. Mossesian pick the fruit from his different fruit trees, and the colorful vegetables from his large vegetable garden. After we had finished, our family was then given many large brown paper bags filled with fruits and vegetables, and I was given the “credit for picking them.” Once we ate our goodies other brown bags were then quickly given.

Do you still remember how The Mossesian’s son Ira was already grown in his late teen years? It seems as if he was always away at college in another state, but I can’t remember what “popular school” he attended to right now. Do you still remember how The Mossesians missed Ira “something terrible?” I got the feeling that we somehow helped fill the void of their loneliness. But this one year when our family had been invited over “Grandma and Grandpa Mossesian’s to share a Holiday Meal,” Ira surprised everyone by coming home unannounced for his Christmas Vacation Break. I still have pictures in my mind of how thrilled Mr. and Mrs. Mossesian became after seeing Ira walk through their side kitchen door while everyone was already seated for dinner.

In my mind many hugs and kisses are exchanged by Ira and his parents on that special holiday before we were warmly introduced to their “illusive son for the first time.” After introductions Ira then put his right hand on his right hip, and said jokingly, “Are these the two guys I’ve been hearing so much about?!” Then he walked around the table to where we were sitting with our parents, stopped, and gave them both hugs. Our parent told us, “Stand-up boys and shake his hand.” But instead of receiving a handshake Ira, he gave us both these “warm, big hugs” while smiling at our parents. I immediately felt as if we’d known Ira for years.

Somewhere in-between dinner and desert I got the impression that Ira reminded me of his parents in a way, with the same kind of friendliness and warmth they’d been sharing with our family for a while. And by the time desert was over, Ira had already “adopted us” as his two little brothers. Even though he was the “only child” in his family, and we had other siblings, I thought it was kind of cool to have “an older brother that went to college.”

Before Ira left back to school at the end of his holiday break, he called our family and informed us he was leaving. So we all quickly went over next door to see him one more time. When we arrived we found that “our adopted big brother” was already packed, and now waiting for a friend to pick him up. Shortly after, his friend drove-up and honked the horn of his car. We all said our good-byes after walking him outside. We them watched Ira give his parents “one last hug and kiss” before leaving. Ira didn’t forget “his two little adopted brothers.” He then picked us both up one at a time and give us his big brotherly hug, telling us, “You guys better stay out of trouble and listen to your parents!”

After reaching “school age” and coming home from school we’d always find some brown grocery bags filled with an assortment of colorful ripe vegetables and fruit. We always had an “endless assortment” of squash, cumbers, bell-peppers, chilies and my favorites, those big, red, plump sweet tomatoes I use to enjoy eat like “big red apples.” You always liked eating those large, sweet seedless oranges the size of “Softballs.” And you kept on eating until your belly looked like it was about to burst.

There were even a few times when Mr. Mossesian walked us to the Asian Market to recyclable our bottles. After loading-up our Radio Flyer Wagon the bottles he’d saved for us and the ones we collected from our house we were ready to go. While walking and talking all the way before we knew it we’d quickly arrived at our destination. After entering the store we found there were “a few unredeemable bottles.” Mr. Mossesian somehow then talked the store owner into accepting all of our recyclables by telling him “It just two or three bottles that aren’t redeemable! Why don’t you just give them a break! They’re only little kids!” We’d then look at each other and smile.

The store owner replied, “Give you a break, give me a break and stop bringing in those soda bottles that aren’t worth a penny! “Give you a break, soon you break my business! Anyway, where your good looking mother?! He he he! Okay I’ll take them!”

Just understand that I still hold-on to all of these special memories deep in my heart we spent with the Mosssesians because I felt as if you and I were “equally adopted brothers” by our nice neighbors next door. Even though it may be true that in the beginning that I didn’t know a single thing about “Koi Fish” that looked nothing like the “Gold Fish” we’d toss Ping Pong Balls at our County Fair, our childhoods were still a learning experience I will always treasure. But as individual people growing-up, I guess we just have to go through our own trials and tribulations that were planned for us way in advance of anything else.

“Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12 RSV

THE REPLY

August 21, 2008

C.S.P. New Folsom

Represa, California

Hello Bro,

I’m praying that everyone in our family is doing there best and staying healthy. I’m sorry I haven’t written sooner. It’s just that I’ve been overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts and reminders of our upbringings. You really bring back a lot of great times and some crazy occurrences when we were very young.

1’st Bother I want to say that I thank our Lord with all of my heart that you were given back to us to be given these special pasted times that we speak about now. Even though it’s been many years ago since you nearly pass, and of course I do still remember that tragic experience, and it’s true we don’t talk about anymore.

But I do still remember “Pinky” the nurse that saved you on that day and right now really don’t remember much more than that Bro. You have to keep in mind that we were small when all of that happened years ago, and besides, you can only explain what you experienced on that day. Now that it’s been brought-up again, I have to tell you, it’s kind of scary to suddenly think about that time after all of these years.

All that I personally know for sure is that I’ve never returned to Avacado Lake after what almost happened to you. And now I hope that you understand me Bro when I tell you, if you don’t mind much, I’d rather remember the good times instead of our tragic ones we both experienced.

If you really think about it today, since that time I’ve never stopped watching over you. But besides all of that scary stuff, who better for me to pick-on than my little brother. All and all I just want you to know that all of these pick-on times were done with nothing but my kind of love.

But from my own view now, I also remember when you got me back for all of the time that I picked-on you, and your reaction was to imbed your teeth deep into my arm, back, or leg! Ha! Do you still remember those times too?!

So you see we were really just as normal as any other family, and today I can honestly say that I’m glad that you were the one biting on me, and I was the one picking on you. What else are brothers for? This is why we use to be so close.

I do remember our neighbors “The Mossesians,” Ira and his mom and dad. And I still remember very clearly how Mr. and Mrs. Mossesian use to pace up and down somewhere in their front yard all of the time. They cared about us so much it seemed like they were just waiting for us to come out to play.

They really did show a lot of love for us both back then Bro. And now that you’ve also reminded me of this time, I still remember Mrs. M’s big bold glasses she wore all of the time, and I still remember those screams that she use to give Mr. M. that were probably heard for miles around. It’s sort of nice right now to still remember how funny they use to be towards one another.

Bro, I still remember that Koi Pond quite clearly, and the vegetable garden that never seemed to weather. There always seemed to be something freshly growing on those plants of Mr. M’s.

It’s funny that I also still remember a few times when we both got yelled at for throwing small twigs or rocks at those Koi Fish because we liked to see them suddenly scatter. I still remember many times when we’d both snuck back to Mr. M’s yard for no reason at all. I guess we did it just to mess around with anything we could find back there. And now that I’ve remembered all of those times, right now sure do miss those good old days.

How fast time really seems to pass us Bro. I also still remember how Ira always treated us very well, even though he was a little rough with us both at times when the three of us use to play football together. Back then we just loved being chased around by him even if we weren’t the one carrying the football.

Mike you’ve brought back some of our good old times. I hadn’t thought about a lot of things like that lately. I guess that just where I’m at, it seems like after awhile, you just go brain dead while living within these walls. I know that there’s a lot of adjusting that needs to be made in my own life, but in my case, guess I’ve had to go through these trials first. I’ve realized some time ago that I did all of this to myself, and I can’t blame anyone else for what I’ve chosen to do. I now know that it can only get better if I first want to change, and believe me, at this point in my life do very much. Still you know that I can only take one day at a time matter how worried I really am about my future.

God say’s, “Why worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has worries of its own.” All of this I know, but again you know that this lifestyle is the only thing that I’ve really known. Remember, I started my ways when I was very young with a family that I had to suddenly provide for. And back then all I wanted was for my family to have the best that I could possibly give them even though some of the things we did weren’t right ones. It must not have mattered back then because we went and did them anyway. I guess I’m now just praying for forgiveness for all the mistakes that I got caught for, and of course, also all of the ones that I’ve gotten away with through the years. And as I now look back now I think my biggest mistake and loss was not being around as much as I should have for Misti’s Teenage Years, you know, when Martha and I separated. It still hurts me to this very day Bro, and no one else really knows all of the hurt that I still carry around inside to this very day.

I sometimes still dream about when Misti first started walking, and after I’ve relived those dreams I can honestly tell you without a doubt that these years were the happiest years of my life. During some of these dreams when I’ve wake-up I quickly try to go back to sleep again so I could relive these more happier times, but why can’t I ever continue were I’ve left off?!

I really now know that all I can do now is go forward from here. And soon I’ll try and be closer to Misti than in the years that have mostly recently passed. You know that she’s my one and only Bro, and I’ll always love my daughter very much. This will never change.

I do believe now that God has plans for every one of us, and I’m probably having these dreams now because God is trying to tell me it’s time for me to make change from my ways. When something like this has happens to a person like myself, all we can do for ourselves is try our best to now move forward.

I’m going to stop here for now, but I hope that you believe me and understand when I say that hurt was never my intention. I know things will get better real soon, and we really need to be much closer than we have in the past. Take care of yourself and your family, and don’t worry about me because I’m alright. I’ll never give-up. Give mom and dad a hug for me and say hello to everyone.

God bless us, much love,

Your brother Robert

Next Chapter: Chapter#6/Forgiveness