THE REPLY

May 12, 20--

C.S.P. New Folsom

Represa, California

Brother Mike,

Hey Bro, I want to thank you for your words of encouragement, and I pray that your family is doing well. As far as myself, well the sunny days just seem to rise and fall for the most part, but the following day now seems to come quicker than it did before. From my standpoint I only take it one day as a time because things in here could change in a second, and then you could be doing hard-time in a box by yourself for defending yourself.

I seems like since my separation years ago from Martha, things just more or less have just went downward. I seem to really hurt inside as I wonder why I’ve had to go through all of these struggles in my own life. I know I’m not the only one, but some of these struggles are still quite different from other that I’ve been through. I don’t think that I’ve done anything really bad to be where I’m at. Never the less, this experience once again has cost me many material things, although of course they can later be replaced. But why do I have to keep enduring these pains and hurting the ones that I love, my family?

I never thought I’d be back here again Little Brother because you know I had left those things I use to do alone. Before when I had gotten out of the Fresno County Jail you know that’s when I had started my little Car Wash/Detailing Business, and I started standing-up once again with little pride. But as you probably know things just went to heck because I wasn’t there all of the time and relied on other people to run my business instead of myself. I just didn’t finish what I had started out to do and in the end my business finally failed.

It’s now obvious to me that when we don’t have a leader in our lives things just seem to always go the wrong way, but I now have the Lord in my life and I don’t think that he punishes or holds any grudges against us for things that we’ve done in our pasts. We’re our own punishers when we don’t forgive ourselves. Our Lord only gives us the choices to make, and if we decide to follow him then I believe that all good things will eventually come to us.

I’ve already had too much time to think about all of my mistakes, and I’m very, very tired, Bro of trying to stand up only fall down like I’ve done in the past. I just want the same things that every other happy family has like I have had in the past. I know that my ways have to change before this can happen, and that’s why I’ve already begun working on that. But only time will tell what happens. I already realized my mistakes and the hurt that they’ve caused in our family. I’ve actually cried myself to sleep many nights and have asked to be forgiven.

All I want is for our parents to know that I’m going to be alright, and I’m going to make it before their passing. It’s going to be very hard I know, but I have to do it for my sake 1st, then for everyone around me. I hope you understand me Little Brother, and there’s a lot more to be said, but all of this will be in do time. I’ll close for now and I want you to know Little Brother that if I did anything to hurt you in any way in the pass “I’m sorry.” Take care of your family and especially our mom and dad. I’ll be home soon.

God Bless you Bro, much love,

Robert

TWO

DUST PARTICLES

MAY 13, 20—

Fresno, California

In your letter I received, you’ve shared how you’re still struggling with accepting past experiences, hurt, when things just didn’t work out as you would have preferred. You also spoke of some bad choices you’ve made, which then caused you to lose many of the materialistic things you once owned. But the thing you said that really stood-out to me above the rest was when you mentioned how your circumstances on the Inside could suddenly change in a split second. Then you can suddenly find yourself “in a box,” or Solitary Confinement, just because you had no other choice but to defend yourself during a surprising altercation.

You know very well that while on the Outside in past years, we’ve somehow managed to live through some very complex situations. Now after taking all of our circumstances into consideration, both past and present, I still believe that our lives can somehow become a lot more simplified if we are simply able to look at everything from an entirely, different perspective.

After accepting fault for my mistakes, it was like this sudden wake-up call to my “controlling big ego.” But every time I reminded myself that we’re all forgiven by God after we’ve confessed our sins, knowing that I’d then start from a clean slate made things a lot easier. As I’ve continued searching for answers, I can’t help feel that my life had now been given this new meaning. And if you are now interested in developing a closer relationship with Christ, then there’s no reason why your life can’t also have a fresh new start like mine. But don’t get me wrong Big Brother. I’m not trying to insinuate that I’ve suddenly become this perfect person because “perfection” is not what’s being expected of me, or of you.

What I’m saying is, “I now feel rejuvenated upon awaking, and the first thing I do is pray and give thanks to God that I’m still alive, no matter what my present circumstances may be, as I try to learn and understand what’s really important to our Creator. Giving thanks not only starts off my day on the right foot, it also helps me put things into a better perspective as I reminded myself that there are so many other people in the world with much bigger problems than mine.

So I guess you could say, “I’m now grateful for this imperfect life I still have to live, and an Imperfect Big Brother like yourself, who sincerely cares about me and my wellbeing,” Just like I do yours. So let’s just continue taking these baby steps forward for right now that we know are surely filled with each other’s utmost support.

If I look back, I have no problem sharing with you how I still remember when constantly being very frustrated, and growing angry because certain hadn’t work-out as I had already pictured them in my mind. So whenever disappointments like this use to occur, I certainly wasn’t feeling the reason I was born and placed on this earth, was specifically because God still had some sort of special plan for my life.

I was far from accepting that my stubbornness had played a big part of my downfall, and caused my life spiral out of control like it had been for many years. I’m not staying that I still can’t be a little stubborn from time to time, just ask your sister-in-law, but I’m slowly trying to change my ways for the better. I know from personal experience that a person’s ego can one day become their worst enemy if they’re not careful how they handle certain things, and treat the people around them. Getting upset over everything is like seeing this hungry swam of grasshoppers quickly approaching, forgetting we can still take a Stand because they’re very edible if eaten one by one.

So you see, it was “certain words from your letter” that quickly reminded me when I was a very destructive individual. But I’ve now accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, so I now believe it’s God’s will we are both still alive today, and believe that he still has plans for both of our lives if we’ll just stand firm, and not give-up on ourselves. I absolutely agree with you when you say, “I think God doesn’t continue punishing us, or hold any grudges against us after we’ve already confessed our sins, and asked for his forgiveness” because it clearly mentions in the Bible that our God is a merciful God.

You just have to remember that while it’s true we’ve all been given the power to make our own choices in life called “free will,” collecting materialistic things shouldn’t be the most important thing. Instead, we should try to remind ourselves of the “bigger picture,” like the “inheritance” mentioned in the New Testament, and how we will all stand before God on Judgment Day as he examines the kind of relationship we had with Jesus while here on earth Still, don’t get me wrong Big Brother. I know that we’ve also shared many good times together throughout the years while you’ve been on the Outside, able to enjoy your vast amounts of freedom. On many occasions we’ve barbequed together, and have enjoyed many different sporting events. We’ve hung-out with our father at times, and have gone to play pole at one of the many different Watering Holes we use to frequent back when we were younger.

When we are born again and place our faith in Jesus Christ, God then becomes our Father in heaven, we his children, and the church becomes our spiritual family which includes all believers from the past, present, and future. And if we’ll humble ourselves to certain truths surrounding our lives, while also reminding ourselves that God created the earth, man, and everything on it…then it shouldn’t be too difficult to accept that God only wants what’s best for his children

I think it’s great to hear that you once again have the Lord back in your life, so now, together, let us continue moving forward towards better times that are waiting for us over the seeable arisen. I just want to keep on moving forward far away from that lonely, stagnate person I use to be who only constantly worried about problems I had no control over in the first place. Try to remember that we’re now walking together with this Higher Presence on our side, so you never have to feel that you’re ever completely all alone. You now have me to also depend upon besides whoever else has been keeping in contact through short phone calls, distant visits, or personal letters you’ll be receiving in the future.

I just hope that you’ll forgive if I’m ever “too direct,” as we now continue searching for many answers that have yet to be found. Along the way, just try to remember that my intentions are never meant to be insulting in any way, shape, or form. I’m just saying this because at different time during our personal journey together certain questions will need to be asked if we’re ever going to know exactly where we went wrong in the first place. Remember, what we’ve already been through is yours alone to share.

But you’re soon going to find-out that my way of asking you certain questions will be done differently from any other way that you’ve ever been asked before. It’s just that I want to take this opportunity to push myself as a writer because the Bible says we’re suppose to use the gifts given to us by God. I’m going to also challenge myself by incorporating some of my personal poetry into some of the things we’ll soon be discussing. Know that I’m attempting all of this because when all is said and done, it will give me a chance to grow as a person, and there’s no price tag you can put on such a thing.

On my journey I’ve experienced firsthand how difficult it’s been when becoming a disabled person, for it has clearly changed me from the person I use to be when we were both much younger. During this time in my life my troubles, just like yours, have challenged me over and over again to the point where I actually started questioning my Faith. But just like an “out of control roller coaster ride,” sometimes you just have to hold-on and keep praying. But truthfully, living in constant chronic pain with my physical limitations sometimes takes its toll.

It was until after I started attending church once again, and believing I was born and placed here on earth for God’s purpose, not my own, that I knew my life really wasn’t meant to be wasted living as a Couch Potato. You see, first of all, it was the people outside my front window that finally gave me the encouragement needed in becoming one of God’s participants, and not just another person watching from the sidelines. Walking is just another thing I’ve now incorporated back into my life. The trick is to remember “walking at my own pace is important.” But then again isn’t this the same rule of thumb for anyone else doing any little thing?

So now after I’ve already given you fare warning I still think you’re going to be pretty surprised at what I’m about to ask you, and how I’m about to ask. With an open mind I want you to consider the following questions as you will soon see apply both directly our religious beliefs as well as to our agricultural back grounds:

How could those Sands of Yesterday still seem to sink and entrap our minds and feet up to this very day? It seems not ago our roots were all gilt free, and still firmly planted in all that thick, rich, promising soil of our family’s grape vineyards. I can still recall harvesting a large amount of raisins, with some vegetables on the side during each and every year we lived that Country Life. In fact this was the time in our lives when we first started traveling down two different paths, while the opportunities to further our education started slipping through our stubborn fingers, and the harden grasp our hands.

Our failures throughout our teenage years first slowly began to harden our grasps about the time when we first franticly began trying to acquire materialistic things, things we no longer possess today. The only thing we’ve now acquired is some “Worthless Dust Particles” that now sit where all of our material things use to stand. Worrying about gathering such things has only blinded our vision, while slowly hardening our cold hearts.

I take comfort in knowing that it’s still far from over if we are now willing to make a change. Yes our parents have witnessed our many Dust Storms in the past, why it’s a miracle they still love and have faith in us like they do. They can still see that The Grape Pans of Our Lives are still full with countless opportunities, while we’re surrounded by all of the Brown Sugar Colored Grape Leaves of Their Love. So find solace in knowing that Love’s Harvest has not ended yet, while we continue being carried through the footsteps of Christ.

You see Big Brother, just knowing that there’s so much love like this still out there in the world for the both of us I believe would now help ignite that “dormant fortitude” that’s been there lying low inside of you, just waiting for the right moment to reappear. Believe me if this can possibly happen to a person like me in my condition, it can also happen to you. In the long run this only proves that we’re not quitters! We’re more like warriors for God.

Whenever I now read my Bible, hear a Church Service from an Ordained Minister, Pastor, or Priest in person or on TV because I just can’t physically make it to church, I still receive some sort of positive message that helps me keep on carry-on. This is why I still believe with all my hear that there are many more victories lying straight ahead of us on those two God appointed Grape Vineyard Rows in our lives. But “our participation” lies solely on ourselves.

Accept that we’re only human, so we will continue to make mistakes along any road we chose to travel because we may have felt like we just didn’t have any other choice in the matter. But now differently than before, whenever I make critical choices I first try to remember that God already knows everything I’m about to do long before I actually do them. He’s already read our minds and heard our thoughts long before we’ve even actually started trying to process any of them ourselves.

Just remember that right now while we’re talking about making mistakes, Your Little Brother has never tried hiding the fact that I’ve definitely made more than my share along the way. Why, I’ll be the first to admit that, “I’m far from perfect,” even though back in the day my ego was lying to me when telling me a different story. I know that I’ll still encounter many more temptations in this life God has certainly blessed me with. And no matter what age we might find ourselves, there will still always be so much more for us both to learn both spiritually, and intellectually.

I’ve finally realized that you’re still the good-hearted person you’ve always been in the past, so try to remember and understand that this is the kind of true character that will always be very important to God. And I’m not just saying this to “fluff-up your ego any bigger than it already is!” Ha! The truth of the matter is you know there are many people out here other than myself that would still quickly vouch for you because they still feel the same way about you even after all of these years.

So I just want to try and continue to do the things I still can that are right in the eyes of our Lord because when it all comes down to it, it doesn’t matter whether you’re young or old, in good health or in bad, our last stop is going to be right there in front of Heaven’s Gates to determine where we go from there. After Judgment I want them to open-up because of the kind of person I tried being while still down here walking on earth. Yes, one day I want to experience heaven and all of its glory because I from what I’ve read in the Bible its going to be the most magnificent sight and experience not even imaginable right now to the human mind. But the topic of heaven will be something we’ll get a lot more into a little later-on during the course of our journey.

You see, even after accepting the fact that I’m no longer as physically quick on my feet as I use to be, or in the best of health, all of that now fails in comparison when I read Scriptures like Luke 9:62, when Jesus says, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” This just means that if we really are true followers of Christ, then we shouldn’t look back on the past. It’s time for the both of us to now move forward towards better lives, while remembering to put God first even before our own needs.

Something you stated in your most recent letter sharing how you’re now just taking everything “one day at a time,” still shows you have the type of courage it takes to truly to carry-on. But isn’t this the only thing any of us can really do, while leaving the rest in God’s hands? In all honesty, it did take me a little time before realizing that you’ve only been temporarily taken away from us “in the physical sense.” This is why I now continue to spiritually hope and pray that you now find some sort of comfort with the special words I’ve now been given.

I’m no longer the kind of person who lets any “lingering resentment” keep him down; as God truly knows I’ve already done in the past. This is why I say, “It’s time for the both of us to shed all of those unwanted ankle weights of worry and resentment, and start moving forward with the rest of our lives.” Instead of worrying about things I have no control over, I’d rather now start preparing myself for the return of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I still believe if we are now both truly ready to make some serious commitments, the Holy Spirit will start leading us down those “Greener Grape Vineyard Rows that will eventually lead-up into Heaven.”

But if you’re thinking that right now you can still detect a certain degree of bitterness in my words, I just want you to know that “On The Contrary Grasshopper.” My attitude has now dramatically changed for the better because I’ve accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. This is why I’ve now found this inner peace knowing that I’m never going to be completely alone through any problems, at any time in my life. So I now want to concentrate on trying to live a life that now honors my Lord and Savior.

By the time we reach the end of our new journey I’m hoping that a revelation or two will be unrolled to the both of us, just like those Thousands of Cigarette Rolled Raisins use to always unroll unexpected right before our feet before revealing themselves to us entirely, in the middle of our family’s long Grape Vineyards Rows. By repenting, I believe all of those Blinding Dust Particles have now begun to leave us, and soon we will be able to clearly see once again what stand directly in front of us.

Just get ready and start lacing-up your Cross-trainers. Don’t be afraid to allow yourself a chance to absorb any of my “refreshing grape juice words of encouragement” because I tell you, this is only the beginning of a journey well worth traveling. As you continue reading, “I promise” I’ll try my very best to brush-off as many “Dust Particles” from your old memory bank, that will then allow you to see things a lot more clearer than before. It’s time to “Buck Up,” and try your very best to stay-up with me through this journey of ours. In the end you will see all of our Brown Skies will clear-up once again, just like they always did for us back when.

Rich Warren’s question to consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

I can remind myself that as God’s first born Son, Jesus was a spirit creature in heaven before he was born as a human on earth, and be crucified so that our sins could be forgiven. Jesus himself said: “I have come down from heaven.” (John 6:38; 8:23) This would remind me that I was placed on this planet for God’s purpose, and not my own.

The Bible says, “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people on from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take you inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

Matthew 25:31-40 NIV

Next Chapter: Chapter#15