THE REPLY

July 12, 2008/ 12:00pm

C.S.P. New Folsom

Represa, California

Brother,

Hey, Bro I got your 2nd letter a few days ago, but lately my moods have gotten the best of me, and when this happens, I just don’t feel like writing. I hope you and our family is doing the best as they possibly can for one another while I’m not presently around.

Bro, it’s so hard at times for me in here, and I sometimes feel like I’m so all alone. You know I’m a 47 year old grown man and I don’t want to sound like a little kid or something, but my moods and loneliness can affect us a great deal in our everyday living. I’ll try to keep focused on what I’m trying to accomplish in here, and on July 14th I’ll be starting another phase of this Hazardous Material Control Program I’m currently involved in. I just finished a Lead Abatement & Containment Class, and it was also very hectic completing as Mom will also tell you more or less.

This next Class Certification I’m interested in is the Asbestos Awareness Class, and I may be starting very soon. Hopefully it won’t be as stressful as the 1st class I completed, Carpentry, but I’ll try and do my best as usual, but it’s still so hard to focus with all that goes-on around here.

Believe me, I do pray on my own and always give thanks to God I’m still alive. I also pray for our families and especially for our parents. It hurts Mike every-time I do something to get myself locked-up because we don’t know what God holds for us the following day. I hope you understand where I’m coming from and my present way of thinking, but my ways right now are because of the place I’m presently at.

While at times it doesn’t look too bright from where I’m sitting, I still know that God understands what I’m going through, and he knows my true feelings deep inside. I commend you, Brother, in your personal walk with God, but while being out there you have a chance to be more focused, and receive the serenity in doing so.

At the same time believe me when I tell you your words of expressing how you feel about our past, what we can still do in our futures, and the way we each choose our own paths, we both know has been laid-out for us already. It’s when we decide to follow God’s Ways that Good Things happen in all of our lives. I believe it’s just our stubborn ways that repeatedly cause us to stumble.

I don’t know what else to say for myself. I do want peace in my life and for our family, and “I promise” I’ll work on my moods and do the best that I can while away. I’ll close now and keep your thoughts of encouragement in my heart. I have no grudges between us and let that be known. Keep what you are doing, writing your letters, and in time I hope I can also follow God.

Say hello to Alex and to Liz and thank you once again. I’m sorry I hadn’t written you back sooner.

God Bless our families, much love Brother,

Robert

P.S. This was my last stamp and I’ve asked Misti to send me 10 more in about 2-weeks ago, but have not yet received them.

R. C.

(Continued)

July 12, 2008/4:00pm

Bro, I just received another letter from you. After reading, it brought back many memories of our Grandparents to the point that I felt overwhelmed.

I’ll write you back next week after I’ve read this same letter a few more times.

Thank you Bro,

R.C.

P.S. I talked to Martha on Saturday and she said Misti had already sent me more stamps on Friday. I also talked to mom and she mentioned something about you also wanting to come visit me, but I informed her that the Air Quality here is very bad for her right now because of the recent fires, so it might be better to just postpone visiting me right now until the brown skies clear.

THREE

ESCAPE ARTIST

MAY 20, 2008

I’m sorry to hear that your moods have been getting the best of you lately. Be assured, especially on your most difficult days when the last thing you feel like doing is writing, or anything else for that matter, Like I’ve said before, “we’re never completely all alone at any time, although on certain days we may feel like it.” But right now, while you’re not physically able to be with our family, just try to find solace in knowing that you’re still always with us in spirit.

Let me tell you something else, “Don’t ever feel ashamed of wo you are or what you might be going through right now when you feel that your moods and loneness are all just too much to bear!” There are many other people out there who also have to deal with the same things you are dealing with right now both in and out of Prison. I’m telling you this for a fact because I just happen to be one of them.

Although I’ve previously stated that “I’m the happiest person I’ve ever been in quite some time” this doesn’t mean I no longer have to deal with my own trials and tribulations. As you and anyone else around you, I sometimes have my days filled with sickness, disappointments, pain and sorrows. Why at one point it seemed like the end of the world. But through this spiritual journey I’ve read certain spiritual books, and TV shows where people have shared certain messages which have helped me keep my Hope Alive! This is the same way God wants you to search deep inside yourself to find your own answers. And when you start feeling closer relationship developing the feeling with lift up your spirit, and give you courage to face another day. This is referred to as developing a Fellowship with the Lord. I don’t know. Maybe you’ve already a relationship. But I’ll explain what I’ve found in my search.

You might be surprised to find I still remember our years back when you and I were “still running around in pull-ups” when given the opportunity. Back then, we were our mother’s “Two Little Angel.” It was common to hear throughout the day some tender reassurance from mom, telling us things like “Anything you want My Little Angel.” Or “What do you need My Little Angel?” Yes, you and I were pretty pamper and very loved.

This the same type of love we now give our own children after we became parents. But you know as well as I do, Big Brother, even with all of the “nurturing & guidance under the sun,” we are proof even “Mother’s Little Angels Can Fall Far From Grace.”

I still remember back in the day how we always visited our grandparents, Angel and Petra Castro, and their daughter, our Aunt Merci, all who have departed quite some time ago. We first attended Sunday Morning Mass that started at 8am sharp at Saint John’s Cathedral in Downtown Fresno. That church always seemed to be so packed with other “early risers.” On the occasions when are family was running a little late, the church bell was ringing as we were parking the car in the back parking lot. Our parents use to get so upset, and would start blaming each other all the way up the church steps. It was probably you who made us late with one of your last minute restroom visits? Or me having to change socks because “I attempted to dress myself.”

Our relatives lived on the Westside, just a few blocks behind Sunset Market on Myers Avenue during a time when people just seemed to be “more civil towards one another.” Times sure have changed, but why do they have to change for “the worst?”

Do you still remember how after Mass, we’d then usually make “a pit-stop” by the Victory Café in Chinatown on the way to our grandparents? It use to make our father feel so good to surprise Grandma Petra with a big plate of her favorite Chinese Food! After arriving, I still remember how we’d momentarily ask grandma to close her eyes, and how she’d become so excited knowing a gift would soon be in her hands. You and I, along with our two sisters and parents would all yell, “Ok, you can open up your eyes” right before yelling “Surprise!”

I still remember how grandma’s face would then brighten-up the room like “ Twinkling Star,” and it didn’t matter one bit that her surprise came in a “Big White Foam Container” because she knew it might be filled with Beef & Broccoli over White Rice,” or “Pork Chow Mien over Fried.” If it happened to be Chicken Teriyaki, Grandma Petra would always became so excited just the same. I loved seeing her start clapping her hands together, and smacking her lips, saying funny stuff like, “Yummy yum yum!”

You know it was “Our Family’s Custom” for Grandma Petra to get served first. Everyone got “such a kick” witnessing grandma’s energetic reaction that would always touched our hearts. I can honestly say that I can still hear “grandma’s voice” anytime I stop and think about her. I still have a “clear picture of her in my mind” even though God needed her in heaven more than some “30 years ago.” These are “treasured memories” all grandchildren should never forget.

After everyone had eaten we’d then follow Grandpa Angel outside because he asked us to. Do you still remember how he always seemed to be “so full of energy” despite his age somewhere in the “mid 70’s.” And they hadn’t even invented “Energy Drinks” yet! We’d follow him exiting out our grandparents’ side kitchen door that always “squeak” because of that old door spring. But before exiting, we’d quickly stop, and wiggle that doorstop spring that make a funny noise when you brushed your finger across it.

When reaching the outside patio, if you think about it, grandpa would then always walk in the same direction until reaching that old, white, wooden patio table where his transistor radio stood. Then he’d suddenly stop with his back still towards us. Then suddenly turning around to share a smile behind his everyday wear eyeglasses. He’d flash that “Big Sylvester the Cat Smile” before turning around once again to find “his favorite radio station.” Then when “that music” suddenly began to play, it was a magical moment filling the air all around.

We were already “giggling” while sitting on those whit patio chairs, and when grandpa suddenly turned-up the music real loud right before surprisingly “jumping about three feet off the ground,” turning around in midair before landing on his feet facing us once again, we were all yelling with laughter. He’d then slowly begin walking towards us, then start “rhythmically move his body” which only made us laugh even more. At that point we all knew what was happing next.

One by one grandpa would then pick us from our picnic chairs, then start swinging our arms until we reached the center of the patio. Then he’d start dancing with us while everyone else was “excitedly waiting their own turns.” Back then grandpa always seemed to have more energy than all of his grandchildren put together. I say this only because even after leaving us all “winded” and escorted us back to our seats, he’d then slowly walk back to the center floor of the patio, smile, then begin dancing solo “just for our entertainment.”

Do you remember how grandpa use to stomp his feet on the ground while holding his hands together behind his back, just like those “Folkloric Dancers” we’d see on TV? But after giving us a “short rest” grandpa would again surprisingly grab us from our seats all over again, and continue dancing with us as he began swinging us around and around until we all would get really dizzy. It was really some “equilibrium altering experience.”

Do you still remember how on the right side of our grandparents’ house, lived that elderly man whose wife passed during “their golden years?” He chose never remarry. Maybe it was because of his “Old Fashion Values?” Maybe he knew deep in his own heart that no other woman could ever replace “his loving wife of so many years?” Now that I think about it, marriages just seemed to last a lot longer back then compared to “nowadays.” I say this because our grandparents were actually married over 65 years.

But getting back to that “nice elderly man” who converted his garage into his own woodwork shop, I want to know if you still remember his name? It was Leo, and he used to be a Professional Furniture Maker. Through the years he made our grandparents some of the most beautiful costume pieces of furniture. When Leo retired and slowed down a little, I remember how he still kept busy in his shop “anytime he felt up to it.”

Now that I’ve given you Leo’s first name, Big Brother, do you remember his last? Of all the names it could have been, it was Lord, his full name was “Leo Lord,” and I also still have a picture of him in my mind. He’s wearing those old leather work boots that are covered in “Sawdust,” just like his “Levi Overalls” and one of his “Long-sleeve Button-up Western Shirt” that he always use to wear. And all of that “unique style” always seemed to be top-off with a big smile of his that he always shared with us and our family.

You might find it “strange” how I still remember the sound of Leo’s “high pitched laugh,” and whenever I remember it still reminds me of Ricky Ricardo on that “I Love Lucy Show.” I never mentioned Leo reminded me of Ricky Ricardo to you before, Big Brother, because back then if I would have, I know you would have just thought of me as being “some kind of weirdo.” So I just decided to keep “that thought” to myself. Ha!

When our family would come over to Leo’s, he become so amused while watching us walk through all of that Sawdust that always seemed to be on the floor of his Woodwork Shop. I don’t recall ever seeing him sweeping it up once! Do you?

I still remember how everyone really “got a kick” out of us when we’d pretend that we were Skiers skiing in the Sawdust. I guess you could say we really had “some kind of imaginations,” and back then we probably thought that Sawdust was “the snow” we’d here about and seen “The Weatherman” play with on our 17’ inch black and white TV, you know, the one that was mahogany brown with four matching short wooden legs?

It funny that I still remember those first experiences when playing in that Sawdust, and I still remember how soft it felt beneath our feet every time we walked over it. While every-time we’d visit our grandparents we’d always want to go Leo’s and visit him in his workshop, and it became “an urge we just had to scratch.”

Our parents would take us to visit some times, and when they did they always got a kick out of seeing us dragging our feet through that Sawdust, and sometimes we’d actually “swing our arms back and forth at the same time.” When asked us, “What are the two of you doing?” We’d yell-out, “Skiing!” At times I was told by our parents that we’d actually “stay in unison with one another,” and when this happened everyone laughed even harder1” If we decided to “began bending our knees and start swinging our arms back saying, “Swissssh, swisssh,” I thought that Leo and our parents were about to roll on the ground with laughter.”

It was during those “earliest times” that I still remember being told, “You guys are funny and have quite the imaginations!” And now as an “adult” I can really appreciate what they meant because you and I both know that “All Young Little Innocent Angels” do those sorts of things. All we have to do is look at our own children.

Now that we’ve “reminisced about those times,” perhaps you can help me figure-out how our mother’s “Young Little Angels” could have possibly fallen from “God’s Good Graces?” I think that it is true to say that you and I have both reached “our lowest lows” in our more recent years, but “have you ever considered” that all of these lows that we’ve both experienced are merely “God’s Challenges” that He’s put before us? Don’t you think that God really wants us both to keep striving until we reach those “Snowing Mountain Peaks in Heaven?”

Reflecting back, you know my personal mischievous attics began around this time when we were both playing in the front yard of our grandparents while wearing our “Pull-ups.” And even though that front yard was surrounded by a “Three Foot White Picket Fence,” somehow I would always still find a way to “the other side. I’d then quickly ended-up at the footsteps of Leo Lord’s House while you and our sister Sandy were still busy playing on the swings and slide. No one ever noticed “my magic moves” until much later.

I still remember the “amused look” on Leo face when he’d come outside to find me on his “front door steps,” or find me already playing in his Workshop, Skiing contently in his Sawdust as if I was just “warming-up” before my Olympic Event. I had assess to Leo’s Woodwork Shop because the doors were always open for “ventilation purposes” during the daytime, and besides, back then most people didn’t worry too much about thief like they do today. Sad but true.

Do you think Big Brother, that maybe the reason Leo always seemed to have a “Thick Layer of Sawdust” always on the floor of his shop, was because he knew how much fun we always had pretending to be Skiers on the Swiss Alps? Or maybe the times we’d start climbing over some of the boxes Leo also had in his shop, do you think that we thought of ourselves in training to be Himalayan Mountain Climbers before moving on and conquering Mt. Fuji?

Yes, we always seemed to have quite the imaginations back then Big Brother, so why can’t we just continue on dreaming for better things now that we’re both adults? I think that there’s nothing wrong for a person to always have “hopes & dreams,” and this is no matter where we might currently find ourselves!

I still remember one day while over our grandparents house, I had now idea that I was actually being “under surveillance” by our grandparents, Aunt Merci and our parents. The magic tricks I had pulled-off before in many Copperfield Days were soon ending. After, I was told how I’d first play along with my brothers and sisters on that “Big Swing-set” that sat centered inside the front yard. Then all of the sudden when I thought that no one was looking I’d quickly dart towards the white picket fence on the left side of our grandparents house next to Leo’s.

Upon arriving at that fence, I was told that I’d then first looked around once more to see if anyone was watching what I was up to. Then with one “quick ducking movement of my little body” before you could ask, “Spanky were do ya think your goin?” I had made my way through Two Loose Fence Slats, and was quickly on the outside. I‘d then run over to Leo Lord’s House.

Yes, it was on this day that my secrets as an “Escape Artist” had finally been foiled. So tell me Big Brother, now that we’re older and being so completely honest with one another once again, “Were you the one who shared my ‘Escape Secrets’ with Leo Lord, or did you snitch on me to anyone for a mere pack of Juicy Fruit Gum?!”

“Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them! He shall not be put to shames when he speaks with the enemies in the gate.”

Psalm 127:5 RSV

Next Chapter: Chapter One