TWELVE

DOOR OF ACCEPTANCE

July 21, 2008

After snitching you out to our parents, I still remember the first time I actually got to walk through that “Door of Acceptance” over at Cousin David’s House. Excited?! I’d waited too long for this day to finally arrive. I compare being allowed into this “Secret Temple” like discovering “Yo Yo’s on Sale” at the Asian Market, then buying them with our recycling money.

This “Gastronomical,” I mean “Astronomical Event,” meant that “This Young Warrior” would no longer have to settle for eating Cat Food while you guys munched on junk food inside David’s house without me. But at my age, you know my imagination always ran wild with my emotions. We were influenced so much by the TV Shows we use to watch with our family. Then we’d enjoy mimicking the characters for entertainment.

With this in mind, let me explain the importance of my “Acceptance” in my own special way: With the guidance of his Blind Shaolin Kung Fu Masters, (David and Robert), this Young Warrior had now found his Way of Passage to the Temple Doors. Along the way he would have to learn Disciplined, Strength, and Agility Skills before snatching the pebble from his Master’s Hand. Kwai Chang Kain …I mean Michael, branded his inner biceps with the signs of the Lion and Dragon, while lifting the smoldering caldron in between his inner forearms. (In my case the brands were temporary tattoos.)

Now that I’ve refreshed your memory with my “Kung Fu 101 Explanation,” I hope you realize how important it was for your Little Brother to finally snatch that “Eluding Pebble OF Manhood” before entering into the Third Grade. I had taken the necessary steps to get here only to prove I wasn’t a “Little Sissylala!” Ha! (We use to watch Kung Fu with our father every single week.)

But as this “Door of Acceptance” was slowly opened to me for the first time, I was still hesitant to enter. Instead of leaping inside this Unknown Temple I decided to first leaned-in with my Soup Bowl Hair Cut. I slowly began scanning the room, while trying really hard to maintain my composure and inner excitement.

I must confess. When I finally walked through those doors it was hard for me to wear the same sort of “Stone Faced Expressions” you and our cousin David were not wearing ever since you’d shared how I’d snitched on you. Our parents sending him instructions to “No longer exclude me, and make me stay outside by myself” probably didn’t help much either. But even with the backing of our parents, I knew there was so much for me to learn about this “Mysterious Temple.”

I’d been informed only right before entering, that the Secrets of this Temple were only known by very few. Whoever had been given the privilege of entering through these Golden Doors first had to be “Sworn to Secrecy.” At that point I wasn’t only willing to keep secret, I probably would have painted the “Entire Temple with a Small Paint Brush if asked.”

I’d been told this “Oath of Secrecy” was to prevent any “Mere Commoners” from entering the Temple, only to steal Precious Treasures. After promising not to tell anyone about what my eyes were about to “Behold,” I took a quick minute, and channeled my Inner Kung Fu Courage.

After a couple of deep breaths my Chi was centered once again. But around my third step Master David startled me once again when yelling, “Whatever you do be very careful not to break anything, Young Weed Hooper! You break it you buy it!” Whaaaat?

Accepting this challenge I then began to cautiously following you “Like the Shadow of a Small Japanese Maple.” As we carefully walked through the living room without incident I was probably the only one who felt that he was “Walking on Rice Paper.”

You didn’t notice as I slowly started moving in my “Kung Fu Crane.” I was taking light-steps with my arms spread-out for perfect balance. I guess it’s a good thing no one saw me, or else I probably would have been put right there in the Linen Closet.

We briefly stopped at the beginning of the hallway. I quickly noticed how the other end was so much darker than the lighted living room side. My “Kung Fu Senses Kicked-in” again as I began searching this dark place. I was trying to see if there were any “Dark Clothed Ninjas lurking ahead in the darkness.”

During this scan I had to gather myself once again because I’d become Temporarily Weak in the Knees. But after coming this far in my new journey, I wasn’t about to show you guys any Signs of Weakness because I didn’t want to become “An Outcast” once again. To protect myself, I then switched onto my “Crouching Tiger Stance.”

I felt this confidence inside me start to “Roar,” but when I looked down the hallway it suddenly seemed to keep growing longer in length! You know what I’m talking about, Big Brother? It was like looking through one of those “Old Kaleidoscope Tubes” we use to play with back in the day, only in Black & White.

I wanted to tell you I was afraid to continue because the thought of “Dodging Ninja Stars, Flying Spears, and Poison Darts” now made returning to the Backyard Jungle not that bad. You knew I hadn’t any “Formal Training on Self-defense,” so how’d you expect “The Impossible” without even offering me a cup of Herbal Green Tea with Ginseng?!

Remember, I hadn’t snatched the Pebble from our Master’s Hand, yet! Just what kind of Do Jo were you guys running anyway?! But I couldn’t let my nervous get the best of me.

I was now following behind you like “Sugarcane Shaking in the Wind.” I still mustered-up enough courage to peek around you while our cousin had almost arrived at his bedroom door. It just seemed so far away.

After shaking-off these temporary leaves from the top of my “Sugarcane,” my eyes adjusted once again when noticing these Rays of Light Escaping from underneath David’s bedroom door. I gotten so excited I froze in my tracks, like a Tiger Cub waiting to “Pounce on its Prey,” but was now having second thoughts.

With every additional nervous step I took, I began holding my breath. You know. I did this because I didn’t want to alert any Ninjas we were coming with the noise. As David slowly opened his bedroom door he also gave me the “Once Over from Head to Toe.”

My eyes were suddenly awakened to this Whole New Whole I never knew existed. Wide-eyed with more hesitation, I first peaked inside only with my head. My fluttering eyes were now witnessing all of these beautiful drawings that almost completely covered the four walls!

At this point you shared how David had been into “Art & Drawing” for many years, and how he collected Art Décor Pictures of famous painters. The two of you entered the bedroom without hesitation. I was stopping to admiring each and everything picture my eyes discovered at the front bedroom walls. Master David suddenly startled again when yelled “Be careful! Just don’t touch anything! You break it you buy it!” (Talk about pressure.)

“Thanks a lot” I thought to myself as my feet froze in their tracks. But after being left with a “Dark Brown Complex” from playing outside in the triple degree weather I was determined to stay inside. The “Battle Scars” I’d acquired from the Backyard Wildlife I’d just chalked-up as part of my Manhood Training. There was nothing stopping me from being a part of the Whole New World. Although I wasn’t too happy to suddenly hearing “More New Rules” to follow, I didn’t let them get in the way of my Childhood Destiny.

After entering this Mysterious Temple I’d now felt it was “My Birth Right” to be there. With every additional step I took inside the bedroom the weight on my feet became less and less. Everything my eyes found lifted my soul to an all-time high, but it was hard trying to absorb everything at once.

As I carefully maneuvered myself inside David’s bedroom a little more, now, in my “Praying Mantis Stance,” I was trying really hard not to touch or be touched by anything around me. My eyes were now wide opened as any dark-brown virgin eyes could possibly be.

I gazed at some of David’s Abstract Paintings that looked like “Pablo Picasso” could have had painted them himself. Other finished drawings of different sizes were sketched on light colored Art Paper, and were perfectly placed around the wall paintings. They were pinned to the wall which made them look even “Cooler.” I just wanted to examine each and every one of them.

Slowly, I then began walking along the wall, still in my “Praying Mantis Stance,” I noticed how this Drawing Table was positioned in between two chest of drawers along the back wall. My attention was the “drawn” to the 11 x 9 sheets of drawings on top of this table. Some of them looked the Sports Cars similar to our Die Cast Hot Wheels we collected back at home.

After gazing at the Paintings, Drawings, and the 11 x 9 the only sheets on the table, the only words my Grammar School Vocabulary could come-up with was, “Wow…wow!”

In the back of this same Drawing Table laid these long rolls of Rubber-banded Brown Butcher Paper. When David carefully unrolled one of them, it was this Colorful Painting of many buildings of different shapes & sizes. There were also many people you’d meet on the streets of Downtown. It reminded me of the Fulton Mall in Downtown Fresno back in the mid 1960’s.

Our cousin shared how he’d been working this a School Project, and how he’d been appointed to make the Background Theme for their School Play “New York New York.” He then pointed to the far corner of his bedroom where other Rolls of Butcher Paper laid of Completed Work. He said, “When all of these rolls are assembled together like a puzzle, they’re going to look really nice.” I for one, instantly believed everything he was saying.

As David turned towards us to explain how he’d almost finishing with this last part of his project, I turned around and accidentally bumped into his Drawing Table. This quickly caused a few 11 x 9 Sheets to slowly float downward to the bedroom carpet. Even with my “Mantis Quickness,” I wasn’t able to catch a single sheet as they seemed to float in “Slow Motion.”

(Yep. Trouble seemed to follow me a lot back then.)

After this honest mistake I remember you guys yelling at me in unison to, “Watch-it!” And then quickly followed-up with “Be careful” in such a strict manner it quickly reminded me of our father’s tone whenever we’d get into trouble back at home. But your glares reminded me of that “Friendly Cat” I’d shook hands with just a couple days ago!

“Meooow, want to shake my hand again Little Globetotter?”

“Ooooh no, too slow…got you again!”

You see. Even after all of the years that have passed, I still remember my “Seven Year Old Chest Pains” that were brought-on by my young mistakes. I tried convincing myself that they wouldn’t last forever, but it sure felt like it back then. My young insecurities slowly diminished over time.

After conquering this fear of making mistakes in David’s bedroom, where we’d hangout when we visited, I really enjoyed how the three of us use to sit around together eating bowls of Chile w/no beans. I use to think it was so delicious because I’d never had it before.

Suddenly, I felt like this “Connoisseur of Fine Dining.” Perhaps it was the way we use to top our Saltines with spoons of Chile. To me, it was like eating “Caviar on Top of Crackers!”

The other two “Delicacies” you guys introduced me to back then, was Corn Beef Hash on Toasted Wheat or White Bread, topped with a perfectly cooked Sunnyside-up Egg. I also got accustomed to those Fried Spam Sandwiches, topped with American Cheese. Stop it! You’re making me hungry!

Do you still remember the one day when I’d actually been given the job of “Bread Toasting Technician?” You and David did all of the cooking, and I was more than fine with that. After I’d completed “my job’ I then waited impatiently while seated on one of the four Chrome Pub Stools with the Royal Blue Padding, behind that matching the Pub Table in David’s kitchen.

Those stools were so tall for me it was quite challenging just getting seated. In the process, I quickly learned how step on the lower Chrome Frame and climbed right up. After positioning myself I was then bombarded with questions of whether I preferred my Eggs Scrambled, or like them Sunnyside-up. If I wanted my Egg on the top of the Corn Beef Hash Sandwich, or as a side dish. If I wanted my sandwich with cheese, or not! C’mon man!?!

You knew our mother always made these kinds of decisions for me back then, like what I ate, and sometime even how I actually ate it. Remember hearing, “Don’t forget to chew your food!” Yes she was the one who picked-out my school clothes every day, and laid them out on my bed. She was the one who decided whether I was wearing Hair Moose on any particular day. But we mostly used our father’s hair products on Picture Day! (I sometimes looked like the Fonz from Happy Days! Heeeey!)

Why back then we’d eat whatever mom cooked. We weren’t spoiled like kids are today. Imagine if we’d said something like, “I don’t like that!” or “I don’t eat meat.” What! I only bring up this subject because your niece is presently a “15 years old Vegetarian!” But she still eats “Asada Tacos” and “Sloppy Joe’s” every once in a while when I cook. Funny huh?

You and I definitely weren’t raised to be “Finicky” although we still had our favorite foods like any other kid. Do you still remember how our father would cook on some weekends? He’d give our mom the day-off to go get her hair done in that “Wilma Flintstone High-rise” that was so popular back in the day. Ha!

Dad made use to make us those Fluffy, Large Turkey, or Ham and Cheese Omelets we could hardly finish. He’d get all fancy when making his Famous Signature Cinnamon French Toast, topped with Strawberries, Blueberries, or Slices of Sautéed Bananas cooked in Real Butter. Real Butter…what?! (I didn’t say Parkaaay!) After eating his cooking, it was hard for me to climb down from my chair because my little belly had grown twice in size. Ahhhh!!!

I didn’t mind when no one cooked because it just meant we got to eat our Favorite Cereals. I’d always eat the same Cereal you chose, Big Brother, and it always annoyed you like heck. (Forgive me for cussing.)

Do you realize that I really didn’t mean to annoy you? I just wanted to be like you. Do the same things you did, because back then, I really looked-up to you like no one else. Yes, you make have got annoyed with me at times, but you still watched over me. You tried keeping me out of trouble the best you could, but even then, it sometime found me anyway. Still I don’t know how it’d turned-out for me without having you around.

It was really something to witness Cousin David’s talents grow over the years. He later became such a Very Popular Artist in our town who’d pinstriped & painted the most beautiful Murals on many Chevy Impalas, Ford Pick-ups, and Chop-top Mercury’s. Soon people from all over were admiring his work that was featured in many popular magazines.

People trusted him because of his good reputation, and his customers always gave him good recommendations. It says a lot about a person’s talents when their work is featured in magazines such as “Hot Rod & Lowrider Magazines.” People spent thousands of dollars restoring in their Classical Babies, and would request David to perform his magic on the outside. “The Cherry on Top” as I heard someone say before. After Pin Stripping in his well-known signature style, David would then sign his “Mark” in this little print in the back of that vehicle or motorcycle.

Do you still remember how we use to attend all of those Car Shows back in the day? In our teens Cousin Danny and your best friend Albert would always tag along with us. It was “So Cool” when we got Free Car Show Tickets from David. All of those “Freebees” of T-shirts, Hats, and Music 8-Tracks” of our favorite Musical Artists didn't hurt either. Yes 8-Track because Cassettes hadn’t even been invented yet. (Now we’re really showing our age.)

Sometimes, David would actually invite us to take Car Show Pictures with him. Those good looking Car Show Models didn’t wear that much clothing. Seeing them in bikinis & hot pants use to make me really nervous to be around. I’d always pass at this “Invitation to take pics,” while you, Danny, and Albert were always eager to jump right in.

As I watched from “the sidelines” you kid with me. Telling me things like, “You should have let our mother put Moose on your hair, and comb it for you!” Then you’d all start laughing at me just because I was a little shy. I was content just hanging around you guys.

What amused me was watching you guys trying so hard not to look nervous around those Beautiful Models. I always found it entertaining, waiting for the unexpected happen. I still remember a few times when those Models would put their arms around you guys and pose for the pictures. I would “Spook” you guys to the point you’d turn “Red with Embarrassment.” The Models would think this Embarrassment was so cute! Hearing their remarks only made you guys turn even redder! (Kind of reminded me of Three Stop Signs with Eyeballs.)

We undoubtedly had lots of fun as Teens, but this was also round this same time I started forgetting about the “Second Chance of Life” I’d been given as a child. We just started getting caught-up in all of the Materialistic Things while our Spiritually Lives Suffered more and more. I’d forgotten how God had intended me to have a relationship with Him first above all else. This is when we began to “Falter from the Right Path” that had been plan for us since the beginning.

“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.”

COLOSSIANS 3:2 NASB

THE REPLY

September 18, 2008/12pm

C.S.P. New Folsom

Represa, California

Brother Mike,

How’s it going? I hope you’re doing the best you can and you keep doing what God’s Mission has planned for you to do. Mike, you really open up my mind with a lot of great memories and thoughts of our pasts growing stages.

Your, (our) dream “Hat Box” once again hit me with Great Awe after reading it! I do think that God is sending me messages through you because this dream just makes a lot of sense to me, and it brought tears to my eyes. I fell that it was a message that I’ve been forgiven by God, and it’s time for me to let go of this pain and guilt I’ve been holding inside. I’ve tried not to think about it too much before or maybe I was just trying to block it out.

Misti of course, is my one and only. I love her sooo much Bro that I would do almost anything for her. I know you feel the same way because you also have a “little one,” and there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for her If at all possible. I want to make things better not only for myself, but also for our family too!

Maybe I just have a lot of shame for being in here Bro, and that’s one of my biggest problems right now is letting go of this shame. I know I only have a little time left in here and all of this will be soon over with, but I also know that I’ve hurt a lot of other people. And my guilt of hurting others just keeps playing in my mind.

I know these “teachings” are to show me some appreciation for what I value most. Sometimes a lot of things don’t make sense to me and I really don’t try to figure them out. I then just have to go about my business while in here, but that God everyday that I awake. There’s something going on in your life right now so please don’t stop because like I said, what makes you feel like writing is making me feel better inside.

I love you Bro, even though we’ve drifted apart as we have gotten older. My feelings for you have never changed. We’re “Brothers” and all we did or didn’t do to each other as kids was just as normal as any others. I’ve never really thought about our pasts as kids, but we sure did a lot of crazy things back then. While I was the older brother, I didn’t realize my mature younger brother wanted to tag along in all that I did. You know back then I just ran with the wind. Bro, I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped more often to check and see who wanted to fly with me.

Your words of encouragement are sometimes hard to respond to and they touch me in so many different ways. Know that I’m receiving them and they’re serving their purpose. I all most forgot about the Ariza’s, our so called Cuzins. Well I did use to sneak-off back then but for the most part it was only to get a glimpse of Dee Dee whenever I could. She was really a hottie! I just left you outside so times because I didn’t want you moving in on my clear views. So you see I just wanted to enjoy these sights all by myself. Wow! But that was so many years ago, and I haven’t thought about them until now.

There’s so much I had forgotten, but for some strange reason I’m now remembering and reliving all of those great memories again through you. Brother at the same time I hope everything’s ok with you at your home and I’ve heard from our parents that you also have been going through a stressful time, but I’d like to know just keep-on doing what makes you feel good because is sure is helping me out while I’m away. I’m alright Brother, and at this point I’m ready to accept any knowledge I can use to improve my and our futures. So just keep your head up and try to hear what’s blowing in the wind.

Say hello to Alex and Liz. Don’t forget to give them both a big hug from Uncle Robert. It’s kind of embarrassing for me to say these things from here, but still tell them I send my love. Just don’t forget that all is forgiven between you and I so take care Brother and “God Bless.”

Much love,

Brother Robert

P.S. Say hello to Winky and tell him, “Where’s my $$$!”

Next Chapter: Chapter#11