TWENTY-TWO

MISSING YOU

Misti and Alex Castro

(Melisa & Marco’s Wedding)

September 29, 2008

As I said in my last letter and throughout our journey, my intentions are never to upset you. This is particularly true now that you know the real condition of my Present Health. I’ve shared this to show that even under “My Circumstances,” I still believe that I can accomplish many things. The rest we just have to leave in God’s Hands. Of course this also applies to everyone, but our way of thinking plays a very pivotal role in our lives.  

This chapter is mainly to remind of the people who really miss you. But we’ll get to that a little more later-on in this chapter. For now, just remember that we are all “God’s Children” who are equally loved by Him. I’m reminding you of this once again because it serves as a very important “Base to Build on.” I still have certain things I’d like to share with you before December arrives. I just wished you’d write back to me, and let me know how you’re doing.

You’ve probably heard this before, that a person can change their lives after they’ve “Take Responsibility” for what they’ve done. Then we can move forward. I have to tell you that it took me awhile before I finally took responsibility for my “One Vehicle Car Accident.” I was in denial for a long time, and would tell myself that it wasn’t my fault. It was the fault of that dog for suddenly running out in front of my car.

Then one day, I finally accepted the fact that if I’d taken the advice of our parents to “Stay home and rest, that accident would have never occurred. But even with our “Best Intentions” we mustn’t forget that we’re human, and we’re going to make mistakes along the way. We shouldn’t get stressed-out over the things we have no power over. This is when I say a prayer, and leave the rest in “God’s Hands.”

Then somewhere along our journey, you may have felt that “I’m Putting You Down” by the things I’ve written. I assure you this has never been my intention. Perhaps you’ve felt that you’ve heard this all before. Try to understand that I’ve written you in this manner so we can both examine how we can build a “Closer Relationship with God.” Secondly, somewhere down this road that we’re traveling, I hope we also discover where our “Close Relationship” could have possibly gone.

It just saddens me when I thinking of how our communication faded to a point of “Silence” over these past few years. To make sure that this never happens again, I’ve chosen to fight through my own problems some time ago in order to have a clearer mind. Then I could try to help you through things you’re dealing with at the present time. But let’s go back a bit.

It’s been many years since you made certain “Promises” to me when we were young, but I still remember what you said. You told me that, “You’d always be there for me,” and that “Everything Was Going to Be All Right.” I’ve actually held-on to these promises up to this present time. In certain situations, they’ve helped me through some “Very Challenging Times.”

We’ve talked about “Trust” in chapter#9. (Three Speed Rider) Remember, I only rode my bike over that old school bridge with the roaring canal water quickly running underneath, because I believed in your encouraging words. Perhaps reminding you of “Our Pasts” will help us not to make the same mistakes.

I now ask you for your “Forgiveness” because here comes some more “Hard Truth.” But after you read this chapter you’re going to understand why I’ve brought-up certain things. So sit down, fluff-up your pillow, and get ready cause here we go.

When bring-up the subject of missing you, no doubt it’s been the hardest on your daughter Misty. She misses the type of support and love her Papa can only “Supply.” Yes, her mother Martha done an “Amazing Job” in your absence. But if it’d been up to Misti, she’s also have you around in order to hear your “Words of Wisdom.”

I don’t have to tell you that it’s “Once in a Lifetime” that we get to see our daughters take their “First Baby-steps,” or hear their say their “First Words.” It’s not that I’m “Implying” you’ve missed those “Precious Moments.” I’m saying that we get that “One Chance” to see our children grow. Then all of the sudden they become “Teenagers.”

I know it’s been hard for Misti not to have her “Big Papa” around to share some of the “Special Times” in her life. Yes, you’ve guided her through some “Difficult Situations” when you’ve been around, and I know it’s been “Just as Difficult” for you whenever you’re away.

Many years have passed since those first spoken words and first footsteps. Suddenly your daughter has now grown into this “Beautiful Young Lady” in her mid-twenties. And while we’re on the subject of our daughters, I don’t know if you’ve realized that “My Baby Girl” will suddenly turn 16 this coming October. It’s been a “Little Difficult” now having to give your niece a little more “Freedom” that she needs on her way to adulthood.

Alex has started hang-out with her friends more often now that she’s in her Junior Year. In fact, she’s already attended to her “First Winter Formal” last year. When I saw that beautiful dress she was wearing, I immediately started experiencing “Chest Pains.” I thought that I was having a “Heart Attack” because I was in shock at how pretty and grown-up she suddenly looked.

I could help it, but “A Part of Me” felt like telling her she couldn’t go to the dance. You have to understand that I’ve always seen in “Tomboy Clothes” up to that point. If I remember correctly, you were also around when Misti started going to her high school dances, so you know what I mean. It seems like one day their young girls, and the next they’ve turned into these beautiful young ladies.

Let me back-up just a bit, and tell you the whole story behind Alex going to her Formal. Well this co-worker of Liz’s had been wanted to introduced her son to Alex for a short time. They were a couple of years apart, but I thought if we’d meet him and he check-out, it’d be okay. What I didn’t know is your niece had already been chatting “Via the Computer,” and also on the phone with this young man. They’d been conversing already a couple of weeks leading up to the Formal.

I assure you Liz and I met his parents before the Formal when invited over for dinner during “The Holidays.” I found that our children had a lot in common, while this young man attended high school across town. They both were shy bookworms who’d never dated anyone before.

Guess he was taken-back by “Alex’s Good Looks” the first time they met in person. Do you still remember how everyone use to say that “Alex looks just like her dad?” So I quickly agree with anyone who thought Alex is “Good Looking.” Must be in the blood because I also remember how you use to always admiring yourself in the minor when we were in “Our Teen Years.”

It seemed like only yesterday when Alex would laugh at all of my “Corny Jokes,” and didn’t mine whenever I’d tickle her. Now that she’s older I’m lucky if she laughs at one out of ten attempts, and tickling is now off limits. But recently when we were all out shopping, and your niece suddenly wanted to hold my hand by putting hers in mine, my heart melted like butter.

You know that it’s hard for Parent to let go of their children. We’ve always been very protective of them, and we will until the day we die. But don’t get me wrong Big Brother. I know that you haven’t been “Missing in Action” all of our lives.

I also feel that we could have been “More Successful” if we’d just attended and earned College Degrees right after High School. Instead, you and I went to “Work” for a wage we thought was decent enough. In your case, I believe you could have gotten into “Advertising,” or worked for a “Future 500 Company” because you’ve always been a very “Convincing Talker.” You could have been a “Successful Real Estate Agent” while using the “Gift of Gab” God blessed you with.

You’ve always had such a “Imaginative Mind and Unique Style” about you. It would have been really something to see you on the cover of a “Major Magazine” Now everyone is invited to a “Talk Show” and interviewed by its “Popular Host.” Who said we still can’t do the things our hearts desire?

If only one of us had applied themselves in “Legal Field.” I believe that you possibly could have been a “Very Successful Attorney” because everybody knows, they’re the biggest “Bull Shitters in the World!” The only differences from them and ourselves is they applied their “God Given Talents” towards earning their Prestigious Law Degrees. But you’ve heard the saying “If it’s been accomplished by someone else, then it can be accomplished over and over again.”

(God, please forgive me for cursing)

Now I’m not saying that “It’s Now Too Late” for us to still accomplish the things we’re currently interested in. My heart says we still have “Time” to experience many new things we’ve never experienced before. But the clock is ticking fast.

Many people you know well would quickly “Testify” that you’ve always had this “Special Gift of Gab.” You’re a “Smooth Talker” who’s already closed many “Street Savvy Business Deals” over the years. In fact, as your Little Brother I’ve personally seen you in action while using your own “Bartering System.” And you did all of this without attending “One Year of College.” Just think what could have been if we’d only earned a “Business Degree.”

You’ve managed to “Set A Good Price” when selling one of those “Restored Cars.” With the profits you then turn around and reinvest your money into your next project, making you more money than even before. When “Buying” from someone else you always got that “Seller” to drop their “Asking Price” using your “Seasoned Negotiating Skills.”

So why is it that we both continue traveling through the same “Same Old Revolving Doors?” But now while we’re trying to improve ourselves and lead “More Spiritual Lives,” I believe those doors will now stop revolving, and lead us “Towards New Opportunities.” It’s time we start turning the corner in the “Right Direction.” I’ll be there with you along the way. With “Baby Steps” and “Continual Prayer” you will soon find yourself in God’s favor.

With those “New Certificates” you’ve recently earned, they will suddenly start “Opening New Doors” for you. And when this happens, you’re going to have the greatest feeling Big Brother. With the “Power of Christ” on your side remember that no door can be “Permanently Shut, Latched or even Nailed” when Jesus is will you. Just think about it because it’s happening right now for millions of people around the world.

I don’t know if you’ve realize we’ve now traveled over two hundred pages of “Our Journey.” We’ve already arrived at a point from where ‘We First Began.” But there’s still so much to talk about before we’re done.

If you’ve ever wondered “What have I ever done that’s was so special,” I give you a simple reply. I’d tell you first of all that “I don’t blame you one bit because I’ve thought of this many times before.” But the thing I’ve wondered about the most, is why I was given a “Second Chance at Life” back when we were very young? While I’ll never know all of the answers, at least I’m certain of two. One is so that I could be blessed with gift of writing, and secondly so I’d now support you using this gift.

It’s also become clear to me that our parents lectured us back in the day because they were only trying to protect us from harm. I can still hear our father’s insisting words to, “Slow down Son! You’ve been going-out too much lately. Your mother and I are very afraid something bad is going to happen if you don’t listen!” But did I listen? No…I didn’t.

Back then we thought we were these two “Indestructible Robots” who ran on endless energy. That way of thinking has never gotten me anywhere. I most kill myself in that Car Accident. And if God didn’t want me to learn a valuable lesson form this mistake, He would have taken me away that very night. I can’t change the past, but I can try to change myself, and the direction my future.

I think we’ve both learned many things from our past mistakes. We can only do our very best, and trying now to stress-out over the things we have “No Power Over.” That’s when we pray, then leave challenges in God’s Hands. Ultimately, He’s the one in control of our destinies.

While you and I were attending high school together during my first two years, we already felt as if no one could tell us what to do. With this attitude we had to learned so many important lessons the “Hard-way.” But because of our relentless attitudes to survive and growing faith, there’s still so much “Fruit on the Vine.” It’s now time to pick-it before our season ends.

Yes, I may now be considered a “Disabled Person” by definition. But as you can see, I still believe that our lives are “Far from Over.” We’ll no doubt will continue making mistakes along the way, but just remember that God isn’t looking for perfection. He’s given us the “Intelligence” to know the differences from wrong and right. It’s up to us making the decision which direction we want to travel.

Before I’d worry if something didn’t work-out. Now I know it’s was for a good reasons. Like that job I applied for and really wanted, but didn’t get. Later, I’d just find a better job that paid more. This also includes those relationships that didn’t work-out.

Yes, break-ups may hurt at that time. And we don’t want to get close to anyone for a while. Then one day out of the blue we meet somebody we have a lot in common with. This friendship then slowly grew into the better relationship we had before. So like I’ve said and heard many times before, “Everything happens for a reason.”

I’ve tried to express just how much we’ve really missed you Big Brother. Guess we can’t help but feel this way until you come home this December. So you have time to think about what we’ve just discussed, and the things we’ve discussed before. Remember that your input is very valuable. I just hope you write me back real soon because I’ve been thinking about you.

Together, let’s start using our energy in a more positive manner. Who wouldn’t rather think about the possibilities they still have for their futures? The trick is not give-in to the “Negativity” that’s always trying to enter our minds. You know, that’s just the Devil at work, trying to lead us in wrong direction. He’s also trying to keep us from becoming the person God’s wants us to be.

Again with God on our side, he’ll help us stay strong so we can both finally break from our “Brown Skies of Self Destruction!” You’ll find in future chapters that I’ll try to us the term “Brown Skies” in many different ways. Think I’ve already used it a few times. But soon, you’ll see this “term” used in special ways that depict important parts of our lives. In doing this, I’m not only trying to help us. It also gives me a chance to break-out of this “Safe Bubble” of mine that I’ve settled for already too many years.

Remember that we miss you very much, and we can’t wake until you finally come home. When you do, I’ll keep trying to support you as I hope you’ll also do for me. It’s going to be a special day when we are all reunited once again, and you get to spend quality time with your daughter. Your niece Alex is going to be so happy to see you as we all are. But I want you to remember that the past is the past, and there are going to be lots of opportunities to help you grow into the person you want to be.

In the meantime, just try to take care of yourself the best you can. Eat all your vegetables and try not to get too buffed that we don’t recognize you. It’s funny how Liz is insisting I go to the gym with her for the sake of our health. When I do, I always see these much younger guys walking around as if they owned the place. So I’ll try to stick with it the best I can. It’s does make my back feel better after strengthen and exercising it. Going to the gym is just something I have to get used to doing because it’s going to benefit me in the long run. So think about some things that are also going to help “you” in the long run.

“The old things passed away; behold new things have come.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 NASB

Next Chapter: Chapter#21