The summer job after graduation turns into a lot more – I had the summer job still that was supposed to be temporary until I went away to college. But that as we all know didn’t go as planned.  At least the community college had a musical theater program and I could start some of my classes.  I could apply for scholarships in design or something and transfer to one of the other schools later on.  I was determined to find a way to get their still.  In the meantime, I would keep working while I went to school.  The job was at a local hotel resort that had once been owned by my dad’s stepfather.  After the psycho grandma died, he sold it and started traveling between his 5 houses in various states.  The man was a rich douche bag who loved to brag about how awesome he was.  He at one point told me he was going to help me with college after things went south at home but then blew me off when it came down to it.  While working at the hotel as the soda fountain girl and dining room hostess I met my very first serious boyfriend.  He was a bus boy in the dining room.  We spent a lot of time together because I had a crush on his best friend who also worked with us.  His friend had a girlfriend though, so I just swooned from afar.  Apparently, they had a bet that one of them could take my virginity though.  Since one had a girlfriend who was around all the time, he didn’t get much one on one time with me.  The other however lied to me and told me he had broken up with his girlfriend so that he could have the excuse to hang out with me behind her back.  He would come over to my house and pretend to want to play video games with me.  One day he kissed me as we were watching a movie in my bedroom.  I was still focused on going away to college but figured that the attention was nice and went along with it. I also didn’t want to go away to college a virgin.  So, when he told me he loved me a few months later, I figured why not let him be the one I did it with?  It was the first time anyone had ever told me that who wasn’t related to me.  Growing up the way I had, the only comparisons I had of actually love was my mom and dad and my stepsister and her husband.  And although I didn’t feel the same, I said it back.  We dated for the next 6 months while I was saving up to move away for school.  The after math of my step brothers banking heist caused my parents to sell the house I grew up in and close their business. They had decided they were moving us across the state to be closer to my stepbrother and step sister who were now both married and had kids.  My “love struck” boyfriend decided he wanted to move with us.  The longer we dated the more I feel into a cycle of contentment and started to settle for the mediocre relationship.  He had started with the verbal abuse by now too. He would tell me that I was lucky he saw past my homely looks and appreciated my personality.  He would Pillsbury me and call me cubby.  At the time I was still in my shape from dancing in school and all the years of running but this sent me straight back into my eating disorder.  He would let his friends and family join in on his mocking as well telling them to tease me and call me mouse girl.  My self-esteem became so low that I thought that I was really lucky that anyone would even want to be with me so by the time he asked me to marry him I figured that this was my only chance I would probably get at it so I said yes.  We eventually moved into an apartment together.  I became his submissive house “wife”.  I was there to have sex on command even when I didn’t want to.  There were times I would cry during it.  The more I cried the rougher he would be with me.  He would finish and roll over after and act like he didn’t even notice. There were nights I would get up and sleep on the floor or in the living room scared that I would wake up with him on top of me again. He lost his job about 6 months after we got engaged and he wanted to move back to our home town to get a job where his dad worked.  So, I left behind my family and moved with him.  He had convinced me to quit school too. He said he would go to college first and when he was done, he could afford to send me back to any school I wanted.  So, I agreed, and we started our new life back in the town I had spent most of my life trying to run away from.

Next Chapter: Entry Twenty-two