Well, I guess writing about the phone call the other day went over super not great with treatment team.  I am on suicide watch again now. Guess I don’t get to vent in my journals. They said that it’s not a "joking matter". Can I roll my eyes out of my head?! This whole situation, hell my whole life is a joking matter. The fact that the asshole parents who made my life one shit show after another my whole childhood to the point that I have spent most of my life up to this point trying to end it in some way means nothing to them? Why aren’t they like in jail or something for all the shit they caused in my life? Or does that matter? I guess it’s ok to be neglectful, shitty parents? And to have those same shitty ass parents decide my fate in this place? How does that bullshit check out? Can I get a do over? And since they read my journals in treatment team, how about you idiots stop trying to make me interact with the fucking assholes who created all of the shit that landed me here? 

Summer and Texas and my step brothers and cousins move in with us. -That summer was a bit crazy. My uncle had been shot leaving a family gathering and was on life support so we ended up spending most of the summer in Texas so my mom could help with their kids. I spent a lot of my time that summer at the mall and at a laundry mat down the street from my aunt’s house that had video arcade games. Playing Mortal Kombat and Rampage was pretty good use of my free time considering I had nothing in common with the rest of my cousins or sibling by this point. They were all boy crazy and trying to sneak in to the liquor cabinet and R rated movies. I was content with the company of my hamster Wicket and a pocket full of quarters. I was to awkward to even think of how to interact in social settings let alone with boys. By the end of the summer I had a pretty good tan and my afro hair had reached Bob Ross level with the humidity and the coke bottle glasses just were the cherry on top of my super nerd style choices. As the summer wrapped up, we were informed that my cousins were coming to live with us. My aunt was leaving her husband for like the millionth time. They did this like all the time. So much so that their three daughters were named after my uncles’ mistresses. Super classes there…So, we helped them all pack and drove home with a UHaul and two cousins to tag along with us. The trip home sucked. I remember one of them getting car sick and throwing up on Wicket’s cage. Poor guy was covered in it. My aunt didn’t even come with us. She went to live in a town that was like three hours away from us to shack up with a guy she had met on vacation a few years ago and had been carrying on a long-distance fling with. So, we went school shopping on our way home from Texas with my cousins. Somewhere along the line we ended up finding out that my step brother was in trouble with his mom and step father and was going to come to live with us too. The oldest cousin was one of the ones that was part of my brush with death at the lake. She was now a freshman in high school. And a bit of a slut. She spent most of the year trying to seduce my step brother. She said they weren’t really related so it was totally cool if she tried to hook up with him. So gross. My sister and step brother got really close while he was there. He had started partying a lot and was a sophomore in high school by now. He had cool friends and always wore soooooo much cologne that you could smell him from across the house. My summer of MK playing in the arcades helped me a lot to hold my own against his bullying and keep him in check. He would have friends over to play on console and he knew that I was better at it than him and his friends. When they got cocky, he would give me the controller and take them down a peg by having his little sister beat them. About the only form of bounding he and I ever really had. I was still pretty awkward around boys, so this was the only time I felt confident around pretty much anyone let allow high school boys. But for once I had something that made me feel like a bad ass.

Next Chapter: Entry Twelve