So, mom is starting to lay on the water works for family sessions. Crying about how much she loved my dad and how he was the love of her life and blah, blah, blah! For someone who misses him so much and thinks of him everyday she sure didn’t waste time hopping into bed with someone that was his friend! She was dating and had him moved into our lives to replace him before his corpse was even cold. That stupid bitch didn’t even let us grieve him either. Making us call her boyfriend dad just months after we buried him? You sick twisted bitch! Fuck you! Fuck your I miss him bullshit! You dishonored his memory in so many ways. You don’t get to say you miss him. You don’t get that privilege. I wish she was the one that was gone instead. I wish I had my dad back. I wish he would have just divorced her and taken us away from her stupid slut bag ass. I fucking hate her so much. I wish I never had to talk to her again. I hate that she still gets to fuck with my head, fuck with my life, fuck with my freedom even. I just want her out of my life! 

Ok, now that I am less pissed off... We will do the other stuff so Doc doesn’t think I am slacking.  

Maybe things might be normal…or at least we pretend it is – The wedding was over Christmas break of 5th grade. They literally got married the day before Christmas Eve. My mom left her kids on Christmas Eve to go on her honeymoon a year and a half after their father committed suicide…yup, let that sink in. When they got back, he was sober through and he had found Jesus in jail and rehab had changed his life! At least that was what we all pretend was going on. But now that he didn’t have his drug dealing money, he had to actually work. And he didn’t really love doing that too much, so mom had to go back to work too. It was no longer optional for her to stay at home. My sister and I also were told that our monthly death benefits from our dad were supposed to help take care of the family. Mom and “dad” would fight about money all the time. Mom was never home because she was working all the time now. But since they were never home, we spent more time with babysitters and my step dad’s mom. She was actually pretty cool, and I became really close to her. Between her and my aunt who lived up the street I had new ways to stay away from home on the weekends. She was the first grandma type person in my life besides my godmother. This was the same year my godmother passed away, so it was good that I had her now too. She would bake cookies, and had every Disney movie ever made at her house. She was a sweet church lady, but she was fiercely protective of her family. It was strange to this that this lady was the mother of the man my mother had married. The lady who played ninja turtles with me and who was full of piss and vinegar if you said one unkind word about someone she loved, was his mom…guess between her other 8 kids they couldn’t all turn out to be like her?

Next Chapter: Entry Nine