The Wolf and the Girl

1

I find myself running through a forest, where trees are twisted ghouls with emaciated limbs and hard, cracked skin. I ran from fear and what I had become, the memories of failure and betrayal still fresh in my mind.

He was there running with me, just as frightened, just as lonely. In that moment of false gods and idle death, we lost each other, seeing no way out of the travesty that had become our life. So we ran, together at first but then we found ourselves separated; he ran towards the west, I went east.

We didn’t know if we would ever see each other again, We didn’t care. In that moment we felt a hatred more powerful than we had ever felt before. We hated those weak people, those primitives stuck in their tribalism; we hated the fighting that seemed to follow us wherever we went, first devouring our birthplace, and now our homeland; we hated one another for not saving us; we hated ourselves for needing someone else to save us. I ran until I couldn’t physically run anymore, and had collapsed onto the ground. But my mind still ran, and it carried me far away from all the things that wanted to destroy me. It carried me into the heart of a pack of wolves.

2

There’s blood on the wind, I can smell it. I bare myself before my new sisters and brothers, these lupine creatures, to show them I have nothing to hide. They trust me now, and have accepted me into their fold. But my time to hunt is coming, it’ll be my first one and I will have to be ready to prove myself; I am ready, I need to belong again.

The forest we dwell in is dark, its only light comes from the glow of the moon, my celestial mother. She will guide me as I track, she will help me search for my prey.

Oh! How thrilling! I am born again through nature, I am given new life through the interconnectedness of the world and its offspring. Finally, I have found a way out of the despair that has gripped me for so long!

3

Prey moves about freely; I am the frightful creature that will drive its mind through paranoia tonight. Even now I can hear its faint, distant heartbeat loudly work itself into a frenzy, such a maddening song that’s enough to tempt any carnivorous creation.

My pack’s elders are hungry, the cubs are in need of nourishment, and I haven’t proven my worth yet. My family I acknowledge your ways, the ways of the wolf, and I give myself to the pack. I will kill for you this night. I will prove my loyalty.

It’s almost time, the sun is about to set. It makes me think of you, my love. How long has it been since we were last together? Maybe it’s for the best that I can’t say. Somewhere, out in the wilds of this world, you roam about confused and conflicted, preoccupied with your search for meaning. I hope you find it, Sun-Born, and I hope that it gives you what the wolves give me.

4

Nighttime is here; the feral can now move freely, shrouded in the blackness that hides the beasts from each other, removing the want or need for distinction between the monsters and their victims. We all become beasts when the time is right, and that time is now for me; I will become some poor, unfortunate creature’s nightmare, for the sake of my pack. It’s a necessary function I am willing to serve.

The eldest comes and takes my hand, a prayer for a successful hunt. I bow first to him, and then the rest of the pack who eagerly await the outcome of my trial, their anticipation edging them closer to their true feral selves. The eldest says the pack is relying on me to provide them with their next meal. I have become their hunter, the supplier of nourishment; without food we are weak, without adept hunters we are vulnerable, and without the blessings of nature we are proven faithless.

This burden of responsibility is nothing new, it will not break me. What does worry me is the uncertainty that waits for me after the hunt. My heart is pounding out an anxious warning, a veiled sign of an approaching transformation that feels like it’ll eat me alive; I want it to, and as I begin my trial, the prospect of such a savage change becomes ever more attractive, a welcomed removal of the humanity that betrayed me, and broke me before.

I hear scrambling, the sounds of an all-too-aware prey looking for cover in a forest that has suddenly become threatening to such lithe animals. Run, little creature, exhaust yourself in the pursuit of adding another day to your ephemeral life, I will run you down until you are nothing more than a panting mess. With these teeth, long and sharp as they are, I will catch you, I will tear the life from you, and I will bring you to my family, proving my loyalty and worth.

5

Suddenly the preyed upon animal’s rustling stopped; it died seeking cover in the bushes from the wolfen girl. In the end it was fear that killed it, pressing its body beyond capacity, and summoning that specter that guides us through the inevitable occurrence that haunts the dominions.

Death, in her seeming compassion for the suffering of us mortals, becomes like a mother at life’s end. She doesn’t judge or chastise us for our failure to preserve the self; instead she calls us home to conclusion, providing us with meaning to suit our spiritual needs.

The Moon-Born tensed at this presence so familiar, this being that brought with it memories of a life long deceased. Adrenaline flowing through her body, she stepped forward from out of the shadows of the forests to claim the prey she felt she rightly earned.

6

“That creature there is mine, girl. I’m the one who chased it down and cornered it for you to unjustly kill. I don’t care what you are, it’s coming back with me to my pack.”

Hollow eyed death raised her head to meet the confident gaze of the she wolf that sought a conversation with her. “Why?”, she asked. The Moon-Born was confused, “Why what?” “Why are you so willing to kill this animal?” The wolf knelt down to the ground where her once living prey now lay, inspecting its meat to determine if her hunt had produced a favorable result. Death, in anticipation of her response, gently sat down next to her. “I needed its flesh for food.” the Moon-Born said, “My pack is hungry, and it was my time to hunt.” This did not adequately feed death’s curiosity; she replied, “That isn’t exactly what I meant, moon’s daughter. I mean to ask why you chose to kill this particular being.”

The wolf looked up from her prize, fully engaged now. Death continued, sensing that her clarification had only furthered the joint misunderstanding, “Just now you said you were hunting for a pack. Wouldn’t it be easier to just kill one of your many to feed the survivors?” This made the wolf smile; It was a moment of clarification that had come to her. This being, a melancholy bringer of infinite sadness, was earnestly trying to understand why the living chose to eat each other to stay alive; the wolf knew she wouldn’t be able to provide a definite answer, and suspected that this vision of death knew it. But the woods are lonely sometimes, and in those moments it doesn’t hurt to engage our constant companion.

7

The Moon-Born leaned back and took a seat on the ground. This question of self sustainment warranted an answer, but she wasn’t sure she or anybody else was qualified to provide it. How do you summarize the imperative to stay alive, even at the cost of another’s life? How do you admit that the bio-philosophy of selfishness plays a role in our decision to stay alive?

These questions recall us all back to one of the most basic elements of life, the need to sustain and prolong it. Still, the wolf-girl decided to present to the specter her own life experience as an attempt to bring about some sort of slight resolution.

“I don’t know what makes us feel our lives are more important than the lives of those beings that we take as prey. Some say that weakness or lack of intelligence on the part of the condemned is what differentiates them from those deserving of life; that if they were deserving of life, they would be able to defend it.

I disagree; what purpose is there in a life reducible to the able eating to unable? To the brutes eating the timid? There seems to be some force at work that inspires the living to consciousness, and paves the way for us to do ruthless, savage things. It pushes us to crave meat at the expense of a life, and coerces us into fighting over territory and other things that ultimately have a false, given value. But it is also the reason why we seek love, and why when we find it, we cling to it so hard, never wanting to relinquish it. It gives us the tools to be amicable to one another, and to promote the prosperity of all us beings. Does this force explain or justly excuse the things we do? I don’t think so, but in the end it’s nothing more than an indifferent aspect of a sometimes chaotically devastating, sometimes wonderfully uplifting but ultimately abstract existence, fueled by whatever philosophy of life prevails for the individual living it.”

Death, from her seat beside the wolf, gazed upwards through the treetops at the moon above. She softly whispered “Why?” towards that celestial observer. The Moon-Born quietly responded, “Because there is meaning to be found in the struggles of being, if you chose to search for them. And I have hope in reaching better days ahead.”

Death sweetly kissed the wolf on the lips and laid her head on the shoulder of a woman who had just fulfilled a debt. Together they watched the sun rise through the trees, until the moon girl fell asleep.

8

The wolf awoke from her slight slumber feeling well rested and mentally refreshed. She stood up, lifting the dead creature she had pursued onto her shoulders for transport. Hesitating, she looked about to orient herself and find the path that would lead her home; she knew she needed to head east. As she found the direction her new family lived in she couldn’t help but smile, thinking to herself, “Towards the sun.” The hunt had provided what the elder prayed for, it brought clarity to the once lost. She knew that the time had quickly come for her to move on to the next life in a new place, but she did not fret. She suspected that there would be dark days ahead for her and her absent love, but she remained unafraid, her eyes focused on those brighter days ahead.

Next Chapter: Red