So as you may see my username is AngelicWars, but my real name is Bethany. I’m hoping that by being honest and sharing my life’s story it can help others out.

I grew up in a wonderful and loving family that brought me up in God’s word. I consider myself a Born Again Christian. Throughout my whole life I’m the type of Christian that has always believed in God, and I’m thankful for that.

I grew up homeschooled and I am currently in college, another thing I can thank God for.

I’ve had many things happen some of which might have been things that could weaken a persons faith.

In my whole 18 years of living I’ve moved over 13 times, that being the case I’ve never had really any friends. The few that I have had have been good, but spiritually lacking. One of the few things that I am currently struggling with is finding a good Christian friend that I can have good spiritual conversations with and have no secrets between us.

I’ve realized it before, but not as much as last year when I went on a missions trip, that even though I may not have been consciously feeling that God called me to go on that. God must have called me subconsciously and spiritually.

It was my first ever missions trip, and I went without knowing really anyone as I was new to that church and I had only talked to three or four people that were going on the trip probably twice at most. The missions trip was about teaching kids about God, and it was a great experience that helped me spiritually.

I enjoyed leading the kids, another part of the trip that I had fun with was getting to know everyone there. Anyways back to what I was talking about with the friend thing. There were two women that had this amazing bond that I really hope and pray that I can have someday. Its something I pray that God can help me with.

I have a few more things that are personal, and I know that its going to be put out for the entire world to see, but I sincerely hope that what I typed and what I am about to type can help others that have been in a similar situation or are going through a similar situation.

I would say that the stuff that I am about to type I had struggled with and some of which I am still struggling with. 

I remember the day, I believe that I was 14 at the time I was on my surface pro three and I was a pretty good kid so I had never gone on any bad websites or things I shouldn’t have gone on, but that day I decided to. The day I regret going on a website and playing a porn game. The day I lost my innocence, something I wish I could get back. It was on that day I learned about masturbation. I bet some people are wondering how a Christian could be struggling with this or that how could a person who grew up as a Christian get into it? There are two things that I have to say before continuing. One you are not alone if you are a Christian struggling with masturbation, and two by not following whats right and doing the wrong thing that is how Christians get into it. Or you may be someone that was doing it before you believed in the Lord. This has been something that I have struggled with and am still working through. This year I’m thankful that the Lord has helped me through this, but I still have my struggles with it. 

I remember my first breakthrough with helping me to stop (For the most part) my sexual immorality. It was the beginning of last year and I went to a Wednesday night youth group with a Christian family my mom and me had spent time with once at a library. So I went and I had felt the holy spirit there, my whole body was warm and I had to take my coat off. That night I went home prayed and found a verse that made me cry. I was determined to tell my mom about what I was doing.

The only reason why I hadn’t told her up to that point was because I was afraid that she would look at me with judgmental eyes or at me differently since who would expect their daughter that had been brought up reading the bible and having a relationship with God to do that. 

I had fear at how she would react. I walked down the stairs that night after the youth group to go talk to my mom, but she was watching her show and I didn’t want to bother her. I prayed and found a verse that stuck out to me so much that I cried and decided that I would tell her.The next day I went about the usual, but I was anxious to tell her. I believe that it was 2:00 pm when I sat down on the couch next to her. We played a trivia game on her phone, and after I said "Mom I need to tell you something" and I started crying as I told her everything. After she told me that "Not many teens talk about this stuff to their parents." Now I may be messing up exactly what she said but that was the jest of in. Basically I was afraid of telling her only because of satan. He told me many lies, and I even knew he was doing it. The fear grabbed a hold of me and ended up being stronger then my faith and trust in God.

I still struggled with it, but talking to my mom. Other people and going on that missions trip really helped. 

Ephesians 5:13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible--and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 

The last thing I want to talk about is the mild depression I had, it wasn’t big enough to cause me to have suicidal thoughts. Though it had a hold on me to stop me from doing things. It caused me to be demotivated and lazy and because of that I stopped working on the area I feel that God is calling me.

I believe that it started when I was 14 after moving and also me going on to things I shouldn’t be. Because of it I stopped drawing everyday like I was. I believe that satan also had a hand in that, but who knows except for God.

Now because of my depression and everything else I went through cycles with God, becoming close to him and then far, close and then far. The cycle lasted about 4 and a half years. Sometimes at night I would cry because of how disappointed I was in myself for not doing anything with my life.I kept describing myself as tired mentally and emotionally, not to anyone just myself. 

The only thing I felt keeping me connected to God in some way was me reading my bible everyday. I wouldn’t pray just every now and again when I was sometimes crying at night or I had possibly wanted something selfish. 

However this year changed. Before this year started I said to myself to stop my demotivation that I would draw every day. So I asked for art supplies for Christmas and started in January. Currently haven’t missed a day so far. Then I believe in February I was looking through romance novels, then realized that there was a spiritual section. I hardly used wattpad and downloaded it not to long before. I looked through the spiritual section and one book caught my eye Unfold by ElRayLeigh. I stayed up all night and read all the chapters available.

It was then that something in me clicked while reading it. Like a light switch had been flipped in me spiritually. I felt a peace and I wasn’t sure why, but I could only thank the Lord for showing me that book when I needed it. 

So yea I had a lot to write, and so far this has been my story and walk with God. Maybe this will help you or maybe it won’t. I pray that God will let you have a wonderful day and that you draw yourself closer to him. Lastly I want to leave a verse, my favorite in fact. One that God has given me multiple times over the years.

Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for Man.

By AngelicWars.

Next Chapter: 14 - xxAyshaxxx - Who I Am?