N7x Voss
12 - dementia12 - How I Came To Believe
This story is about how I came to believe in god, but first, let me tell you why I didn’t believe.
I was born in 1995, but not for the right reason, the reason I was created was simple, all my parents saw me was as a wallet, extra cash in their pockets.
My mother, lost me when I was 6-month-old, she was one of those, the ones that did drugs, drank alcohol. She wanted the poison instead of her child. But it wasn’t enough with me. In 1997, my little brother was born, another wallet for them, extra cash, my mother should have been there for us, but instead, she sexually abused me at the age of two, now some people would say at such a young age, no one would remember, but I remember, I remember her hurting me and her making an Indian man hurt me too. But even then, she hurt me way before I came into the world, she did hard drugs when she was pregnant with me and my brother, making us children that would easily get addicted to drugs, medication, alcohol. You name it.
It was when my mother was caught abusing me when I fell into Foster care, and to be honest with you, it wasn’t a beautiful experience, every home I went to with my little brother, I was neglected, to the point that one of the foster homes placed me inside a fence inside the house to keep me away. Her excuse for scaring me with the fear of being trapped. I was too dangerous to let loose inside the house, I would always hurt my little brother.
It brought me to not trust people, to believe they would all hurt me. But the only people I did trust were my grandparents, the ones on my father side who fought tooth and nail to save us from that horrible place.
The last time I was in that home, I can remember it clearly, my grandparents were taking us for the weekend. And before we left, that woman said, see you, Sunday Rebecca.
I honestly don’t know how I knew, but inside I felt like I wouldn’t return to her. I told her. I’m not coming back here.
On Sunday when my grandparents were getting ready to bring us back, they received a call. They had finally been accepted to adopt both of us.
The feeling you get when you have been finally saved, it’s a feeling of pure bliss. To this day, I still believe an angel protected me and my brother, and they sent us our Grandparents.
Even to this day, I look at them and I don’t see human beings, instead, I see my two guardian angels.
That is how I came to believe in Angels at the age of 4.
Starting in our new home, that feeling you get when you enter that one home you know it will be yours forever home. It’s a beautiful feeling. You feel safe, love wanted and finally... not trapped.
I’ve had my ups and downs, but honestly who hasn’t.
But truly, I don’t know how my grandparents did it, to wake up in the middle of the nights because of my night terrors, or to us stealing food and hiding it in our bedrooms, because of all the other places we have been barely fed us.
Even to this day, I still have nightmares of the trauma I went through, but I wouldn’t change my past no matter what, because, without it, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
at the age of 21, I became pregnant, a feeling of fear came over me, I was honestly terrified. But my grandparents always helped me through my fears.
But even then, I didn’t believe in god, I believed in angels but not god, why would I.
But it was on August 19, 2017, at 8:50 am that my belief changed slightly.
When I first saw my little girl, but even then I didn’t believe fully.
And because of this, I feared I was being punished when my daughter suddenly was taken away, to be transferred to another hospital because she was born with a heart condition that needed to be operated on.
Let me tell you, I prayed every single night and begged God to please have mercy on my little girl.
God answered my pleas, he saved my little girl. Gave me the chance of knowing what Love truly was, to love someone with your whole being that you would do anything for your child.
This is why to this day, I choose my daughter over drugs, alcohol and everything else.
I gave my daughter what my own mother never gave me.
Love, safety, happiness, friendship... etc.
And to this day I will keep giving her everything I can. Because, she is the reason I believe in god, just as my grandparents are the reason I believe in angels.
By dementia12.