Chapter 2.0

2.0 The Impossible Apple and the Wormhole

Blackness and loud noises are ringing through our elephants ears as he begins to open his eyes. “Whats happening?” the elephant says to himself. This unharmed elephant is spinning around faster and faster trying to slow himself down; he puts his trunk out and begins blowing air out in the opposite direction. I hardly think this would actually help but it works for the purpose of this story. After slowing the elephant notices things beginning to become visible to him there are long black and white objects shooting straight down towards a light and small red objects that resemble apples floating by him. “Hello!” he screamed in fear without any response. A larger Red object was now becoming visible above him moving closer; he noticed it was coming to fast for him to move and would most likely hit him sooner or later. “Whats happening to me” he thought; his body began to expand and extend towards the light that had only seconds earlier contained the long black and white objects. WACK! the elephant now felt nothing and saw nothing he had in-fact been struck in the head by the one and only Hemophilia 001. FLASH! The light had now expanded leaving nothing but the depths of space and time wondering what the heck just happened. Ironically across the universe a creature finding himself wishing he had something to eat was suddenly struck to death by one hundred apples that appeared overhead without notice, briefly the apples had thought now this looks like someone that will appreciate us. A light flashes over a dark grainy planet and 60 penguins fall to a soft but grainy landing; coughing one penguin says what is this “Tea?” no said an unfamiliar yet familiarly outfitted voice “it’s coffee.” Many calls to the police were ignored when everyone on the neighboring Tea Planet said they were hearing what sounded like penguin screams, oddly enough the people of the Tea Planet had never even seen a penguin let alone knew what one sounded like. A small black hole like object opened over a very special planet, a planet unlike any other planet in the entire universe this planet resembled a ball of tightly wrapped tan colored padding.

2.1 The Padded Planet and the Very Confused Elephant

The Reason this planet is so special is due to the fact that it was not created by any God or even evolution it was created by Hemophiliacs who wished to not ever have to worry about hurting themselves. They had built it by wrapping a large asteroid in bubble wrap and tan padding, the thought was that if the planet were to be struck by anything it would simply bounce off and be someone else's problem; this would also work for the Hemo’s who could fall and bounce back to there feet without harm. The planet was really created when the previous Planet Bleeder was struck by a shipment of Highly Unpadded Scissors killing half of the Hemo population, many Hemo’s wondered why the had chosen to live on a planet called bleeder in the first place, believing it to have been a bad choice.

The planet is completely covered in tan padding which is tightly wrapped around everything except for a large Highly Unpadded Elephant who is laying in the middle of a padded parking lot. The elephants eyes begin to open revealing the padded landscape, “where am I” the elephant thought outloud in a clear but tired voice; struggling to get to his feet he saw that everything as far as he could see was tan and padded; as he stood there he could feel the softness of the padding on his feet and some faint popping noises in the distance. One thing that is standing out from the over abundance of tan is a single band of Red tape stretching into the distance; the tape reads in dark red letters “Property of the S.E.R. of Germanis” the elephant thinks this is weird and very tacky to have red tape with red font running across it, “must be a design error” he thought.

It’s been two weeks and our elephant has traveled farther into the city and never noticed a single creature living here, he spends his days searching and watching the distance for anything different but never sees anything. His third week here he decides he is going to stop looking and settle down in one of these large padded buildings for his inevitably boring life. “If someone comes here they will undoubtedly notice a large grey elephant walking around town in the day time” he said as he sat down on a larger than normal couch to watch his larger than normal padded TV. The house had looked as if it were made for his size, he imagined what the previous creatures had looked like that lived here. in his fourth week he could hear noises outside but after investigating decided he was just going crazy with the lack of background noise besides the TV that seemed to pick up every channel in the universe; he couldn't however see the full picture because the screen was padded and wrapped in bubble wrap.

2.2 The Unpadded Elephant meets a Very Padded Human

After months of nothing a very loud something will happen today on a very regular day just like the others. Arthur has awoken to nothing but tan padding, walked around the padded city and found nothing but some padded food in which he ate by pealing the padding off with his trunk to reveal padded bags of peanuts, padded bread and padded packs of apples which were marked “dangerous: Painful if hit with.”

After returning to his home Arthur did what he always did; he washed up in the padded shower and then sat down to watch a very blurry padded TV, this day however was very different because the unpadded elephant was about to meet a very padded human. While watching TV a loud very familiar boom struck outside “I've heard that before” Arthur thought and raced to the front door. Outside lay a large red apple shaped object, in fact it was the same one he had seen before, with a bright flash it was gone and a patch of the ground where it had just sat a second ago was now bare bubble wrap, the elephant went for a closer look when he heard from behind him “Hello” the elephant turned around to see who had said this when to his surprise it was what appeared to be a human very covered in padding. “Are you an elephant?” said the human, “yes” responded the elephant; “thats brilliant, i was just thinking the other day what a real elephant would look like and here you are.” It is very complicated to explain how this human can understand the elephant and if I were to explain it to you your puny human brain would pack it’s things and go on holiday, so how about you just put that thought out of your head and we shall get back to the story.

“You aren't padded?” said the human, “no i am not” replied the elephant. It is very interesting to see something here that is unpadded, you know there is never anything here except this red tape that reads “Property of the S.E.R. of Germanis” “What does S.E.R. mean” asked Arthur with a puzzled look on his face; if you are wondering what a puzzled elephant looks like go outside and throw an orange at an apple tree and then look at yourself in the mirror and you will see the same look. “Ah, S.E.R. of Germanis is the calling card of the one and only Planet Germanis and I believe that once they take a planet they send in the S.E.R. within a few months” “really, how?” asked Arthur. “Well i would imagine you have been hearing a popping sound coming from the distance” “yes” Arthur was getting more and more puzzled. “The S.E.R. are inside the planet eating it away” what does the S.E.R. stand for Arthur asked with a hint of anger, “it stands for SELF EXPLODING RATS, they are popping at the core of the planet until they reach the top.” Arthur was scared and glad that the sound he has been hearing all this time was real and not something that his mind had done to him to make him think he was crazy. This would have been the end of the conversation if the padded human hadn't noticed that a Rat was now moving across the tan padded street towards them with his blinking red eyes glowing brighter and brighter. “we should go said the Padded human, this planet is no place for a highly Unpadded Elephant such as yourself.” “Come with me to my Ship I have stored here.” The elephant followed the human as he began to hear more and more popping coming from directly beneath him. The arrival of the Human had stirred the rats and made them angry with all the loud noise when they were just trying to do a simple job of blowing up the planet. They had even hoped to return to the Planet Germanis where they could enjoy the best german things and nothing else; the rats were however very dense and forgot that they were SELF EXPLODING and would die by the time they finished destroying the planet.

2.3 What happened to the Penguins and the Tea

The penguins had been here on this coffee covered planet and had learned to like coffee but still wished that they had landed on a Tea covered planet. They had been living with the familiarly dressed women that lived on this planet which were better described as Nuns, this coffee planet had been their home and they sold coffee to passing by planets on a daily basis. The Nuns were upset about the new planet in the neighborhood and had put in a petition to the “Galactic Planetary Commission” to have the Tea Planet removed. This is why the people of the Tea Planet call them “The Dirty Nuns” they are actually known as The Dirty Nuns all over the universe due to the outrageously high prices they sell coffee. The penguins have noticed that with coffee they can stay awake longer and are more energized than with tea, they even began to call it “Earl Grey Coffee” in order to not miss the Tea as much. Hyper penguins are know throughout the universe to be very bad and can smell like wet dog for no reason, if you were to get a Penguin in your house and it drank your coffee you should immediately step outside and throw yourself in front of a car to avoid annoyance; this is exactly the same thing that is written in the Hyper Penguin Survival guide. If you have been wondering what became of the Penguins Tea, funny enough a creature even further across the universe was just wondering what tea tasted like when a flash and a boom poured an ocean of tea on him drowning him instantly, he thought while drowning it’s not as good as I thought it would be, the tea however had no thought on the subject. We will leave the penguins here to drink the coffee, dream of tea and annoy the Dirty Nuns until we meet them again later.

Next Chapter: Whats with all the White Rabbits