Jake’s adrenaline was pumping as he fought and bashed the big guy’s head against the concrete floor. He stood up and continued to kick and punch the guy until he was unconscious.  After he made sure the guy was out cold, he picked up the knife went over to look at the girl. He couldn’t believe the sight in front of him.  The poor girl had her shirt and bra torn off and her pants and underwear had been cut and pulled down to her feet.  She had dirt and scrapes all over.  Her face was covered by her hair but he could see blood there.  He gently reached down and moved her hair away from her face. 

He couldn’t tell much in the dark, but he could see that the poor girl had been hit in the face severely.  She had blood and bruises all over.  Jake took off his jacket and wrapped it around her and gently carried her out of the filthy bathroom.  He knew he probably shouldn’t move her but he just couldn’t leave her on the ground like that.  He didn’t want to place her on the cold ground outside so he went to his car and gently placed her on his backseat.

He took out his cell phone and was about to call an ambulance when he heard the girl moan.  He put his phone down and went over to her.  He grabbed an extra T-shirt he always carried in his car and proceeded to wipe the blood and dirt off her face.  Shock ran through his body as recognition hit him.  It was Stephanie!  Oh my God, it was Stephanie!  What was she doing at the park at this late hour?  Grief and guilt flooded him all over.  He felt responsible for what had happened to her.  If he hadn’t chased her away, she never would’ve run off to the park so late and never would’ve been attacked.  He called an ambulance.  They were there within five minutes.

They immediately put her on the gurney with a blanket over her and drove her to the nearest hospital.   Jake followed the ambulance in his car.  He ran to her side as soon as they got to the hospital.

“Are you her husband?”  One of the nurses asked him as he tried to follow her.

“No,” Jake said.

“I’m sorry but only family is allowed back here with her.  You’re going to have to wait in the waiting room sir,” the nurse quickly said.

“But she’s my fiancé,” he blurted out.

The nurse looked at him for a minute.  “Why didn’t you say that from the beginning?”

“We just got engaged,” Jake lied.

“Follow me,” the nurse said.  She led him to a room in the back where the doctors were treating Stephanie and making sure her vital signs were strong.

“She suffered a concussion from the blows to her head,” the doctor told him after he introduced himself sometime later.  She has a lot of scrapes and cuts but no broken bones,” he continued.  “Unfortunately there was vaginal penetration.   We’re going to run a rape kit test and the police will be coming soon to take a report.  She fought hard.  You should be proud of her,” he said walking toward the door.  “I’ll be back to check on her in a bit.  Why don’t you sit with her,” he suggested pointing to a chair next to her? 

Jake sat down next to her and held her hand.

Stephanie woke up with a very bad headache.  She looked around and saw she was in a hospital room.  She couldn’t believe it!  Jake was sitting next to her sleeping.  What had happened?  Then she began to remember.  After she ran off she walked around for a while.  Then she went back to the park to pick up her stuff.  She didn’t feel safe staying at the park anymore and was going to move someplace else.  She was walking toward the restroom area when she was attacked by some big guy.  She tried to fight him off but he was too strong.  He dragged her to the restroom and attempted to rape her.  That’s the last thing she remembered.

Jake opened his eyes and saw that Stephanie had woken up.  “You’re awake?” he asked reaching for her hand.

Stephanie jerked her hand back.  “What are you doing here?”  She tried to sit up but winced in pain and laid back down.

“Careful,” Jake said.  You suffered a concussion among other things.  Take it easy.”

“What happened to me?” She asked Jake.

Jake looked at her.  “You were attacked at the park you were at.  I saw you and went to help you.  I found you unconscious in one of the restrooms,” Jake said somberly.

“You saw me?  You were at the park?  How on earth did you see me?” Stephanie asked.

Jake looked down at the floor.  “I felt bad about losing my temper with you.  I wanted to find you so I went looking around.  I remembered the park where I first saw you and thought I’d check it out.  I just happened to catch some odd movement as I was driving by.  I went to see and came across you being attacked by some big guy,” Jake said with emotion.  “I pummeled the asshole and took you out of there and called 911.  I told them that you were my fiancé so they would let me be with you,” Jake said smiling.

“You told them I was your fiancé?” Stephanie asked raising her eyebrows.

“Yes, so don’t go ratting me out,” Jake said smiling at her.  “Look, I’m sorry for losing my temper and yelling at you.  I realized it wasn’t you.  I was angry at but my ex and possibly Gloria for disappearing without a trace.  I never really talked about it with anyone before and I guess when I finally did, some pent-up emotions came out.  I took my anger and frustration out on you and I’m sorry about that,” he said sincerely.

Stephanie looked at him and nodded.  “I understand,” she told him.  “Maybe I wasn’t showing enough sensitivity.  I can speak without thinking sometimes.”  Stephanie sighed.  She was glad Jake was there with her.  She had felt bad about slapping him.  She hadn’t meant to do that but somehow he just touched a nerve and she lost it.  She felt bad afterward and wanted to go back and talk to him but decided to just let it go.  It wouldn’t make a difference anyway.  She and Jake came from different worlds.  She didn’t fit into his.  If he knew she was homeless he would only pity her and she hated it when people pitied her.

“So,” she said after a long pause.  “How long do I need to pretend to be your fiancé for?”   She said trying to lighten the mood.  “Have they said when I can leave?”

Jake took Stephanie’s hand again.  “Stephanie, you need to know something.  The man who attacked you, he um, he raped you,” Jake said pain in his eyes.

Stephanie looked away and tried to yank her hand out of Jake’s hand but Jake held on firmly.

“Stephanie, listen, I’m so sorry that happened to you.  I feel so bad, so guilty.  I feel like I’m responsible,” he said.

“You, responsible?” Stephanie asked.  “Why would you feel responsible?  You had nothing to do with it.  In fact, you probably saved my life.  Who knows what else the man might have done if you hadn’t stopped him,” she said with tears in her eyes.  “It wasn’t the first time I’ve been hurt.   I’ve been hospitalized five times in the past,” Stephanie said quietly.

Jake just looked at her surprised but didn’t comment.

“What were you doing at the park at that hour anyway?  I figured you’d head home?”

Stephanie looked away.

Just then the doctor and nurse came in to talk to Stephanie and run some tests.  Jake left the room to give her some privacy.  He walked around the hospital for a few minutes then headed to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. 

He wasn’t sure what he should do next.  He was confused.  His emotions were all over the place.  He felt an attraction toward Stephanie but it was only because she resembled Gloria so much.  He didn’t know if he was attracted to Stephanie for her.  He also wanted to help her out.  She’d been through a terrible trauma and it was going to take her a while to get back on her feet.  She could use a good friend.  But he wasn’t sure if he could handle getting involved in Stephanie’s life without both of them getting hurt in the process.  He also felt responsible in some way for what happened to her at the park.  Maybe if they hadn’t ended up arguing it would’ve never happened.  He would have escorted her home and she would’ve been safe. 

Jake let out a deep breath.  He couldn’t just walk away from her and forget about her.  Staring at his coffee cup, he stood up and walked back to Stephanie’s room.  He knew what he needed to do.

The nurse had just finished doing the rape kit on Stephanie.  How she hated hospitals and hated being subjected to those kinds of tests.  It was humiliating.  She had already gone through so many of them in her life.  She knew what was coming next.  The police would come and ask her all kinds of personal and uncomfortable questions that would make her feel like trash.  All she wanted to do was get out of there.  But she was in too much pain.  Her whole body hurt and she could barely walk.

She was so used to being assaulted and abused that she numbed herself so as not to fall apart.  If she let herself feel the pain, feel anything, she would completely break down.  She had to be strong and push every thought of rape and abuse aside so she could function.  Shutting off her emotions had given her a bit of tough skin.  She learned to close and harden her heart, especially to men.  She didn’t trust men.  Every time she had in the past, they had betrayed her trust.  She had learned from a young age that she couldn’t trust anyone.  If she did, it would only lead to her demise.

Then Stephanie began to think about Jake.  He had awakened something in her.  Usually, she never let any man have that effect on her but he got under her skin somehow.  It had started back at the park when she heard him call out for Gloria.  There was such emotion in his voice.  It was a mixture of elation, unbelief, love, pain…Then she had looked into his eyes.  She could never forget that look.  It was so full of hope.  Stephanie had long ago lost hope in anything.  She was like a gypsy wandering around, not really belonging anywhere or to anyone.  With it came a certain sense of freedom.  She had no one to check in with, no one to tell her what she could or couldn’t do.  She came and went as she pleased.  But there was also another side to it.  A very lonely side to it.  She was alone in the world.  She had no one; no one to belong to; no one that belonged to her.  There was no one waiting somewhere for her to come home.  The loneliness was painful.

Deep down she wanted to belong to someone.  She wanted to have that special someone to come home to.  She wanted to love and to be loved.  But she knew it was out of her reach.  People like Stephanie didn’t have a happily ever after.  It wasn’t meant for her.  She was told many times by her abusers that she was worthless; that no one could ever love someone like her.  She was damaged and broken.  She carried so much pain and hurt.  She had so many wounds in her heart.  How could anyone see beyond that?  How could anyone see the real her?  Who was the real Stephanie anyway?  She had lost her sense of identity a long time ago as a child.  She didn’t even know who she was supposed to be.  How could anyone love her if she didn’t even love herself?

The police came and did their investigation and went on their way.  They had informed Stephanie that by the time the police had gotten to the park the man was gone.  Somehow he had regained consciousness and ran off.  Stephanie doubted they would ever find him.  He would never be punished for his crime just like all the others.  She wasn’t too worried about it though.  Compared to the others he had barely done any damage at all.

It had been two days since Stephanie had been in the hospital and she couldn’t wait to get out of there.  She was starting to get stir crazy just lying there with nothing to do.  She had slept most of the first day but now she couldn’t sleep anymore and just wanted to leave.

 Jake had been there with her the whole time.  He had even taken time off work to be there with her.  Stephanie couldn’t read his motives.  She was naturally mistrusting and always thought men had ulterior motives for doing things.  What were Jake’s motives?  Why was he helping her?  They barely knew each other yet he hadn’t left her side.

There was a connection there.  She had felt it from the beginning but it scared her.  She didn’t know what to do.  She had never felt connected to anyone before.  Was this how it was to feel attracted to someone?  If it was, then this was the first time that Stephanie had ever felt an attraction for anyone.

“Hey, I just heard the good news,” Jake said as he walked into Stephanie’s room.

“What good news?” She asked him.

“You’re being discharged in an hour,” he said.  “Didn’t they tell you?”

“Oh, that,” she said.

“You don’t think that’s good news?” he asked.  “I thought you couldn’t wait to get out of here?”

“Oh, I am.  I just don’t consider that good news.  I mean, it’s better than bad news I suppose,” she muttered.

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked.  “You look agitated.”

“It’s nothing,” she said.  “I’m just in pain.  My whole body still hurts and they haven’t given me my pain meds yet.  I need to go to the pharmacy to get more after I’m discharged.  Plus, I haven’t worked out all the details about what I’m going to do,” She said looking annoyed.

“About that,” Jake started saying.

Stephanie looked away.

“I have a proposal for you.”

“What kind of a proposal?” She looked at him suspiciously.

“I wanted to see how you would feel about me helping you while you recuperate,” Jake said expectantly.

“Help me?” Stephanie repeated.

“Yeah, I could help you heal and recover.  I can go to your place and maybe stay there for a few days to help you out or you can go stay at my place.  I have an extra bedroom you can use,” He said quickly.  “Whatever is more comfortable for you?”

Stephanie looked panicked.  “I appreciate the offer,” she said “but I think I’ll be just fine on my own.

“Are you sure?” He asked.  “I really want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Look, Jake,” Stephanie said, “you don’t have to do this.  I’m okay.  It wasn’t your fault, alright!  You don’t have to feel guilty about anything.  I don’t blame you for anything.  I’ll be fine on my own,” she said getting up.

“I didn’t mean to imply that you couldn’t take care of yourself,” He said. “I just thought it would be nice to have someone to help you.  Someone you can lean on for support.  That’s all,” he said with concern.

“I don’t need anyone,” She snapped.  “I’ve been taking care of myself since I was a kid.”

There was a long silence.

“Alright,” Jake conceded.  “Let me at least take you home and make sure you have all you need.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Stephanie told him.

“How will you get home?” he asked frustrated.

“I’ll take a cab,” she said annoyed.

“You can at least let me take you home!”  Jake exclaimed.

“I don’t want you to take me home,” Stephanie argued.  “What is it exactly that you want from me, Jake?  Huh?  If you’re expecting some kind of repayment from me, I’m sorry but you’re looking in the wrong place.  There’s nothing I can offer you.  I have nothing to give you Jake!  Stephanie cried.

“I don’t expect anything from you,” He said evenly.

“Oh, really?”  Stephanie spat out.  “So you want to help me out of the kindness of your heart without expecting anything from me in return?”  She yelled.

“Yes, I just want to help you.  Is that so hard for you to believe?” Jake asked.

“Actually, it is,” she said.  “Nothing is ever free.  People always have ulterior motives for helping.  They’re always looking for a payback; always looking to see what they can get out of it.  I don’t want to be indebted to anyone.  I don’t want to be tied down to anyone!” She yelled.

“What happened to you to make you so cynical and distrusting,” Jake said quietly.  “I’m not looking for anything from you Stephanie.  All I want is for you to let me in and help you.  Is that so hard for you?”

Stephanie looked away then looked back at him.  “Yes, Jake, it is very hard for me you know why?  Because I don’t have anywhere to go.  I don’t have a home.  I’m homeless, okay!  Happy now?  I don’t have anywhere to go.  I don’t even have any clothes to change into.  I’m going to have to leave in this awful hospital gown.  I have nothing Jake.  Everything has been taken away from me.  My pride, my dignity, my self-respect.  I have nothing, NOTHING!”  She burst out crying and collapsed on the floor.

Jake bent down to her and embraced her.  “I’m so sorry,” he said with pain in his voice.  “I had no idea!”  He held her as she cried in his arms.

“You know what I was doing in the park at night?  I was going back to get my backpack.  I was sleeping at the park,” she said sobbing.  “That was my home.

Jake held her and then picked her off the floor and sat her on the bed.  “Shhh,” he said.  “It’s okay.  It’s going to be okay,” He told her.  “You’re not alone anymore.  I’m here.  I’m going to help you whether you want to or not Stephanie and I won’t take no for an answer.”  He squatted down in front of her and cupped her face.

 “No,” she said.  “I don’t want your charity.”

“It’s not charity.  It’s a friend helping out a friend.”  He looked at her sharply.  “Listen, Stephanie, I’m not going to let you go back out there to the streets.  It’s not happening.  I don’t care what you say or how angry you get.  I’ll involve the social worker if I have to.  You either accept my help to stay with me or you go to a women’s shelter.  Either way, you’re not going back to the streets, ever, not if I can help it,” he said fiercely.

Stephanie looked down and took a deep breath.  “Okay,” she finally said.

“Okay to going home with me or a women’s shelter?” he asked.

“You pick,” Stephanie said softly.

“Then with me it is,” Jake said in relief, “and don’t worry about your clothes.  You can wear some of mine until I get you some.  Now, let’s get you checked out and get your meds and get out of here,” he said.

“This is my place,” Jake said leading Stephanie into his apartment. 

Stephanie looked around as they made their way inside.  The apartment had the bare minimum of furniture.  There was a couch and a table but not much else.  No pictures on the wall or any kind of décor.

“I’m not much of a decorator,” Jake said as he noticed her looking around.  “You can stay in my bedroom for tonight and I’ll sleep on the couch out here.  I don’t have the second bedroom furnished yet but I’ll get working on that soon,” he said with a smile.  “I have some clothes that you can change into.  They’ll probably be too big for you but it’ll do until I get you some clothes tomorrow.  Why don’t you go inside and change,” he suggested.  “I have some T-shirts and sweats that you can wear.  You’ll find everything you need in my closet.”

Stephanie nodded and went to change.  A few minutes later she came out in an oversized T-shirt and sweats.  They were big on her but comfortable.

Jake looked over at Stephanie as she came out of the bedroom.  For some reason, he liked the idea of her wearing his clothes.  He smiled.  “I don’t know about you but I’m starving.  Does Chinese takeout sound good to you?” he asked.

“Anything is fine with me,” she answered.  She sat down on the couch nervously.

Jake could tell that Stephanie was anxious and nervous.  He didn’t want to do anything to scare her away.  He still couldn’t get over her resemblance to Gloria.  Stephanie could be her twin, he thought.  But he had to remind himself that she was not Gloria.  This was Stephanie and he still didn’t know much about her.  From the little that he knew, she had had a rough life.  She was distrusting and cynical about life and love.  But she was also amazingly beautiful yet had a dark mood about her.  He could sense that she had been through a lot and had seen a lot of dark things in her life.  She was mysterious as well and he wanted to unravel the mystery that was Stephanie.  But first, he wanted to help her recover and get her back on her feet.

After they had dinner they both went to their separate beds.  They were both tired and could use a good night’s rest.

Jake woke up to the sound of screaming.  He quickly jumped off the couch and headed for his bedroom.  He opened the door and found Stephanie lying in bed crying and yelling out, “Stop, no, stop!”  He moved closer to her and saw that she was still asleep.  She must be having a nightmare, Jake thought.  Carefully Jake tried to wake her up.

“Stephanie, wake up,” he said.  “You’re having a bad dream.  Wake up,” he repeated.

Stephanie kept crying and yelling. 

Jake reached over to her and shook her shoulders slightly.  Instantly Stephanie began to struggle and fight back, kicking and hitting wildly.  Jake had to hold her down carefully so he wouldn’t get hit.  He was also concerned that she might hurt herself because she was flailing around wildly.

“Stephanie, wake up!” Jake shouted.  He shook her harder and kept repeating for her to wake up.

Stephanie opened her eyes.  She had a wild look in them. 

Jake looked at her and held her.  “Stephanie, it’s me Jake.  You’re safe.  You’re all right,” he said.

Stephanie looked at Jake and recognition came to her eyes.  She relaxed a bit as she looked at him but there was still a lot of tension in her body.

“I’m sorry,” she said looking embarrassed.

“Your screaming and yelling woke me up.  It must have been one hell of a bad dream,” he said lightly.  He was trying to ease the tension. 

Stephanie burst out laughing so hard and loud Jake wasn’t sure anymore if she was laughing or crying.

“I’m sorry about that,” Stephanie said.  “I haven’t had a nightmare in a long time.

“It’s not surprising after what you went through,” he said gently.  “You probably have PTSD.  Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she said quietly.

Jake didn’t want to push her.  “Do you want some water?”  

She nodded. 

He went out and brought her a glass of water.  “I can stay here with you and we can stay up and watch some movies together,” he suggested.  He could tell she wasn’t ready to go back to sleep.

Stephanie thought about it for a moment and agreed.  The nightmare had left her all jittery and she didn’t want to be alone.

Jake sat next to her and put on a light movie.  They watched a couple more before morning broke.  Then they slowly drifted off to sleep together.

Jake woke up next to Stephanie.  He instinctively put his arms around her and cuddled with her.  For the first time in a long time, he felt lighthearted and happy.

As soon as Stephanie woke up and felt strong arms enveloping her she panicked.  She immediately began to hit and kick and lash out to get away from the powerful arms.  She felt light-headed and like she couldn’t breathe.  She felt the walls closing in on her.  She attempted to get up and run but instead fell flat on her face.

Stephanie felt something cool on her face.  She began to stir and opened her eyes.

“Oh, thank God,” Jake said in a relieved voice.  He saw Stephanie have a panic attack and pass out.  He was afraid that she might have a concussion or something but was relieved when he checked her out and she looked okay.

“What happened?” Stephanie asked looking at Jake.

“You tell me?” Jake asked. “We fell asleep together and next thing I know you started kicking and hitting me.  I had to get out of the way.  I tried to calm you down but you went into some kind of panic then hyperventilated and passed out.  You’ve been passed out for the last ten minutes.  I was going to call an ambulance if you didn’t wake up soon,” he said with concern.

Stephanie just closed her eyes.  “Again, I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“Do you get panic attacks often?” He asked.

Stephanie looked up at him.  “Yeah, I get them often.  I hadn’t had one in a while though,” she said quietly.  “It mostly happens when I’m triggered.”

“Triggered,” Jake repeated.  “What do you mean?”

“I have triggers,” she said, “that can put me into panic mode.”

Jake listened intently.

“They go off sometimes,” she explained.

“Triggers, like after having been through something traumatic?” Jake asked.

“Yes, it’s common for trauma victims or victims of abuse,” she said looking away.

“You were abused in the past?” he asked.  “Besides the recent attack?”

She nodded.

“Tell me about it?” He asked.

“It’s the worst kind imaginable,” Stephanie said softly.  “I was sexually abused as a child, and sexually assaulted and raped as an adult,” she said somberly.

Jake inhaled sharply.  He didn’t know what to say.  “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he finally said.

She gave him a sad smile.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“It’s too horrible.  You’d be shocked and horrified,” she said.

“Try me,” Jake said.

Stephanie shook her head.  “You don’t know what you’re asking.  Do you know what child sexual abuse is?  Do you have any idea what goes on? Trust me, you don’t want to know,” Stephanie said sternly.  “It’s horrible and disgusting and painful to recall.”

“Have you ever talked about it with anyone?” He asked.

Stephanie shook her head.

“Then how do you expect to heal from it if you don’t?” he asked her.

“There’s no healing from it.  At least not for me,” she said softly.

“Is that what you really believe?” He asked.  “You really believe there’s no hope for you?”

Stephanie didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t you try talking about it?  “It may help you to let it out,” he suggested.

Stephanie just looked at him.  “You want me to tell you about it, huh?” She finally said.  “You really want to know what I’ve been through.?

He nodded.

“Alright,” she finally said.  “I’ll tell you.”

Next Chapter: Chapter Twelve - Broken