script two: Ludus
Script two: Ludus, a more playful flirty love. Often portrayed as butterflies in the stomach.
Eros is such an idiot, knocking that girl over without even as much as an acknowledgement. Why am I acting surprised? He is one of those people that wouldn’t hear you screaming his name, when he is watching tv. His entire focus goes to the one thing he is doing. I guess it’s one of his best and worst qualities. And for some reason I am always the one to reap what he sows. I walked up to the flustered girl and said: “sorry for my friend, he can be a real dipshit sometimes. Let me help you.”
She looked at me as if I said the most idiotic thing ever, but she did grab my outstretched hand. When she got back on her feet, she quickly looked away again. I think she was blushing a little bit, but I can’t be sure. “are you okay?” She turned around and time stood still for a moment. I can’t really explain it, just… something happened. Do you know this lucid feeling when you are just aware of everything in half a second. I felt the people behind me dancing, I saw her radiant eyes. I heard my friends laughing at me and I smelled the combination of beer, sweat and -just slightly, but very pleasant- her parfum. Before my mind could wander off further, she woke me with her voice.
“Yeah… thanks, I… he spilled my drink though” she mumbled with a cheeky smile.
“oh no, we can’t have that, can we? Let me buy you another, don’t worry I’ll get the money back from my idiotic friend”, I might not look the part, but I am pretty good with girls. I noticed her hiding a lovely little laugh.
“okay, but only because your friend is buying,” she replied teasingly.
While she was checking herself and ,I think, evaluating if some of her drink spilled on her clothes, I had some time to look at her. She had black hair, which went well with her long black dress, tightened around her waist with a fancy belt. The length of her dress was perfect, it showed just enough leg to make it seductive, but hid enough to keep it classy. I felt as if she was a bit overdressed for the occasion, but who am I to judge? I asked her what her poison was.
“just a coke actually, I’m the designated driver for my friends over there, making those stupid faces.” When I looked over I saw the group she meant. Three or four people chattering and laughing, clearly at us. We went to the bar and I bought her a coke as requested. “I hate to be the designated driver.” She said. “I feel like I have to be drunk to have a good conversation with a stranger. When you are intoxicated you just say whatever you are thinking. I wish I could do that sober”.
“Let’s try it,” I said with some gusto.
“what?”
“let’s just say whatever we are thinking. Here I’ll start, My name is Ludus; I have two brothers; and I’m studying… “ I noticed her gaze fading away.
“you don’t care what I study do you? And honestly it’s not important, it doesn’t tell you anything. Can I try again?” I saw that I peeked her interest, so I continued.
“I… I sometimes feel fake, like I can be in a place and maybe even have an impact for some time, but it’s always fleeting. Whatever I do or make other people do, it’s only in the moment and for the moment. I feel like I mislead everybody just long enough… until they realize I was only there for that part of their time, and then I’ll never be back again. At least not the same as I was before” Suddenly I realized that I wasn’t just trying to talk to her anymore. I was saying what I wanted to say to myself? And I feel like that was what she was looking for, wasn’t it? She answered.
“You’re wrong.” She strictly proclaimed.
“What do you mean?” I was taken aback a bit, but I was eager to hear her explanation.
“Well you say you are fleeting, you only have an impact for some time? And then you are gone, so your impact isn’t real? I would say that this is the only impact that matters. Think about it; If you knew that you’d be there forever, wouldn’t every moment be unimportant? Whenever you feel or say or do anything it isn’t special, because there will always be a next time. You aren’t fake, you are just… finite. I’m sure people will try to reconnect with you, find you back, but they can’t, because you were only there for that moment, just as we are here now in this moment and whether we want it or not, this moment will be gone and disappear into history. But that makes you and this moment, at least to me, special.”
I noticed that time altering feeling again, the same feeling I had when we first made eye contact, this time even more intense. And not only my surroundings stood still: I could still hear the dancers and the chatter, smell the unpleasant scents and see her mind blowing eyes, yes, but this time, it was me too. My time stood still. It felt as if my heart skipped a beat, as if some cocoon popped in my stomach, I felt nervous and… No it can’t be I’m catching feelings, I don’t know this lady, she could be a serial killer for all I know. Still, I wanted to talk to her more, just listen to her and hold on to this feeling.
“owh shit, where are my friends off to?” she suddenly panicked. “they were there just a minute ago. I’m gonna have to find them” She almost stormed off.
“I’ll join you,” I said happily and eagerly to hear her speaking more.
“I’d love that,” She smiled.
We went out of the club and she took me to some places they frequently visit. Oh, it was amazing. We talked about philosophy, art, culture, just anything; did you know that Pablo Picasso owned a pet monkey, goat, owl, turtle and multiple dogs and cats??? I loved to hear her talking. I loved how contagiously energetic she got when she remembered another story. I loved how she licked her pink lips in between sentences, how she stuttered slightly when our eyes met during these endless conversations. The intense, intangible feeling kept getting stronger and stronger and stuck with me this whole time.
“There, I see my friends, they went just around that corner” She took off, running, and I wanted to follow her, but an arm grabbed me. It was Mania.
“hey man, where have you been, oh, have you seen that girl I was talking to? I felt that we were really hitting it off and… “ I stopped him and looked around, but I couldn’t see her. I told Mania that I didn’t know and honestly didn’t really care. I started jogging in the hope I’d catch a glimpse of that black dress. I got around the corner and looked around. It was so fucking crowded, I couldn’t see her. I had to see her; I craved to see her. I kept looking for some time afterwards, running back to where she had disappeared in the hope that I could just relive that moment for a second more. Sadly we don’t always get what we hope for. It was too late. Just like always, the moment had passed. I didn’t really feel like partying anymore, so I went home and went to bed. I tried to sleep, but every time my thoughts wandered off to the girl in the black dress. So I stayed up, thinking endlessly about the memories that could have been, but never will. I loved her.