Chapter Four *High Times*

Chapter Four

*High Times*

Ah, with fresh brains in my belly and a graveyard grin that only a mother could love, I shambled back out onto the street. The woman’s brain helped to fully restore my beef jerky body to a more limber state and it sated the hunger for the time being. It’s nice to have control over my body and not feel the body wide pain that the hunger created. I’m learning that no matter what I do, the pain will always be there as my poor body withers and flakes away with every passing moment. I wonder if I happen to get a hold a lot of brains and ate them like there’s no tomorrow, would that make any difference in the pain. Somehow, I doubt it.

I look over my shoulder and see the trio victims still following me. I turn around and do my best to shoo they away but all they did was stare at me blankly and expectantly, like I somehow gave them purpose now. It’s like Twitter in real life! Look I gain three followers, go me! I so don’t like the idea of them hanging around, but they could come in handy in fetching me more of those yummy brains. Still, I felt uncomfortable with the nearby, a constant reminder of what I did to them. Literally, my guilt is following me everywhere I go now.

Beneath my feet, I could feel a rumbling vibration. Uncertain as to where it was coming from or what it was, I turned and looked at my terrible trio that resembled a zombie Christmas postcard in the making. Norman Rockwell, eat your heart out! I pointed at the street as I gazed at them, hoping that they would say something. All I got was confusion as they lulled their heads to the side. I would be better off dropping to the ground and asking it directly. Gunshot rang out from behind me and before I could turn around to see, both the cop with chomped carotid and bad breastless mom heads exploded from the incoming attacks. I stood there like a dumbass, gazing at the massive holes in their faces as they fell down on the street.

I finally turned around and saw that there were several tanks steamrolling down the street. Each one had a person with a .50 caliber machine gun mounted on the back end that was making swiss cheese out of my brothers and sisters! I pointed at one of the tanks and the belly cavity child ran like he was shot out of a cannon. I didn’t want to be on the streets with these behemoths crushing everything in sight, so I took advantage of my limberness and speed as I sprinted off towards the sidewalk where several large dumpster sat for cover.

I peeked out just enough to hopefully not be noticed and watched as soldiers marched beside the tanks, most of the were holding riot shields that had been modified slightly so that there was an opening in them to stick their weapons through and still feel that air of safety. I was surprised to see that it took more than one bullet to the head to drop one of my kind. The .50 had no problem at all because there was nothing left of the brain to destroy. Smoke filled the air and created a hazy fog that had a distinct odor of metallic sulfur and screams of agony, growling and moaning assailed my ears. The soldiers were holding their ground against my fellow zombies, but they were falling slowly and adding to the ranks of the undead.

The first tank fired its cannon into a large horde of zombies up the street, causing the sky to rain down broken, decaying body parts. That’s so unfair! Why don’t you get out of that metal beast and fight like a man! The man on the .50 caliber machine gun was whooping and hollering as he unloaded on more zombies, thinning out a small horde coming from a small alley to his left. I decided it was now or never, I had to help my brothers and sisters out. I darted towards the first tank as bullets whizzed by my head and pelted my body. Thankfully it wasn’t the .50 caliber bullets but as I reached the side of the tank, the gunman was eyeing me down now.

The soldier grinned as he pointed his humongous machine gun at me. Why was I over here in the first place? I was better off hiding behind the dumpsters. He pulled the trigger and…nothing happened except a lot of swearing. I used this small window to climb up on the tank but it was tricky to get my footing because I’m not the most graceful dead guy. Yes, I slipped and fell down face first but at least I was still on the tank. As I’m rising up on my knees, the gunner had his weapon reloaded and mocked me as he turned his gun at me, “Time to go back to Hell you nasty fuck! None of your buddies can stop my unit from crushing all of your dead asses! Time to – AHHHHHH!”

Before my eyes, I saw belly cavity boy had crawled up behind the soldier and ripped his helmet off and was biting down on the man’s throat. The best part of this, besides the fact that the little guy saved me, was that the soldier’s head was now crammed into the dead child’s belly that I made. I wasn’t expecting to see that and quite frankly, I couldn’t help but let out a scratchy, graveyard guffaw. He’s wearing a child safety helmet! I found myself slapping my thigh as the soldier struggled while being eaten. Hmm, I wonder if he was seeing the chunks of his own flesh and muscles as they slid down belly cavity boy’s throat. The soldier went wild with his weapon, spinning around while opening fire in all directions.

As I ducked for cover from the hail of bullets, I saw that the soldier inadvertently killed or wounded some of his buddies with riot shields, breaking the line that those foot soldiers were holding so valiantly. The tank gunner managed to stop panicking and wrestled with belly cavity boy and I took the opportunity to take the mean man down. He wasn’t looking well as he staggered from the blood loss but managed to remove his child safety helmet and slammed the boy down multiple times on the tank’s metal hull, cracking his skull open. He barely had anytime to register that I was right beside him as I hissed, “BRAINSSSS!

Nobody hurts my zom-boy and gets to keep their brain. The soldier managed to grab hit machine gun and pulled the trigger just as I bit down on his cranium. Also, the turret hatch popped open at that exact moment. Humans may have brains but not all of them use them at the right time. The guy got a face full .50 rounds, up close and personal. What a waste of brains, I lamented. Oh well, I slung the gunner off the tank and climbed on top of the turret to peer inside. There was another soldier driving the tank and he was covered in blood the spattered him when his buddy fell back into the belly of the metal beast.

The driver was freaking out and was frantically fiddling with switches and knobs as he sped up the tank, running over any zombies that got in his path. There were several that managed to climb up onto the tank so the driver made the turret swivel, using the long cannon barrel to knock them off. I dove into the turret opening and gracefully landed on the dead soldier. Yes, I’m that graceful and stealthy as ever. The driver looked over his shoulder at me as I stood up with panic in his eyes. I could hear the sound of stomping feet echoing in here and I felt that he could too.

“Oh shit! Oh Fuck!” The driver cried out as he slammed on the brakes to park the tank to deal with me. I was flung forward from the sudden stop and ended up hitting the driver. The man yelped as he tried to roll out of his seat away from me while attempting to pull out his sidearm. I managed to grab him as he haphazardly aimed his gun and fired. The bullet ricocheted several times before it planted itself into my ass. He shot me in the ass! I wonder if he learned that trick shot in basic training. Doesn’t matter, it’s not polite to shot a guy, let alone in his ass. I bear hugged the soldier as I walked him towards the turret opening, where there were several other zombies looking in at the mess. As I got beneath the turret opening with the soldier, the other zombies became excited and looked like they were ready dive in head first for the soldier.

The soldier was crying like a baby but then he freaked out as I lifted him up like he weighed nothing and into the greedy hands of my starving brothers and sisters. The man screamed as he was hauled up through the turret opening, kicking violently. Ha! My ass sends its regards! I feel great. I just took out one of the biggest threats here and helped feed many zombies in the process. I took out a tank! I grabbed one of the rungs and was ready to climb out when it hit me. Dude! This is now MY TANK!

Having more brains in my belly has not only made me more daring but also the freedom to control this painfully decrepit body of mine. I spun around and walked pasted the nearly headless soldier. Ha! No respawning for you my friend! I sat down in the seat that the trick shot soldier just vacated and began randomly moving levers and messing with the controls. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing but I don’t care, I GOT A TANK! I could hear the metal softly grinding as the turret turned and turned.

When I finally stopped it, the cannon was facing directly behind me. Now how do I make this thing go? I tapped on random dials on the console but nothing happened. I was about to beat up the console when I spied a small lever to my right that had a little red button on the tip. Cool, that’s probably it! I couldn’t resist pushing it but when I did, a loud boom echoed everywhere and then a few seconds later there was an explosion. I got up and ran towards the turret opening to see what I did. As I peered out, I saw that I had taken out the other tank that was following behind me. Oops, did I do that?

I shrugged my shoulders and dropped back down into the tank and shambled back to the driver’s seat. As I slid into my seat, the tank lurched forward and was speeding up too. I looked around and saw that other that the nearly headless soldier, I was the only one in here. Okay, who the hell is driving MY tank? I’m so confused so what is there for me to do but look around at everything like a child trying to decipher a quantum mechanics equation. As the tank accelerates, I placed my hands on the steering wheel to gaze through the small opening.

The world was flying by faster than I could imagine and so were my brothers and sisters too. I was plowing over them or knocking out of the way. I wonder if this will go against my tank deductible insurance. All I can hear are the growls of my people and then bumps and splats follow. Entrails make for great décor on a tank, don’t you think? I can hear humans screaming as I steamroll down this street, crushing vehicles along the way. That’s right people! I have a tank and I don’t know how to use it! I have no idea what I’m doing and it’s fun as hell.

I proved that by inadvertently yanking the steering wheel, sending me and my tank into a small shop to the right. I ended up tumbling out of the driver’s seat and onto the cold metal floor as the tank slowed to a crawling halt. Note to self: renew my driver’s license. As I sat up, I caught the whiff of something strange and I couldn’t quite place it. It had a pungent aroma as well as a hint of sweet along with the smell of a human. All this joyriding has made me hungry so now I’m looking for some takeout, like Chinese. I wonder if they taste as good as their food, if so I know I’ll be hunger for more brains in thirty minutes.

As I rose up, I heard someone yell out in surprise, “Holy shit! Oh man, I must be tripping hard. Either I’m hallucinating or there’s a damn tank parked in my dank little shop!”

What? I parked my tank just fine, thank you very much! Everybody’s a critic, even during the zombie apocalypse and I believe I take a piece of his mind. I shamble past the debris that came in through the turret opening and I heard the man add, “Geeze, I hope nobody’s hurt in there. Hey! You in the tank! Do you need help in there?”

Na, I’m good but thanks for asking. I climbed up the ladder rungs and looked around the semi-demolished shop. The shop was decorated with shirts and other apparel that had green, jagged leafs and other places on the walls were big green crosses. There were glass display counters with jars filled with green plant balls along with small trays that had round rubber containers slightly bigger than a nickel filled with some strange dark substances. Behind the counter was a bearded elder man, probably in his sixties, with his mouth gapping opened at me. You think the man had never seen a zombie driving a tank before.

“Oh crap,” the man said with discouragement, “I had this place sealed off tightly from you freaks and now you fuckers have to go and bulldoze your way in here!”

Freaks! I really getting tired of all the name calling that humans use around me.

“I’m too old for this shit. Go find some fresh young brains to eat elsewhere, fucking dumbass zombie!”

Really? I have feeling, you know. Besides the man’s brain maybe older but it’s like a wine, aged to perfection, from what I smell coming off of it. I climbed out of the tank and gracefully tumbled off of it and on the ruined hardwood flooring. The man was looking to his left and to his right before he slumped his shoulders in despair and said, “Since I really have no place to run from your ugly ass, I might as well go out in a blaze of glory.”

What a whiner. It’s not my fault you’re trapped behind your own counter with nowhere to go. Oh wait, yeah it is. Dumbass should’ve prepped better and had a contingency plan for tanks plow through his front door. As I stood up, the elder man had put six dark brown cigarettes into his mouth and was using two lighters to light them all at once. The man inhaled deeply as I approached the counter and then he blew a funny smelling smoke into my face. The cloud made my eyes sting but compared to the hunger, which was coming back faster than it should have, the pain didn’t faze me. What was he trying to do, give me cancer?

My head felt lightheaded and funny so I trying shaking off the feeling but the elder man blew more of that funny smoke in my face again. I noticed that he was looking very mellow and happy as can be with his fiery smile.

“Are you hungry?” the man mumbled between his smokes, “I have just the thing for you that I made just for the zombie apocalypse. Here, help yourself!”

I looked down and saw a tray filled with small brains on it. I loving eyed them and thought how cute they looked. Fun sized brains! I couldn’t resisted reaching down and grabbing two of them and stuffed them greedily into my mouth. As I chewed them up, I noticed that they weren’t the juicy, sweet brains that I crave. These tasted different, like little cakes filled with that same stuff the elder man was smoking. Even those they weren’t hitting the spot like his brain would, I found myself reaching down for more.

“Those are canna-brains. They’re like pot brownies, except they’re molded to look like brains! Dude, I think you’re actually getting stoned.”

Canna-what? I’m in a pot shop and this old codger is getting me high as….something. Boy my head feels funny and tingling too, I noticed that the elder man was laughing…and so was I. I’m feeling nothing but my brain felt like it was lit up like the pretty green Christmas lights along the wall. I think I should stash some of these little brains in my coat pocket for later, you know, for medicinal purposes. I looked down and saw that they were all gone. Awww when did I devour all of them.

“Sorry man, limited edition and I’m afraid you cleaned me out. No more brains for you.”

I stroked the tray, like that would make the little pot brains come back. I noticed that my hunger had returned worse than ever and it was demanding that I feed NOW! Zombies get the munchies when they are high too, who knew? And right now, my snack food was standing in front of me so I reached over and pulled him to me. He squirmed and pleaded, “Dude, don’t do this! You’re killing my buzz! I can make you more food just don’t eat me!”

BRAINSSSS!

I bit down and sank my teeth into the elder man’s cranium and it gave way easier than other skulls. His brain tasted wonderful and had more of that pot meshed in with it. Now this is what I’m talking about! This is what canna-brains should taste like. You should’ve used these instead of brownies old man! I was getting more stoned by the minute and I loved every bite. I bet the rest of him tasted like this too. Yep, the elder man will hit the spot for my munchies but will the hunger actually get sated or will it become worse if I keep eating the stoner? Only one way to find out.

Next Chapter: Chapter Five *Hunted*