Acquiescence was the gist at the top-down setting. It wasn’t just about having a meek personality, but being a part of the crew was also significant. With the overseas background like Stephenie, she was labeled as outspoken, aggressive and improper. No matter what the boss called Chan said, it couldn’t be wrong. Likewise, subordinates pointed out the mistake of the seniors was a misstep.

Taboos scattered everywhere. The best way to hold off from red lines was to keep quiet. The ambience wasn’t limited to the relationship between the management and staff. It was also a trick to handle peers. Let the others know too much of your thoughts would provide them a chance to use your own points against you. Without honest discussions on work matters, it was the tactic of passive self-restriction.

Creativity, assertiveness and openness weren’t necessary elements in the scene. Talking about casual interactions among colleagues, cautiousness and skills were also needed. Stephenie would never forget her 50-ish female co-worker still called a divorced partner “husband” in front of the others. So that she could sustain the image of having a normal family. In addition, with the fact that her “husband” as a foreigner was a brag because she thought it would put her one-level up in terms of social positioning.

The limitations in this conservative box was unimaginable. But it was a spectacular learning curve for Stephanie. The beauty of not speaking at all or using a particular language for a certain group of people was the enhancement of one’s flexibility when living in the not-so-natural environment. It was also a test of patience. When Chan was always right, she saw the team as her long-time audience.

One day in the middle of work at the office, the WhatsApp message group nudged everybody. It was the long text of Chan who was taking a short course in the West coast of America. Contents were all about what she did in a day and what she took in the class. After four to five hours, a few responded with a smiley face, or some short replies like “nice!”, “sounds amazing there” and “enjoy!”.

Stephenie was amazed with this kind of passive-aggressiveness. To her, the world was as plain as the yin-yang dualism. If no one reacted to any of Chan’s nonsense, she had to back off. But the reality was that every time Chan said something, there must be a few “followers” talking back to her. It was, indeed, a giant melting pot of people who behaved according to their likes, dislikes and intentions.

Stephanie didn’t know since when she became an idealist. She had those unshakable quintessential thoughts on an effective leadership, a functional organization and the high ethical bar for humankind. She had an apparent sense of righteousness within her. The right and wrong were like stark black and white. Her either-or psychology in relation to perfection was a contrast to the real world, where the duplicity of gossiping behind Chan’s back but pleasing her on the surface was the case.

The cycle about Chan saying irrelevant personal matters through the WhatsApp work group became incredible. Sometimes Stephanie would get the pictures of nieces and nephews. Other times it was some chit-chat details of Chan’s family. The entire department received these messages seven days a week. She encountered the uncontrollable force of resistance that has amounted in her body.

The more she loathed this situation, the more she realized it wouldn’t go away. Some friends of Stephenie asked if she could just turn off WhatsApp during the non-work hours. It was an unfortunate “no” because Chan would pull the staff in her room the next day and talk for an hour, including questions like “why didn’t you read my WhatsApp message yesterday?”

Until then, Stephanie has been putting up with this counterflow for 730 days already. Her morale got the strongest hit of all times. Chan would be there forever. There weren’t any systems to kick her out. A better job wouldn’t fall down from the sky overnight. The 35-year-old Stephanie stood at the crossroad, hopeless. The future was uncertain and she was carried away with countless trivial incidents related to this inconsequential managing director.

It was almost impossible for Stephanie to regain composure. She felt tired and losing vitality even during holidays. The problem wasn’t about getting through storms in life. Stephanie’s mind kept reminding her of the antagonism. The question of “How long do these dark days last?” engendered an endless despondency. A talented and smart girl. Stephanie has her weakness. She couldn’t stay open when she was outraged.

Stephenie didn’t have family pressures with a supportive partner who was self-sufficient. Her parents also had enough resources for their retirement. As a rather burden-free person, she was regarded as lucky. Compared to those shouldering their kids, mortgages and/or the lives of elderly at home, the possibility of leaving a terrible workplace was next to zero.

What was the lesson learnt for this fortunate lady? What were the reasons for undergoing this appalling experience? These thoughts haunted her.

Next Chapter: Chapter 5 Slackers