Everything that went to an extreme would bring disasters, for example, extreme weathers. What Stephanie experienced was about power. If it wasn’t easy to tackle some entrenched problems for certain rigid systems of big institutions, at least the top management had to find the right and appropriate person to take the helm of various units, she thought. Otherwise, it was like witnessing a coach falling off the cliff.

For a giant corporation, the only important matter was key units functioning to drive profits for a few crucial shareholders while the CEO could deliver good results to the board. As a screw of the huge machine, what a particular staff felt wasn’t an issue at all, not to mention a formal item to be discussed on the agenda. Whether one could survive or not, it all depended on how well one got along with the boss.

When a person couldn’t stop getting out of survival mode every day, the life-and-death alarm kicked in. It was, indeed, a tiring process for the body because one would stay at the perpetual cycle of responding to threats. With the self-protection mechanism amplified anger, frustration, disappointment, fear, other negative emotions and so on, the force of the downward spiral pushed one to either plunge to the nadir or struggle to wake up.

If the scale wasn’t limited to a person but a department of 18 with a variety of reactions toward a head of bully, the outcome wasn’t something that words could describe. What further upset the situation was the job and employment factor. Most people chose to tolerate without making a sound because a stable source of income was non-negotiable. Bread and butter plus harassment formed the inescapable oppression.

Incessant WhatsApp messages during after-work hours and holidays, worked during weekends and absorbed clueless shouts were normality. Under this circumstance, it was also vital to forget about lodging a complaint. Whoever did it, who was the troublemaker. It was not difficult to find out which staff did it after all. The retaliation was just a direct firing.

For an outsider, doing an analysis of the situation was painless. But for Stephanie, it’s been all kinds of thoughts circling in her mind. Like many others, looking for a new job was the quick option to go for. Just the job market wasn’t some proposal within our control. Reckless decisions of jumping ships also weren’t the resolution. There was a high possibility of running into similar situations.

The problem was: How could Stephanie stick around the current work situation and at the same time take a breather from the torment? It was a dead end when she came to this point. It wasn’t about talking her way out too because all conversations weren’t the panacea to her impasse. When she came to the conclusion of biting her tongue until she found another suitable pasture and left, it drove her to the brink of depression.

She sent out tens to hundreds of resumes through company websites, job-hunters and self-pitch emails. With the inauspicious vibe looming over her, all the jobs looked weird at the first interviews. Either the position was dull or the interviewers were eccentric. She also didn’t perform well for a few of them. As the urgency intensified, she felt more helpless. Perhaps colleagues of hers more or less underwent feelings alike. But there were no exchanges among them at all.

Speaking of co-workers, one needed deliberate cautiousness. Out of 18, a number of them were regarded as the allies of the devil. Being the yes-man of the boss could be due to a lot of reasons, such as they really agreed with her style, they thought that they could manipulate leaders by controlling their weaknesses or they just wanted to outlive the daily chaos. So for Stephanie, it was all about fighting the person at the top and those alongside her.

Neither a flatterer nor a coward, Stephanie experienced an unspeakable identity crisis in conjunction with hunting the real meaning of work. It was too early for the mid-30 to retire for sure. But what she wanted to accomplish through this day-in-and-day-out bombardments between Monday and Friday at the office was worth more deep thinking.

Was it also the common question many people asked? Stephanie didn’t get time to think about the others. Instead of adhering to the longer-term introspection, the more imminent challenge was how long would this abyss revolve around her?

As she went deeper into the labyrinth, there were more puzzles waiting for her to crack. Was it sheer luck with the turning of the Dharma wheel? Or was it all about personal vigor to leave the predicament? Should she just stay put and wait? Or could she take an active approach to be a game-changer and interrupt the process?

With her head baffled with doubts, Stephanie stepped on the hectic track of finding a way-out.

Next Chapter: Chapter 3 Gossip