Em Keevan
What is Pain?
What is Pain?
Everyone feels pain differently, therefore making it incomparable. For me, I typically try to ignore it until it consumes me, but this time, I’m trying something different. I’m writing it down, and I’m going to just free-write. We’ll see how it goes.
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Pain is feeling you’re different but having everyone tell you you’re exactly the same.
Pain is sitting at a table with people you call friends, feeling like you don’t belong there.
Pain is wondering if people really like you, or liked you, or faked it for so long.
Pain is having imaginary friends till the 8th Grade, which only stopped when you began writing a story with friends and began to focus on that instead.
Pain is having someone you love tell you they never want to talk to you again.
Pain is having people pretend your issues don’t exist, and if they do, they don’t matter.
Pain is feeling paranoid all the time and never being able to let that feeling go.
Pain is trusting someone then have them treat you like the worthless scum you feel you are.
Pain is not wanting to wake up or get up or move, but knowing you have to or else someone will ask what’s wrong.
Pain is having everyone say they “know how you feel.” They don’t.
Pain is wondering what life is worth living or, and if you deserve it.
Pain is feeling alone in a crowd of people, no matter how many of them you know.
Pain is trusting someone so completely only to have them betray that trust and make you wonder is you can ever trust anyone that way again.
Pain is being able to appear completely fine on the outside, but internally wonder how long before you fall apart.
Pain is sitting curled up in a ball on the floor crying, begging the world to make the hurt go away.
Pain is knowing what you have to do, but feel no desire to do it at all.
Pain is wondering why- why do you feel this way, why won’t it stop, why do you deserve this pain?
Pain is feeling a hole in your chest that never goes away.
Pain is feeling betrayed and asking if even knowing the person who betrayed you was worth it.
Pain is packing away a box of things because it’s too painful of memories.
Pain is avoiding being in your own bedroom because you feel so alone there.
Pain is being in 1st grade and realizing you’re not like the other kids.
Pain is being a senior in high school and realizing you still feel exactly as you did as a 1st grader.
Pain is planning your future with someone, only to have them abandon you.
Pain is sitting in school wondering if it’s all even worth it.
Pain is doing anything to try and fix things, only to realize no one cares except you.
Pain is crying yourself to sleep each night, hoping the next day will be better.
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Pain is realizing you were being manipulated by someone you trusted.
Pain is realizing that, you know what, you didn’t really trust them at all. You were afraid of them.
Pain is suddenly seeing everything you were missing by being afraid.
Pain is finally feeling free- like you fit in and belong- but only after you’ve spent the last 17 years feeling alone.
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Pain is typing this all up, and the only thing you can think of it--
God, I hope that this helps someone so they don’t spend their lives feeling the way I did.