Breaking down my walls has instilled a new sense of power in me. I feel liberated, I feel strong; which is nothing I had ever felt like before. I focused too much on being a victim when I didn’t have to be. I didn’t know then, but I had a choice. I had the choice to stand up for myself, I had the choice to fight for my right to be a happy normal little girl; but the fear stood in my way, staring me in the face; forcing me to cower in the corner all those years.

I am not that scared little girl anymore, I am a grown woman and I thought it time to start acting like it. I confronted my parents, I took charge and confessed my feelings for Daniel; I am a whole new person. Strong, confident and proud of myself.

My parents were waiting for me inside like I had expected them to be. My mother always had that same look on her face, worry mixed with a look that said I couldn’t take care of myself. She still saw me as the meek little girl hiding in the corner crying. I no longer see her, that girl is no longer the reflection staring back at me in the mirror every night, she has gone; hopefully for good.

"How was your day Deana?" My mother asked me not seconds after I walked in the door.

I know she is only trying to look out for me but I really don’t appreciate feeling hounded by the people who never seemed to be there when I needed them most; rather I should say they were there, just not in the traditional loving parent’s way.

"It was fine, thank you for asking." I said purposely keeping my responses as vague as possible.

“Where did you and Daniel go to eat?” She pressed.

I sighed.

“We went to “Solita”. It’s a little burger place in Prestwich.

“Yes I know that place. Your father and I used to go there.” She replied.

“When?” I asked but then stopped myself figuring that it was a time when I had been M.I.A.

She answered me anyway although I really didn’t want to hear the answer. She responded with something very similar only she was overly polite about it. There was silence for a moment and I was hoping the interrogation was over but I knew better, I knew my mother.

“So, I don’t mean to pry dear but I really don’t recall ever meeting Daniel, nor does your father. When was the last time he has been here, aside from sitting outside in the driveway.” She questioned.

I had to really think about it. There has been a number of occasions where Daniel has been in this house although all of those visits were going on close to 8 years ago.

“Graduation?” I said but it came out more like a question.

“Graduation, my mother repeated also making it sound like a question, there were a lot of people here that night so I am not surprised that I can’t recall one face present at that event. Before that?”

“Prom?” I said as another question.

“You didn’t go to prom sweetheart.” My mother said confused.

“Yes, I went with Daniel. He picked me up remember? I was wearing that blue floor length gown that you wore to Auntie Deb’s wedding.” I argued.

My mother continued to looked confused. How could she not remember. She passed that dress down to me specifically for my prom night. She helped me do my hair. My mother is not as young as she used to be but I refuse to believe that her memory could possibly be fading that quickly.

“Don’t you remember Mom? You helped me do my hair with the white lace ribbon. You walked to me your closet and picked the dress from the hanger insisting that I wear it. You told me how beautiful I looked and kissed me goodbye.” I replied.

“I remember giving you the dress honey, but you refused to go that night. You said proms were silly and pointless and you wanted no part of it.” She looked as though she would start crying at any moment. She was thinking that I was the one with the memory loss and had no idea what I was talking about.

“Well they are silly and pointless but Daniel wanted more than anything for me to go with him. You know what, this is silly. Why are we arguing. I don’t want to fight over something so trivial. I will bring Daniel over to ease your mind and put this behind us. I am sure you will recognize him as soon as you see him.” I told her.

“I agree honey, I don’t want to fight

either. We will figure this out another time. Would you like to have a glass of tea or wine before bed?” She asked.

“Tea sounds nice. I would love a cup.” I replied.

She returned a few minutes later with a steaming cup of herbal tea. The scent of hibiscus and honeysuckle filled the air around me. It’s funny how some smells can clear the tension from any situation. It was like someone flicked a switch in my brain turning off all the negativity and replaced it with tranquility and peace of mind. It was just the remedy I needed after that conversation with mother; which it seems she has already forgotten. She got her reassurance in the promise to be introduced to Daniel soon, that was all she wanted. If she was happy with that then I suppose I should be as well. After all, she is only looking out for her only daughter. I left her once before, I wonder if she has the feeling in the back of her mind that I will eventually disappear again. I can’t say I would blame her, I doubt that thought will ever go away and will follow her for the rest of her life.

I finished my tea and said goodnight to my parents who were heading up the stairs to their room for the night. I wasn’t at all tired; in fact I had never felt more awake. I couldn’t stop thinking about Daniel but that was nothing new lately. I fell asleep thinking about him every night and he was my first thought in the mornings. Just last week I could not describe one single thought to you that I may have had; I don’t recall a single one. It’s hard to believe that it was just last week that I was living in that house with my roommates who had nothing better to do than to taunt me and poke at me constantly. It was just last week that I felt so broken, confused and alone; walking along the side of the highway with not a clue as to where I was going; look at me now.

Next Chapter: Chapter seven: follow my lead