We were silent as we drove to Daniel’s flat. I was worried that once we got there I wouldn’t know what to say. I was well known for my communication skills, or lack thereof I should say. On more than one occasion I have found myself tripping over my words and struggling to express and emotion without looking like a complete fool. I have been going over thought after thought; encircling my mind nonstop for the past two days forming a speech so to speak; in hopes of avoiding any awkwardness. I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed and my sentences began to run together. I was only speaking to myself at the moment and I already managed to create a flustered train wreck. I turned my attention to looking out the window instead.

It was a sunny day; I noted to myself. The leather interior of Daniel’s car seemed to glisten at the sight of it. I looked up to notice an abundance of marshmallow fluff clouds that drifted in the warm fall breeze. It was particularly warm for early November. I wanted to take in every detail, every sight, every scent. I wanted to remember everything about this day.

I inhaled deeply catching different aromas as I slightly moved my head from one side to the other. The first scent I caught still facing the window was fresh and airy; which I quickly determined the source to be the gentle breeze coming in through the open window. The second was of cucumber and mint; I scent I know all too well as I shampoo with it every morning. Next was the smell of stale cigars coming from the ashtray in the dash of the car as my head veered to the center of the vehicle. Last and best of all was the scent of Daniel’s cologne. I had bought a bottle of a man’s fragrance that I had found in a little shop in London, England one year for Christmas and he has been using that fragrance ever since.

I snapped back to reality when the view out of the car window was now of Daniel’s apartment building and I started to feel anxious. He parked the car, got out and came around to my side to open the door for me. He reached out to take my hand which I inconspicuously ran across my pant leg before extending it to him. My palms were becoming clammy at the rising anticipation in my body and I didn’t want him to know how nervous I was. Instead, I pushed the feeling aside and flashed a flirtatious smile as he helped me out the car and I swore I saw him blush slightly.

Confidence, all men like a woman with confidence I reminded myself. I stood up tall; I was slightly above average height for a woman measuring at five feet seven inches. Daniel, on the other hand, was slightly below average height standing at five feet five inches. I didn’t mind that he was shorter than me, in fact, I rather thought him to be the perfect height.

I took him by both hands, facing him, and started walking backward leading him into the apartment building. He, of course, followed me without hesitation through the door and down the long corridor to the last apartment on the left. I freed his hands and waited while he searched for his keys. I heard the click as the lock was released and before he could get the door completely open I was leading him through it. I wanted so badly to hold him up against the wall right there in the entryway and kiss him; but I knew I had to fight the urge. Talk first, the rest will follow.

I led him over to the dark brown leather sofa and pushed him down gently. The leather crunched slightly underneath him and then crunched again as I took a seat next to him. I still held his hands in mine; not wanting to let them go. I looked up into his eyes and studied them. I saw myself mirrored in them and took a second to study my own face. My expression matched the one etched on Daniel’s face; a look of longing, anticipation, excitement even for we both knew where this was going.

He has been waiting for this moment for so long and I, although trapped in my own despair and wallowing, had loved him all along. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I felt nothing for him, I knew that was untrue. He was watching me now, waiting. I should end the silence and our suffering, we have both waited long enough.

Before I had time to even think about it all of my emotions flowed to the surface and started gushing out of me like an erupting geyser. Everything I had been feeling formed into words and slipped through my lips as easily as spreading butter on warm toast.

“Daniel, I love you. I have always loved you. I know I told you many times that I did not feel that way about you even after everything we had been through together; four years I had tried so hard to fight those feelings thinking that I didn’t deserve them, that I didn’t deserve you; and so I lied. I lied to you and to myself but I can lie no more. I can’t hold back these feelings anymore and I know that I can’t take back what I did to you; how I hurt you time and time again and I am asking for a second chance. I realize now that all I ever really wanted was you and that I was the only person standing in the way of my happiness. Not you, not my parents; I control my own life, my own body and I was standing in the way of living my own life. I don’t want to stand in the way anymore, I want to be happy like everybody else and I want to be happy with you; if you’ll still have me?” I finished.

I probably could have kept going but I needed to stop to take a breath. I don’t think I have spoken that much in a single turn in all my life. At least never without some sort of stutter or fumble in my voice. I searched his expression as I awaited his answer looking for a hint of what his response would be and found hope in it. His eyes were glistening; a smile crept across his face and I knew then that we were going to be okay.

“Deana, as I far as I am concerned I never lost you. Even though you left me, I still felt your presence every single day. I was hurt I admit but not once did I ever give up hope, not once did I stop loving you. I don’t blame you for anything; you were troubled, I get that. I wasn’t going to stand in your way but I was always here waiting for you. So my answer is yes, I love you and I want you back.” He replied.

He let go of my hands and held out his arms to me and I immediately collapsed into them; burying my head in his chest as he wrapped me up tightly pulling me close. I couldn’t help it; the tears started to flow dampening his t-shirt under my cheek. He stroked my hair gently sending shivers through my spine. I ran my fingers up and down his forearm watching the hairs stand on end as goosebumps formed underneath them. His heart was pounding in his chest; just like I had imagined it would this morning as I was lying in my bed. My heart, almost in unison to his, starting beating faster as well.

I turned to face him and met his eyes tracing the contours of my body. I wanted to kiss him, and then as if by reading my mind he bent down and pressed his lips to mine. That did it, I was like putty in his hands molding myself to his body. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him down over me.

He continued to kiss my lips, then my neck slowly making his way down to my breasts and they paused there. He explored my nipples with his tongue; tasting them, his hot breath awakening all my senses and I arched my back as he took my entire breast in his mouth. He took his time, massaging me; covering every inch; devouring my breast and gently gliding his teeth as he came back up and nibbled on my nipple; tugging, teasing me with his tongue again. I could feel myself getting wet; the tingling rising like fire dancing in between my legs. I bit my bottom lip with ecstasy.

Sensing my rising pleasure he started venturing lower; sliding his hands down my slender waist kissing my ribs, my naval and my hips before making his way to my pants. He unbuttoned my jeans revealing the black lace thong that I had picked out for just such an occasion. I rocked my hips back and forth coaxing them out of my snug jeans as Daniel pulled. He flung them on the floor almost knocking over a floor lamp and I giggled at his excitement. He ran his fingers over the lace of my underwear; up and down grazing my clitoris through the fabric and I shuddered. He gripped the thin elastic hugging my hips and pulled them down exposing all of me now, and flinging them to the floor in a pile with the rest of my clothes.

He studied me; taking in every curve as I reached up and pulled his shirt off over his head. I ran my fingers down his back gently pressing with my nails down to his tailbone and then making my way to the front unbuttoning his jeans. He pulled them off followed by his boxers which were also strewn on the floor along with mine. He crawled up between my legs which were already waiting to accept him in.

He kissed me and gently slid inside me; starting slowly at first then making his way into a steady rhythm; kissing my lips, running his fingers through my hair. I tightened my grip around him gently digging my fingernails into his shoulder blades; breathing heavily in his ear; moaning. He was breathing heavily too, panting almost as he quickened his pace and I knew he was close. I nibbled on his ear; caressing it with my tongue; I knew how much how liked that. He groaned with pleasure and within seconds his body tensed and he throbbed inside of me bringing on my own peak simultaneously. He collapsed against me and we panted with satisfaction still wrapped in each other’s arms. He released me after a few moments pulling out and sprawled out on the sofa. I had forgotten in the heat of the moment that we were still in the living room and I sat up peeling my sweat glistened skin from the leather. He had forgotten also but decided that he didn’t care and wrapped his arms back around my body hugging me close to him. We laid there in each other’s arms naked and content.

Next Chapter: Chapter 5: New pursuit of happiness