The Inadequacy of Self

We have not been appropriately informed of our existence. We have been stifled by society and desensitized to our own intricate lives. With massive amounts of distractions preventing us from even the desire to question ourselves, it is no wonder that we run into challenges in our lives. Our world doesn’t place a high priority on the past. While many historical occurrences are documented they aren’t questioned for their future implications. The media shows us the material sides of who and what we want to become but ignores the greatness of who we are. The lists can go on; ranging from entertainment icons screaming “Yolo” and advocating a life of erratic behaviors to an over-preoccupation of ‘what’s next’ for our careers. We are never satisfied, and rightly so: we should never be. But we should also remember that these extremes in information can inhibit our happiness. Listening too much to what is right now or what can be the future blinds us to understanding how important the past actually is and the impact it has had on who we are and who we are becoming. The opposite is also true when we spend too much time dwelling on the past and missing out on life. 

The focus of modern society has been too extreme and actually ends up creating more problems. Nothing encourages us to place all of that into context, however. We are constantly looking at where we are and seeing that we haven’t reached where we want to be. That emphasis creates the perception of being inadequate, which can be demoralizing and depressive. We begin to think about our failures without proper attention on our successes. Proper attention should be given towards where we are, where we want to be, and also where we have been. Without the correct understanding of the relationship between all three, we may continue to grow but the problems that haunt us now will stifle us in the future, if they are not already.

No one should feel like they aren’t worth it, like they don’t deserve happiness, or like they are just plain inadequate. That is a very dark place to be in. When we get there, escaping it can be harder than anything we’ve ever encountered before. I used to have a very close friend, Melissa. She faced these feelings of inadequacy more than any other person that I have known. When she went off to college, Melissa began to experience one intimate relationship after another, each failing far worse than the preceding one. In the face of these failures, she would constantly feel like she wasn’t good enough. Melissa spiraled down into a deep depression; feeling challenged by what was going wrong and what she couldn’t change. The stress on her mind had physical effects and she struggled to maintain the will to move on. But even amid the constant men in her life who took advantage of this; she remained resilient. 

Her relationships would ebb and flow, with men initially swooping in like a savior from her problems from a previous relationship and then when the relationship would get tense; back out, becoming verbally or physically abusive. They would cast constant criticism on her, so much so that Melissa internalized that criticism and it ultimately became her own view of herself. Melissa was hurting and she thought of herself as a horrible person. She couldn’t keep a relationship, faced criticism by multiple people, and couldn’t seem to find anyone to love her for who she was. So she spent her time considering those facts of the present moment and blaming herself for her past actions. 

Melissa didn’t think to her future; she was too caught up in the troubles of what was currently happening in her life. In consideration of the past and the present, it was to place fault on herself and how she had ruined her relationships. She never fully acknowledged the role that two people played in a relationship- how could she? She faced constant attacks from her suitors about how she wasn’t good enough. But why? Why did she keep doing this amid friends telling her how amazing she was and numerous accolades telling her how smart she was? Scholarships telling her how successful she was going to be? None of that mattered; her energy was consumed in her failures, in her relationships, but why?

(let’s jump into another chapter, shall we?)

Next Chapter: Chapter 9 | Self-Discovery