5

Down The Rabbit Hole

The day is chilled and full of rain again, the Friday Iris completes the first half of her finals, chemistry being the hardest. Only a few more finals tomorrow, and she would graduate University forever. She feels a sense of relief seep through her skin as she walks to her shitty car. The same shitty car, with the same shitty smell and noise it’d produce every time the same shitty engine would start.

“Hello, my dear Iris.” Iris gasps as Eliawa appears in the passenger seat, as soon as she drives. He already has his seat belt on.

“Y-y-you.” She clamps her mouth shut, focusing on the road now.

“Come on Iris, don’t forget about lil ol’ me. I’m here, always and forever.”

“No,” Iris whispers as she blasts music from the radio, to the point where it bangs her ear drums.

She hears a perfectly clear surrounding of Scorpions’ classic “No One Like You,” temporarily drowning her current anxious state of mind. It’s so loud within a few seconds, she almost can’t take it anymore. Iris decides to wait a few more moments though; she can handle the pain.

“Iris, you can’t get rid of me through an 80’s rock band. Nice try though.” He cracks open a laugh, smacking her on the shoulder hard.

“Wanna bet?” she mumbles through her teeth, below the insanely loud music.

She lights her new cigarette abruptly, waiting for the cherry at the end to steam up nice puffs of spark. She suddenly stabs Eliawa in the stomach with the lit up cigarette, causing him to wail his high-pitched screech. She sees burning emerge from his stomach.

He disappears.

Iris resumes the cigarette, smiling as she rolls down the window all the way. “Tough shit.” She continues to go through the green light, feeling the rainy breeze.

“Oh, not so fast,” Eliawa appears in the front windshield of her car, blocking her view from the road. “Time to come with me, my sweet Iris.” His voice and eyes become hostile, sparking a fiery flame in them. His sinister grin gets wider and wider, as he sees a large pickup truck smash the side of her car.

Iris feels the progressively breaking windows shatter all over her body. The truck’s powerful force has caused her car to roll over, down a steep landing on the side of the road, crushing and shrinking the vehicle within seconds.

Iris sees a peep-hole opening in her window with a hint of sunlight coming through her upside down car. It can’t get any more smashed than it already is. The wind outside blows on her bloody face, running through her pores, where her paper skin lies. The rain mixes perfectly with her dripping blood. She smiles, closing her eyes, ready to die or get rescued. At least she’d be free from Eliawa either way. There would be no way he survived the car crash.

Voices from a distance begin to approach the small car she’s hanging slightly out of, smashed almost all the way now. “Someone’s in there!” a faint young voice creaks through the window.

“Oh my God!” A blond man stands in front of her. He’s wearing a tucked-in white shirt and white belt around perfectly fitted white jeans.

Is this heaven for Iris?

“Miss, can you hear me?” He attempts to pull her out, but struggles immediately.

“Yes,” she cracks out a small voice; what’s left of her small voice. She feels blood trickle from her mouth when she speaks that one word.

“We’re going to get you out of here! Calvin, help me please! She’s wedged between the seats!” he yells out. His unintentional powerful voice rings through Iris’s ears. She closes her eyes softly, swallowing some of the blood from her face as it begins to pile up in her mouth.

“She’s really in there, Jake.” The other man, dressed in the same exact clothing, only with darker skin and features, observes Iris’s shattered body. Opening her eyes now only makes it more painful, as her face is getting weaker by the second.

“Oh my God!” Jake panics as he intensely feels Iris’s decaying skin rapidly begin to heat up.

 The car proceeds to light on fire, starting from the backseat. The flames are already swarming around the entire vehicle within seconds though.

“We gotta get her out now! Hurry!” Calvin urges as he and Jake are attempting to pull her out by the arms.

Iris is barely alive, feeling the veins in her arms heat up even more. “H-help,” she lightly speaks.

“Jeez, something is wrong with this girl! She’s burning up!” Jake has a puzzled look, staring deeply into Iris’s half shut eyes. “Like her skin is producing more heat or something.”

“Look out!” Calvin grabs Jake’s arm just in time. They bolt out of sight as the car suddenly explodes, throwing Iris a few yards down the hill. She bangs her skull on a boulder near the lake, seconds later. The two men flee the scene, yelling at one another from a distance.

Iris can barely feel her ribcage anymore. It feels the worst, despite just crushing her skull. Her head aches progressively though as she watches more blood trickle down her forehead. Within seconds, her ribcage feels officially broken. In that moment, she feels her guts start to sink out a little. Her legs grow tired; too much blood has already departed her body to attempt to stand up. Iris feels sharp razor like marks across her cheekbones. Her eyebrows are heavily bleeding down to her nose now, towards her busted up mouth. She isn’t awake to taste it anymore though. Everything is gone in plain sight. Her body begins to burn up inside, causing her eyes to close. The only thing she can coherently observe during this precise moment, is her blood oozing out in green and red colors now, like the upcoming Christmas holiday.

Iris can’t feel her body at all. Everything around her is seemingly lost from the pitch black of darkness in front of her. She feels no temperature. No sense of smell. No sound. Everything is nothing and nothing is everything in her presence. She begins to see swirls surround the vivid image of the continuing darkness before her. She then spots a tiny tunnel where a light sprouts up. Iris wants to get closer to it, but how?

She can’t move. She doesn’t feel a body attached to her anymore. The only thing she sees is absolutely nothing in the light coming from what looks like a tunnel. Nothing quickly begins to turn into something though. It’s slowly developing like a Polaroid picture through the hinting light of a tunnel ahead of her. She hears laughter on a playground now.

Children are having fun like it’s the end of the world or something close to it. Iris recalls this sound once before. The colors are the same style as the vibrant clothes kids used to wear in the 1990s, a time she had once experienced. Iris begins to observe the memory she has, back in the day when things weren’t nearly as complicated as they were now.

“Come on, Iris,” she heard Sandy Royce playfully pull her seven-year-old self toward the swings. “Let’s swing together. Molly wants you to be our friend.”

Little Iris was timid and oblivious. She observed the perfectly dressed Sandy and the curly-haired naturally blonde Molly, at the time. They were the girls Iris wanted to always play with but couldn’t join their club, due to her stutter. Iris was taking speech classes the last few months though. It must have paid off at the time because these girls wanted to play with her that day. Iris could finally find a friend group.

“Hi, Iris.” Molly had greeted her, gesturing the open swing next to her. “Swing with us. It’ll be fun!”

Iris decided to join them, smiling, embracing a warm feeling in her stomach. The kind of feeling someone gets when they actually belong somewhere. She sat on the swing, ready to get pushed and soar through the sky, even if it was only for a temporary moment.

“Ready?” Sandy had asked.

“M-mhm,” Iris chirped out quietly.

The push seemed to go smoothly the first time, giving Iris a fair high lift, a feeling that made her adrenaline rush through her tiny veins at the time.

Another push happened.

“Weeee,” little Iris had squealed with joy. “This is a-a-awesome!”  

“Alright, one more push for you, Iris,” Molly had snickered sneakily for some reason.

Iris didn’t care though. She was flying high and had two new friends. Two new friends who would be there for her and help her become more extraverted and free from her introverted shell.

As Iris prepared to get her final push, she only felt it slightly, followed by a yank beneath her swing, flinging her forward a few feet ahead. She landed on the gravel, face first, with her entire arms now covered in sharp tiny gravel. As she gasped for air, she observed the two girls laughing at her, watching her skin bleed progressively through the rocks. She saw the blood produce clear water-like liquid. Only a hint of actual red blood came out of her body.

No one helped her up. No one was there for her as she was slightly trapped in the pounds of gravel. In that moment, Iris realized the push wasn’t an accident. As she struggled to get her arms out from underneath the gravel, Iris had felt a rush of fire through her veins. The rush had caused the rocks to slowly rise and release her trapped arms, shooting out in different directions.

“Sorry, no freaks allowed!” Molly had said as she and Sandy dodged the rocks in fright. “Stay away from us!”

“Yeah, you can go to the graveyard, little ghoul.” Sandy laughed, despite the gravel briefly shooting out in midair towards them. She turned to Iris with a stern face. “Now run along. Stay away from us, dead girl!”

“What’s wrong with her?” Iris had heard Molly whisper to Sandy.

“Not sure. Let’s go on the slide now.” Sandy and Molly linked arms, running to the other side of the playground, steering clear away from Iris now.

Iris’s wobbly self got up, limping to the nurse’s office, which was a great distance away from the playground. As she limped across the playground, feeling other children stare at her grubby self, she suddenly felt something chilling and sticky smack across her face. She craned her head, seeing Taylor Rickard laughing with his friends. He was the boy girls had a crush on in her class, except for Iris. She didn’t even know how to like boys at the time.

“We need more dairy to complete your pasty face. That’s what we’ll call you. Pasty Face!” he laughed with his friends, rolling around in an obnoxious manner.

Iris had a pale white face as a child, due to some birth complications. She had only gotten it fixed by the age of fourteen, before the move took place in Michigan. But by then, she was already emotionally damaged.

As little Iris began to stumble toward the door she had almost reached that day, she felt someone else touch her shoulder, slightly shifting her to turn around.

“Leave me alone, leave me alone!” she had screamed in a hostile way, feeling her back burn intensely. Her hands were up and guarded now, preparing to shield the next piece of food that would come her way.

“Iris, it’s okay. I was just bringing you this.”

She glanced at the person in her presence, realizing it was only Fredrick (Freddy) Holly, the boy who sat by her a lot. He never talked to her though. No one ever did but apparently she had been the star today.

She saw him holding a few tissues in his hands, smiling kindly at her. Enough had been done though and Iris didn’t trust anyone at that point. Not in that moment, not ever. It was only the beginning of more things to come. More things to come, that’d be much worse than a measly swing injury or yogurt flung to the face.

“I don’t want that nasty tissue paper! Leave me be!” she had snarled at Freddy, assuming he’d do a similar stunt, just like the other kids did. That tissue could have had something poisonous on it for all she knew.

She had slumped toward the nurse’s office, anxious to get rid of the little rocks that stuck to her skin and all that progressing blood on her face.

Iris is suddenly put back into the same black box, seeing nothing again after the memory had been played to her. She hadn’t thought about that memory in a very long time. In fact, she had only thought about it on rare occasions. She didn’t like watching it in a lifeless body though. She did not think of this memory randomly. Someone else put it in her mind just now.

She feels her entire body heading into another tunnel now, this one being dimmer than the other. She sees herself in another quaint place. This time, it’s dark in a living room of some sort, with a retro lamp displayed in the corner. She begins to see her seven-year-old self again, this time, with someone else.

“I can’t even wrap my brain around this, Iris.” Her dad had slightly laughed after finding out his youngest had been injured by some kids. Same memory, only three hours later.

“Dad?” Her small self looked up at her father, who was pouring himself shots of vodka. This one was already shot number five since their conversation had started; Iris always counted.

“So some kids push you around and you get a scratch.” Her father had smiled again with a laugh.

“It hurt though, Daddy.” Little Iris showed him her scratches and new scars across her arms.

“Look, we need to do something about your face.” He laughed, shaking his head at her. “That’s the bottom line. It’s like we raised a vampire or something. I could have easily prevented this from happening, had I had the right money for it.”

“Daddy, what’s wrong with my face?” Iris felt her cheeks, feeling the chill it always gave her every time she engaged with it. She felt the best when her skin burned up every now and again.

“We’ll fix this, okay? We’ll fix the lisp, we’ll fix the pale face and we’ll even fix that God awful stutter too, as soon as Daddy wins a few more cases in court.” He had laughed again, taking a sixth shot now.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Iris had her head down, trying not to cry from being a messed up human being in front of her own father.

“It’s not your fault that you were born, Iris. Hell, at least we have your sister, bless her soul.”

“Alice?” Little Iris had held herself together for as long as she could in that moment.

“Speaking of which, I have to pick her up from ballet practice. Come on now. Put your jacket on.” He stumbled toward her, trying to head towards the coat closet located directly across the living room. He came back with the jacket and took a seventh shot for himself.

“No, Daddy, you’re scaring me,” she had cried out, not old enough to know he was about to drive drunk, but smart enough to know he wasn’t well right now.

“Iris, you’re coming with me, God Damnit. Now put your coat on, you pathetic piece of shit!” he roared suddenly, his powerful voice echoing through the paper thin walls the family had at the time. A small two bedroom apartment with barely enough room for the four of them to squeeze into.

Iris had run toward the bathroom to lock herself in it for safety. Her tiny feet were padding down the halls, hearing her father stumbling in her direction, coming closer and closer, like the big bad wolf. Almost there. A few more feet away. She had reached for the knob, twisting it so fast with her sweaty hands. It opened instantly, bringing her feet to scramble inside.

“Not so fast, little girl!” she felt the voice practically leak over her little crown.

Iris’s feet had been swiped from the ground, suddenly dangling in midair, upside down. Her face glanced around her surroundings, watching a massive hand get right in her personal bubble. She felt a smack across the face, almost in a slow motion sort of way as she continued to hang upside down. Iris felt sick.

Her father finally brought her right side up, cradling her in his arms, but only for a mere second. She felt another slap across the face, causing her a little dizziness now. He flicked her in the nose next with a forceful approach, finally setting her down. He tried to grab her by the arm, but she wiggled away.

“No, Daddy!” Iris shrieked, gripping her fingers on the bathroom doorpost, trying to prevent him from picking her up. He had then tugged her feet with all his might, but she still had a firm grip on that doorpost. In that moment, she felt a tiny rush through her veins as slight smoke produced in that moment. The doorpost began to burn.

“What the hell?”  he roared in disbelief, dropping Iris instantly as he started smacking the fire out rapidly with a towel. “I didn’t sign up for this!”

He suddenly grabbed Iris by the scruff of the neck as she was just about to flee to the balcony and jump in a tree to hide. Her father had completely ignored the gradually hot temperature of her skin while restraining her.

“Wow, I did not sign up for this bull shit!” His teeth were gritting so hard, she thought maybe he’d lose a few if she were lucky. He was snarling so much, she felt some of his spit land on her face.

“Daddy?” She could hardly get a word out from his chokehold. She then heard the bath water start to run as her father turned it on with his only free hand.

“What the hell are you?” Adam snarled again. “I did not sign up for this!” His hand had burned more intensely from choking Iris’s neck, causing him to let out a startling shout. “Get in here!” Without warning, he had slammed her tiny body into the ice cold bath, dunking her head first for several seconds, making sure she couldn’t come up for air.

Iris had given up the fight after she realized his weight was 4x more than hers, and after the fact that she could no longer breathe, from being under water for several minutes. Her father would always be stronger than her.

As Iris was finally allowed to come up for air, her father had surprisingly left the bathroom. Moments later, he had come back with her violet sweater dress, sneakers, socks and a fresh pair of underwear.

“Now listen to Daddy.” He threw the clothes at her without a towel in sight. “Put these new clothes on and for the last time, put your fucking jacket on. Mommy and sissy are impatiently waiting because your stupid ass couldn’t listen to me.” His words were beginning to slur and Iris had realized in that moment, she had no choice but to come with her intoxicated father.

As Iris got dressed without a towel to wipe her shivering body, she decided in that moment, she would no longer fight with Daddy or think outside the box. She needed to be more like her sister Alice and less of a freak.

Iris finds herself in the same dark room, but another light appears in her presence within seconds. She realizes she can no longer feel a body attached to her; this would be a regular routine of rehashing all these horrid flashbacks again and again and again. The same dark place would be where she’d transition to the next memory in her brain. No way to opt out.

The tunnel begins to suck Iris inside, showing her the light of a sunshiny day on the same playground she had been tortured at, day in and day out. She’s sitting in the corner of the playground this time though, away from all the other kids. Away from anything that could physically harm her.

She’s wearing her blue overalls and white turtleneck shirt, with brand new light up sneakers. Her dad had bought them for her, the day after the kids tortured her. The day after he had held her body hostage under water, before he drove drunk to Alice’s ballet recital.

Adam always tended to buy little Iris a toy or gift after beating her body until bruising. From belts to wooden spoons to even a burning pan, it didn’t matter to Adam that it happened in the first place. He would only feel guilty about doing it after the fact, and come up with a materialistic solution. In Iris’s mind as a kid though, taking a beating from her father meant getting something later, so it was only a temporary sacrifice she’d have to make.

On the playground, during that sunny day, she began to tap her light up sneakers, watching the lights go back and forth, back and forth, from now and again until the batteries ran out. She had played with them for hours that day. The lights on her sneakers were her only friend and muse. They were supposed to be there for her relying pleasures of “fun” during free time, for as long as possible. Disappointed and bummed that the light’s battery juice didn’t last as long as she thought, Iris played with the gravel, scooping it up, letting the tiny rocks fall from her delicate palms. Her wounds had heeled a few weeks later from the gravel piercing into her skin. Iris had still felt self-conscious about them though.

A ladybug appeared, crawling toward her hand. Iris smiled as the tiny thing waltzed toward her hand that had generously been held out.

Something killed that ladybug though, right in front of her very eyes, so sudden and out of nowhere. Something that was far from Iris’s kind. She moved her shaking head to level with the thing standing beside her.

A little red alien of some sort, sporting three black bulgy eyes, suction-cupped hands, red slimy skin, and a smile very sharp like a shark’s. The creature had given her a sinister grin. Iris immediately craned her neck, scoping the playground to see if anyone else noticed.

“Iris,” the creature said to her in a chipper tone. It sounded so sweet and innocent, despite the fact that it had feasted so heavily on the poor insect, right in front of her so carelessly.

“H-h-how do you know my n-n-name?” Iris piped out, still startled from its appearance and carnivore-like ways. She gulped, loud enough for the creature to hear.

“Why, I’m Eliawa, your new best friend!” His voice was so high pitched and happy, little Iris was almost creeped out.

“That’s not a real name.”

The thing had briefly huffed and puffed but then smiled at the frightened girl. “Oh but it is a name, you silly girl. It’s just spelled weird is all.”

“H-h-ow’s it spelled t-t-then?” She had grown intensely frightened, but tried to remain calm.

“E-l-i-a-w-a, but it’s pronounced ‘Ell-ee-uh-wah.’”

She observed her surroundings before deciding to cry for help. She had watched all the other kids play obliviously and carelessly during that moment. She saw Molly and Sandy on the swings, playing with two new girls that joined their friend group. Two normal girls that Iris would never be. Others were either playing tetherball, going down the slides, or playing some made up game of their own choosing. No one else seemed to notice the little alien sitting next to Iris, paying attention to her, making odd conversations. No one else could see it at all, Iris had realized.

“Y-y-ou aren’t real. I don’t want to play right n-n-now.” Little Iris had a strong feeling that this was all a figment of her imagination and no way an alien would exist, let alone talk to her. This, she already knew at a young age. Iris was aware she was becoming crazier as the days progressed.

“But I very much am, dear Iris, and let me tell you, I don’t appreciate the way you’re getting treated. You can’t let people walk all over you. You’re just a baby and you have your whole life ahead of you.” Eliawa stood up, reaching his little suction-cupped hands toward Iris, who was shivering. “As long as you stick with me, you’ll be okay kiddo, you’ll be okay.” He grinned at her, showing those tretorous shark teeth again.

“A-a-alright,” she sighed as they shook hands. Iris felt the cold slime lather around her little hands during the intense handshake, causing her to feel a bit taken aback. Maybe Eliawa wasn’t just an imaginary friend. Maybe Eliawa really was an alien sent from another planet to help her figure out her destiny in life.