It was 3:00 a.m. and the light from behind the closed bathroom door was slicing the pale carpeted bedroom floor. The sound of the second hand ticking away on his stainless steel watch seemed much louder than it should’ve been. James sat in his bathroom on the edge of the tub gripping his phone, turning it over and over in the palm of his right hand. Unsure if it was really late at night or technically just really early, either way the house was silent and sound asleep but not James. He was wide awake and his thoughts ran wild with possibilities.

The exact time was 2:38 a.m. when the sound of his phone vibrating against the mirrored bedside table easily awoke him. He didn’t sleep very well these days anyway so his reaction to the sound was immediate and his attention was quickly directed towards the gentle humming near his head. He quickly sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes at the sight of the all too familiar name beaming across his phone as it continued to hum persistently. He silenced the vibrate setting while shoving the dark, heavy quilt towards the center of his bed and placing both feet on the plush carpet. His motions were agile and fluid as he eased out of the bed and slipped into the bathroom with his phone gripped in his hand. Careful not to make a sound, he closed the door behind him before switching on the light that hung above the oversized garden tub. By this time it was too late to actually answer the call and the screen had gone black again. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t even sure if he would’ve answered the call or not, however, now he desperately felt the need for a do-over. Honestly he wouldn’t mind a “do-over” in multiple aspects; the phone call he just missed, for one, and the other being the entire past year of his life. He concentrated on his phone as if weighing the pros and cons of his hypothetical actions meanwhile praying his phone would light up one more time while in his hand with that same name flashing across the screen, but it never did.

He couldn’t help but wonder what the hell Corinne was doing up this late and hoped she was okay; he prayed she was okay. It had been a year since the last time they really spoke and that was just the two of them running into each other by chance at a concert. That night was not ideal for James or Corinne seeing as how they were both out on dates with other people at that show. He was saddened at the thought of an entire year passing by that quickly. He quickly convinced himself that the late night phone call was simply a pocket dial; that she was out with friends or maybe even on a date, probably the latter he told himself. Still, he couldn’t shake the possibility that maybe she meant to call, maybe it wasn’t an accident at all and maybe, just maybe, there were things she wanted or needed to say. That thought alone hurt worse than the absence of her in his life altogether. He knew that even if he heard the words he had always hoped to hear, that some things were undoable and time was a stubborn sea that waited for no one. Tides go in and out without faltering or permission and that’s just the way life works. Everyone knows going back is not an option, but what if moving forward feels strangely off course?

James knew he didn’t have the luxury of thinking that way anymore. A lot had happened over the last year. Who was he kidding, this last year had changed everything for him and most days he could convince himself that it was all for the best. Most days he was certain that everything happened for a reason but today was not one of those days. Today he felt weak and lost in nostalgia. Today at 3:00 a.m. he sat in his bathroom in complete silence thinking about her and what could have been. For a moment he even considered calling her back just to be sure she wasn’t in any kind of trouble when suddenly the bathroom door creaked open and James sat frozen with guilt and a loss for words.