Prologue: Four Gamers Chat
10:01 p.m. Social Justice Warriors: Always So Personal
These four white dudes stand around talking between missions. Well, one of them is doing most of the talking. And I’m assuming they really are white and males, but as with all things gaming/internet, you never can tell for sure. I mean, look at me for instance; I’m on their team, playing a white male character too, and I personally don’t fit either of those racial or gender adjectives.
Oh. Hi there. You’ve just learned a secret. Welcome to Level 2 of our acquaintance. If you earn my trust, I might give you my in-game name. That would be Level 3. Please don’t make me regret sharing this info with you. Some day, we might actually become friends. That would be Level 4.
Anyway, these four dudes are chatting while I’m minding my own business, totally eavesdropping. As usual, CRUX is expounding on a topic. CRUX is your standard Behemoth Warrior, sporting huge, glistening body armor, but showing enough skin for me to pick up on the white guy thing. Although, I must say that his flowing dark mane is a nice touch. What I wouldn’t give for locks like those!
FAPPTASTIC and SUPER-X listen to CRUX, while the new guy, JJ SPIN, goes through different emotes to show he’s bored with the discussion. That’s dangerous, fella. CRUX is Team Leader, and most of these guys are his long-time friends. Also, anyone who joins a team and starts going through all of their emotes during down time are usually red flagging their inexperience in the game or their general lack of maturity. They’re either annoying or you simply can’t depend on them when the shit goes down. That’s what first got my attention about JJ SPIN, but it’s when he did the Face Palm emote that my heart leapt. Could it be?
CRUX was saying: “Everybody knows chicks don’t like video games, because they suck at them. If she tells you she likes them or is any good at them, she’s lying. It’s all ingrained hunter-protector instincts and hand-eye coordination, which men have and women don’t. Women should either enjoy watching their man play, or be in the kitchen making him a sandwich.” And JJ does the Face Palm.
SUPER-X catches JJ’s emote, and says, “Hey CRUX, be careful. JJ SPIN here is an SJW.” A social justice warrior? In this game? Perhaps SUPER-X is teasing.
Suddenly I remember that SUPER-X brought JJ into the group. He might know him from before, or from real life. (You just never know!)
The entire group braces for a showdown. It’s like throwing raw meat into a man-eater’s cage. CRUX rotates to glare at JJ SPIN, who gives him a little wave emote as now they’ve been formally introduced. Ooo, yeah, it’s a throw-down.
“So JJ,” CRUX says, folding his arms across his massive chest, “are you ignorant, misinformed, or a white knight trying to get laid?”
“Nah, I just don’t want to be confused with a total asshole like yourself,” JJ SPIN replies, relaxing his shoulders and stuffing his hands into his pockets. A very subtle emote… I don’t think I’ve seen that one before. CRUX is stunned for a moment.
“Geez! Why do you SJW’s always go straight for the personal attacks?!”
10:05 p.m. CRUX’s First Rule of Taking Offense
CRUX launches into a tirade.
“The problem with SJW’s is they don’t understand that you cannot be offended by something you think is racist or sexist if you are not a member of that particular race or sex. Since we here are all white dudes, anything we say about any other race or sex cannot by definition be offensive.”
JJ SPIN considers this. “So you’re saying all white dudes are raging assholes?”
“Look who’s being offensive!” CRUX roars.
10:06 p.m. CRUX’s Second Rule of Taking Offense
Recovering, CRUX preaches his normal sermon.
“Being offended is what YOU choose to do. It’s not my fault if you’re offended by something I say. If you don’t like it, don’t get offended -- just ignore it. I’m being honest, I’m entitled to my opinion, and I’m entitled to free speech.”
JJ SPIN responds calmly. “Okay. My honest opinion is that anyone who is upset about journalist integrity involving video game reviews is a moron.”
“HOW DARE YOU?!” CRUX screams. “YOU JUST CROSSED A LINE THAT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!”
10:50 p.m. One-Way Free Speech
“You are denying me my right to free speech just because you don’t agree with my opinions! This is a free country, this is a democracy, and I have a right to my opinions and the right to express them!” CRUX finishes with a flourish.
“How am I denying your freedom?” JJ SPIN asks, seeming sincere. “If my opinion is the opposite of yours…”
“THEN SHUT UP!” CRUX bellows. “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION!”
11:25 p.m. Equality Surpassed
“Another thing SJW’s fail to grasp is that equality between the sexes was achieved a long time ago, but now women have it better than us.” CRUX catches his breath quickly, not wanting to be interrupted mid-speech. “They took advantage of the system. Hey, I don’t blame them, it is human nature that when you see a loophole you use it, but it’s ridiculous now that we’re still expected to bend over backwards for them.”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” JJ SPIN asks pointedly.
“Yes, asshole, very funny.”
“Are you counting Lydia, the NPC from the game?” JJ SPIN asks, sounding perfectly innocent.
“You’re not fit to speak her name!!!”
11:48 p.m. Criticism Is Only Skin-Deep
“Nobody can take criticism anymore. Everyone’s become a whiny bunch of crybabies. They see or hear something they don’t like, they whine about it to everybody. A headline they didn’t like. A picture they didn’t like. No one has thick skin, and everyone’s complaining constantly. Why doesn’t everyone just shut the hell up?!”
Finally, there’s a pause in CRUX’s diatribe.
“Do you ever listen to yourself?” JJ SPIN pipes in.
“As usual, I’m speaking about people in general, and the SJW here has to make with the personal attacks again!”
12:23 a.m. Properly Informed
“Since you don’t agree with me, obviously you know absolutely nothing about the subject and I must therefore assume you’re a total moron. Probably can’t dress yourself or function in life. Not sure how you made it this far being so uneducated, dim-witted and ill-informed.”
“And yet, you voice your opinion quite often and loudly.” JJ SPIN mutters.
“I was talking about you!” CRUX points. “Wait a minute, was that another personal attack?!”
1:35 a.m. No Blood, No Foul
“You see, the SJW is more sexist and racist than the rest of us, because he doesn’t let them speak for themselves. If I say something racist, the SJW attempts to silence me while he really silences the other race.”
“So you admit that you are a racist?” JJ SPIN asks with a shrug.
“THAT WAS NOT MY POINT!”
1:37 a.m. The Hopeless Analogy
JJ SPIN decides to try something while CRUX cools down.
“CRUX, let’s say you were a film critic, and you wrote a negative review about a movie you thought sucked. Using your philosophy about reacting to critical opinions, the only one that could respond to your review at all would be the movie itself. According to you, no one could disagree with you because they aren’t the movie you wrote your review about. Now isn’t that ridiculous?”
“Yes, it is ridiculous,” CRUX gesticulates with his arms in the air. “I’m not a film critic!”
2:05 a.m. Mission Concludes
I must admit, I’ve been fascinated by their conversation throughout the night. Yeah, I’ve wanted to chime in. They’re talking about sexism, racism, equality, personal opinions, personal attacks and video games, topics that are all very important to me. But I stay out of it. I’m not in their little group. If I jumped in there, the conversation would really change... which would likely be a good thing. So why didn’t I?
I figure I’ll log out and think about how to join in tonight. Instead I end up thinking about JJ SPIN. I want to talk to him first. Maybe I’ll jump in early tomorrow and try to find him, feel him out. No sense in blowing my cover in the group if he’s a… what? I don’t know what he is. But I’ve taken care to establish myself in this group, and I know some of them would want to kick me out if they knew who I was. And yet I hate hiding. It’s just I’m soooo over the misogyny.
Well, good night.