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Chapter 9.1: Passion’s Great Obstacle

“When I finally discover what my purpose is, and I’m doing what I love, I’ll be living the dream!”

I hear this kind of statement all the time and I used to say it all the time to myself as well. After uncovering my Ikigai, I sat on it, only thinking about how great life would be doing what I loved for a living. At the time, I never built up the courage to actively pursue it, as many people around me did a good job of convincing me that I could never make any money helping other people to live the life of their dreams. Like me for three years after my climb up Mt. Takao, many of us choose to only embark on our journey of purpose in a very inward way. Sadly, limiting beliefs, unfounded fears, and social conditioning usually stop us before we ever even get started. Unfortunately, this is where most people who commit to blazing their own trail stop dead in their tracks. We get inspired about the potential of living a life doing what we love, we have a vision about how we want to spend the rest of our lives, and then, one way or another, because of pressures or because we scare ourselves out of it, we allow those dreams to remain unlived, only to haunt us as a reminder of what could have been for the rest of our lives. 

But, discovery of purpose does not come from thinking about what we could be doing with our lives, or thinking about what our purpose is and abandoning it; it comes from actively showing up into it, showing up big in the world, trusting your gut, and from doing! Just like in unleashing our spirit of play, we must not stop at thinking about purpose but actively and physically engage in purpose. After three years of thinking about how I could help people the way I wanted to and imagining what life would be like as a result, yet still going to my bartending job, day in and day out, I decided that it was time to build up some determination and go for it. I saw no clear destination, but I knew in my gut that I had to listen to my heart, and my heart was telling me that if I started this adventure, the path would begin to make itself clear over time. I had no clue where my journey would lead, but I absolutely knew how important it was for me to follow my core values and my Ikigai. I was told over and over again that it was a risky path and that there was no money in it, but chose to listen to my heart and let it guide me.

Most of us get caught up with asking the wrong questions about what we should do with our lives and ultimately, as a result, wind up in something that doesn’t fulfill us, let alone light our soul on fire. We go through the school system, listen to our parents and friends, all telling us that the journey we’re heavily considering embarking on “just doesn’t make good money” or is a “silly idea.” We’re told that we “might want to think about getting into something different,” and we start considering the “safer” and less fulfilling path in life. We slowly become conditioned to pursue the money, but here’s the thing, when we get caught back in that trap and decide to pursue the money first and then ask what we would like doing within that framework, we’re blinding ourselves to what we could be passionate about while making money.

When we ask ourselves, “What can I make money at?” there are practically a million ways in which we can do that, but how many of them actually interest you? How many of them light you up? How many of those options would get you out of bed without slapping that snooze button over and over? Monday’s don’t suck, it’s the job that does. Most importantly, though, how many of these options are your life purpose? Many of us consider the money question first, but when our first question considering a possible career is based on the amount of money we will make, we are mentally closed off to countless other careers that may be unconventional and may make us not only a living, but could be very financially rewarding. 

Your first question in discovering your life purpose should never be, “What can I make money at?” or even, “What am I interested in that I could make money at?” Your very first question when imagining a possible career should be a more powerful question first. You should always ask first, “What am I passionate about?” Get very clear on what that answer is, even if it is a number of different things, and only then ask, “How can I make money at this?” The simple pre-supposition of “How” implies to your brain that there in fact there is a way—and trust me, through the countless people I’ve worked with all over the world, and in discovering and actually living my purpose, there isn’t only always a way, but there is the possibility, if you become good enough, for absolute abundance. 

What would you do if money were no object? What would you do if your happiness paid the bills? Forget about the money for a minute. What would you enjoy doing? How would you like to spend the rest of your life? Our educational system is great at creating an attitude in our youth that says it’s rare to earn money doing what you love. I don’t care what it is that you want to do. I don’t care if you want to be an archeologist, a horse trainer, a painter, a musician, or an Olympic bodybuilder, the only thing that is important right now, at this stage, is what exactly it is that would light your life on fire. If you’re fixated on money being the most important thing, you will spend your life completely miserable at some deep level. You will spend your precious time here, your one shot at life, doing what you hate doing, so that you can continue to do more of what you hate doing. It’s a never-ending cycle of insanity. 

You can say that money is the most important thing, but if you believe that, you will end up completely wasting your life. If getting money is what is most important to you, if it’s your sole goal in life, as it is with so many people in the world, you will sacrifice anything to get it, even your own happiness. Of course, financial stability is important and money is a great tool that enables us to live fuller, rich lives, which provides many great things and experiences for ourselves. But at what expense does this happen? At what cost do we pursue wealth and monetary gain? So much of the world views money as the magical treasure at the end of the rainbow, the all-important windfall that will finally, once and for all, give them the happiness, love, admiration, or even material things that they’ve always dreamed of. Most of us will do anything to get it, even sacrifice what, in the end, is most important to us—our relationships, our health, and our happiness.

It would seem inherent within us that gaining money at any cost is just the way to live. We’ve practically been programmed to believe this since before we could remember. We see fancy people driving fancy cars, living in fancy houses, buying fancy things. We see that and think, if we just had money, we could have those things too and then finally be happy! From our youth we are taught to believe that wealth is the ultimate achievement of someone’s life, that if we are rich, we will become happy and respected. At any cost, even unhappiness and, more dramatically, hatred for our own existence, that having money is the most important thing. How absolutely absurd that is! How ridiculously backwards that logic is! If money brings so much happiness, then why are so many people that are obsessed with getting it so unhappy?

Money pays the bills, buys us food, and pays for some fun. But how do you get money for these things? Often times, for far too many people, you work hard at your job, one that statistically you probably hate and feel underpaid for, and work as often as you can to make up the difference. It’s a lousy, catch-22. Spend much of your life working a job you hate doing, just to keep living that life that you are so miserable in.  In order to live for too many of us, we need to work just to keep living to keep working at a job that we hate. Please let that settle in for just a minute.

Now, if you are one of the people who think money is what is going to make you happy, you are probably forgetting that you are supposed to be enjoying the life you are paying for at the same time. What if money was not the currency of the world, and instead your contentment and excitement  could be used to provide what you need? What if the more excited you were about waking up every morning directly correlated to how wealthy you were? What would happen if you decided to stop living your life based on earning that green paper alone and instead asked yourself, “What do I really enjoy in life? What would make me happy every day? What could make me emotionally rich?”

If you got your electric bill in the mail today and were able to immediately pay it on sheer happiness, because your life brings you contentment, purpose, love, and appreciation from how you spend your time and energy, what would that feel like? If you wanted to move into your dream house, what else would have to happen in your life to make you happy enough to afford it? I’m sure that doesn’t include working at some job where you are unappreciated and undervalued—what would you do if you could work anywhere? What would get you out of bed every morning, before the alarm even went off, with a smile on your face instead of a scowl? How would you fill your time and what would you do to “earn happiness?” As one of my childhood role models, Scrooge McDuck, said, “No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while!”            

What is money worth to you? Are you sacrificing something important in your life to obtain it? Is it worth sacrificing your happiness, not doing all the things you’ve always dreamt of? If getting money is your sole goal in life, you’ll inevitably regret it sorely if you don’t already. Cross boundaries and break the shackles of “normal.” Are you willing to sacrifice some things now in order to do what you love in the future? If you must work hard now to pay those bills, then find ways to work more efficiently, and free up your time for other things. Enjoy your day, because this isn’t a trial run, this is the big show and curtain call is coming.

There are two distinct elements of success—Passion and Persistence. If you are passionate about what you seek to pursue, it will be easy to be persistent in it. And if you are persistent in it, it will be easy to become a complete master at it, and if you are a complete master at it, you can charge a good amount for your services. It should be no concern to you if others are excited about what you are passionate about. If you are passionate about it, there is a guarantee that others are as well.  

An idea that is driven so much into our heads as soon as we begin a career is the concept of a work-life balance. This concept of work-life balance is a slap in the face to anyone who understands the true value of life. Oftentimes, it’s something that your employer is sending out via email to try to make you a little happier at work and, thus, make you more productive at work. And worst of all, a work-life balance implies that we should have two separate lives, that work and life are two things that are mutually exclusive. This concept suggests that we must sacrifice an average of at least forty hours per week to spend at a job we don’t like, drive home exhausted, and then, if we’re lucky enough, do something that may fulfill us for a brief amount of time. We’re told it’s normal to sacrifice the meat of our life so that we may have some semblance of an existence when we’re not working. Is that the life you want? Does this concept of a work-life balance send your soul flying? This approach is why people waste away their lives in front of the television and chained to an office desk. A rich life is one that does not necessitate a work-life balance. A truly purposeful life effortlessly merges the two together like a dance between two lovers. 

I have personally worked with people that have had dreams they initially thought were “too out there” or “too far to reach to be realistic.” Our first sessions usually always start this way. Slowly, over time, however, when the mental barriers and limiting beliefs start crumbling down, they start discovering what their heart is calling them to do. I have worked with a man who wanted to become a composer but was told it was impossible, another woman who always dreamed of becoming a pre-wedding coach, but wasn’t sure if that was a viable or “real” career option. I’ve worked with everyone from a mom who wanted to start her own business but didn’t have the time to a man who wanted to become a shaman and lead people on soul searching journeys into the desert. My point here is that if we were to address the question of “is it possible to make money doing this?” first, it would be easy for these people to convince themselves that it was never going to be able to work out. After all, they’ve been told that it probably wouldn’t work their whole lives and they didn’t get very far as a result. Some got into college debt for a degree they have never used; some, like me, were waiting tables and tending bar at a job they hated and working for corporations with values that were polar opposite of theirs all because they convinced themselves over a period of time that their big dream just was not really possible. They spent their whole lives being told it wasn’t possible, because when asking if it’s feasible is the first thing you consider, you will ultimately usually always come to the conclusion that it’s not. But in changing that mindset and asking the more powerful and meaningful question of “What do I want?” first, you can work backwards from there and only then figure out your how. And just like all of these people with their “crazy” dreams, who are now living the dream of what their heart asked them to do, when you commit to your what, your how comes easy. 

Just dream big, I’m talking really big. How you’re going to get there should not be your burden yet; it will only limit your imagination in uncovering what’s important to you. Your priority at this moment in time is to only focus on what it is that you want out of your life. Who do you want to become? 

Next Chapter: Chapter 12.1: Hawaii