The day started with a knock on my door. The tray was full of ash and my pack was half empty. The door opens in a casual manner and I face a man of such odd proportions so as to make him seem comedic.

Jack smiled at me and walked in. He had a pigeon in his hand. It was gone. I see myself reflected in the burning mirror on his chest. That means I’m still a man, right?

“Whatcha want Tinker? Barging into my house like this,” Jack asked me.

I was blind now, or deaf. The pigeon flew away, out the hole in my head.

“Where’s Liv?” He tore at my being. “She didn’t want to come by and visit?”

-Liv is gone-

There’s that bright ache, and the slow burn. “Liv is gone.”

I can’t find my feet. He walks further into my room. It feels like my ladder is breaking.

“Gone? Whatcha mean?”

Now there’s more of him than there are of me, and I can’t get her out of my eyes. She’s all I see. I sleep.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wake up in Jack’s house with no memory of how I got there. Theres water by my side. I reach for it and see scratch marks on my hand. My head starts pounding.

-Liv is gone-

Who said that? Where is Liv? Why am I at Jack’s? I haven’t even seen him in years.

-Liv is gone-

Oh. Jack is here now.

“What’s up Tinker? You all there now? Or does the pixie still have you?”

“I’m here. For the most part.”

“That’s good.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Why’d you come here mate?” His face seems older than I remember. His beard has flecks of red through it, and there is some cracker dust caught on the whiskers.

“She’s gone Jack…. Liv’s gone.”

“What do you mean, ‘gone’?”

“Gone. To the mercy seat. Her final judging. Gone.”

“Aw fuck. Fuck man. No. Fuck. I don’t see you for five fucking years, and this is how you make your reappearance? Fucking…shit. Aw fuck I’m sorry. Fuck. How? When?”

A month ago I looked at Liv as she went into the most peaceful sleep. She was gone now.

-Liv was gone-

“She was diagnosed with cancer three months ago. Two later, she bit it.”

His face was caught in the middle of sorrow, pity, and loss.

“I loved her Jack.”

“Fuck man. I know you did. I’m so sorry Tinker.”

“More than I loved myself.”

“She was better than all of us.”

“I’m lost Jack. I don’t know what to do.”

Jack handed me the glass of water, and as I drank it I saw a picture of all of us on the wall. Jack and me and Carlos and John (she was Jenna now) and Liv. We all look so happy. That was so long ago.

“Do you wanna…talk about it? God fuck! I don’t fucking know. FUCK! Liv was the bright one. She was going to do something with herself. Goddamn… How was the funeral?”

“She wanted to be cremated. I have her ashes at home.”

“Oh. I’d forgotten that. She always talked about being scattered on the vineyard after the harvest. She’d always talk about that. She would laugh…”

It must’ve started raining in Jack’s small room because both of our faces were wet. I wish it would rain more, to wash away all my memories of Liv. It hurts too much to remember her.

-Liv has gone-

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jack drove me home, and the fog was growing. We passed by the vineyard. We passed by The Stone. We passed by the church. The one where I married the woman who made me a man. My house rose from the mist. I walk in, and I smell Liv and I see Liv and I miss Liv.

I go to my bed to get some rest. I’ll need it.

I have to go tell Carlos tomorrow.

And then John (Jenna now) the next day.

I wish Liv was here, she was always better at these things. She was better at everything.

I love Liv.

-Liv is gone-

Next Chapter: Mary Connor