John Price
Special Projects Center, Kuwait City, 1989
“Where doe he get those wonderful toys?...”
– The Joker, Film: Batman (1989), Director: Tim Burton, Company: Warner Brothers Pictures
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Connor is hurrying down the hallway outside the lab towards an imposing steel door with the three soldiers in tow.
Upon reaching it, Patrick studies it for a moment and turns to Connor, “Nice door, Connor. ‘Looks like it could withstand a nuclear blast! Who made it for you, the guys at Fort Knox?”
“Nice guess!” Connor replies “… but no, not the guys at Fort Knox.
It’s from the guys who made the doors for the guys at Fort Knox, the venerable Mosler Safe Company out of Cincinnati Ohio.
Your comment is very observant, by the way, Patrick. Did you know that there was a Mosler safe at a bank in Hiroshima when we dropped the bomb? Everything inside it was fine afterwards!
It made for great advertising!”
Patrick took a deep breath. “Very interesting, Connor. Is this where we’re going?”
Connor regains control of himself, “Oh! Yeah! Hang on…” and proceeds to interact with a keypad on the front of the door. A few seconds later the door makes a satisfying ‘clunk’ and Connor grabs a handle to swing it open.
The thick steel door silently swings open and Connor leads the others into a room just a little smaller than the lab they just left. This wasn’t a lab, though, it seemed to be some kind of museum with all manner of artifacts on display.
It seemed to have no order to it. On the wall was an entire section dedicated to ball point pens. On a table not too far from them was an elegant table setting for four. A hat rack held a dozen hats of different styles. A moose head was hanging on the wall next to a picture of the President.
Some things made more sense. There were some rifles, various handguns, binoculars, something that was probably a radio, a stack of suspicious looking canisters – it was endless. On a rack sat a few devices that looked like highly modified night vision scopes. One of them had what looked like an antenna protruding from it.
Snaking his way though the maze of racks and shelves loaded with gear, Connor finds his way to a computer terminal, sits down and starts banging away.
“OK, the Colonel asked us to outfit you for a field mission… Let’s see… Recon… Urban under cover surveillance… Oh! A woman! Cool!”
Conner spins to face Tooley, “I’ve been hoping to try this out! Come on, this way!”
Tooley looks to Patrick and raises an eyebrow. Patrick shrugs, shakes his head slightly, and whispers, “Well, you are a woman...”, and the three hurry to catch up to Connor who’s rifling through a set of garment racks.
“What size are you?” he asks, “… Oh never mind, we get the tailor to cut it down...”
Reaching into the rack he pulls out his prize, “TA-DA!”
“A BURKA?!” exclaims Tooley, “My ‘equipment’ is a fucking Burka?!!!” – Her tone could peel paint but Connor seems completely oblivious to it.
“This isn’t just any Burka. This one is a class 3 MoPP suit for chemical protection, has a Kevlar liner, built in holsters, a small grenade launcher in the right sleeve and an integrated field radio!”
Tooley looks dubious, “I’ll roast alive in that thing!”
Connor shook his head, “No you wont. We included some tech we’ve been working on for NASA. This baby is equipped with a Peltier cooling system. It should be able to keep the inside of your Burka at about 75 degrees for 8 hours or so. – Just don’t lean against anything too flammable when it’s running. The heat exchanger in the back gets pretty warm...”
“75 Degrees?! I’d like one, please!” interjects Kalfas, “I’ve been sweating for 9 months!”
Patrick jumps in, “Sergeant! You can’t be serious! No one is going to buy a 6’2” ‘girl’ with blue eyes, even if ‘she’s’ wrapped in a Burka!”
“Life is unfair.” bemoans the Sergeant.
“Indeed.” Patrick replies, “So what else do you have for us, Connor?”
…to be continued...