"Theo did you take a letter from my bundle and hide it?"

"Letter?" Theo looked up from the large piece of obsidian he was fashioning into a spear head by striking flakes from the edge of the bulky stone.

She had tried to argue him out of it but he was relentless, so these last few nights, as Theo’s body continued to heal Dani got Mama’s journal out and sat cross legged by the fire opposite him and read the first few childish entries in the wavering light of the fire. The reading was going slowly. She had to translate everything from English and that took some concentration at first with Theo helping her out when she came to words she had not yet learned in Havenish or stopped to explain to him words for things like television and ice cream that had no counterpart in his language. These words she simply pronounced in English. With each reading she added several new words to her vocabulary list.

She dragged her pack closer and pulled out the bundle of letters and postcards and she extracted one of the envelopes. "It would look like this, but longer." She wagged the letter addressed to Great-grandma Evelyn (Grammy) in mama’s round juvenile hand-writing until Theo looked up and frowned. How did she know the letter was in a legal sized envelope?

"Is this another ploy to avoid reading, Danielle?"

"This is not a ploy." She said mocking his tone with sarcasm. She held up the bundled correspondences. "There should have been a letter with these from my mother and I am supposed to read it but it seems to have gone missing."

“Why are you bringing this up now?"

"I only just remembered."

"Remembered what?"

"The letter." Why was he making such an issue of it?

"How do you know the letter was there at all? Maybe it was left behind."

That thought had not occurred to her. She assumed that Angie had bundled the letter with the rest of the letters that were inside the box.

She remembered clearly that day Angie had brought the shoebox to her house and put it on the kitchen table with the letter with Dani’s name written across the legal sized envelope. She had not remembered it on the night she left earth nor had she remembered it when the King asked her about it, but now Dani recalled how she had ignored the letter just as she had the box, walking by them every day without giving them a second thought. If her mother could up and leave town with her boyfriend after what they had been through without one word of warning to Dani, without Dani, what did it matter? After a week the box and letter had been moved to the kitchen counter -- a bar that separated Aunt Angie’s kitchen from her dining room with the sliding glass doors that opened out onto a wooden deck. A couple of times Uncle Mike -- Angie’s former long time live in boyfriend -- had attempted to get Dani to read the letter, but Dani had acted like it was not important and the box with the letter had quickly become unimportant enough that she had forgotten them completely. She had walked by them daily without giving them a second thought until the pair was not on the counter any more and Dani had wiped away all memory of them.

Theo watched her intently. So, his connection to her brain was jarring lots of memories free, and not only after the prairie dress dream.

Perhaps all the explanations she yearned to hear were in that letter. If she did not find it, she would never learn what was in the letter; Mama’s parting words, her last instructions. Why had Angie not insisted that she read it?

"Maybe it was lost when the letters were scattered that day in the cave." Theo said in a resigned voice

Her heart sickened with the thought.

At first light the following day Theo claimed he was strong enough and climbed up the side of the mountain, taking mama’s map, a plastic bottle of water filled at the waterfall, and his unfinished spear to be used as a walking stick (Dani had found the staff in the forest and had painstakingly stripped off its bark revealing the intricate, rosy grain of panther wood. She meant to use it as a walking stick but Theo adopted it promptly, telling her what a fine shaft it would be for his new spear.).

Theo left her strict orders to stay put and not to wander into the forest for any reason. He wanted to be sure of their location he said and since Lone Mountain was not even on Mama’s map he wondered how Dani even knew such a place existed and he had not been pleased when she had quipped, "Why don’tcha read my mind and find out?"

He had growled something about falling curtains and slamming doors and the many many secrets she hid from herself. When she pressed him to explain he had clamped his mouth shut and turned away but not quick enough to keep Dani from seeing his cheeks infuse with color. Dani, annoyed with his comeback, could only fume that the only secrets still kept between them were the secrets Theo kept, not hers. She was an open book; her mind was his new backyard.

As soon as Theo was gone, Dani finished scraping the hide of her most recent kill, a plum colored hormbeadle (fat waddler) -- and went out to check her traps. Both had been triggered by newths (nyouth/brown butter beetle). They reminded Dani of fat domesticated cats -- shorthairs to be precise -- with long sturdy bodies and tortoise shell coats. She broke their necks in the way Theo had taught her and emulated his example by resting her hand on each warm furry head, flattening the cat-like ears and stroked each forehead with her thumb an was shocked by the sudden memory the gesture evoked.

She reset the traps in a new location.

Dani returned to the cave, quickly gutted and skinned the two rodents and prepared them on two spits. After that she went to the waterfall where a small gap in the canopy allowed a shaft of sunlight through and stripped to her own skin, braving the radiation to stand under the tumbling rush of cold water, wanting to wash away blood, dirt and the harsh memory of that night, the memory of Theo, just a dumb kid, barely twenty, carrying Ruby’s body through the night chased by guilt and the demons of savagery and lust and fear, convinced the girl was dead and that it was his fault, leaving her with that parting gesture of remorse, his hand on her head and his thumb brushing her battered brow.

The icy water hit her like stinging pellets while she rubbed her fingers against her scalp. In spite of the cold, in spite of the bitter memory, her body ached with desire. When the warm wind kissed her chilled skin the sensual sensation only increased. She collected her clothes and returned to the cave and sat naked at the fire while the tension increased. Her thoughts ricocheted back and forth between the steamy expressions in Theo’s eyes, his bleak gesture of remorse and her failure to connect with anyone since Maris left.

Dani had seen every inch of Theo’s body, washed it, doctored it and knew every scar intimately -- including the ragged purple scar on his left, shoulder an injury sustained in a life and death struggle with a fvluxen (floogin) after it had caught him stealing eggs from its nest. Dani was as familiar with Theo’s body as she was with her own. And yet, as intimate as her knowledge of him, Dani still had no feeling for him one way or the other, as Barb had lamented, his manliness was lost on her.

She was at a loss to explain why she was suddenly restless with sexual energy, perhaps it was because she hadn’t had sex since Paris.

Dani slipped into her mercury shaded second skin and watched it shift until the color was the familiar cobalt blue. Why was it not suffused with the color red?

She shook water from her hair and ran her fingers through it, pushed the too long, curling ends behind her ears.

After that she put the skewered newths over the fire and prepared the rest of the meal.

Danielle was seated by the fire staring off into space, her hands folded in her lap, struggling to suppress a wave of pure misery when Theo returned, landed hard on the ledge outside and sprawled, startling Dani out of her reverie. He hurried into the cave with an alarmed expression on his face and landed on his knees beside her.

“Danielle, what happened?”

She quelled the urge to tell him again to read her mind and said nothing. Her thoughts were dark indeed, darker than any she had experienced in a long time.

"Nothing happened," she said, feeling all at once defensive.

He laid his walking stick aside and worked the pack off his shoulders. He looked wrung out. He was not as ready to exert himself as he wanted to believe, but Dani knew it would be useless to point that out to him.

His memory had changed him in her eyes in a way she could not comprehend. He had done a terrible thing; he had raped Ruby. Dani wondered why had she saved him? How could she care for a person who would abduct and rape a young girl? Theo was not a serial rapist; she believed the incident with Ruby had been a one-time act. Still she did not know the circumstances that had motivated the act. She wanted an explanation. She wanted to know why. She felt she deserved the truth after what she had endured on Theo’s behalf.

Theo’s expression clouded. He sat back on his heels. "We have already had that conversation, Danielle."

“Yes, but you have not given me any satisfactory answers. How could you do it?"

"What do you want, Danielle, a blow by blow account of all the events in my life that brought me to that moment? Any explanation will only sound like an excuse and it would be an excuse. I raped her. I purposed in my mind to ruin her. It cannot be taken back; it cannot be undone. Every day of my life I have to live with the memory of it."

He looked away, taking in the prepared food, the two rodents roasted nearly black on one side but still raw on top because she had neglected to turn them and then examined her damp hair and changed the subject abruptly.

“Why is your hair wet?”

“I took a shower. I stripped all the way down to my skin and stood under the waterfall until my body was numb. I haven’t had a decent bath since we left Pelbradyn.”

She knew the very mention of her stripping would affect him. She wanted to affect him. She wanted to punish him for holding out on her.

He averted his gaze. "I told you to stay here." His voice was tight with anger. He got up and stalked toward the ledge, turned and came back. "One of these days Danielle, you are going to disregard my warnings at your own peril.”

"What do you care? All I am is a burden to you."

He did not deny it. He changed the subject again.

"As it turns out this is Lone Mountain and that puts us just north of Dreyden’s territory." He spoke over his shoulder while he opened his haversack. He pulled Mama’s map out and opened it and pointed to an area south of Hill Country.

“With Dreyden and his men in the vicinity, the risk that we will encounter them when we start south is high if they do not find us here. The smell of cooking alone could draw them in. Do not go into the forest alone again.”

“What do you care?” The devil was in her and she could not stop her relentless push to get a reaction from Theo.

“Is that a rhetorical question; or do you require an answer?”

“Take your pick.”

He frowned at her in a disapproving way.

"I wish you had stayed with your mother, Danielle.” He turned away, putting the map back. “We will discuss this later.”

“Don’t you walk away from me!”

“You do not own me. You do not get to tell me what to do as if I was you slave.”

“You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

The urge to push was a fire in her belly. She cared for Theo. She despised what he did. She questioned her own judgment and yet she could still be angry that he kept her at arm’s length and be jealous that he refused to talk about Ruby and Anthony. It was all very confusing. He could read her mind, yet remain too obtuse to figure that out?

“Why are we traveling south? Where are we going? What is this unfinished business of yours with Anthony?”

If she could get him to tell her about Anthony maybe his silence on the Ruby topic would not hurt so much. Maybe understanding would ease the need to justify him, the need to feel justified. She wanted to like him pure and simple without the complication of his sordid past making her wonder what was wrong with her. In her other life she would have never considered friendship with the likes of Theo. She would have meted out judgment much as the Hill People had and walked away feeling satisfied. But this was not so simple. She cared for him. She loved him. How could she love a rapist, even as a friend?

“Leave it alone, Danielle. We will talk after you settle down.”

“You are going there to meet your family of origin.”

“No.”

"They appointed Anthony to be your guardian, right?"

He stared at her in stony silence.

“Come on, Theo. It’s clear your relationship with Anthony was important. Maybe he was your teacher. Maybe he was your mentor. You enjoyed certain privileges as an Orphan of the Arm, correct? It would make sense that Anthony would be assigned by your family of origin to keep an eye on your upbringing, your development, especially when you consider the secrecy under which you were orphaned. Why else would he have followed you into the Wild, unless he was appointed as your guardian? If he was just a teacher at the monastery he would have likely missed you, but he would not have followed."

“What makes you think he followed?”

“You have his personal belongings. Besides, you would not risk your life and your future going to see Anthony’s master if the only thing you did was leave him behind at the monastery.”

“I never said Anthony was their servant, you did.’

“It’s the only possible explanation for you to risk traveling through Dredyn’s backyard. I am not an idiot, Theo. I can figure things out for myself.”

His silence in the face of her conclusions was nothing more than another blatant denial, another outright lie. So Dani pushed.

“You wanted to turn yourself over to the Hill People the night you raped Ruby, but you had to go back for Anthony.”

Reminding him of that one brief link to his memories angered him just as she knew it would. It was perfectly okay for Theo to have access to her mind, carte blanche, but let her have the slenderest inkling of what was in his head and watch out, Danielle

"What awful thing did you do to Anthony that you have to risk life and limb to make it right?” Before he could rebuke her, she held up her hand. “No, no. This one I meant rhetorically. I have no delusions that you will ever divulge you dark secret to me. I am just curious. It’s only natural.”

“If you want to know so badly go cry to the Keeper; perhaps it will reward your whining with another sneak peek into my ‘dark secret’.”

She did not want to learn the truth that way, by sneaking through a back door. She wanted Theo to trust her enough to tell her outright.

Theo answered her thoughts.

“I cannot talk about it Danielle. It is the worst thing I have ever done.” The wooden look on his face made her regret goading him but her own dark anger and restless passion overcame her and she heard herself asking, “Worse than four dead girls; worse than raping Ruby; worse than lying to me every day?”

There was pain in his eyes as he turned away from her.

After an evening of unfriendly silence – interrupted only by the reading of Mama’s journal -- Theo had another thrashing dream, speaking to Anthony in a ragged voice but saying nothing of consequence until he woke, visibly shaken. Dani did not pretend to be asleep but stared at him across the fire; thinking how unfair it was for Theo to enjoy insight into the inner workings of her thoughts while she had to suffer in ignorance, forever banned from getting close enough to Theo to understand his history or the terrible events that had made him who he was. He walked out into the cold forest and she heard him far off below, sobbing in an inconsolable, broken voice.

Next Chapter: Chapter 28