Dani wakened with a jolt from another prairie dress dream remembering the incident that had precipitated the loss of Maris and felt a keen desire to talk with Barb over steaming cups of coffee. In a cold sweat, the unexpressed scream shredded and remained unspoken. Her hand flew to the base of her throat where the strong beat of her heart thrummed beneath the center of the rosary with its faded image of Mary.

The desire to contact Barb was so intense she put Mama’s journal down and rifled through her backpack looking for her phone – it had slid all the way to the bottom of the bag and was trapped inside the fold of one of her shirts. Miraculously, it still had juice. She sent a third message knowing full well there was no signal strong enough to pass the message back home but going through the motions made her miss Barb just a little bit less.

“B- It’s me again; still lost in space and missing you. Wish you were here – Luv, D.”

Late in their relationship but months before the WalMart breakup, Dani and Maris had fought bitterly about the subject of penetration. Dani was mystified that Maris brought it up; was not the point in being a lesbian to avoid penetrating sex? But Maris complained. She said they should try new things.

“You can’t be a child forever Dani; it’s time to grow up.” A strange proposition from a girl just turned nineteen who still slept with a teddy bear.

Maris came home one day late in February with a brown paper bag filled with sex toys, among them an artificial male body part that Maris suggested she wear and use on Dani.

Dani refused so Maris said, “Okay, then you wear it.”

“Like hell.” And Dani had gone away for a while and had come to her senses across town at the north end of Middlebury standing in the back alley behind The Bistro beside a dumpster. Her body shook, her arms felt heavy, her lips were numb and her throat felt raw. The offending artificial appendage with its shiny black vinyl harness dangled from her hand. Somehow she had managed to break it into three pieces all held together by torn, flesh toned vinyl. Dani flung it into the dumpster and looked around.

Her car was not to be found. She hurried home with her shoulders hunched against a cold wind driven sleet. She had no coat and no shoes. By the time she made it back to their efficiency, she was soaked, chilled to the bone, and her sodden socks had holes worn in them.

Maris, along with Dani’s car, was absent and their home -- all lights blazing -- was in shambles. The last time she had made a shambles of anything was a several weeks after Jordan’s death and a week prior to meeting Maris. Now here she was, back to old habits she had believed to be overcome by love.

She showered first and then put on her fleece pajamas, a flannel shirt and thick pullover sweater and two pair of thick socks. She further warmed herself with a hot cup of coffee and proceeded to put everything back to rights, removing the broken desk chair to the empty spot beside their trash barrel at the back of the building. Sleet had given way to plump snowflakes coming down fast and heavy, so the ground was coated with a thin sheet of ice covered by an inch-thick white carpet.

Dani fumed. Maris must have run to Alex looking for a more penetrating love experience. From their first day at Middlebury, Alex had made it plain she was interested in Maris and Maris had openly enjoyed the attention.

“It’s flattering, Dani. Don’t be jealous.” Maris had cooed. “You will always be my number one.”

Dani emptied the last pile of broken glass and ceramic into the trash when there was a knock at the door. She hurried to answer, anticipating Maris, but it was Barbara, Bobby and Bill.

Dani hid her disappointment.

“What are you doing here? Do you realize how late it is?”

“We just stopped by to make sure you’re all right.” Bobby said.

Dani sensed their desire to get into the apartment and see the damage. Instead of letting them in she forced her feet into her boots pulled on her hoodie and stepped onto the tiny porch.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She pulled the door shut. She picked up the lawn chair and knocked the frozen snow off it and sat down, “Anybody got a cigarette?”

Bill handed her one and Bobby gave her a light.

“Thanks.” She took a long pull of the cigarette, filled her lungs and held it in letting the beastly cloud bring its calming influence. She had taken up the habit of smoking in Middle school but had quickly given it up for sports and now only indulged when she was deeply stressed.

Her unwanted visitors took up positions on the step; Bobby even dared to step up onto the porch. He swept snow away and sat on the railing, braced his feet, and lit up a cigarette of his own. They leaned forward waiting to hear all the juicy details.

Dani drew in another stream of hot dry smoke and said nothing.

“We heard you guys had a fight and so we came over, you know, to make sure you’re okay?” Barbara spoke from the foot of the steps. Each hand was on a post and one foot was on the bottom step. She rocked gently. The naked longing in Barb’s eyes told Dani the girl hoped to hook up. Dani was tempted. Three years of monogamy coupled with Maris’s changing appetite wakened desire for another in Dani she had not entertained in three years. Certain Maris was off consoling herself with Alex only made it easier to justify giving in to the temptation.

Bill stepped up onto the porch and settled in next to Bobby blocking Barb form view.

“Come on Dani tell us what happened?”

“Where is she? Maris.” Dani asked.

Nobody answered.

It wasn’t bad enough that Maris had tried to impose male sex into their relationship, but she had run to their friends and told them about their argument. She had aired their dirty laundry in public. How many intimate details she had shared remained unknown but that Maris had shared any cut Dani to the quick.

“So we had a fight.” Dani shrugged. She was adept at two things: minimizing and denial – the tried, true and trusted friends of dysfunctional families the world over.

She shook her head. “You came all the way over here in this weather and for what -- because Maris said we had a little fight?”

“She was very upset.” Bobby said, making a placating gesture. “I have never seen her so upset. You know Maris, she’s always in a good mood.”

Dani laughed. “I could say the same thing about Bill. You live with him, is he always in a good mood?”

“Heck no.” Bobby answered so quickly it made everyone laugh.

Dani took one last drag on the cigarette and flicked it over the rail. It landed in the snow on the driveway and died with a soft hiss.

She stood up and the boys, following her example, preceded her down the steps. She threw her arm around Barb’s neck and tugged her in close, so that their hips and thighs bumped as she walked her down the alley to the street. She pressed her lips to Barb’s cheek – a purely platonic girlfriend kiss – and murmured in the girl’s ear.

“Listen, Barb, I’d invite you in, but it’s not the right time.”

Barb blushed furiously.

It would have been a treat to take Barb about bed but Dani settled for another peck on her cheek before she opened the back door of Bill’s Impala and handed Barb in. Disappointment glistened in Barb’s hazel eyes. Dani stepped back and closed the door. Then she caught the front door before Bobby could close it and leaned in.

“Wipe that smirk off your face, Bill.” She spoke across Bobby’s cigarette breath. “Take Barb home, will you?”

He gave her a thumbs up.

“Will you do me a favor? When you see Maris, tell her to have my car back by morning; I have an early class.”

Sitting amid the comfy cushions in Maddie’s tent, with the fur thrust aside and her sweaty skin dried by the chill night air that the low lying coals in the brassier could not chase away, Dani saw clearly how her relationship with Maris had taken a turn that night. The remaining sex toys disappeared and the subject was never broached again. Their lovemaking tapered off considerably with Maris spending longer hours with Alex, coming home smelling of sex and pot. Dani pretended not to notice to keep peace. She had not wanted to admit it was over. She loved Maris, had invested three years in their relationship and had – until Alex showed up – believed their love was forever. She could not understand how a love that meant the world to her could come to mean so little to her mate.

Dani felt shaken and disoriented. Until this very moment she had completely forgotten that night. No wonder Maris’s leaving her had come as a shock, no wonder Maris had acted blasé about leaving as if it was to be expected, the only natural outcome for a dying love. Dani wondered had there ever been any mutual love between them? She wondered where was that cool, sophisticated woman who could divert the morbid curiosity of a couple of friends without breaking a sweat. Since coming to Haven she was a basket case and so far not one decision she had made regarding Mama or Theo made sense.

The good thing that had come out of that bad night with Maris had been her friendship with Barb. She had come close to taking Barb to bed but it would have been a disaster, considering the trouble brewing between Dani and Maris and the fact that Barb was rebounding from a breakup with her childhood sweetheart. Barb would have come to regret it and she would have never been able to be just friends after the fact, not with her deeply ingrained Midwestern values. She missed Barb. Dani could stand to hear her voice and her plainspoken advice now.

The letter!

Dani sprang up out of bed. She had forgotten all about the letter she had picked up before leaving Aunt Angie’s house that morning long ago. Where was it? She ran to her pack and rummaged around until she found the jeans she had worn on her journey to Haven but the hip pocket where she had stuffed the letter was empty – had Theo confiscated Barb’s letter too? Briefly she looked in the direction of the Parlor where Theo’s packs were kept but before she went off like a bullet she calmed down and went through Mama’s bundle of letters and found the letter with the Texas postal stamp on it dated Oct. 25. She returned to her bed and tore the letter open.

Dear Dani,

I dreamed about you last night and woke up feeling a powerful urge to get in touch with you. All attempts to reach you have failed miserably but I can’t shake the feeling that you need me.

I saw you in a cave wearing an old fashioned white dress reading a book by firelight. The air was full of what sounded like a thunderous waterfall. Beside you sat the most handsome man I have ever seen, dressed in leather with his hair tied back. I was so jealous of you Dani, in the company of that gorgeous male and you completely immune to his masculinity and those amazing kissable lips!

There was no apparent threat, yet I felt your distress. I’ve tried all day to reach you by phone, text message and e-mail but nothing, and then on my way to lunch my phone beeped and there were three messages from you.

I thought you went to France, but if your messages are to be believed you’re not even in this solar system!!!

I don’t know what to make of it. I suppose I am to get a message off to you and send it in a letter – Snail Mail – to your home address, since no other method has worked. From here on out I’m acting on faith because none of this makes sense except in light of what you told me about your mother’s boyfriend. You know me: I’m a believer in miracles and I have a strong feeling you need one right now.

Learn your Mama’s other life story. Maybe knowing it will help you understand her decision to abandon you. How you will do that I am not sure, but something – Someone – tells me you have all the resources you need at your fingertips.(In Barb language, "Someone" was a reference to God.) Forgive the people who let you down. I know the very thought is repulsive when you’re still hurting and the pain is raw. No excuses. You will not feel like it, but still you have to. Every day I forgive Joe – some mornings I only manage to remind myself I have to forgive him. You know how badly he hurt me.

Know that I love you. I thank God for you every day. We have only been friends for a little while but already you are as dear to me as my own sister. If you really are where I think you are – a lot further than Paris – it’ll be a miracle if you get this letter.

Be well.

Love, Barb.

A draft moved across her feet. Dani pushed her fur over her feet, lifted the other end and arranged it around her shoulders. The core of Barb’a letter had reiterated Maddie’s advice; but just hearing her voice again made Dani feel the distance between here and home.

In the predawn hours Maddie returned. She leaned over Dani and peered into her puffy, swollen eyes and shook her head.

“Move over.”

Dani wordlessly obeyed and Maddie settled in beside her. Her hair was damp and loosely braided; her skin was cool and smelled of night wind.

“Go to sleep now, Little Sister.”

Within minutes Maddie was snoring softly. A few minutes later Dani succumbed to exhaustion and slept.

In the morning, Isa, the Matriach, stepped into Maddie’s bedroom just as she was slipping out of bed leaving Dani curled up under the pile of furs sleeping soundly, or so they thought.

“Mother! What do you want?” Maddie kept her voice pitched just above a whisper.

“I came to see why my daughter would dally when there is a day’s work to be done, and the morning heating up with every breath.” She finished with a sigh in her voice, a luxury Dani suspected she would never dare indulge in front of anyone else.

Maddie scooped up her clothes and boots and pushed her mother ahead of her out of the bed chamber before she answered. “I was with Brandyn this morning and only returned before dawn.”

Dani peaked over the end of the fur seeing the cloudy shape of Maddie getting dressed and her mother seated on the edge of the divan. Maddie separated her thin undergarment out from the pile of garments and pulled it on over her head.

“No mother.” Maddie must have seen an unspoken question in her mother’s expression. Her voice was muffled through the sheer layer of cloth of her undergarment. “We are going to try in late summer for a midwinter baby.”

“The two of you make the loveliest babies.” This doting grandmotherly quip coming from the mouth of the cool and collected Matriarch, crucifier of men, stunned Dani. Maddie had children? Where did she keep them?

“I think so too.”

“I want you to keep the girl with you today; keep her busy and out of trouble.”

Maddie hopped on one foot while she tugged on a sock. She let her foot fall.

“Why?”

"Stokley reported that she was at the prison tent early this morning.”

“Really?” Maddie pulled on the other sock.

“She argued with Stokley for an hour that it was her responsibility to see to the well-being of her friend and if he did not let her in to satisfy herself that her friend was in good hands he would live to regret it.”

Maddie paused with her other foot raised, frozen in the act of pulling on her second sock.

“She did?” Her voice was full of admiration lightly laced with outrage.

“That one is full of spit and wind.” Isa remarked. “Not at all like her mother.”

“No.” Maddie dropped her foot and stepped into her trousers and cinched the cord at her trim waist and secured it with the knot.

“I have serious reservations about her loyalty to that criminal.”

“It’s not her fault that she ended up in his company. What choice did she have but to trust him, he was the only human standing between her and the Wild. She was completely dependent on him for her survival so what else should we expect but that she feels in his debt? Besides, loyalty is an excellent quality.”

Maddie pulled on her tunic and then pulled her tabard over that and began to wind her sash around her waist.

“But the Stone, Maddie.” There was a strain of protest in Isa’s voice.

“Well, you dared her.”

“I do not believe the King would give her the Stone and neglect to instruct her in its mystical attributes. I could see her ignorance when I dared her, as you say, but she was determined to give the stone to that odious creature. She is stubborn, that one. Now what will the King have to say? Well it is his own fault for giving her a stone of power without the attending information.”

A wind swept through the tent and moved the layers of fabric in such a way that Dani captured a glimpse of the Matriarch, where she sat on the edge of the divan her knees together and her hands clasped in her lap.

Maddie sat beside her and pulled on a boot, tucking her trouser leg in. Then the fabric settled and once again Dani could only see their cloudy shapes.

“And you are amused because?”

“I like her Mother. I would not worry too much about the Stone. She can still take it back. It is early yet, too soon for a bond to have formed, yes? Besides, do you think the Keeper of the Stone would ever approve such a man? I believe Dani is having second thoughts about their friendship -- she won’t speak of him except to learn what she can about the charges against him. She changes the subject when I bring our conversation around to him. You cannot know how unusual that is, Mother; she defended him at camp with such passion.”

Maddie lifted her booted foot to the divan and began wrapping the laces. “I think Little Sister is beginning to accept that he is not to be trusted. To tell you the truth I am surprised she went over there. Did Stokley let her have her look?”

“No.”

“Did she threaten to brain him with one of her rocks?”

“Not that he mentioned, but obviously he was in one piece so she did not resort to violence.”

“She has a mean throwing arm, Mother.”

“So I have heard.”

“Her pitch is dead on accurate. Georg will think twice next time he crosses paths with her. He has such a temper, but I swear, Dani-girl has got him beat by a long shot. When a rock leaves her fingers it takes off like a rocket. You saw Georg’s face?”

“And Myanna’s cheek.” Isa said.

“Can you imagine what an asset she would be if she learned to use a sling? It would give her range and increased wallop.”

“We cannot allow that.” Was the Matriarch’s sharp warning. “She must submit to our authority first and learn discipline.”

“That goes without saying,” Maddie dropped her leg and went to work on the second boot. “You need not worry about her getting into mischief; I have another full day planned for her, a wide variety of tasks and lessons to find out what she is good at -- other than mischief and violence.”

Next Chapter: Chapter 19