His biceps burned from holding himself up so he let himself collapse against the sheets with a muffled grunt. Kai was panting into Zach’s pillow, enjoying the calming smell of laundry detergent and something distinctively Zach. Zach, breathing just as heavily, pressed his face into Kai’s back. The air was thick with the smell of sweat. Thoroughly satisfied, Kai was ready to slip into a deep, pleasant sleep. Zach must have had other plans. He kissed the top notch of Kai’s spine.

“...I’m hungry again.”

Kai shot him a look over his shoulder. “If you think I’m moving you’re crazy.” Kai teased, already rolling onto his back and making himself comfortable.

Zach hummed, cheeks still flushed and forehead glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. He squeezed Kai’s hips softly.

“Come on. I can hear leftovers calling my name… Or maybe that was you?” Zach grinned as Kai gently swatted his arm.

“I think my bones are goo… I’m comfortable right here.”

“We just did some intense cardio, babe. You need carbs.”

Kai rolled his eyes fondly as his hand flopped against the mattress in search of his glasses. They tended to fog up or get uncomfortably squished against his face so he typically tossed them aside. Zach pouted dramatically before leaning down to pinch Kai’s chest. He yelped, covering his chest to protect his modesty.

“Ow.” He breathed as he batted Zach’s hands away.

He schooled his features to appear stern but Zach’s devious smile was slowly wearing him down. They hadn’t always been this lighthearted after- and as of recently, during, sex but Kai loved the way Zach’s face glowed when he didn’t take himself seriously. The first few times they’d hook up, Zach would be tense. Quiet. Kai would find an excuse to leave as soon as possible; it was easier than sitting in uncomfortable silence as Zach internally agonized over sleeping with another guy. Something had changed then. It wasn’t exactly an overnight change but the first time Zach laughed during sex had Kai releasing a breath he didn’t even know was stuck in his lungs.

Over dinner, while a movie Zach chose- some action packed romcom- played forgotten in the background, Kai had summed up his argument with his father to Zach who was a very active listener. Zach had been quiet for several, long seconds before he asked in a uncharacteristically soft voice, do you want to spend the night? Kai should have said no, considering he had the Jeep, but the prospect of finally getting to fall asleep by Zach’s side erased all rational thought. Kai could deal with the consequences tomorrow. Zach had provided a much needed distraction from the looming threat of being shipped off to rehab again.

“At least keep me company while I eat?” Zach hummed, littering apologetic kisses over Kai’s chest.

Kai watched Zach slip out of bed with a languid, pleased once over. Zach wasn’t shy about his body which meant Kai got to drink in the sight of a nude Zach searching for the clothes he’d unceremoniously thrown on the floor. He started to bury his face into a pillow when strong hands gripped his ankles and pulled him off the bed. He fully expected his back to slam into the floor but found himself being easily flung over Zach’s shoulder. He released a strangled squawking sound as he clung to the other to keep himself from sliding out of his arms.

“Christ, warn a guy next time!”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Zach quipped as he led Kai towards his bedroom door.

Kai grabbed the doorframe and huffed in protest. “Zach, I am naked.”

“Oops.” He hummed, still holding Kai.

"Zach." Kai warned.

With a long, flamboyant sigh, Zach let Kai down slowly. He grumbled under his breath as he pulled his dresser drawers open. He occasionally glanced over his shoulder; ensuring Kai was seeing how hard he was making Zach’s life right now. Kai placated him with an airy chuckle. A pair of well loved sweatpants were tossed at him. Kai managed- just barely- to catch them. Zach dressed himself as well- a t-shirt and loose-fitting shorts. He looked good.

As he pulled the baggy, slightly too long pants on, Kai felt stupidly giddy. He was wearing an article of clothing that, based on how thin the fabric was at the knees and thighs from several washes, was Zach’s favorite. He had to bunch the fabric up around his ankles but he was incredibly comfortable. Kai found his jeans and fished his nearly empty pack of cigarettes out. Face split with a large grin, he followed Zach down the long, spacious hallway to the top of the ornate and glamorous staircase. Rich people made Kai laugh; why did their staircases have to be just as elaborate as their dining room? Kai held onto the polished railing as they descended the stairs.

Zach’s house, though calling a building that measured to about 11,000 square feet felt underwhelming, barely looked lived in. If it weren’t for Zach’s shoes by the double front door, Kai would have thought it was vacant. Courtesy to the maids; he sure hoped they were paid handsomely. Ten bedrooms and nine bathrooms for a family of three felt like the kind of greed that would make even the seven deadly sins raise a brow at.

He would be amiss to call Zach greedy but Kai had definitely caught whiffs of spoiled only child. He was perplexed that Kai had to share a car with his sister, even after his mother’s promotion. Zach had even offered to buy a car for Kai. As tempting as that sounded, Kai had been raised to not accept handouts and always suspect a catch.

“The catch is you have to kiss me.” Zach had cooed. It nearly worked.

Zach’s kitchen was probably the same size as Kai’s old mobile home, albeit more spacious. Each appliance looked brand new and untouched. Sparkling silver that reflected the pristine, white cabinets and waxed floor. Zach fished their leftover Thai out from the fridge and searched for plates. The juxtaposition of the grease stained take out containers sitting on the spotless, marble island nearly made Kai laugh. This was a kitchen built to host dinner parties; a three course meal of hor d’oeuvres, cooked goose, and mini desserts with edible flowers. It was not a kitchen to reheat leftovers in while half-naked.

Zach placed a bowl nearly toppling over with pad krapaw into the microwave and jabbed at a few of the buttons. The soft beeps of the buttons followed by the whirring of the microwave echoed in the vast kitchen. Kai eyed the door that led to the back porch. His lungs were begging for some nicotine.

“I’m gonna step outside for a smoke.” He hummed, cracking the pack open.

Zach scowled gently at him. Kai patiently waited for his disapproval.

“I thought you quit?”

“It’s my last one.” He promised, showing the pack.

As promised, there was only one lonely cigarette sitting in the cardboard. It might as well have been waving little cigarette arms and screaming “MEMEMEME!” the way it was tempting Kai. It was a very nasty habit he’d picked up a few months ago. He figured he still had plenty of time to save his lungs from growing completely black. Zach gave him a suspicious look, huffing softly.

“Alright… Just don’t go too far, okay?”

“Yes, mom.” He purred playfully, spinning on his heels.

Kai hummed to himself as he shuffled to the backdoor and let himself outside. The air was crisp and pleasantly chilled. He could smell rain. Crossing the deck to the railing, Kai tipped the cigarette into his mouth and turned the empty pack over so his lighter fell into his palm. It was a plain, white lighter that he doodled a minuscule clown on. He flicked the lighter a few times before a flame flickered to life and caught the end of his cigarette. He relished the soft glow of amber and crackle of paper, inhaling slowly. He really hoped he could figure out a way to quit smoking but the first rush of thick smoke hitting his lungs was too endorphins-inducing to brainstorm anything solid.

Kai exhaled a plume of gray smoke towards the sky. This far away from light pollution, Kai was struck by the amount of twinkling white dotting the sky. The porch light above the door cast a yellowish hue over the deck and part of the yard but it wasn’t nearly bright enough to blot out the wide expanse of stars. Kai looked for familiar constellations, asteroids zipping past the planet or UFOs. There was only a plane.

Staring at the sky and exhaling streams of smoke, a very domesticated thought crept into his brain. He stood on the back porch in Zach’s clothes while he reheated their dinner for a little post-coital snack. Was it so crazy to want to experience this every night? After the year Kai had, all he wanted was a place to feel safe. Seen. Zach had purchased peach tea, his favorite, before Kai even agreed to come over. He’d been able to order his favorite Thai dish without asking what it was. The thought stirred something in Kai’s chest. Something both painful and wonderful.

He ashed his cigarette and swallowed thickly. He was so fucked. Fucked because he was probably in love with Zachary Webb and maybe, if Kai were to ever have any sort of luck, Zach might love him back. It wasn’t like Kai had actively been fighting his feelings for Zach; the man made it so easy to care about him.

Kai had the sudden need to move his legs. Instead of pacing the deck like a dog on a short leash, Kai slowly descended the small flight of stairs that led to the yard. Of course the yard was just as large as the Webb home. There was a firepit in the center of the yawning yard and a gazebo built closer to the edge of the woods that bordered the property. Kai wondered if Zach’s parents ever had a swingset for him when he was younger. He couldn’t picture it; that would be too homey for the Webbs.

Kai knew he said he wouldn’t go far, and he wasn’t planning on it, but a short walk would not hurt. He needed to stretch his legs anyway. He only regretted not grabbing his shoes when a stick poked his ankle. He glanced down the soft earth every so often, not wanting to step on pointy rocks or a chipmunk hiding under a pile of leaves. A breeze ruffled his hair and carried smoke over his shoulder. He could hear his feet padding over the grass; an owl hooted somewhere to his right.

The night was so peaceful that he had half the mind to ask Zach if they could eat outside- mosquitoes be damned. Oddly enough, he didn’t think he’d seen any. No lightning bugs either. He could hear the surrounding wildlife but nothing had crossed his path. He searched the trees for glinting eyes. Nope. Kai had sworn he’d seen a fox last time he was in Zach’s backyard. The timid wind rustled through the large leaves of the trees and Kai realized he could barely see the tree tops.

He’d left the safety of the porch light and now only had the moon and faraway stars to guide him. The hair on his neck stood up.

Kai cursed. Almost as if in a trance, Kai had aimlessly trekked deeper into the woods than he’d meant to. He looked over his shoulder. Luckily, he could still see the peak of Zach’s house. Kai brought his cigarette to his lips, brief anxiety put on hold, before turning forward again. Cold crept up his spine as he realized how lucky he’d been for snapping out of whatever deep thought he’d been in. Only a few feet in front of him, the ground disappeared. He was dangerously close to a cliff’s edge. The very same cliff that overlooked the trailer park.

“Oh, shit.”

He knew that it was a far, rocky drop. He contemplated peering over the edge but the dropping of his stomach swayed him against it. He wasn’t bothered by heights but still didn’t want to risk the risk of vertigo after looking at the ground over four hundred feet below him. He should turn back now. The idea of Zach glancing outside and freaking out when he couldn’t see Kai was not very pleasant.

Cigarette dangling from his lips, Kai started the march towards the house. This felt like the set up for a slasher movie he and Janine would poke fun at. He’d only managed a few steps before his ears began to ring. It was a low, irritating buzz- like a faulty refrigerator- that seemed to drown out the sound of nature around him. He instinctively pressed a finger into his ear as if that would help. The smell of crisp cinnamon tickled his nostrils, almost overpowering the burning cigarette.

The ringing wasn’t letting up. Worrying he was going deaf, Kai felt his neck prickle and goosebumps cover his skin. It was as if he stood too close to a tree struck by lightning. A dark blur of movement from the corner of his eye made him freeze where he stood. He hoped it was a branch moving in the breeze but it’d been too large.

His gaze inched agonizingly slowly to his left- too scared to risk moving his head. His eyes strained in their sockets as they tried to adjust to the uncomfortable position. It was enough, though. All of the air in his lungs leaked from his body like a deflating balloon as his eyes roamed over a big mass of dark, matted fir. Black fur that looked almost blue in the moonlight.

He thought nearly walking off the cliff had been terrifying. Kai’s malfunctioning brain processed that he was standing mere feet away from a fully grown black bear. Quarter sized, deep brown eyes bore into him. It tilted its head up, nostrils flaring as it sniffed the air. It was definitely an adult bear. The bear’s paws were nearly larger than Kai’s face and he could see the moonlight reflecting off its thick claws. At least it wasn’t a cub; Kai didn’t need to worry about momma bear ripping his limbs off.

Beady eyes blinked at him. It looked… curious. Almost confused. Kai desperately searched his brain for his limited knowledge on wildlife; was it black bears that spooked easily? He knew brown bears were much larger- a thought that was not all that comforting as the bear stood on its thick hind legs and towered over Kai.

It would be fitting for him to survive a car crash only to get slashed to pieces by a bear in the woods outside his hookup’s house. Kai briefly wondered how long it would take them to find whatever would remain of him. His throat worked anxiously as he took a careful step backwards. The bear shuffled forward. Christ. Maybe Kai could pray for God to send a distraction that would chase the bear away. Or for a gun to somehow appear in his hands. Realistically, Kai worried he wouldn’t have the courage to shoot an animal even if it meant losing his life.

He hoped the short documantry on forest life he found on Youtube was accurate. Make yourself big. Intimidating. Kai needed that to work. He puffed his chest out and threw his arms up.

“AAH!” He bellowed, words bouncing off the trees.

The bear didn’t flinch. It continued to stare at Kai as if he were an interesting sculpture. Loud but not threatening. So he was going to die with his arms up in the air as if he were Superman about to take off. The bear then did something Kai didn’t know bears could do; it took a wide step to the side. It was shuffling away from him like someone hugging the wall at an overcrowded party, beady gaze not leaving Kai. Kai couldn’t look away. It was such a surreal scene he thought maybe he was asleep. Only his unconscious, dream state could conjure up such an absurd sight. His arms gradually fell to his side. The ringing in his ears had grown louder at some point and he felt the strange itch to follow the animal. He stayed cemented to his spot.

Once the bear was right up against the edge of the cliff, it dropped back down to all fours. It finally broke the staring contest between him and Kai as it peered over the edge. Kai’s brows furrowed deeply as the animal leaned down and sniffed the air. Something, a smell so distant or too weak for the human nose to detect, was calling to the bear. It looked back at Kai once again. Its face was calm. It felt no urgency to find whatever smell was enticing it. Its eyes glinted- beckoning. When Kai didn’t take the offer, it returned to gazing down at the Earth so far below. Kai didn’t know if he should intervene. Stupid- what could he possibly do?

“Wait.” He breathed, too confused to feel dumb for speaking to an animal like it might understand him.

The bear ignored him. It didn’t so much as… jump or stumble off the cliff but it put one paw forward as if testing for invisible ground. Kai’s breath hitched in shock as it somehow placed the other paw forward and tipped over the edge. Kai watched as the bear’s back legs left the ground and then it was simply gone. The only evidence that it had been there was the imprint its weight had left on the plush grass. The crushed stands of grass slowly rose until it was back in place. Kai heard a distant thud. The impact of a heavy body slamming into the ground at such a fast velocity. The ringing in his ears faded to a dull silence. The goosebumps on his skin smoothed out. Kai still held his breath. He realized with a weak coughing fit that the cigarette between his lips had nearly smoldered out. He grimaced at the red hot burn in his lungs and throat. He plucked it from his mouth and snubbed it out fully on a nearby tree. He curled his fist around it.

Kai didn’t know how long he stood there before the sickly curious part got the better of him. He dropped to his knees and gingerly crawled to the cliff’s edge. He inched closer, straining his neck to look closer in fear of kneeling on a weak part of the cliff. The rocky, jagged earth below came into view. In the dark, he had to squint to make sense of the mess he was seeing. It was difficult to completely make out the scene but the moon hit glistening, bloody bones. Kai tasted bile.

He could see the bear’s limbs were bent at jarring, unnatural angles. It must have smashed its head on a sharp rock- a dark puddle pooled beneath where the face would be. He should go back to Zach’s house. But he stayed longer. He felt… bad. That poor, dumb bear might have been sick. Some sort of brain-eating disease that caused it to hurl itself off a cliff.

Maybe that’s why it hadn’t been scared of Kai. Or defensive enough to kill him, anyway. It didn’t matter now. The bear was dead. It lay at the foot of the cliff and soon enough, various forest critters would pick and peck at it until all that was left was fertilizer for the soil. Worm food. The thought was oddly comforting. The animal had not died in vain; it would continue to feed the forest. To Kai, that wasn’t such a terrible fate.

He was almost too busy pondering the bear’s motivation for suicide that he nearly missed the quick twitch of movement below. He frowned, cautiously leaning down further for a better look. It must have been a shadow. Or a trick of the light. There was another beat of stillness before the bear’s hind leg rapidly straightened as if struck with a violent muscle spasm. Kai could imagine with vivid detail the wet sound of cracking bone. He was too in awe to feel squeamish. He couldn’t look away as the bear’s other limbs rapidly repaired themselves.

Bones disappeared back under thick fur. The blood still stained the rocks under the bear but its body was untwisting and healing fresh, open wounds. The woods echoed with faint, pained roars and cries. Whatever was happening to the creature, it sounded like it was agony. Kai, eyes comically large behind his glasses, stared at the bear as it rolled over to its stomach.

It stood, swaying, on unsteady legs. It looked like a newborn cub learning to walk again. It eventually recovered enough to make its way back into the trees. Kai watched until the mass of black disappeared from his sight once again.

Kai scooted away from the edge. The image of bones snapping back into place followed him all the way to Zach’s backyard. Roars of pain and the memory of that constant, conniving buzz circled around his skull like a symphony of din and distress. He was grateful for the welcoming glow of the porch light. Zach was probably worried- had long had Kai been in the woods? He climbed the steps and slipped inside. He followed the fluorescent light emitting from the kitchen, not surprised to find Zach with his phone to his ear. His head snapped over when he spotted Kai and he faltered.

“What the hell happened?” Zach breathed, rounding the island.

“I saw a bear.”

Zach’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. It’d be funny if he didn’t look so freaked out. He gripped Kai’s shoulders and searched him for visible wounds.

“I fucking hate the woods… Are you hurt? What happened?”

Zach mumbled questions as he wiped dirt from Kai’s chest. He hoped he hadn’t tracked any in. He decided to keep everything odd he saw to himself. The last thing he needed was Zach accusing him of being on something. A part of Kai couldn’t trust his eyes; maybe he had taken his mom’s pain killers but he just didn’t remember. He hated the feeling of uncertainty that possibilty created- if he told anyone, then they would, without a second of doubt, throw his ass back in rehab.

“I think I scared it off or something. It just gave me a fucking heart attack.” He huffed.

“You gave me a heart attack.” Zach sniffed. “I didn’t see you in the yard and I just…" He paused before finishing. "I tried to call.”

“My phone’s upstairs.”

“Right…”

Kai shuffled closer, wanting Zach’s warm arms around him. “Besides, the bear would have eaten it after if it ate me.”

“Not funny.” Zach grumbled. “Seriously, Kai, these woods are fucked up. You’ve heard about all the missing hikers? About the whole search and rescue team that got taken out? I hate the woods. My dad has, like, a million bear traps out there… Guess they’re pretty useless.”

Kai rested his chin on Zach’s chest as he gazed up at him. “I’m okay. I swear… just got a little spooked.” More than spooked; he was questioning his sanity.

Zach held his gaze, brows knitted together. He licked his lips as if preparing himself to say something important. He sniffed. Kai waited with baited breath.

“You smell like a cigarette.” Zach hummed.

Kai would have to hold his breath a little longer. He chuckled to hide his disappointment.

“Can I shower?” He asked, hand brushing over Zach’s chest.

The fabric of his shirt was soft under his fingertips. He felt a little dizzy with the knowledge that Zach wanted to keep Kai in his bed all night. It was progress.

“Food first.” Zach said as he led Kai to the island.

The smell of basil and garlic lured him over to the heaping of food waiting for them. His stomach, deciding it was in fact empty again, rumbled at the sight of rice and veggies. He happily accepted a fork and scooped a portion of grilled peppers into his mouth. Zach used his own utensil to swat Kai’s fork away and they spent far too many minutes battling over the next bite.

They laughed, teasing each other until Zach managed to fling his rice covered fork across the kitchen. As Kai watched him scramble to find the utensil, he managed to barely think about the reanimated bear. He playfully scolded Zach for making a mess and the events in the woods slowly faded into the back of his mind like pieces of a strange dream.