On his days off from work Bailey and Jenna fell into a well-worn routine. The trip to the late night supermarket was becoming a Monday night ritual. On Bailey’s second night off, they’d make the pilgrimage to the bright neon lights to the side of the deserted car park. The twenty-four-hour supermarket was virtually empty, except for the large numbers of staff restocking shelves. By two in the morning, the shelves were full, and the products, lined up on every shelf, stood proudly on display for the unobservant night crawlers to enjoy. Apart from the occasional partier on their way home, lost in the maze of aisles and a haze of indecision, they were virtually alone to scan the miles of shelves. Without the obstacles of other shoppers, trolleys and children high on sugar, they were able to take their time looking at every conceivable product. They had time to calculate calories, fat content, proteins, carbohydrates and, of course, price. There were limits on everything they could buy, some self-imposed, some due to finances. The difference on this night was Bailey’s silence. Usually, he was deep in conversation with Jenna as she grabbed their weekly supplies.

Finally, she had to know.

“What’s going on?” she asked in between the chips and soft drinks.

“Nothing.”

Bailey was leaning his stomach on the handle of the trolley so he could balance over and let his legs lift off the ground. He was giving himself a joyride disapproved of by every mother in the world.

“You haven’t said anything since we got here.”

“I said I wanted a metre of gum.”

“What did I tell you about dinner on Wednesday night?”

Bailey vaguely remembered something about it, at least he remembered her asking, but he couldn’t remember what he replied or if he’d said anything.

“What did I say about what you told me about Wednesday night?” he countered in a bold gambit.

Jenna stopped and looked at Bailey. He tried to smile his most disarming smile. When Jenna laughed, he knew he wasn’t in trouble for zoning out.

“What’s been going on in there for the last twenty minutes?” she said as she playfully grabbed a handful of Bailey’s hair and jerked it with enough force to move his head.

“I don’t know.”

A six-pack of raspberry yoghurts entered the trolley.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

“No,” Bailey said with an inflection that turned the negative positive.

“Then?”

“This studying thing… how long would it take?

Jenna lost interest in shopping. She hid her excitement.

“The MBA?”

“Yeah, I’m not saying I’m going to do it, but if I did, how long do you think it’d take? And not how long it’s meant to take, how long do you think I’d take?”

“Why are you always so negative?”

“You saw my results.”

“This would be different. You’d have me to help.”

There was silence, awkward silence.

“So how long do you think?”

“As long as you want. You could do it by correspondence and take as little as one unit a semester. That’s why I thought it might suit you.”

“You think I could do it?”

Jenna nodded, trying not to show her excitement.

The rest of the shopping trip was spent with Jenna desperately trying not to be too pleased with herself. She let the subject of studying drop, having learnt months ago how to handle Bailey when he drifted into an area ruled by his insecurities. She acted as if the issue of studies had never been brought up. He’d need to feel it was his idea. And Jenna was more than happy to let him do this because she knew it wasn’t.

Over the next few days, nothing was said about the MBA. Jenna made a concerted effort to let Bailey see her studying. He’d look over from his XBox as he rested between levels, but he hardly said a word. Jenna knew enough to stay quiet. She could hear Bailey thinking.

One evening, when she assumed he was scouring the Internet for porn, she glanced over his shoulder to find the correspondence study information on the London School of Economics site. She said nothing.

Then one afternoon when she railroaded him into helping with the housework, and the couple had their usual argument about whether dusting was dusting if it didn’t involve a damp cloth, they fell giggling onto the fresh linen as Bailey claimed his reward for helping.

Twenty minutes later, sweating and exhausted, with Bailey’s head resting on Jenna’s chest listening to her heartbeat, she asked why he always waited for the sheets to be fresh before he jumped her. Bailey laughed, and they rested, wrapped in each other’s arms. The only sound came from their breath that began ragged and deep before fading to almost nothing.

“I found out some stuff,” Bailey said. “All the good universities have courses. They’re expensive, but we could manage.”

“You want to do it?” Jenna asked cautiously.

“Yeah. I get a couple of months before I have to pay the whole amount. I figure I could enrol, check out if I like it and see if it’s something I want to stick with.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Jenna smiled to herself knowing Bailey couldn’t see her satisfied grin.

That was how Bailey agreed to go back to study. In that one moment it had become his decision, and over the next few weeks, as more and more information, curriculum schedules, exam timetables and core study materials arrived in the mail, Bailey grew excited.

Thanks to working nights he was home all day and always first to look through the mail. When yet another package arrived from his school of choice, he opened it looked through the contents and began to fill out the forms to finalise his application.

Jenna had filed his records: his birth certificate, his old school reports, they all had specific folders, labelled, colour-coded and indexed in a way that only Jenna could be bothered to do. And it was searching through these files, in a moment of procrastination, that he discovered his girlfriend had secrets. As his curiosity got the better of him, he strayed from his files and look through some of Jenna’s. She had all the same forms he did, bank statements, current course results and school reports. However, all Jenna’s documents were inside plastic sleeves, and the sleeves had clips on them making them a little more secure and private. The complicated security measures were no match for Bailey, who quickly had the clips off and was going through his girlfriend’s most private documents.

He did so with a smile on his face, as each document told of yet another facet of Jenna’s life before they’d met. Each new find made him feel he was getting closer to her. Then he looked at her first document, her birth certificate and right at the very top, after the official stamps, he read her name - Wilhelmina Andrea Parchenko.

The name just stared at Bailey from the page. Below it was listed Jenna’s parents, her birthplace and her date of birth. Everything matched, except the name.

Bailey waited for Jenna to arrive home from college. The birth certificate sat on the small coffee table next to the television. Finally, the door opened, and an unsuspecting Jenna waltzed through.

“Did you get the lightning here? I didn’t think I was ever going to get home. We ended up sitting at a bar near the college for two hours and then we thought, ‘this is crazy, we could be here all night’, which is not such a bad thing, but we had to leave sometime.”

Bailey watched as she took off her wet coat, leant into the bathroom and shook it out over the bath before placing it on the hook near the door. She then grabbed a towel, ruffled her hair and draped the towel over her shoulders like a scarf before coming into the main room and then detouring to the small kitchenette. Jenna still hadn’t noticed Bailey’s strange look. She leaned over slightly to plant a loving peck on his forehead and then moved to the stove.

“Did you have any plans for dinner?” she asked.

“I thought I’d hook up with Wilhelmina, maybe get to know her a little better.”

Jenna turned around and looked at Bailey. She saw the birth certificate sitting on the table.

“What’s that?” she asked, already knowing.

“I was filling out the application forms for my course, and I needed my stuff you’d filed away. Great job, by the way, everything’s right where it should be.”

“You went through my things?”

“I didn’t think we had secrets so I didn’t think you’d mind. I wanted to see if you had photos or something. Maybe some results that’d make me feel you’re not such a super brain. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I just got curious. I wanted to see all your official documents, Wilhelmina.”

“That’s not my name. I changed it when I was fourteen.”

“But it’s the name you started with?”

“My grandmother was Wilhelmina. I kept getting teased at school, and finally, my parents gave in. Once they worked out it wasn’t some teenage thing; I got to choose a name that didn’t sound like a European shot-putter.”

Bailey stared at her.

“What?” she asked, defensively.

“When do we start playing by the same rules?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m supposed to tell you everything, to open up and let you in. And I’m trying. I know I’m not good at it, but there are things I’ve told you I’ve never told anyone else. Things that freak me out when I think someone else knows and I wish they didn’t. It makes me feel like I’m losing control. It might seem like stupid stuff, but for me, it’s a big deal.”

“Control of what?”

“If it’s just me who knows how badly I screw things up, then I’m safe. But let someone else know, they’ll judge you. One brain fade in the wrong company, and it can get used against you forever.”

“You think I’m going to use stuff against you?”

“I’m just saying it seems like a double standard if you haven’t even bothered to tell me your real name.”

“Because it’s not my real name. It hasn’t been for nine years.”

“But it was.”

“Yeah, so? I don’t even think about being Wilhelmina anymore.”

“I saw how you looked when I said that name. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen that look on you. I’ve seen on me a thousand times, but never on you.”

“Don’t try and make it into a big thing, because it’s not.”

Bailey smiled, finally, he had her. For once it wasn’t her arguing with a statement he’d thrown off months ago that he could hardly remember. Bailey had clear referenced memories of the many times Jenna had counselled him about letting her into his most private thoughts and fears, regardless of how small. She wanted to know him completely. She wanted to champion his causes as he faced and conquered his demons. She’d pushed him a hundred times since they’d met to do just that. Now the shoe was finally on the other foot, and they both knew it. For Jenna the timing was wrong. She hadn’t been prepared to talk about this now, or anytime, but Bailey kept pushing. Jenna grew upset as the argument continued, and then, suddenly, she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Bailey heard the bath begin to fill. He turned to his game and played for the next level, happy to wait. This conversation wasn’t over. 

As Jenna lay in the bath, her head resting on a rolled towel, she had frustration and anxiety churning in her stomach. It had been years since she’d thought of Wilhelmina. The warmth of the bath sunk deep into her body until she couldn’t feel the water around her. Her body lay on the floor of the tub and she felt lighter, a breath away from floating. 

As she soaked, she remembered back to a time long ago, all the way back to fifth grade. She thought of the way she used to stand at the side of the netball court and watch the other girls play. How she’d sit at the base of the steps and sort her lunch on her own or try to fit in with the other girls, only to find physical coordination wasn’t her strong suit. Inevitably she spent most of her time jealously watching the more talented girls chalk up new and ever-increasing records with whatever new game was in vogue. As she waited, she thought and imagined scenarios to turn the tables on these girls; scheming became a favourite past time. As Jenna aged, her plotting evolved in scope and ingenuity. Her plans became so fully formed that she had to find out if one would work. She was an eleven year old with a mind for manipulation.

Her strength was observing and she was about to find out just how powerful observation coupled with ingenious planning could be. A family visit brought her to a cousin’s home. Her cousin’s name was Peter and he lived in a country town some hours away. The two families rarely saw each other due to the distance, but when they did, Peter never failed to annoy her. On this occasion, it was an obsession with his new toy fire truck. When he refused to let anyone else test the flashing lights or screaming siren, Wilhelmina devised an ingenious plan to teach him a lesson about sharing. She built an entire backyard village that, when revealed to Peter, proved so enticing he took it over as his own and set down rules, assigned everyone names and occupations and commanded his new world into action. Wilhelmina worked hard to ensure Peter’s fire truck remained the centre of attention. As Peter’s friends began to act out their various assigned roles, Wilhelmina was pushed to the sidelines, just as she’d expected would happen. Her assigned role was ‘Mrs Lolly Pop Lady’, ushering children across the street from the school building. Given there was no school and no students, ‘Mrs Lolly Pop Lady’ had very little to do. Typically, Wilhelmina would have complained bitterly, but not today. Today she was happy to sit back and watch the others play their game as her plan played out.

As the straw and matches were found in the garden bed in which the shoebox house stood, Wilhelmina watched silently as her cousin set fire to the flammable feast. His fire truck was on its first genuine emergency call and Wilhelmina’s plan was on course. She didn’t know what would happen next, but she knew the way she’d set up the highly flammable city, lighting it would not end well.

When the back fence started to burn, and Peter ran to pull the pre-tangled garden hose from its circular storage stand, the sudden panic and screaming demonstrated how powerful Wilhelmina’s vengeful mind had become. The tangled hose didn’t reach far enough, she had seen to that. Peter pulled the hose in desperation until it yanked off its connection from the house. Only then did Jenna begin to regret her actions. The back fence inferno, as the incident was referred to forever after by the family, was out of control.

Everyone, children and parents, stood in shock that afternoon watching the real firemen and their truck come down the street. A hose and an ocean of water later left a charcoal framed semi circular view of the neighbour’s yard through the fence that had once stood proudly between the two properties. As a final childhood tragedy, an unrecognisable melted plastic fire truck lay on its side in the garden, an ironic reminder of the drama and a clue as to who they should blame.

Peter was sent to his room to endure the longest ‘time out’ in history, and Wilhelmina and her family climbed into their car and drove away earlier than expected. Her parents praised her for many miles.

“Thank goodness you didn’t have anything to do with that,” her father said, with a slight shake of his head.

“How stupid must Peter be to think of it,” Wilhelmina’s mother added.

Wilhelmina ate her ‘reward’ ice cream and watched the kilometres roll by outside, feeling no guilt, but vowing to use her powers more wisely in future.   

A few months later, after more successful trials of her newly discovered skills, her confidence and social status began to improve dramatically. She had discovered how far her new talents could take her. But when a perfectly directed throw during a netball game, chipped the school bitch’s front teeth as the girl drank from a water fountain, Jenna realised she couldn’t always control every aspect of her plans. Her former rival’s ruined smile left her feeling remorseful.

The girl’s two toned replacement teeth, a mark she’d wear for a lifetime, brought about the guilt needed to invoke a massive shift in Wilhelmina’s thinking and personality. She decided the person she was becoming wasn’t very nice. A complete personality bypass and change of attitude was required, and what better place to start than with a name.

Wilhelmina died that day, laid to rest by the young, thoughtful, caring woman who emerged from the chrysalis of guilt that had spun itself around a girl responsible for so many undetected childhood atrocities.

Jenna could still work a situation to her advantage. She could read a person intimately with one look and gauge how someone would likely react to almost anything. This was one of the reasons she’d been so attracted to Bailey; a young man closed so tightly that he gave nothing away. From their very first meeting, she couldn’t read him - after a month together she was no wiser. It was part of what she found so alluring about him. When she discovered he was completely genuine, no games, no lies, just honesty piled upon naivety and innocence; she couldn’t turn away. He was unique. Here was a person so straight forward that anything she got from him, any emotional connection was real and not projected for calculated gain. And now she was colouring this unstained canvas and somehow he had discovered her one Achilles heel, the identity of the manipulative bitch she’d locked away and hidden within.

Jenna came from the bathroom.

“Ready to talk about Will?” Bailey asked, placing his game controller down on his lap.

“There’s nothing to tell. It’s a name; I changed it. I’m the same person regardless of which name I use.”

Jenna sat down and said nothing more.

Bailey looked at her as she lit the bong and drew back hard. He was certain there was more to the story of Wilhelmina, but when Jenna passed him a freshly packed cone, he knew he wasn’t going to hear that story anytime soon.

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