Too many of us spend too much of our time feeling exhausted, stuck or dissatisfied. Our most important relationships seem sometimes to tax us more than they nourish us and are often fraught with tension.

Even if we can count self-discipline and a keen intellect amongst our best qualities, why is it that, time and again, the way we behave contradicts our good intentions? Sometimes it seems as if our efforts to improve things bring the exact opposite of what we intended, like accelerating to get our vehicle out of the mud to find that we’re stuck more deeply because we tried to break free.

What is going on? More importantly, what can we do about it?

In this book, I will explain the real reasons why we can become increasingly switched off and burnt out as we mature. I will show you, step-by-step, how to access and dismantle your most destructive, unconscious reactions. I will lead you through an original and groundbreaking system of self-help designed to guide you in removing the patterns that cause conflict in your relationships and keep you feeling stuck and hopeless. I will explain why some situations are worsened by your attempts to fix them and show you an alternative strategy that works. I will teach you how to rekindle your creative drive and use it to ensure that your future is one that you choose, rather than one you have to put up with. I qualified as a therapist in 2006, at the age of thirty five and I have been in practice ever since. I work with people who suffer various forms of chronic unhappiness, dissatisfaction or despair.

My clients tend to attribute the causes of their discontent to the influence of others, or their life situations or to poor choices they made in the past. They might say for instance, ‘I’m stuck in an unhappy marriage. Divorce is financially impossible for both of us.’ Or else they might say, ‘My boss is making my life a misery but there is no way I can change jobs right now’.

When my clients and I look more deeply into these external problems, we usually unearth an internal mechanism that has been activated: Their innate survival drives are being triggered by ordinary, everyday stressors. It’s as if they have an alarm bell inside, ringing in regular bursts; signalling danger. This, in turn, leads to reactive patterns of thought, feeling and behaviour that become repetitive and automatic and, in the long run, cause conflict, tension and unhappiness. In many cases, when this mechanism is dismantled and the alarm bell falls silent, unhappiness disappears.

Why I wrote this book

My clients regularly ask me what they can do in order to feel and live better. They are in search of a set of practical instructions they can apply in the context of the very real demands and constraints of their lives. They want to measure the results of their efforts and see positive, lasting change. In response to these requests and during more than thirteen year’s worth of face-to-face sessions, I developed and refined a truly practical system of therapy that I have now adapted and present here as a system of self-help.

I am passionate about this system because it is accessible to everybody and because it works. We can all have peace of mind. We can all be enthusiastic, dynamic and creative, irrespective of our life circumstances. This book introduces ‘Blindspot Charting’ - the means and the method for resolving unconscious patterns and fulfilling your potential.

Charting your Blindspots will allow you to save the energy you currently waste on managing the consequences of your unconscious reactions. You can reinvest this energy into improving your relationships, striding forward onto a path that you have chosen and learning to attract the experiences you want.

If you feel stuck, this book can show you how to get unstuck. If you have lost your energy and enthusiasm, this book can help you to recover it. If you quietly fear that the only way to be happy is to make risky changes to your life situation, be reassured, that’s not necessarily the case. Your happiness is within. This book shows you how to find it.

With the information and guidance provided in Part One, you will discover what’s really keeping you stuck. You’ll learn to recognise the unconscious reactions that drain and frustrate you: the Dead Horses you flog, the Red Herrings you chase, the Brick Walls against which you bang your head and the infamous Square One, to which you somehow keep returning, bewildered and crushed.

Once you’ve discovered what’s keeping you stuck, Part Two shows you how to break free. You will learn to locate and dismantle the unconscious reactions contained in your ‘Blindspots’. This will make space for more wholesome and nourishing relationships with your loved ones and with yourself.

Part Three shows you how to recognise and assess your progress and offers additional guidance and support for troubleshooting. Finally, you will be shown how to reprogram your mind and start living purposefully again. Chapter Eleven includes three powerful, time-efficient techniques for kick-starting your creativity. You will learn to ‘Set Your SatNav’; a technique for programming your subconscious mind to navigate to your chosen, future experiences. You will also learn how to ‘Bookend’ your day with ‘Intentions’ and ‘Gratitudes’ to make sure that the day that unfolds betweenyour bookends is nourishing and exciting rather than draining and discouraging.

You don’t need to waste any more of your time and energy on so-called ‘solutions’ that first raise and then dash your hopes. This book will help you to restore your sparkle and reclaim your joy. My aim is for this book to inspire, guide and support you; for it to relight the fire in your heart, mind and soul.

Let’s get started.

Next Chapter: Compensation Patterns and Blindspots