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Birthday Madness

   A.P.E.X.:                                    Chapter One  

                                                   “Birthday Madness”

“Some of the best ideas are born in the toilet!”

Jimbo’s mom used this statement to substantiate significance to his unusual deliverance into this sensational plane of reality. Mom would often attempt tell him uplifting stories using references to the myriad great ideas making certain effort to avoid the depressing tales of people and things such as “The Death of Elvis Presley” and the commonality of lavatory pet disposal. But her vocal stammering during the tales took much from the intended applicable validity.

Not at first, no, of course Jimbo was excited to hear mom praise him about being special and an important “Key Player” in the role of the whole world and sometimes even the outcome of the universe rendering his “coming” to that of messianic splendour. But then one day, (as is expected of a child) Jimbo became increasingly cognizant of the world and the craziness of the things in it. Things didn’t always make sense and often spawned of mindless adventitious spontaneity and thus shaped his overall yet developing perspective into a mass of absurdity and often times confusing and offensive supposition.

Sally being only 19 at the foundation of Jimbo’s grand manifestation spent a lot of time smoking the ever illuminating marijuana not yet approved in her state for medicinal purposes. Her boyfriend Larry expanded his consciousness with the use of mescaline, L.S.D. and magic mushrooms...

And with their powers combined their seed was formed of a magickal union brought forth during a gathering of like minded individuals, seeking the truth of all that is and their lost connection with the Universe.....

Nay, the Multiverse!

Sally and Larry were quite average really and though they both came from families described by experts as “functional and environmentally supportive of a child during the most important years of development”, the Dynamic Duo got caught up in the midst of the “Free Love” & “Spiritual Awakening” extravaganza of the 1960’s which seemed to spill over into the 70’s a bit but hardly mentioned in repeated verbal recount of urbanite culture’s history as told by the residents of that timeframe due to many of them over expanding their Cosmic Awareness.

The Era of hardly connected to the earth plane individuals had been fortified..

Their mystical union ended abruptly when the Cops implemented operation buzzkill and totally destroyed the good time everyone was clearly having.

After a short time in the box (a very short time) neither Larry nor Sally pursued any further nurturing romantic interaction between the two of them, not even when Sally’s pregnancy was vivified to her mundane mind and personal responsibility was brought forth into coming. Upon relayed information in regard to his newly awarded “daddy” status he loudly proclaimed “Fuck that shit!” and disappeared over the horizon (Stateline) uncertain if he would end up paying monetary benefits to “that crazy bitch” (What’s ‘er Face) who was obviously trying to trap him. Steve Miller’s “Go on take the money and run” would have been a great theme song for Larry’s great escape had it not been for the annoying “time barrier” that one must pass through to get to anything yet to come.

Sally however didn’t care that the asshole bailed to “Bum Fucked Egypt” or wherever the hell he went. She could do better and if not, then she would go it alone. She would come to say that kind of behavior was “typical for bastards named Larry anyway”. It was a kind of mantra for her and though it gave her the confidence and strength to press on, it really didn’t make her feel any better. “What the fuck’s wrong with me anyway?” She lay awake at night sometimes during her seemingly eternal struggle with being “fat and pregnant” asking herself depressing questions about what seemed now like a really bad burn which she took personally.


She was informed of her “due date” and at first she was making her all of Doctors appointments.

But the depression of being alone and not having the support of her parents made things a tad difficult. She bounced from friend to friend, house to house trying to make ends meet by living off of whoever would take her in. The Sympathy card was well played and somewhere in there she started forgetting she was pregnant.

Maybe it was all the bong loads or the possibly the spiked brownies she was eating. Even with the discomfort and physical changes she was more than obviously undergoing she seemed to enter a walking dream state, a numbness brought about from her drive to forget “Him” and whatever else happened that night.

What was his name again?

With early morning comes a wake & bake to defer the abhorrible vomiting routine she had her coffee and walked the long walk to down the hall to relieve her bladder. She straddled the “porcelain god” and as she was obtaining relief she suddenly had to switch channels and for whatever reason, this one was playing a really bad show.

Lo and behold in her stonedness, she recalled her due date. Though she lacked the convenience of a visible calendar she suspected it was much closer than she thought.

Oh My Fucking GODDDDDD!

Nobody else was home as was usual for the hour, her friends all had steady jobs and even the ones who made similar mistakes with their lives had help from relatives unlike her,

She would go it alone alright, just like she said except not quite like she expected or even wanted.


Mucho screaming, mucho crying and heavy breathing and praying to a god she never previously gave much thought.

She began to push...

“Oh fuck” she squealed knowing she was having a baby while on the toilet.

No phone close by and nobody to help. It was happening now.

That which by an assumed supposed cosmic law was to be a miraculous & magickal event her baby was to be born, not in a manger, not in a cheep hotel or even in the back of a pickup like her sister was, but damn it all to hell in the toilet she had thoroughly shit in only moments ago.

The momentous arrival of Mighty Jim hath come!

Next Chapter: The Beast is a Man