I wake up not to the overwhelming urge to puke that has become my new normal but to the smell of my mom’s pastries and bacon. I look over at my alarm clock, 6:00 thirty minutes before my alarm goes off. Normally I would sleep through it, I just had it on so my dad would think I was getting up, waiting until 7 to start getting up after he had left for work. Today though was the first day of senior year and I would not hear the end of it from my mom if I didn’t at least let her make me breakfast. I sighed and forced myself out of the bed and to my bathroom to wash the stink of last night’s party off. The last thing I wanted was to start the day off with a fight with my dad. If I was lucky enough, I wouldn’t even see him today.

It doesn’t take long before the nausea finally sets in. I have to quickly jump from the shower to the toilet. There’s nothing worse than throwing up all over yourself in the middle of washing up. The mixture of the hot water and puke wakes me up and my body instantly starts craving drugs. Any drugs didn’t matter as long as I was intoxicated in some way and if I didn’t get something soon the hangover would only get worse.

I couldn’t smoke, the smoke and my eyes would be too obvious. Instant fight. Same with pills, my dad knew the signs because of my brother and would also start a fight. Alcohol would have to be a temporary fix. A couple shots and a deep teeth brushing should be able to cover it up enough until I could leave. I reach under my bathroom sink for my secret backup stash and pull out a bottle of vodka and chug. It’s disgusting without a chaser but I didn’t really have any choice. I brush my teeth and hop back in the shower.

--

My parents met when my mom was 21 and my dad 24. He was stationed in New Mexico at the navy base when he and a couple of his buddies decided to go drinking at one of the local holes in the wall restaurants. That’s where he met my mom. She was his waitress and swears the moment they locked eyes she knew he was the one she was going to spend the rest of her life with. He ended up staying until close, long after his friends had left, just so he could talk to her and be near her.

After that, he was there every shift and made sure to walk her home every night. Neither of them had any free time for an actual date so they always made the most out of the time they had. He always made sure to tip her extremely well, even though she never kept it, and would fight any drunk customer that decided to get a little handsy. They were deeply in love and nothing was going to change that. Except, for her parents.

My grandparents hated my dad, they thought she was just some townie to him and he would leave her the minute he was done.

“I’ve seen it happen to far too many girls around here. I’m not letting it happen to you.” My grandfather would say anytime he found out she had been around him. He started sending her older brothers to work with her to try and keep him away, so my dad started hanging out in the kitchen, peeling potatoes and other vegetables just to be able to see her. When her parents found that out, her mother started working in the back too and my dad had to find yet another way.

Eventually, the sneaking around was getting too much and my dad was about to be shipped off again. He couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing my mom every day. She was his “one true love” and he wasn’t going to lose her. So, he snuck over to her house the night before he left and proposed and asked her to run away with him. She said yes and they quickly packed and left. She hasn’t spoken to her family since then. That was nearly 20 years ago and somehow my parents were still able to look at each other as if they were still those two lovestruck 20-year-olds.

My mother always came alive in the kitchen. Maybe it was love that kept her young because at forty-two she still had youthful, glowing energy. She loved being in there so much that three years ago she finally opened her own restaurant and was the head chef. I had never seen her happier.

She had her wild curly hair tied up in a messy bun and flour all over her face but she didn’t seem to notice as she focused hard on her work, her skin almost glowing as she fully put herself in her cooking making sure everything was perfect. She became another person, almost fairy-like, as she moved around grabbing different ingredients and throwing things in the oven.

“Oh! There you are!” she said excitedly when she finally noticed me standing there. “I was so worried I would have to leave before you got up but it looks like I lucked out!” she rushed over and pulled me into a hug. “I can’t believe my youngest is finally graduating!” She said, covering my head in kisses. “Ugh what am I going to do once all my kids are out of the house.”

“Maybe finally take that vacation you’ve been wanting” I say, pushing her off and sitting down.

“That’s funny, like me or your father had time for that.” She said while plating my breakfast for me. My stomach curdled. The thought of eating anything made me feel like puking, but the last thing I wanted to do was upset my mom after all the hard work she put into it.

As if he heard his name being called, my father emerged from his office. He wasn’t as lucky as my mother, years of stress from the Navy and my older brother had definitely taken a toll on him, but with his defined cheekbones, slight stubble, and his laugh lines around his lips you could still see the handsome 20-year-old that he used to be.

“Katherine” he was the only one who refused to call me Kat. “Very proud you made it this far.” he sat down barely looking up from the papers he was reading except to give my mom a kiss when she handed him his coffee.

“Sounds like you didn’t think I would make it this far.” I say under my breath and I can feel my mother tense up some.

“Katherine, I’d love to save our fighting for after your first day when I actually have a reason to be mad.”

“Oh, that’s nice so you don’t even think I can make it through the first day without messing up, great pep talk dad.”

“Lose the attitude in your voice young lady. I’m just saying looking at your track record these past three years it’s just expected.”

“Oh my god dad!” I raise my voice “You think maybe it’s like that because you expect it? Cause now I’m not even sure if I’ll go to school today just to piss you off.”

“Katherine Lynn Sables you will not yell at me like that nor will I sit here and watch you throw your life away! Now-”

“Can we please!” my mom yells “Have one meal that doesn’t lead to a fight? Please just once.” We both look back at our plates. If there’s one thing about this house, it’s that when my mom’s upset, we all listen.

“Thank you.” She says quietly and goes back to cooking. By now I had completely lost my appetite, and I really needed some Xan’s.

“I’m gonna go meet Roger at his house.” I say picking up my bookbag. I walk over to my mom and give her a kiss on her cheek.

“Have an amazing first day sweetie” she says sadly and I make my way outside without saying a word to my dad.

--

“I mean what did your mom expect? You’re dads like the world’s biggest dick.” Cassidy said, crushing up the pills she took from her aunt’s cabinet. This was the third time she had tried; the cool spring breeze was making it difficult to keep the powder together and our backpacks were slacking in blocking it. “There’s no way anyone can avoid a fight when he’s around it’s like he gets off on it.” She finishes lining them up and hands the tray to me. I can hear Luna in my head saying ‘snorting always makes me feel like an old person, a very 90’s thing I prefer just taking the pill and getting it over with.’ Her judgmental ass always has something to say about everything, hence why I started doing everything I knew she hated in hopes she would start leaving me alone more.

I quickly snorted my line before any passing cars could see and hand it back to her. “I don’t know, after everything with Daniel she somehow still has this image of him of how he used to be.” I pull out my pack of cigs and hand her one. “I get it I mean, before everything my dad was fun and an actual good dad but, I think she has too much faith in him.”

“See this is why I don’t live with my parents anymore, way too much drama. It’s so much easier living with my aunt.”

“Well yeah she’s asleep all the time and you have unlimited access to all her medication.”

“Exactly easier.” She laughed and pulled out some more pills. I lied back on the grass and closed my eyes as I felt the pills start to kick in and the familiar fog take over. Soon all the bullshit of this morning will fade away and I could start enjoying my day with full drug induced ignorance.

“Hey wake me up when Roger gets here, I feel like I barely slept.” I say and pull my hat over my eyes to block the sun.

“Do you always have to start falling asleep just as everything starts getting good?” I opened my eyes just as Luna lay down on the bed next to me. “I mean we only had two xans, you can’t be done already.”

“You mean two Xans, three joints, and almost an entire bottle of vodka.”

She laughed, “Oh yeah, I guess we should take a break.” She turned to face me “It’s wild, this is not how I thought our freshman year would go.”

“Well yeah, if it wasn’t for Michael we wouldn’t be here.” I could hear her annoyed sigh that seemed to follow every time I brought him up lately.

“Look I get it, you don’t like him, you think he’s a creep, but you have to admit that if it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t be invited to parties or have connections or even more friends like we do now! We have a social life instead of sitting at home alone every weekend.”

She was right. If it wasn’t for Michael, I wouldn’t have met Roger or Cassidy, much to Luna’s displeasure, nor would I have finally found something that helped me tune out my dad. I picked up the bottle of cheap vodka I snuck from Daniel’s room and drank the last little bit before sitting back up.

“There’s a party at Lindsey’s in an hour you want to go?”

“Will there be more pills?” I ask. She smiles big and nods. “Well then we absolutely need to go, I’m almost out this week and I cannot handle my dad sober.”

“He’s still going? What’s he getting on you about now?”

“The same old shit. We missed the first two periods today, remember? So, you could have alone time with him and I keep his weirdo friend Carl occupied.”

“I said I was sorry! I had no idea the dude was obsessed with that horse show for kids, I would have never left you alone with him if I knew he was gonna spend the whole time showing you his toy collection.” I shoved her and we both laughed.

“Anyway, that was my sixth late day in a row so the school called my dad and he went ape shit. Started screaming about how he wasn’t going to have another Daniel and that he was going to go full lockdown ‘exactly what I should have done with your brother’” I turned and faced her. “Technically you’re not even supposed to be here.”

“You little sneak you!” She laughed “I’m so proud my bad influence is finally rubbing off. Your dad honestly needs to take a chill pill, did he not learn from Daniel that the helicopter parent thing only made everything worse.”

“Well, you know my dad, the military way or the highway.” I hopped up off the bed and headed to my closet. “Do you have anything cuter at your house? The only way I can get some free stuff from Jesse is if I show a little cleavage and he thinks he’s gonna get lucky.”

“Ugh you’re right, come on let’s go out the window and you can have your pick of whatever Candice left for me before she went to college.”

“There’s Roger.” Cassidy shakes my shoulders snapping me out of my day dream just as Rogers obnoxious truck pulled up. He spent the entire summer his sophomore year fixing it up just the way he liked it, and he made sure anyone who listened knew that.

“What’s up bitches” Roger yells as he rolls his window. “Who’s ready to party like the seniors we are!”

“Shouldn’t we be going to class then?” Cassidy yelled back. She hopped into the passenger seat and grabbed the blunt from his mouth. “Isn’t attendance the biggest part of graduating?”

“We’ve passed every other year, haven’t we? Plus, you guys already have me doing our missed work so we’ll find a way to figure out how to hack the attendance system.” Cassidy rolled her eyes and turned to face me.

“So, are you finally gonna tell me what that weird tension between you and Jack was? Or is it gonna be another one of your in the vault stories?”

“He wanted to fuck and I turned him down plain and simple.” I say as I hand Roger a cig. “It’s not that big of a story.”

“Oh god please don’t tell me the guy is a creep, I thought he was pretty chill and I need another guy in the group.” Roger sighs

“I dunno Rog with that wack ass hair he’s rocking he could probably pass as a girl” he gave me a light smack.

“Look, is he so bad that he can’t chill? Because if you think he’s gonna creep I’ll cut him off right away, but if not, I’d really like to start inviting him more. He’s a cool dude and his shit is way cheaper than any of the other jokers around here.”

Cassidy handed me the xans she just crushed and leaned forward so she was in between the front two seats. “I will say, the guys got some pretty primo stuff, but I’m not putting Kat in an uncomfortable situation so she gets the final say.”

They both look at me. I sigh and snort my line and wait for the head rush before finally answering. Decisions are always so much easier when my brain isn’t buzzing. “I will admit that he wasn’t that bad to talk to before he tried his lame ass line on me.” I laid my head back and took another hit from the cigarette. “He can chill, but only if he agrees to stop being creepy and If I get a discount the next time, we buy from him.” Roger hit the steering wheel in excitement and quickly licked up his line from the tray before pulling into the school parking lot.

“Oh my god, we’re actually showing up to school today?” Cassidy Leered.

“If I want to still be on the team I gotta at least show up for the first two classes.” Roger mumbled as he grabbed the cig from my hand and took the last puff. “Coach is really getting on my ass; says I need to act like I actually enjoy school for at least the first month.”

I stared at the parking lot entrance as they got their stuff together. It had been a while since I had been to school on the first day. Normally it was a couple days before I showed up, stayed a day or two, then disappeared again. Just enough so my parents wouldn’t get in trouble for my absence. I didn’t even recognize half the faces; I really only knew the ones that came to the parties or sold. There was one that I knew immediately. Luna’s.

She was sitting on one of the benches, chugging a water bottle I knew was filled with vodka. She was in the same clothes from last night, her make up smeared and hair a mess, she didn’t go home. She was probably still wasted. Fuck.

“There anyway I could just hide in the car today, I don’t have the energy for this.”

“Nah you know they do car checks, and that’ll be a whole other thing if your dad hears about that.” Cassidy said and she handed me a joint. “Here, this should help you for a little until we head out.” I thanked her and grabbed it, surprisingly weed was easier to sneak in then pills.

“I’ll meet up with you guys later, I gotta do something first.” I say grabbing my practically empty bag from the back.

“You better not overdose on me bitch” Cassidy yells as she follows Roger “There’s no way in hell you’re leaving me alone to keep an eye on Roger.”

“Keep an eye on me? I’m the only reason you bitches have a chance at graduating.” I wait until they get inside to make my way to Luna. Last time Cassidy and Luna were together, Cassidy punched her in the face so it was easier to just keep them away from each other.

I watched as she took a long gulp from her water bottle and grimace after she swallowed which meant it wasn’t water in there and was a pretty good sign to me that she didn’t go home last night. I waited until I was sure there was no one else but us outside before sitting next to her.

“You smell like the floor of a bar.” I say trying to subtly cover my nose. It didn’t work, the smell of puke and alcohol was so strong it burned. She gave me a quick side glance and went back to drinking. I wish I knew why she was mad at me. I hated it when she got like this, where everything is my fault but she wouldn’t tell me why or how to fix it, just put me through hell until she decided she didn’t want to be mad anymore.

“So, you wanna tell me why you’re still drunk?” No response “Or why you didn’t go home last night?” Still no response. I sighed; I knew she wouldn’t talk until she wanted. I reached out for the water bottle and she handed it over. I grabbed a pill from my pocket, I had no idea what it was nor did I care I was far too sober to deal with any of this. I swallowed it down with whatever was in the bottle and gagged. “Is this fucking moonshine?” I asked between coughs and she laughed.

“It was the only thing strong enough to shut up my brain.” She slurred “The vodka and the whiskey just slowed them down but the moonshine-” She hiccups “The moonshine has made my brain just a little glob of slime and….and if I think hard enough, I can morph it into whatever I want.” I watched as she closed her eyes and wiggled her eyebrows around for a minute before she laughed and opened her eyes. “I turned it into a cat.” She says between laughs

I roll my eyes and take another sip. When she’s not looking, I quickly dump the rest out. Normally I’m not one to cut anyone off but if she’s even going to attempt going to class, she needed a break.

“Did you know that I met up with Mike last night.” She slurred as she reached for the bottle.

“What the fuck? When? After you left?” She laughed and nodded. “Luna Jesus you gotta stop being dumb around him he always does this! He uses you, makes you think you’re getting back together and then the minute he’s done using your body he drops you for the next minor he can groom for another sex puppet. I keep telling you repeatedly that he’s a pedophile and you need to leave him but you never listen and he keeps hurting you and I-”

“Oh my god stop acting like you care about me!” Luna screamed “You don’t, if you really did you would support me on this like I support you with every dumb decision you’ve ever made. Stealing your mom’s pain meds after her surgery? I supported it. Going to a sketchy part of town so we can find any little bit of weed we could get our hands on? I supported it. Fucking hanging out with Cassidy even though that bitch hates my guts I supported it! So don’t get all high and mighty with me thinking you know everything.” I sat in silence as she tried to drink more moonshine. When she notices it’s empty, she lets out a cry and tosses it before digging into her backpack and pulling out a bottle of whiskey and taking a chug.

“I do care about you, you know.” I say quietly and she laughs.

“Yeah, more than anyone.” She mumbles. “You know what he said to me last night? When I asked him if us hooking up meant we were getting back together. He said ‘as long as you’re still with that stuck up bitch then no’” She laughed again.

“The fuck? what did you say”

“Of course, I told him I wasn’t going to just drop you. I’m not that big of a bitch, but you know he has a point, right? You have something to say about everything I do and it’s so God damn annoying.”

“Seriously Luna? Like you don’t do the same thing to me anytime we do something that you didn’t pick?” She flipped me off and took another swig. I was surprising that we hadn’t been caught yet with alcohol on school property, but somehow Luna was always lucky like that.

“I think.” She mumbles so quietly that I struggle to understand her “That maybe we should take a break from hanging out, just to see if Mike wants to actually try again.” My heart stopped; I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Luna may have been a selfish person but she’s never been this selfish.

“Are you fucking kidding me Luna? It’s not like we really hang out that much anyway you avoid me any chance you get and only talk to me if no one is around.”

“Yeah, well I think Mike has a point and I mean with our history-”

I scoff. “History is that what we’re calling it now? I think it’s a lot more than history.”

“See! This is what I mean and what I think Mike means, you’re still clinging onto something that wasn’t even that big of a deal that-”

“Not that big of a deal?” I ask cutting her off. We hadn’t talked about everything in a while, it was something I think neither of us wanted to bring up because of how complicated and crazy it got. I never would have thought that’s how she looked at it though, something that wasn’t that big of a deal. “You know what if it wasn’t ‘that big of a deal’ fine we can take a break from whatever this friendship is, if you can even call it a friendship anymore.” I pick up my bag and make my way towards the woods by the school.

“Kat, Kat wait! Come on, you know I didn’t mean it like that I’m just drunk! Kat!” But I wasn’t listening anymore, my brain was spiraling and the only thing I could think of was finding any little thing to shut it up.

Next Chapter: Chapter Three