REINDEER RUN PARANORMAL SOCIETY (Test site)

HISTORY

Reindeer Run Paranormal Society (RRPS) started five years ago with a simple mission: Find out what happens to our souls after our bodies crumble to dust; gather empirical, unimpeachable evidence that life – or something like it -- continues after death; get a big-money deal with a major TV network so we can spend the rest of our lives shin-deep in pills, chicks and those cherry cordial thingies they start selling a few weeks before Christmas (Edit: We talked about this Frambo. Cut this out. – D ); and bring peace to those suffering under the weight of grief and fear.

Our crack team of experienced investigators represents the marriage of the latest in spirit-detecting, veil-piercing technology and ancient knowledge of the arcane, the occult and the metaphysical. It’s high-tech meets no-tech, all in the interest of obtaining the truth. And those cherry cordial thingies. (Seriously? Site goes live in 2 days asshole. – D)

All RRPS investigations are conducted with strict adherence to the scientific process in the interest of objectivity. All findings of supernatural phenomena will be subjected to intense scrutiny and the appropriate amount of skepticism. We are not charlatans or con artists. In short, we ain’t gonna yank your chain. (Yeah, I don’t think so. How about, ‘In short, we’ll strive to never betray your trust in our findings.’ – D)

OUR TEAM

Declan Perrineau, founder, CEO and lead investigator – Declan is an experienced masturbator (Stop – D) paranormal investigator with a background in science and engineering.

Jackson Trust, occultist and spiritualist – Jackson has studied supernatural phenomena for nearly two decades, and is uniquely attuned to the vibrations of the spirit realm. One time I totally saw him lick his finger after he went digging around in his ear canal. Who eats earwax? Like, at least boogers have some flavor. (I swear to God, Frambo. – D)

Callie Markham, cinematographer, photo director – Callie has been making movies since she was a child and recently was named “one to watch” by “Midwest Photography Quarterly.” I asked her out once and she said no, but I think I was able to successfully play it off as a joke, so things haven’t been too awkward. (Do you know how much money I have invested in this operation? If you’re not going to take it seriously, I’ll find someone who will. – D)

Abby Dietzel, audio director, technical support – Abby has been interested in learning more about the spirit realm since an encounter with an entity three years ago. She has become something of a “Jack of all trades,” making her indispensable to the RRPS team.

Pete Frambois, esq, technical director, network support, enormous penis-haver (God I hate you – D) – Pete represents the successful transition from child prodigy to adult savant, a hyper-capable master of all things mechanical or computerized. He can bench press 220 pounds, crack walnuts with his just his molars and once, while high on mushrooms, saw Bigfoot take a dump in the woods near Lake Ossiwinamakee. He oversees the network that connects and powers all RRPS equipment because everyone else in this sorry outfit (except for maybe Abby) is laughably incompetent. (We need to talk. – D)