“There is this decommissioned communications satellite that I found. Its name is ‘cozy-lounge05B’. A model 7 from a century ago. It’s a fitting name, and the signal is strong enough. I’ll be broadcasting on this channel from here on out. This way the Clubhouse can’t listen in on me and it still feels like I am talking to someone.”
“My name is Captain Mask of the Healthy Beverage Division in the Cosmic Empire. I am lonely and a pretty shy guy [laughs]. I got my name from my subordinates. They named me Captain Mask because I always wear a mask. I forgot what my old names were, but such is the nature of space travel when it comes to names. The moment people start thinking your name is one thing, poof, there it goes. It’s a side effect of the CCM Drive, or the Collective Comm. Mind. It isn’t so bad most of the time. I mean, I still think my thoughts are my own.”
“I wear a mask day and night because I’m worried I am too ugly. Or too handsome. I guess I am worried that my face is too something or other. I don’t like the idea of people looking at me and thinking something too emotional. That is why I put on the mask. Yeah, weird I know. I’m not exactly an extremely sensitive guy, but I know people feel it thanks to the CCM Drive. At last week’s CCM review I scored a negative 50 in my sensitive scoring. This means the whole ship is feeling extra emotional just because of me. Sometimes when I reprimand an officer they suddenly run away crying. This is all coming from me. The weekly reviews made that clear enough. They told me to boost my motivation and assigned me extra rations of beer and deluxe ramen cups.”
“I can’t help it. I drink the beer and walk the halls of my ship at night. Being part of the Healthy Beverage Division our ship serves as a brewery for the army. We hardly have any weapons equipped so at night we shut off all nonessential power and direct it to the internal brewing engines. It calms me to wander the long halls, my crew sleeping in pods all around me, bubbly beer fermenting in vast tanks below. Sometimes I feel like I can hear the bubbles swarming to the surface. I look out into space and wonder where my voice is out there, where the ’cozy-lounge05B’ might be floating, where I start and stop. When I think about this I can’t help feeling I’ve been spread out everywhere through the void. One big melting signal. Then my heart starts beating faster and I have to take a rest in the ambient hut / spa quarters.”
“Sometimes I sneak in and visit the core of the ship. It’s adjacent to the ambient hut / spa quarters. It’s strictly against the Cosmic Empire’s regulations, but I haven’t heard an order from them in years. Maybe they forgot about us.”
“The engine room is quiet and dark save for a pillar of glowing blue liquid. It drones in a way that feels like silence, but your ears still prick up as if someone is trying to urgently talk to you. Inside is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever imagined. She floats there suspended in the blue light. It’s the ship’s engine, computer systems, and spirit all in one amazing package. I asked once how it worked, and if every ship had someone in the heart of it providing power. The Cosmic Empire told me, sure, of course, these things aren’t even a big deal. It’s all scientific.”
“’Is it a real person in there?’ I asked.”
“’Why of course,’” they replied matter-of-factually. That was the end of our conversation.
“And so I tap on the glass, smile with curiosity, and drink my beer. She floats, eyes closed, and brow knit tightly as if working on a really tough math problem. We spend a lot of time together. She’s the only one I let see my face.”