None of this is true

-Author

Then you’re a fecking liar.

-G

Apologia Accentia

The vagaries and varieties of accent in Ireland are, to put it mildly, numerous and complex. From one side of the Liffey in Dublin to the other, a mere few yards*, your accent can give away which housing block you grew up in, where you went to school, and most importantly, whether you are one of us or one of them. A well-known Irish writer, Ross O’Carroll Kelly, who once led the Castlerock College rugby team to the Leinster Schools Senior Cup, has a way to parlay the various tones and rhythms of the Irish people that I, as a mere Californian, cannot hope to convey. Growing up in a state where we only have three accents (Valley, Surfer, and everybody else) has ill equipped me to transcribe the difference between a North Sider and a South Sider, much less a Wicklow man from a Kerry lad. So, dear readers, especially you hardy Oirish among my audience, forgive this ignorant Left-coastal fellow’s poor attempts at relaying dulcet differences in tone, pattern, dropped or added Haitches and Orrs, and chalk up any offending errors to a sincere but misguided attempt at naturalism. And, perhaps, one too many pints at press time.

*If you still uphold the English measuring system, there exists a publicly available yardstick embedded in the wall of Dublin Castle for all to use as a fair and universal measurement so you can check for yourself how much a "yard" is. According to G, you can also measure 36 inches by something he felt compelled to gesture at his trousers to illustrate. One hopes he was talking about his belt.

Next Chapter: O’Neill’s Pub