Frankie Stein knew in his heart and soul he would have to leave North Cork. So, with his new girlfriend, or newly made up girlfriend, he thumbed a lift to Cork Airport. They then took the long haul flight, by bus, to Farranfore Airport in Kerry, then thumbed a lift into Killarney, caught the 3.30 bus to Mallow and landed in the Park at 4.30, exactly five hours from that very spot where they started out. “Tomorrow, we’ll do it for real” he declared to his girlfriend, Frankeena. “Today was just a trial run”. She agreed whole heartedly with him. She thought the sun shone out of where the hole in arse should be. She so much wanted to be the Bride of Frankie Stein. Frankie’s medico had recently immigrated. He left Ireland to go to ‘warmer climes’, so South Kerry was his chosen destination. Dr. Acula, who was not great at geography, nor medicine either, would make a man two brains that would end up working for ‘Hello Kitty’. Dr. Acula’s brother-in-law has two and a half brains and he worked for Bertie Aherne as an advisor. As Dr. Acula well knew, when talking to Frankeena, “It all depends on who used the brains. The second hand brain market is a very strange animal”, as he explained to her, but, of course, it all went over her head. Body Snatchers Burke and Hare could easily travel down to Kerry, snatch a fresh corpse, bring it to Dr. Acula’s house and return to Cork, safer even than before. According to Dr. Acula, Burke and Hare were very humble gents who always upheld the very fine professional standards and traditions of Grave Diggers and Body Snatchers. They were always foul smelling and drunk. Frankie didn’t know it, nor would he every know it, but Dr. Acula had an ulterior motive in moving to Kerry. He wanted to prove, once and for all, with the help of the Stein’s of course, that the Kerry brain was no different from the Cork brain, or the rest of the country for that matter. As it turned out, he did not need the Steins. His own wife, Gertrude, a fine big horse of a woman from Bavaria, Germany, needed a new brain, he felt, as she constantly watched soaps on the Television. Day and night much to his chagrin. He forced her to watch the Presidential Debate on Primetime. She thought it was the Irish version of ‘The Weakest Link’, which he hated to admit was not too far wrong. The only difference, he thought, was the 9 questions on ‘The Weakest Link’ were actually much harder. Frankie Stein and his girldfriend Frankeena are both creations of failed neuro surgeon and pallet spray painter Dr. Sangre Acula who is originally from Transylvania. “Who is originally from Transylvania?” “Oh yeah him, the doctor.”Dr Acula very deviously make up Frankeena from various parts of dead cork women thanks to fresh meat supplies Burke and Hare. “She is 100% all cork woman”. He would always proudly declare to anyone with the temerity to ask about her lineage. “The real reason I created her”, he confided to William Burke one time, “was for a Christmas surprise present for lonely Frankie Stein”. It was, as it happens, also his fourth birthday in two years. William Burke and his partner in grime William Hare enjoying a quiet Monday morning drink in the Hangman’s Noose bar directly across the road from the courthouse in Mallow Town. Gertrude and her husband the eminent neuro surgeon Dr. Sangre Acula dropped in for a quiet drink also that morning as it was a special occasion. Both pairs linked up almost immediately and repaired to the snug at the rear of the bar, it was deemed better if the people didn’t hear anything of their very private conversations. What the special occasion was no one seem to recall. Gerty thinks it could be one of Frankie Stein’s birthdays, Sangre himself thinks it could be the first anniversary of Frankeena an Frankie’s introduction. Burke or Hare would not even hazard a guess as everyday was pretty much the same to them. “A piss-up does not need to be given as an occasion “. Burke remarked with a sly grin. Hare concurred with a nod of his head as his pint was covering his mouth piece. Now they were all together again having a good ol’knees up, trying to remember why they were all together having a knees up about two years previously and if Acula spares them they will hopefully be having another ol’knees up in two years time, and probably begin wondering what was the occasion for the last knees up they had about a year or two ago. On this occasion Acula had them all in stitches, not the type he used on the Steins to hold them together but the funny “ha ha” ones. Did you know he turned to face Gertrude across the table from him, who was in a fierce giggley mood, the steins visit two sex shops in Mallow, regularly. “What two” she repeated it in a louder voice, “Two, how lucky can a woman get”. Burke and Hare were chuckling like mad at her feigned “mock” surprised disappointment. Acula wasn’t quite sure if he should laugh too or was it a slight to his prowess as a great lover. “I don’t need to visit a sex shop to keep my wife happy. Isn’t that right Gertrude, darling?” He burst out in a false sweet voice hoping to divert their attention from Gertrude’s perceived slight to his attentiveness in the matrimonial department or lack of. But he didn’t expect though was her quick retort, “Yeah you don’t need to visit a sex shop but maybe you should start.”