Chapter One

“I’m fucking broke!” Nina wept into her hands, her shoulders jerking as she sobbed. She was huddled into the couch, palming her face in a desperate attempt to keep her makeup from running. Gentle hands pulled messy strands of her dark hair away from her face, tucking the thick locks behind her ears.

Chloe gave one of her trademark smiles – an enormous toothy grin of perfectly straight pearly whites, the corners of her eyes wrinkled. “I already told you Nina, I got rent this month sweetie. It’s nothing – seriously!” Chloe had a soothing rasp to her voice so that when she spoke her words held a jazzy twang.

Nina lifted her head, chin-length tendrils of hair tumbling around her face. She rubbed her bangs away from her forehead and sucked in a deep, dry breath. “And next month?” It was no use, the tears were relentless. Nina stared across the living room and into the exposed brick of the wall. The room was filled with the light pouring in through the long windows. Her lips quivered as Chloe plopped unceremoniously onto the couch beside her.

“And next month,” Chloe pursed her lips pensively but shrugged a shoulder. “Next month is another bridge, we’ll cross it when we have to.” Nina laughed humorlessly at her roommate’s utterly undisturbed response, she admired Chloe’s nonchalance – her blind optimism.

All the while she felt as though life itself were trying to shove her off the highest cliff it could muster. Nina’s chest heaved with another round of choking sobs, Chloe’s hand softly stroking circles on her back. She had fucked up one too many times now for it all to be okay. Living paycheck to paycheck, choosing between groceries or actually doing things outside the apartment, not to mention she was perpetually drained by student loans. In fact Nina couldn’t remember a time when her bank account had been above negative for more than a week. For months now all she could hear in the back of her mind was the patronizing voice of her older sister jabbing at how: how irresponsible she was being; how she had moved out too young; how she was just being a burden on Chloe. It kept her up at night.

The starving artist lifestyle hadn’t turned out to be as romantic and bohemian as she had imagined coming out of university. There was more starvation involved than art – rather than gaining the ‘freshman 20’ her first year of school, Nina lost twenty pounds over the course of five weeks. Her situation hadn’t improved much since then to say the least.

“I should just go home.” Nina said finally, trying to steady her breaths. Chloe looked genuinely horrified at the announcement. They had lived together for the past six years, Chloe herself was almost twice as much Nina’s home now in comparison to the actual apartment they shared. “I can’t keep doing this to you, it’s this’ll be the third month you’ve kept us afloat.” Nina was nearly choking on her words, too ashamed of herself to speak.

Chloe rolled her eyes and ran a hand through the disarray of her unnaturally silver pixie locks. “You’re obviously going to pay me back when you make it big.” She gave one of her winning smiles, her pale blue eyes crinkling at the edges as she reached out a hand and pinched Nina’s cheek. “I want you to stay,” She mock pouted and stuck out her plump lower lip.

Nina began shaking her head, she couldn’t live with herself if she were to continue abusing Chloe like this. How long could they really go on for? Chloe was her best friend – one of her only friends – Nina couldn’t bear the thought of dragging Chloe down with her.

Chloe finally scoffed, her expression hardening so that her square jaw tightened and the muscles flexed in her lower cheek. Her blonde eyebrows knit firmly together as she pressed her full lips into a taut line. “It’s fine Nina.” The rasp of her voice made her words grittier, “If I say its fine then its fine. Besides – it’s not like money is an issue right now.” There was an abrupt bite to Chloe’s words Chloe’s parents had divorced over a decade ago and her father, Richard, had been showering Chloe in money recently in an attempt to mend their long since destroyed relationship. Chloe absolutely despised the man but openly admitted that she was not above taking whatever he was willing to give; of course the majority of what she received often went straight into the bank to be saved.

“It’s taken care of, Nina.” Chloe waved her hands in the air, linking her thumbs and flapping her fingers to mimic bird wings. “Fly away stress, go and be free!” She called out dramatically. Nina couldn’t help but smile, though the guilt weighed in like an elephant on her shoulders.

Chloe placed a box of tissues in her lap and began wiping under Nina’s eyes. She began to smile wickedly and Nina leaned away from her care, narrowing her eyes skeptically at her.

“As a matter of fact…” Chloe smirked as her words slipped away, her tone becoming sultry and mischievous. “We’re going out tonight!”

Nina couldn’t contain her laughter at the thought, after the day she had? She couldn’t keep herself from snorting at Chloe’s enthusiasm. When she had checked her bank accounts this morning she had less than twenty dollars to her name in total, and she would need that to somehow obtain groceries this week.

“Get your ass up!” Chloe stood up excitedly and impatiently reached out to grab Nina’s forearm. “So you’re broke,” She shrugged her shoulders again and eagerly pulled Nina up to stand beside her. “We’re going for a drink on Dick’s dime, we’re going to the Ritz.”

Nina pulled her arm free from Chloe’s grasp, “I can’t do that Chloe.” She put her hands up and shook her head. “I don’t like Dick either but the Ritz-Carlton? That’s insane. What would we wear – we can’t even get in.”  

Chloe gave a full bellied laugh that rang out richly in the tight living room. “Oh, sweetie, you’re so silly – we’ll pick something up,” Chloe winked and licked her lips seductively. “I already talked to Kyle, he’s been holding some dresses for when I have a bad day, we’re all set!”  

Never in Nina’s mind did she truly believe she would be standing at the bar of the Ritz. She stood bathed in warm chandelier light, terrified to move in the $200 dress Chloe had ‘borrowed’. She was broke and anxious, drawing strands of her hair behind her ears to avoid smudging the gorgeous makeup Chloe had done for her. Her roommate had called it the ‘I need a good fuck’ special. Nina might have blushed at the very thought had her face not already been reddened by the alcohol raging through her system.

She hadn’t spent a dime yet – not that she even had a dime to spend. Rather she leaned against the bar feeling very distant from herself, listening to the man before her prattle on about his day. He was handing her a fourth martini and smirking as she happily took the drink from his hands, a plump olive rounding the bottom of the glass.

He was handsome, for a guy in his early forties. He was droning on about his draining workweek between sips of bourbon, all the while he kept his hand hooked around her lower back, his thumb circling against her dress. He had chuckled when she worriedly asked if he was married, but she found it hard to believe a silver-fox like this – all squared-off jaw and piercing blue eyes – could go unclaimed.

He had said he was a lawyer who had arrived earlier this week from San Francisco but was headed back out tomorrow evening. He had introduced himself by immediately buying her a dirty martini, casting a spell over her with his captivating smile. His name was James, which Nina thought was perfectly fitting for his cocky grin and thick brown hair peppered with streaks of grey. He reminded her of Pierce Brosnan and the more she drank the more he and James began to blend together, until Nina was certain it was Pierce who held her so wondrously close she could feel the warmth of his breaths on her cheeks.

He didn’t seem bothered by their age difference, if she was right in guessing that James was only forty then he was nearly twenty years her senior. Nina would’ve been terribly ashamed of herself were it not for the liquid courage and for the approving winks she had been receiving from Chloe. The blonde was seated across the rich mahogany bar in a playful but too-short strapless cocktail dress. The clingy black material hugged deliciously to her elegant curves as only a Versace might.

Nina had initially tried to stay still and blend into the crowd, watching as Chloe wooed the bartender until he had finished his shift. He was bearded and sandy blond, a thick man-bun tied behind his head. He had his face currently buried in Chloe’s neck, tickling her with his facial hair and likely whispering all sorts of sinful things against her skin. Chloe’s eyes bulged momentarily and she leaned back to look up at him, her gaze alluring and hungry. Nina turned away from the pair, her eyes on the olive at the bottom of the delicate glass she brought to her lips.

“You’re my girl tonight then, Honey.” James murmured softly and raised an eyebrow at her. Nina swallowed a mouthful quickly. It wasn’t a question. His tone was too suggestive and it made her knees weaken. She hadn’t been talking to him for more than thirty minutes but wasn’t sober enough to question her curiosity; wondering if James was as tempting without his dapper navy suit and tie.

Nina glanced nervously back at Chloe who was running a hand over her bartender’s chest while finishing her drink. She caught Nina’s frantic stare as she lowered the empty glass. Chloe gave her a thumbs up and then proceeded to put the thumb in her mouth, giving it a lengthy suck so that her cheeks clenched. Nina jerked her head away, hearing Chloe’s distinct laughter over the smooth music.

Nina couldn’t think straight but James was looking down at her headily, he chewed his lower lip as he waited. The lighting was cozy and warmed his features so that his laugh-lines cut perfectly into his skin. If she looked at them long enough Nina thought she might be able to see the very memories that had made them.

“If you want me to be.” She answered finally, using one of Chloe’s seductive lines. James bit a little deeper into his lip at her response. Nina flushed, feeling the heat of her embarrassment fire right across her chest and up her throat. An impatient longing was forming between her hips and she shifted her feet against the heat building between her thighs.  

He watched her finish her drink, bright eyes locked with hers as she swallowed. James took her hand delicately as though she were a princess, guiding her away from the bar. Nina gave a last look over her shoulder at Chloe who was flashing her enormous smile.

As he led her toward the elevators the gravity of what was sure to happen hit Nina so suddenly she almost stumbled in her stilettos. She wasn’t the ‘one night stand’ kind of girl, at least she wasn’t when she was sober. The last person she had slept with was Isaac Keaton, she’d been with him on-and-off again since they met at a party, Nina had thought he was sweet but incredibly jealous. Isaac had been only a year older and had thought her clumsy attempts to bed him had been cute.

James was presenting a card to the elevator doorman, she thought she heard him mumble something about the penthouse. Nina was beginning to feel sick, she shouldn’t have necked that last martini. Maybe he wasn’t serious, maybe he just wanted to continue their conversation in private. Nina peered up at James again. He was licking his lips hungrily, almost burning her with the ferocity of his cerulean gaze. No, they were definitely going to do more than talk.

Nina clung desperately onto the elevator rail, combing her hair behind her ears nervously. She hadn’t realized how drunk she was until now, her toes had long since gone numb in her heels. How long had they been standing at the bar for?

“You’re alright, Honey?” James asked tenderly and Nina nodded hastily, giving him a charming smile and hoping she hadn’t sold herself out.

Too soon it seemed the elevator dinged, the doorman waving with a gloved hand as they took their exit. The hallway was incredible, beautifully lit just like the lounge had been. It was a warm, carpeted stretch of enormous doors and even larger windows so that Nina could look out across the bright nightlife buzzing way below her. Her hands were shaking as James looped his arm securely around her waist again, leading her down the wide mouth of the corridor.

He finally stopped and Nina tried to memorize the number nailed to the front of the door. She felt in her clutch purse for her cellphone, making certain it was there in case something happened. Oh! Nina blinked in horror, struggling to catch her breath – what if something did happen? She didn’t think this was going to turn into a scene from Taken but maybe she hadn’t been looking at James in the right light. Suddenly his hands which had been so large and strong on her back seemed ominious and made her unshakably nervous.

The room inside was huge and she took wide strides towards the long series of windows. The night was full of flashing lights and surely if she were to open a window she would hear all the bustle and voices echoing throughout the streets. But the abrupt drop also made her nauseous, Nina was thankful for the panes of glass and the cool that seeped through them from outside. They were so high up, she had never been in a penthouse suite, let alone one in the Ritz!

In the reflection of the windows she could see the full expanse of the bed, a great square of perfectly folded sheets and perfectly fluffed pillows. The duvet was a thick white, crisply and neatly spread without a single crease. The lamplight cast a pool of yellow across the white, seeming to thaw the sheets so that they looked more like clouds.

Nina leapt at a sudden cold on the back of her arm, whirling to face James who laughed under his breath. He held a glass of sparkling champagne in one hand and raised the other to stroke her cheek. She hadn’t even heard him pop open the bottle. He offered her a sip and Nina politely turned away, resting her face more in the heat of his palm.

“Has anyone ever told you, you look like Pierce Brosnan?” She blurted without thinking, thankful that he only laughed louder at her question.

James removed his hand from her skin to smooth back his hair, “My assistant, once. I thought she was only teasing.” He confessed with a sheepish grin. Nina smiled widely, happy to know she wasn’t the only one, but more so because she didn’t feel anxious anymore. The longer she looked at him the less she saw the threatening figure that had previously filled her imagination, but the gentleman he had been at the bar; he wasn’t so much as scary as he was like a finely aged wine. The fizzy feeling of drunkenness stirred low in her belly, heating her skin and cluttering her thoughts, her knees were beginning to buckle.

She reached up to grip the lapel of his suit, encouraging him to lean downward. Champagne stained his mouth and the bubbly sweetness made her tongue writhe behind her lips. James’ kiss wasn’t anything similar to Isaac’s; where Isaac’s kiss had been demanding and needy, James’ was patient and soft. He held her tightly to his chest with his free hand, caressing her though her dress.

Nina drew back breathlessly, she felt as though she were vibrating – her fears now long forgotten she found herself buzzing impatiently for more. James motioned with his chin toward the bed and Nina paced slowly backwards, hoping she looked as enticing as she imagined. He followed her with his piercing gaze until she had laid flat on her back on the bed, losing herself in the downy sheets. James was pulling his tie away from his neck, the expensive fabric loosening with a delicious slip, he slowly removed his black jacket and rolled his sleeves to his elbows.

Nina bit her lip, that familiar weight between her hips falling deeper – a niggling excitement running needy claws up and down the inside of her legs. She propped herself up on her elbows, reached with her fingers for the zipper at the side of her dress.

“No, no baby.” James interrupted, pulling her hands away and gently pinning them at her sides. His voice was far breathier than it had been before and Nina looked up at him in a panic. Before she could question him, James’ smooth hands tugged at the waist of her dress to hoist the material up over her hips. Nina was inwardly grateful that she had given herself over to Chloe’s command earlier and had agreed to don her lacy red Victoria Secret lingerie. James gave a quiet hum of approval between his teeth and she leapt at the feeling of his hands on her bare skin.

He looked all too delicious, still sipping his champagne as he pressed against her knees. She let her head hang back, closing her eyes and raising her hips further into the appreciative stroking of his fingertips. Blood rushed in her ears as James’ hand dragged over the waistline of her underwear, she wanted to savor every second of his teasing.

“Beautiful,” He whispered and Nina heard the clink of his glass on the bedside table. She laughed as his touch turned to tickles, the very tips of James’ fingers grazing the laced edges of her underwear. It would have been a lie if she told herself she was uncertain now, a bold faced lie even if she thought for a second she wasn’t completely aching for him at this point. While the drunken haze should have entirely dulled her senses, she was horribly aware of James’ every movement. Chloe would have mocked her for being such a lightweight.

Nina gasped, her chest tightening and her lungs grasping desperately at nothing. In an instant his feathery touches of adoration became an iron-grip on her waist, jerking her to the edge of the bed so that she fell flat on her back again. James roughly rolled his hips against hers, the thin fabric of her underwear grating wondrously on his trousers – tented with want.

“Fuck,” She choked on the word then quickly covered her mouth, her innocent guise slipping. James’ cocky smirk had returned, he lifted her legs to wrap them around his waist and draped himself over her like a blanket. His big hand fit around her jaw, turning her head to his so that he could press her with a needy kiss. This more violent than the last and she battled him achingly, losing composer to knot her fingers wickedly in his hair. His grinding felt incredible. Nina held him tighter, pulled him deeper with her legs wound taut around James’ hips. His hands moved to her underside, cupping and gripping and she moaned freely against his mouth, rolling herself in tandem. James almost growled, a low grumble roiling in his chest as Nina sunk her teeth into his lower lip.

She was dancing on a glowing precipice, the tips of her toes hanging over the crumbling edge. “I want…” She began but her sentence was obscured by the expert hand that now held firmly to her hipbone, digging into her skin. The harsh grip loosened to rake down between her legs and Nina arched off the bed, wriggling on the sheets as James’ index finger sunk inside her. She was drowning, suffocating on sensation. Nina pulled at the pillows, grabbing at James’ face when he leaned over her again – bit his lower lip before sucking it into her mouth. She twisted her fists in his hair and rolled eagerly against his hands.

The room was filled with her – Nina’s voice dampened the walls as she did James’ fingertips. The heat of him poured over her unrelentingly, an unavoidable current pushing deeper and deeper within her. Nina moaned into him as her feet began to slip over that glowing ledge, her legs erupted in a violent spasm that climbed the vertebrae of her spine and overcame her shoulders. James groaned, humming his satisfaction on her throat as she clung to him in the throes of orgasm. The power of pleasure almost hurt more than her need for it had and yet she craved more and more and more.

James’ kissed turned sweet again, small loving pecks on her forehead and cheeks. Nina laughed when he kissed her nose. There was a well-known clank and zip of a belt buckle and fly. Nina shuddered, skin dampened with a glimmering sheen of sweat. She was trying to steady her breathing, slow the heaving of her chest. She was embarrassed to see James staring down at her, his piercing gaze made her tremble in whole new ways. Her legs had gone lax around his waist and with both hands James drew them closer, higher so her knees held fast to his ribs.

It startled her even though she had anticipated the imminent intrusion. He made a low growling sound under his breath, his eyes closing tightly as he filled her. Nina gripped the sheets, her mouth open with the ecstasy of her silent scream.

                                                ***

Nina awoke with a grumble.

She ran her hands over her face and groaned into her hands. She was groggy and sore everywhere. Weakly she brushed her hair from her face, the strands gone sticky with sweat. She opened her eyes cautiously and set loose a string of low profanities as she quickly covered her face with her palms.

Last night’s dress was digging into her skin, the expensive fabric had clearly not been meant for sleeping. She pushed up onto her elbows slowly, taking her time as she rose into a sitting position. The scent of eggs and coffee wafted through the room and Nina squinted across the opulent expanse to the silver platter of toast, steaming scrambled eggs and a pot of coffee.

“Oh no.” Nina gasped, “No, no, no!” She wiggled free of the thick bedding, staggering towards the long windows. It could have been any ordinary morning, the sun moving soundlessly behind the skyscrapers, the hum of life weaving through the streets. Yes, it would have been ordinary had she not awoken in a penthouse suite in the Ritz.

She turned on her heels, unsure footing taking her clumsily to the bathroom – the door of which had been left ajar but when she hesitantly looked inside, she found herself entirely alone. James was gone. Vanished as though he weren’t ever real to begin with. There was no trace of him in the room, no shoes or tie or jacket; half of the bed remained entirely untouched – save for the wrinkles where she had grasped fistfuls of the lavish material. Nina cupped her face in her hands at the hazy memory.

Her panic sent her swiftly back into the bathroom and over the toilet bowl. The haggard taste of martini coated her lips and Nina wept in mortification. Regret seemed to come out of her as disastrously as the alcohol did. It was some time before she could lift herself off the bathroom floor.

How, why – when? The words danced in circles around her mind. She hadn’t heard him leave, she didn’t even remember if he had said something before departing. She wanted to kick herself. Nina wasn’t this girl, not the one-timer that woke up, grabbed her clothes and snuck away shamefully – wham, bam, thank you ma’am!

She was disgusted with herself, pacing from the bathroom angrily. Her tears coming steadily when she finally noticed the torn squares of Trojan packets littering her side of the bed. “Fuck!” She cried. Nina wasn’t supposed to be this person, she didn’t run off with random strangers for a quick lay.  

Suddenly, Nina remembered she hadn’t come alone and scoured the room in a hungover frenzy for her purse. It was tucked under the bed and when she extracted her cellphone she wasn’t surprised to see thirteen text messages and four missed phone calls from Chloe. She hadn’t heard her phone going off at all last night, Nina laughed at herself momentarily, of course she hadn’t heard it; she wouldn’t have heard anything over herself.

She had never wanted to liquefy so badly in her life.

Nervously she called Chloe, biting her nails as the phone rang and rang and–

“Nikolina Wentworth!” Chloe’s jazzy voice was fierce and infuriated, Nina drew the phone away from her ear with a grimace. “Where the fuck are you? Do you know how many times I called? I’ve been in the lobby for the past six hours – you’re lucky I didn’t call the fucking SWAT team last night!”

Nina sighed, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She padded around the room, collecting her shoes.

Chloe was quiet for a long time, something she only ever did when she was upset. Nina struggled to for words to explain herself further, “I drank way too much. He even left me in the suite Chloe.” Nina touched the platter of breakfast, her eyebrows knitting together when she found an envelope addressed to ‘Honey’ held between the sugar bowl and jar of cream.

“I’m just glad you’re okay. What floor are you on?” Chloe’s tone softened only slightly, she sounded more tired than anything. The guilt hung heavily in her gut.

“The penthouse,” Nina confessed quietly. She breathed deeply and pulled the envelope free from between the cups and Chloe went off at a whole new level of rage. “We used condoms–” She murmured in response to one of Chloe’s questions “–a lot of them.”

Nina felt like a Grade A slut as she opened the envelope carefully, though she immediately dropped it once she looked inside. “C-Chloe, I’ll be down in a second – just wait for me!” She hung up before her roommate could protest, crouching down to her knees on the thick carpet.

Now fanned out across the floor was a stack of twenty dollar bills. Nina’s eyes bulged as she fingered though the plastic bills in disbelief. There was a small note in beautiful calligraphy amongst the money:

Nina,

It was a pleasure meeting you, I took the liberty of having breakfast ordered to the room. You’ll find the full $2,500 as discussed enclosed. Take your time, the suite has been paid for in advance.

Thank you for the evening Honey,

Derek.

 

“Derek?” Nina whispered, repeating the name over and over. He had said his name was James last night, she was more than sure of it. There had been no mention of any Derek – nor had he said anything about money!

“Oh my god,” Nina choked, her eyes bulging. “He thought I was a hooker?” Her cry was laced with horror and embarrassment. This was her payment for sleeping with him!

Which meant there never was a lawyer from San Francisco, there was no James at all. It was all just a story, and she had believed every second of it. He had picked her up and paid her for sex. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Nina slammed her fists against the carpet.

But there was a greater dilemma.

Did she take the money? Of course not – she scoffed, sickened that she had even considered it. But she couldn’t leave it here, could she? Should she take it to the front desk? Would they think she had stolen it? Even if she did take it, how could she explain this to Chloe?

The hangover couldn’t have made her anymore queasy than this. He had thought she was a hooker, he had paid her for bouts of sex and then left her here with a breakfast trolley and a tip. Nina was used and dirty, the need to shower overwhelming her. She felt invaded and abused – she had sold herself, whether or not she had realized it.

With trembling hands Nina scooped up the bills, flicking through them. $2,500 exactly. She tucked the money safely into the envelope, placing it back on the tray before she whirled on the balls of her feet and hurried out of the room. It would be an ample donation to the next cleaning lady or bellhop who entered. After what she and ‘Derek’ had done to it, they deserved the money more than she did.

Nina was too good for this, she didn’t need petty money from some snob who thought so little of her. She wasn’t going to take cash for sex, she wasn’t ever going to speak of it or think of it again for that matter.

She stood in the beautiful hallway, the daylight created a whole new atmosphere – it was brighter, cleaner somehow. Nina shook her head vigorously, wringing out her arms and legs as though to rid herself of spiders’ webbing. He took a few steps toward the elevator as the door began to close behind her.

2,500 dollars Nina, a small voice sang from the back of her mind. Despite herself Nina doubled back, catching the door before it locked and pinching her fingers between it and the frame in the process. It was her money after all, it was his fault for thinking she was a hooker. Why should she waste it?

Nina reluctantly took the envelope, stashing it immediately in her clutch before hastily departing the room. As she strode barefoot down the long corridor it felt as though the very material of her clutch was burning her skin. Nina passed the purse between her shaking fingers, biting her lip as she darted into the elevator. Her stomach was in knots as she faced the doorman, it was a struggle to smile and he gave her a curious look over his shoulder before pressing the button to the lobby as she had requested.

He passed questioning glances over his shoulder and Nina pretended not to notice as she pressed herself against the cold back wall. The descent was taking ages, far longer than she remembered the trip up to the penthouse. The more the doorman peeked back at her the more she felt as though he knew. It wasn’t the same boy from last night – Nina hoped, since the memory of him was little more than a blur – certainly he was only staring like that because of how she was dressed.

Nina put her shoes on silently, face heated as she straightened her dress and forced another smile. The walk of shame had never been so painful, not that Nina had done it often, but the smooth wakeup and quick-slip escape plan seemed far more appealing now.

Finally the elevator dinged and she exhaled a gust, stilettos clicking as she marched from the elevator, feet aching with every step. Chloe was there instantaneously, right in her face. The blonde was red with fury, her chest and neck covered in crimson splotches. “How dare you!” Chloe began in a quiet rage as to not draw attention. Nina gripped her purse a little tighter fearful that, just like the elevator doorman, Chloe knew as well. “You were supposed to come right back Nina – I was terrified that you’d been kidnapped-” Chloe’s pale eyebrows launched upwards “-I should have called the police!”

“I was too drunk.” Nina had to clear her throat in order to speak and yet her words still seemed rushed and clumsy. The hangover wasn’t helping and the crippling nervousness gripping her made Nina feel faint. “I was too drunk,” She repeated in a whisper. “It was…alright. I’m fine Chloe, he wasn’t an axe murderer.” Nina tried her hardest to laugh, attempting to lighten the mood.

Chloe rolled her eyes, linking her arm through Nina’s and dragging her toward the front desk. Nina gasped and protested, halting in her heels. “No, no – it’s fine. It’s…covered.” She murmured, avoiding eye contact. Chloe’s eyes bulged. “He was a good guy,” Nina shrugged her shoulders. It wasn’t necessarily a lie.

James or, rather, Derek hadn’t been rough with her nor had he given her anything to be afraid of – the man did order her room service and pay for her night in the Ritz after all. Not that he had to after the money…

Nina swallowed thickly. “I just really need to get home Chloe. Please.” She hoped the panic in her voice would appeal to Chloe’s better nature. Thankfully the blonde only frowned, carefully turning them to guide Nina towards the lobby exit.

Chloe didn’t have much to say in the taxi ride home across town but held firmly and protectively onto Nina’s forearm the entire ride. A shower, a long cry followed by a four hour nap and three Advil later however, and Nina’s once silent roommate became a whirlwind of invasive curiosity.

Chloe was presently in the kitchen pouring glasses of Connect red wine while Nina romped around her bedroom in search of a safe hideaway for the money. The hazy memories of the previous night made her queasy and she staggered about her small closet, pulling out old shoe boxes and abandoned handbags. At last she reached into the back corner of the closet where the box-set of books she was looking for had been stowed away. Nina’s library was already overflowing, stacks of paper and hard-backs crowded her nightstands, windowsills and dresser – her actual bookshelf was ready to burst. But there, tucked away from it all, safely in the closet was her cherished box-set of Anne Rice novels. Nina smirked to herself; while she and Chloe bonded over horror and the supernatural, Chloe found the books too wordy and excessively descriptive. It was there in the beautifully engraved hard-cover of The Vampire Lestat Nina hid the proof of her disgrace, whispering an apology to the beloved book.

Speedily Nina stashed the box away again as Chloe came down the hallway, two long-stemmed wine glasses in hand. Nina wrinkled her nose at the thought of more alcohol in her system; Chloe held an unyielding belief that the only way to cure a hangover was to keep drinking. That, and McDonalds fries.

She handed Nina a glass before plunking down on the foot of her bed. “So, tell me what happened.” Chloe was thoughtful though her tone retained her twangy tenacity as her blue eyes narrowed. “Was it…good?” She lost her stern composure at the end, the jazzy lilt slipping back into her rugged voice as she caved into her grand smile.

Nina blushed, feeling the blood rush across her cheeks. She took a taste of her wine to momentarily avoid the question. Chloe’s eyes followed her as Nina paced the room as though she were quietly watching her prey. “It was good.” Nina confessed curtly and rolled her eyes when Chloe scoffed. “I mean, he was really…sweet.” The words were like ash on her tongue, thick and clumping as she spoke.

Nina couldn’t shake the guilt from her shoulders, she had been friends with Chloe for six years now and not once had she told more than a small white lie here or there when a fib was completely necessary. They shared everything: talking to Chloe was as natural as breathing. Keeping things from her made Nina feel like a horrible friend, she could practically see herself yanking the proverbial wool down over Chloe’s eyes. But it wasn’t a total lie, after all ‘Derek’ or ‘James’ had been good to her…over and over and over again. Nina bit her lip hesitantly.

Chloe drank, eyeing her over the rim of her glass. Her lips were tinted a dark crimson as she cocked an eyebrow at Nina. “You were gone all night Nina, he must’ve had some stamina – how many times did you do it?” Chloe tilted her head incredulously before quickly adding, “You were safe right?”

Nina waved her free hand at the ridiculous question. “Yeah, I told you we used condoms Chloe – I’m not a total idiot!” Nina would have liked to have said she didn’t just bed random men without protection but truthfully, Nina couldn’t quite remember the exact number of condoms they had used. The only thing that distinctly trickled back to her regarding those tinny Trojan wrappers was the way ‘James’ had bit the corner and torn them each open with his teeth. Nina trembled in an entirely different way as the thought crossed her mind. The disgust returned with vengeance and Nina sat herself cross-legged on the carpet before Chloe, too ashamed to sit on the bed beside her.

“I’m so sorry, I’m honestly just glad you’re in one piece.” Chloe sighed, putting a hand on her heart lovingly. “That was a dumb thing, letting you go off with a geezer like that.” The pixie-haired blonde winked playfully. “He wasn’t hung like a grandpa at least, was he? I totally think they shrink after–”

“Chloe!” Nina hissed, bringing her wine glass to her lips and turned away from her roommate. Chloe laughed at her discomfort. While the atmosphere was light, Nina made the move to change subjects. She couldn’t bear to linger on the topic, her self-loathing was creeping up to choke her again. “What about your bartender?” Nina blew a kiss over her shoulder at Chloe whose face shot scarlet straight to the tips of her ears.  

“His name is Brandon.” Chloe uttered, fidgeting with the chain of the silver necklace draped around her throat. Nina cocked an eyebrow at Chloe to prompt her on, it was a safe distraction from her own idiocy. “I think we’re going for coffee this week.”

“Taking it slow after last night, I see.” Nina teased and Chloe mock-glowered.

The blonde took a big gulp of her wine, lowering the glass to her lap. “He seems like a good guy-” Chloe smirked wickedly “-and the things he can do with those hands.”

Nina cringed. Chloe was all talk when it came to boys, she always had been. She had been hurt too many times to count and while Chloe expertly feigned indifference after each breakup, Nina had been at her side every time she cried at night. It made sense why Chloe preferred to talk about physicality and sex and all her different positions. Nina would have to meet this Brandon and really talk to him, she fully intended to viciously interrogate him before their relationship went past a hotel room quickie and a coffee. Chloe was coming down from a two year relationship with Eric Lowell – one of Isaac’s friends; they had been a great group-date bunch but Eric had a way of talking down to Chloe that Nina had hated from day one.

Chloe’s expression became forlorn, her eyes seeming to sink deep into her face. “I’m sorry about all of this Nina, I know boning isn’t going to fix anything but I just thought–”

Nina interrupted softly, “Stop it, I’m okay Chloe – really! Last night was the escape I needed to get my head back on straight.” The words weren’t as convincing as Nina had hoped and Chloe gave her a meaningful smile even though she could see clean through the attempt.  

They chatted about trivial things, Nina listening as Chloe told her briefly about how Brandon had been in bed before speedily transitioning to complaints about her father. Nina scowled and grunted at all the right times, a shoulder for Chloe as much as she could be in her current state.

It was when they had finished the bottle of Connect and Chloe darted off to run errands that Nina finally had a moment to herself. She curled in bed and wiped her face with the heels of her hands. She had $2,500 that she couldn’t tell Chloe about and painful mismatched memories flashing at the backs of her eyes whenever she closed them.

When he dozed it was a shallow sweaty sleep that ensnared her. She felt James’ hands as though they had been branded into her very bones. Nina had thoroughly scrubbed herself in the shower until her skin was red and irritated yet she still wiped at her neck and chest as though traces of his saliva were still scattered there. She could feel the silken strands of his hair against her inner thighs, the swirling of his tongue there, at her very center; and in one heated, restless nightmare she could feel him deep inside still – pushing ever deeper, teasing and thrusting. Nina felt his movements, rode them passionately in search of that gorgeous peak he had brought her to time and time again. She felt full and sick, her body jerking beneath the sheets until she jolted and moaned herself awake, damp and yearning.

Nina ached and was ashamed of it, horrified by the craving she had for a man who had paid her for attention. None of it had been real – not even his name, if Derek was even his real title. Worst of all, she couldn’t even bring herself to be productive, hiding away in her room while Chloe was out being an adult. She was a petulant child balled up underneath her duvet.

People had anonymous sex all the time, no strings, no commitment. Was it so wrong to be paid for it? It wasn’t as though he had been disrespectful or piggish, he hadn’t forced her into bed with him. It was just sex in a random room with a nameless man. Simple.

The deed had been done, there wasn’t anything she could do about it now. Digging her own grave of guilt wouldn’t fix anything and she knew this but wanted to do nothing more than wallow in it. She had no appetite and the wine exhausted her as much as it breathed new life into her hangover. Nina finally fell asleep late in the day when Chloe returned home, a pillow over her face as she wrapped her arms tightly around her knees in a protective ball.