Chapter One: I Always Knew It Was Coming... It Was Just a Question of When

Would it be nuclear war, the ideal World War III where Russia, Korea and probably Iran maybe funded by China would all team up and throw as many bombs in our direction as fast as they could and we’d be screwed because all of our allies would be on the other side of the pond and we’ve already pissed off Mexico and Canada and they don’t have nuclear weapons so they couldn’t help anyway... at least, not that I’m aware of.  Do they?  Anyway, doesn’t matter now cause that’s not how it happened.  

How about biochem warfare?  Sure, that’s a good option... not really war, just a lot of dying in really extra morbid ways like they show in movies on bird flu.  Even calling it avian flu does not make it better, people, it still is a ridiculous way to die and I wouldn’t want it on my death certificate.  I’d rather have ’died of paper cut’ on there then bird, or swine flu.  Hell, hoof and mouth or mad cow would be better!  Mad cow... now that’s something to die of, cause either you somehow contracted it or a mad cow ran you over or even tried to eat you.  Now there’s a way to go.

But it wasn’t that either.  Wasn’t anthrax, who is still an awesome band with one of the best beardish things in the history of music, or the white powder form of anthrax either.  So no nuclear war, no germ warfare, not even aliens, so what caused it?  Well... a lot of things.

Gas prices flew up, unemployment went up too, so did the cost of living in all areas of the US.  Then people started to drink more, do more drugs (we’re talking pills mostly, cause those were the new drug of the era), smoking more even, moral was at an all time low.  Was that what caused it?  Some moral disaster caused the world to end?  Not really... but the drugs really helped a lot.  Especially when there started to be cases of face eating in Florida.  Don’t believe me?  Look it up if you can find a computer that still works... sometimes you can.  The world only ended a month or so ago, some things are still working.  

So they said a drug called Bath Salts caused naked guys to eat the faces of homeless people or something really messed up, you know, something you can’t actually make up... cause it’s just so damn weird.  Everyone ignored it though because it was an election year and we had to choose between a robot and a really tired guy.  That was more important than figuring out the face eating thing... and why it happened more than once.  Cause that’s not weird at all.  Anyway, the world ended because whatever was causing people to eat faces in Florida made it up the states, crossed the Mason Dixon line and covered all of the US in about three months.  No one noticed, though, because the only people who were going missing were homeless guys, train jumpers, whatever you wanna call them, people that didn’t really have much documentation therefore it was hard to report if they were missing or not.  Then it just blew up.

Funny thing?  Started in Hollywood one night.  Some starlet with a bad child acting career that had come to an end cause she’d hit twenty was on a bender and stumbled into the wrong part of LA.  Now that made the news, cause a random person’s face eaten off?  That’s one thing.  But some Hollywood kid gone wrong?  Well TMZ sure had a field day with it, and what made it the most weird was they had the most news on it, more than MSNBC, Fox, CNN, anyone.  TMZ, cause they’re known for actual news.  

I was in group therapy.  I hate group therapy.  Bunch of people who don’t want to actually say what they’re thinking because they either don’t want to be seen as the person with the most problems or they don’t want to be seen as the person who’s maybe trying to show off to appear as if he or she has the most problems.  I just sat in the corner and pretended to listen while I was really listening to music on my phone.  Nope, never got an I thing, never liked them, just one more device to carry around, my phone did just fine.