Aksel Olsen’s Journal, 25th May 1954.

Dearest Anna,

I approach the long night with bated breath. I have never known of anything like it. Even on our shortest days in winter back home, we get seven or more hours of daylight? Yesterday the sun peered out on the horizon, only barely, like a scared child peeking up over the blankets. Now we will have no daylight, the thought is incomprehensible to me. Our training last year did not prepare us for such a thing. For two months the sun will not rise in Greenland, if I say it over and over I will believe it. I will not feel the rays on my face, nor at my back. I am sorry I have not written more in my time at the barracks. I have not had as much time to write as I would have liked. I have not even had time to think, my dear if I am truly honest. Time... time to think about all the things I have done...and all the things I have not done.

This is the hardest work I have ever done and to think we haven’t even started yet. Every day when we finish, I feel broken. Olsen remains a true brother on the ice, breaking me in gently to the ways of the sled. He has shown me so much since I began my training. In some ways I no longer feel like a rookie, I feel like a brother in the team. We are a pack now - all of us. Myself, Ulrich, Bjorn, Armstrong, Balder, Morten, Susan, Yan, Dwarf, Valerie, Ludwig, Georgia, Duncan, Timber, Grace and Finn. Out there, all we have is each other. My trust is in them and theirs in me. We carry out small journeys, getting used to each other, days here, days there, mostly to test our equipment and to smooth out and wrinkles. It’s also imperative we study the dogs. Ulrich and I need to make sure they are healthy, happy and fit for the journey. I seek out Bjorn first, my leader. I try not to give him too much attention, but it’s hard not too. He leads the team now, I look to him to pull us out of trouble and to lead the other dogs when morale is low. I am lucky in a way, as the younger member of the team it is my responsibility for checking our dog team and putting them to sleep or if we’re in a barracks, putting them in kennels.

I owe my life to Ulrich and the dogs, I’ve made several mistakes so far. I fell off the sled yesterday, my arm and back are still sore, but I dare not tell them. For any weakness and I may be sent home. I keep it all to myself, well apart from telling you. Still, I cannot bear his smoking of cigarettes after we eat dinner, the smell drifts into my senses, makes me cough every time it goes up my nose. Give me a shot of whiskey over a cigar. I hope he doesn’t have enough to keep him going over the winter. However, up here, one must indulge in something to keep your mind from the next morning I suppose.

HIKE! I must say it in my sleep, it is sometimes the only word that comes out of my mouth the day. My beard has fully grown now, a big bushy bird’s nest to trap the snow. It can get very itchy and it tends to trap juice from food. These are things that are of no interest to you, but to care so little for my physical appearance for some time is humourous to me. We spend so much time shaving, slicking back hair and it’s so easy to just let that all fall away, Myself, him and the dogs. Our minds are at one when we work. We need to be unified, if we are to survive.

Mestersvig is our home for the night, where I am writing this. As I write this, the sun is setting for the last time for two months. In my years I don’t think I have ever seen something so beautiful, yet scary. The long night will come for us tonight. The thought of it lingers over me.

Since I left Denmark for Greenland our mission has drastically changed. On our way to Daneborg from Ittoqqortoormiit, we received an urgent transmission from our Commander, Freya Rasmussen over our radio. She told us that Emil Jepsen and Magnus and their sled dogs were missing. They were Delta Patrol. They have not been in radio contact in over a month and we are to search Mestersvig before reporting to Daneborg for a briefing. Instead of a regular patrol, our mission is now a search and rescue mission. Our duty is to find those poor men that went missing. We have come so far already. At night I think about them out there on the ice.

What happened to them? Are they still out there? Do they think of home? Were all the sacrifices they made worth it? Did they have dreams of exploring as little boys and are those dreams nightmares now? I perhaps think about them too much.

The cold is already under my parka, under my very skin.

I have no idea what it will be like when the sun goes dark.

“Drink?” he says and my ears perk up, the happiest I have been since I have come to this place.

“God, yes. What beauty is contained in Mestersvig’s liquor cabinet?”

“Akvavit, my friend.” Akvavit is my old friend. I say to myself in my head “Probably older than we are. Even me” he laughs “Perfect and what do we drink to?” He asks me, proposing a toast as he pours the drink into tiny shot glasses, my teeth near chattering at the cold.

I think for a moment “We drink to our health, our country, our safe return to Ittoqqortoormiit and most importantly bringing Emil and Jepsen home.”

"...and let’s not forget the Dog Star! Do you see it, Olsen?” he pointed towards the night.

“Yes, Sirius. I see it. Skål!” I say downing the liquor in one go, it burns at my throat but tasting it is a relief and a rush

“Skål!” the old man says, wiping away the liquor around his mouth. “Out there, sometimes it doesn’t seem like we’re here on Earth. It can feel like another world when you’re out there on the ice.” He paused, looking at the snow at his feet, if you look up and see the stars, you’ll know that you’re safe.

Maybe in these last few hours, take it all in. Our patrol in the morning night starts in 9 hours. It’s as beautiful as it is scary. Be ready...

“Goodnight. Tomorrow we go north.”

Mestersvig was big enough to Anna, I wonder if I have done the right thing? I hope you are proud of me, and someday I hope to see you again.

I keep thinking of those men. Out there all alone, not able to talk to anyone, let alone the people they love.

I hope Ulrich and I can find them.

I will probably find it hard to write, with all the work… and the cold...

...but I promise you I will try. Talking to you will get me through. I look out into the sky, it seems like it’s moving, pulsing. Like it’s a living being, breathing over our heads. There is another worldly quality to Greenland.

There were other people at Mestersvig, not many but some. Some military personnel mostly, but I had already isolated myself from everyone and they kept themselves to themselves. I was glad of it.

“Olsen, snap out of it! Are you ok?” he asked me.

I could have sworn I saw a man, standing on the horizon. Perhaps it was the shadow of a man, but I sensed a presence. Ulrich did not, I knew it. So I told myself it was a trick of the light. A trick of the ice, a trick of the mind. Perhaps it was the first test in this place…

“What is it?” he barked “Concentrate!” He almost screamed the words at me, but I wasn’t angry. I was distracted, and had lost my focus. After some time I had calmed down, and had control of the dogs again as we sailed on the snow. The sensation of sledding isn’t what you’d imagine. It can feel like you are on a boat, sailing fast on the ocean, an endless feeling of job, but the only problem is you are steering the ship.

Our conversations during the day are limited, mostly consisting of Ulrich asking me “Tyrkisk Peber?”

“Yeah, please. Dammit, it’s cold.” I say and that remains the only words until the evening when we relax slightly.

On one of the evenings he notices me shivering in front of our camp. I must have looked like I was going to jump in the stove with our beans and sausages.

“This is nothing, Aksel. Every day it gets just a little colder.” He says with a wry smile.

“What do you think happened to Magnus and Emil?” I ask him, as if he might know. I ask because I want to face it, not bearing the thought of what might have happened to them. He doesn’t like the question, but humours me with an answer. I see the wry smile disappear underneath his grey beard.

“I’m not sure. They’re both experienced on the ice, but anything can happen, of course! It can happen, even to the best of us. Hopefully we don’t find them frozen out there.” He says bluntly

“I hope not.” I say and try to return to the silence of my thoughts but he continues

“Hopefully they didn’t make mistakes, when you are weak here, you make mistakes. It can kill you. Even the smallest one. Everything up here will kill you if you aren’t strong, but it’s not bears…wolves or even the cold" he sips out of his coffee mug “It’s yourself.”

While we sled, there is no time to think. We must patrol. To think our job of patrolling is looking out for Magnus and Emil. Thoughts come at the end of the day, and they are as tired as my body, I try to write it all down here. Just so you know what I am going through. I like the thought of accounting for all my actions up here. I will write to you again, once I reach Daneborg and we know our mission for sure. Our brief search in Mestersvig turned up nothing. It is going to be a long few days until Daneborg

Next Chapter: Chapter Two