This is just the beginning of the first chapter.

Chapter 1: The Stalker

Oh my god, I can’t believe it, Lia’s hands started shaking. The girl she had been stalking for the past couple of months was there. Whenever she was around her, Lia lost control of her body. Her heart beat as it did whenever she attempted to spring and couldn’t, because she was quite out of shape. Her hands shook at the thought of making eye contact. She didn’t even know her name yet. Her stomach tightened, and involuntary diaphragm spasms caused her to choke up while speaking.

“She’s just a human being, what are you so afraid of?” Sonya asked.

“What if she looks at me?” Lia was anxious at the thought of the possibility.

“If she looks, you smile and get her attention. That’s usually how it works, isn’t it?” As much as she wanted to help, Sonya had never had a problem talking to someone she liked. For her, the first conversation always flew naturally, spotted with jokes and smiles, leading rapidly to a date.

“Maybe for others. Not for me, though, it never works that way for me, Sonya, you know that. She’ll take one look at me, hate what she sees, and then it’s over.” And then I hate myself for the rest of my life.

“She can’t hate you, she doesn’t even know you exist,” Sonya smirked as if the whole thing was just funny.

“This is not funny! I… I think I’m in love with her,” Lia admitted. Her head was down, as if uttering the words was enough to shame her in front of everyone else. “I followed her the other night, I know where she lives now,” she added with a victorious smile. And watched her window until the lights went out.

Sonya laughed out loud. “Everyone knows where Angie lives, stupid, you could have just asked someone.”

“Then everyone would know I’m interested. No, that can’t happen, I don’t want her to think I’m stalking her. Oh my god, is that her name?” The surprise of it made her choke. Butterflies were fighting in the pit of her belly, as she reached a hand to her chest. Angie, Angie, Angie, it sounds so perfect. She even looks like an Angie.

“Yes, it is, how didn’t you know that?” Sonya seemed surprised, but she was more surprised at Lia’s lack of insight into her own behavior. “And isn’t stalking what you’re doing, though? What would you call following her home, walking behind her in the dark, like a weirdo?”

“I just… I just like the way she walks… I like watching her walk, she’s so tall, and strong, and her shoulders are broader than her hips, which just makes me… Oh, I gotta stop this, she’s gonna know I’m talking about her,” Lia said as they took their seats at the wooden table, across the bar from Angie and her petite dark-haired companion.

The bar was dimly lit and smoky. The music was loud. Patrons were busy discussing a recent soccer game with fights that had landed people in the hospital. Lia didn’t care about soccer games. She had had enough of all the men in her family monopolizing the only TV set in the house every time a championship was on. She cupped the mug of hot red wine in her hands for warmth. She closed her eyes just for a second and inhaled. The sweet black pepper aroma opened her sinuses and made her sniffle. One second of reverie, and she saw herself in Angie’s arms, kissing her rosy lips fiercely and shamelessly.

“Hey, wake up, they’re here,” Sonya poked her in the arm, causing her to spill some of the hot wine on her hands and on the table.

“Damn, what the hell, dude,” Lia admonished her as she watched the rest of the gang approach.

Their friends pulled chairs close after ordering drinks. Lia glanced over to Angie. She felt her stomach tighten again.  Jealous claws poked at her heart. She would have given anything to be in the petite girl’s place. Except I’m not petite. Angie held the girl’s hand, caressing it softly. Once in a while, she kissed the girl’s forehead, and Lia wondered what that would feel like. She couldn’t stop watching them. Angie’s piercing blue eyes were hypnotizing. Their shape, perfectly oblong and slightly curled upwards, was perfectly symmetrical. Her naturally black curls could barely be contained in a ponytail Angie kept trying to fix. Every time she did, Lia could see pale skin between Angie’s blue shirt and jeans. She felt her heart beat faster when she envisioned touching her there. Angie laughed. Lia smiled watching. She is so perfect, she thought. How can someone this perfect ever even see me? She would hate me, anyway. All her friends are so… small and elegant, and they wear heels in the middle of winter. I would fall flat on my ass just trying. Oh my God, if my mother knew about this, she would kill me. I gotta be home by eleven tonight, otherwise I won’t get out for a month. So many things can happen in a month. I might never see her again. That can’t happen.

Lia cringed at the thought of being grounded. At twenty two, she was the laughing stock of her friends because of it. They didn’t understand her mother. She didn’t understand her mother sometimes, either. The fears, the staying up at night worrying, the curfew, all these were things her friends were unfamiliar with, as they were free from parents.

Lia wasn’t free. She lived at home with her mother, and attended college locally. It was all she could afford. She had taken exams twice at universities in other cities, and had failed. She didn’t even want to try again locally, but her mother had refused to listen. Lia just wanted to get a job and forget about college. God knows they needed the income. They were all alone, and her mother worked in a retail store downtown. They barely had food on the table, and clothes on their backs. Lia wore jeans her mother modified for her, as she gained weight. She wore one pair of tennis shoes until she felt the ground scratching the soles of her feet. On her 18th birthday, their fridge was unplugged, because there was nothing worth preserving in there. Not even a cake.

Still, Lia wasn’t allowed to work. Her job was to go to college and get a degree, so she could someday make a better life for herself. Her mother had her own rules. She adhered to them religiously, and never bent them. School was all that mattered, and any job, even a summer one, would have gotten in the way. It was the same with relationships, which Lia hardly had. She couldn’t talk to her mother about liking this person or that. She couldn’t give out her phone number to anyone, for fear the phone might ring while her mother napped. That had happened once. Lia had never forgotten the jarring impact of her mother’s hand on her face. She had been grateful when a relative had given her an old cellphone, which she could hide easily. Getting units for it was an entirely different matter, as her mother didn’t give her an allowance. There was just nothing to give. She was allowed to keep the cell under the condition that she would find a way to pay for the units herself. The confusion on Lia’s face had been obvious. How can I pay for units if you won’t let me get a job? Her mother had shrugged her shoulders, and the discussion was over.

As they walked towards the corner of the street, where cabs were waiting, snow started coming down. The streets were already glimmering white, from the storm earlier in the day, and now they were quiet, too, as the cold froze trees and anything else that could move. Lia shivered. In front of her, Angie took her companion’s hand. Oh no, they’re together. Does that mean they’re together?  Lia knew that she couldn’t have interfered with an already established relationship. It wasn’t in her character. Besides, she lacked the confidence to even try. Her throat closed momentarily, as she imagined it was all over. She was about to tell her friends she wanted to give up, when they all noticed Angie letting the girl go alone in a cab.

Lia and her friends walked by, as if they were going in a different direction. She’s not going with her, she’s not going with her. Maybe that girl lives too far away, Lia beamed with excitement. Maybe it was not all lost, as she had thought. Without warning, she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Her friends walked another few steps before they realized it and turned around.

“What are you…” one of them started, and then his eyes got big, fixated on something Lia couldn’t yet see.

“What’s the matter with you?” Lia asked, not knowing what was behind her.

The friend only motioned with his head, as if someone else was there and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Lia turned around. In front of her, so very close, Angie smiled. She took her glove off, and reached her hand out.

Lia froze. She took her glove off, she thought and looked at Angie’s hand. Long, skinny fingers, skin sheening with snowflakes. She took her own glove off, and shook Angie’s hand.

“Hi, I’m Angie,” her voice was somewhat harsh from smoking and liquor.

I can’t believe this is happening. “I… I know, I…” Lia managed with a choked up voice. She still held Angie’s hand in hers, although enough time had passed. She couldn’t let go. She didn’t, and Angie seemed comfortable with it.

“What are you up to? Are you going home?” Angie wanted to know, as the two friends had started their own private conversation a few steps away.

It’s midnight, I’m already in trouble. “Yeah, I thought I had money for a cab, but I….” Lia was at a loss for words. The butterflies had taken over again, the feel of Angie’s skin on hers was more than enough to make her knees weak. She couldn’t stop staring at Angie’s smile, at her hair, now hoarfrost.

“Come on, I’ll walk you,” Angie said, still keeping Lia’s hand in hers.

“Are you sure? It’s pretty far,” Lia whispered. It’ll take us three hours to walk there in this snow. Then I’m dead. Oh my God, I’m so dead. The fear of her mother’s voice, the knowledge that her mother was awake waiting for her, the yells and screams at her getting home at that time of night, the punishment that would surely follow, none of it mattered anymore. Lia dismissed it all with one smile, as she told her friends Angie would take her home.

They started walking in the night, while silent snow accumulated over buildings around them.

Next Chapter: index