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Taking a dump?!

LOOK NO FURTHER

Pooem - the delivery of a series of rhymes specifically relating to the shit you are taking at the time. No particular rules have been established with this phenomenon, however a few recommendations have been added by the Pooem old boy(s).

Recommended inclusions to a Pooem for extra poo points.

1. Celebrity name drop - the obvious first choice, if you can get a celebrities name in your pooem you will get INSTANT RESPECT. Brad Pitt is very popular.

1. ’Double’ ryhmer - rhyming with words such as ’furious’ bodes for a more difficult, but FAR MORE REWARDING Pooem. Good luck.

3) Ryhming ’migration’ - the classic Pooem containing this was moving from the sound ’ive’ (from massIVE), to ’if’ (massIF (sounding eef)). A lot of breadth here.

NO LONGER shall we delete our phone inboxes in FEAR of losing our most valued poems about our shite!

LETS TURN THIS INTERNET BROWN!

My first

as I sit here
fist in stink
it gives me a chance
to sit and think
all of the shits 
in this world
even the ones
that monkeys have hurled
cannot amount  
to the one in me
enter the dragon
help me Bruce Lee

- Oliver Smith

Expoorimental

This morning I exploded.
I looked at the bowl and goaded.
Stuffed it back up with diet coke and mentos.
My arse was then reloaded.

-Ali Vennart

Still inside

Do not sit on the toilet and weep,
I will not come, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand farts that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
falling softly on you as you strain.
Do not wipe, and stand bereft,
I am not there. I have not left.

-Joe Casson

The Ghost - A Tribute

There is a pleasure in the wipe-less stool, 
There is joy found in the final push, 
There is art, where not a stain intrudes, 
Into the deep bowl; and music in its flush.

In these meetings, from which you fall,
The long descent into the chasm
It was not my intention but ’natures call’,
To leave no trace but ectoplasm.

-Joe Casson

Summer of 2010

Saw you at Tynedale Beerfest,
I saw in you a certain zest,
We decided to make love
and lay down to rest.

Things then turned into a mess,
We quarrelled over a mighty game of chess
I fisted your stink,
The panic button you proceeded to press.

For the last time I asked to undress
It was my final chance
to release a great tempest,
All over your fucking chest.

-A.Vennart

Inspired at work

I am sitting
arm on lap
squeezing out 
a massive crap
at least it’s not 
a solid stool
it slips right out
into the pool
then the roar 
of my ass
reminds me that
i’m late for class
"teacher, teacher
where were you?"
"clinching off 
a colossal poo.

- O. Smith esquire, the third

Eavesplopper

Sitting on the toilet
Trying not to soil it

Hoping no one hears
Especially my peers

The smell is sickening
fish curry, I won’t pick again

As I extradite this turd...
Laughter... Somebody heard...

-Charlie Ashton

The lonely work toilet cubicle

You’re here again I see, and yet I cant see because you sit on top of me.

I’ve lost count of the bare arses i’ve seen, 9am I am squeeky clean, by the end of the day everyones been

-Matt Hunt