DEPRESSION,

(AND SO, AM I NOT MY OWN MARTYR?)

---------------------------

you choose words like sticks in the forest.

don’t touch me i am glass and paper soul.

my bones are made of soft cheese

but my eyes are cracked marbles

that turn light to rainbows like dull butter knives into the brain

go straight through curved crevices incorrectly

doing all sorts of damage

this light is damage

.

oh and this light is heavy.

.

heavy like too many rain drops on the tongue

on the skin

my ribs are a bookcase that hold a lifetime of secrets

shame

regret

but that’s just life’s course ain’t it?

we forget there are no perfect lives

that we all carry scars underneath new skin

and new skin becomes old skin becomes new again

and why not the same fate for us?

---------------------------

now that my clothes are beginning to smell like other

people

i don’t quite know what to do with myself

and

sunflowers don’t much interest me anymore

---------------------------

after for colored girl who have considered suicide//when the rainbow is enuf by Ntozake Shange

this is a poem for colored girls

who’s rainbows were fading

this is a poem for colored girls

whose rainbows are fading

and this

is a poem for colored girls who feel they’ll never get their rainbow back

know it will come back even on a rainy day

we must remember

rainbows are not borne of sunshine they are the children of rain drops and thunderstorms

held by fiery sunsets and ash filled clouds from when the world was on fire

when the world is still burning and you survive still

when the flames tease your curls

when the heat becomes too much to bear

it becomes apparent that black girls do melt

not like putty but like candle wax

and know that like candle wax we will harden again

and that like candle wax we are allowed to be soft

we are allowed to fall into ourselves

we slow the fire

but the fire will never consume us

know that like candle wax

we keep the fire at bay

and god as close as possible

there is no closeness quite more intimate than oneness see we are God

colored

girl

you are god

---------------------------

when your heart breaks,/

it will fall apart like wetted toilet paper,

tears saved up for a rainy day will.

ruin the casing. u will leak.,

(on the outside/inside as well).

u will leak down to your toes,,now ur hardware all.

messed up!

miss indoor rainshower//

and it will leak.

and it will

leak.

Next Chapter: ACT 2: LOVE