Robb Doyle
Part 1
My House in Heaven
By Robb Doyle
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
I died last night. My name is Max Morgan.
I was forty-two. Much too young to die, yet I was grateful for the manner in which I’d gone. I had always feared a painful lingering death but luckily, I was taken quickly by a sudden heart attack. The idea of being in my eighties or nineties and enduring on had always scared me. While doctors pumped medicines into me to extend my life, as finances grew thin and the bills mounted, my friends would watch as I slowly, painfully deteriorated. That kind of death was so much more painful and tragic then a quick passing. However, I was not very happy about only being forty-two.
There was that number again. It kept popping up in my life in the strangest places and now the final insult is that it has to be my final age.
I must have been about twenty when a friend of mine was telling me about his favorite book, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. He told me a lot of funny things from the book, that’s probably why I never read it, figuring all the good parts were ruined for me. But one of the bits of the book always stuck in my mind. One of the characters, in his travels across the galaxy, encounters an omnipotent computer and he asks this machine, “What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything.” I always took note of the wording of that question. It wasn’t the normal, what’s the meaning of life, he had added the rest. Why? Was he trying to ensure he got a complete answer? This seemed to indicate to me that this person was rather obsessed with the question. I found throughout my life and I was certainly obsessed with it. I questioned everything. Why are we here? How did we get here? And of course, what happens after we die? In the book, the computer thought about it and came back with the answer of “42”. Hilarious, right?
That question stuck with me and I thought about it a great deal in my short life. I, like everyone else, wanted to know the meaning of it all.
As a baseball fan, 42 means a great deal. It’s the number of Jackie Robinson, the first black baseball player, whose famous perseverance paved the way for all those to follow. 42 is the only number in baseball to be retired in perpetuity. That means that no player on any team is allowed to wear 42 anymore. And on April 15th each year, Jackie Robinson day, every player wears 42 in remembrance, in equality and it camaraderie.
The number 42, has probably been the most contemplated number in my life. But dying at forty-two was just a shame. Most people lived to be 80. I didn’t want to go so quickly. But then again, why not? I had no wife and no children. My Mom was my only family. I kept to myself. I really only had one friend, Dan. And our friendship consisted of the occasional lunch where we would talk about…well life, the universe and everything. I didn’t contribute to society. I enriched no one’s life. Does one pass when they have nothing left to contribute? Surely there was more to learn? Maybe I would have changed. Probably not. I was a creature of habit. An old man in a middle age body that I didn’t take care of.
I guess if I were to be honest with myself, I had accomplished everything in life I ever really set out to anyway. I was on auto pilot. I had gotten to a place in my career where I was making more money than I was spending. I had a nice car. I had a growing 401k. I’d recently started an IRA account. When I wasn’t working I was pretty much doing one of three things; watching TV, playing computer games or going to the movies. I hated housework, so I had a service do it. I was too lazy to cook, so I ate take out or nuked TV dinners. Most days I needed an energy drink to wake up and another to get me past the 2pm drowsiness. On the weekends, I slept 12-14 hours and lay about when not playing games or watching TV or seeing a movie.
I did like to travel. I’d go on cruises, drink copious amounts of scotch and eat way too much. I loved the water. I loved seeing new places. I would go on the excursions and do and see all kinds of things. These trips were the only times I would let loose and enjoy the outdoors, acting like a kid again. I would come back sore and sun burned with pictures, memories and a huge credit card bill.
When I think about it, those trips where the only time I lived life. The rest of the time I was fantasizing about life through TV, movies and games. As a kid, I was into fantasy books, like the DragonLance series and the Shannara series. I loved Dungeons and Dragons and I was big into Star Wars and Star Trek. I must have spent half my life thinking about what it would be like to be on a star ship, become a Jedi Knight or a powerful wizard like in Dungeons and Dragons. For me regular life was not very interesting. That and just my generally laziness meant a sedentary life. Little did I know that those fantasies would one day come true.
And so I was not the healthiest of men either. I was seriously overweight. I had been a smoker until only the last six years or so. Quitting smoking was a catch twenty-two. My lungs might be better and the chances of cancer reduced, but I lost energy and gained weight. I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression. All were hereditary I’d learned. In my last years I ballooned up to nearly three-hundred pounds. My face was puffy and my belly was such that only Santa Claus would appreciate. My doctor had me on drugs for the high blood pressure and cholesterol, but I’d quit taking the anti-depressants because they made me feel cloudy.
With all my problems and lack of socialization, I still liked my life. I was interested in the world and its goings on. I was very interested in technology and I followed new inventions like 3D glasses, advances in holograms and just about anything else geeky. I was always buying new techy toys and had to have the latest game. I was not ready to leave this world. And I was not very happy about it coming to an abrupt and most unexpected ending.
***
Most of yesterday was just a blur. It was all just an incoherent mixture of confusion and emotion. The day started normally. I got up, did the morning routine and went to work. I worked as a Senior Technical Analyst. It was my job, and those on my team, to take on the hardest cases and figure them out. We worked for a large company that marketed a number of software suites. Each member on my team had a specialty. Mine was called “custom applications”. When either our company or a third party created something custom to work with our software, I was the one who would troubleshoot the problems that couldn’t be solved by a Junior Analyst.
Problems solving was my work and I’d been doing it all my life in one form or another. I was very good at it. In order to be a good troubleshooting, you had to learn to keep an open mind. You were part detective and part repair man. When a case came to me that looked like it should have a simple answer it almost never did. The other analysts had checked for that. So you had to think about how else this problem could arise. You always started the same. Gather information, try possible corrections, determine outcome, repeat if necessary.
When you live this day in and day out, it becomes the way you think about everything. I was the geek poster boy. Socially awkward, highly logical and analytical and whose humor was often unappreciated.
Another aspect to my professional life was clearly affected by my love of computer games and enhanced by any inherent ambition I’d be born with. Like in games, I was always seeking the next level or asking what’s next. When I had learned to solve all the issues of a software program, I had to learn another and then another. This obsession transferred into my life so that I was always seeking something more and never satisfied.
These themes of approaching things analytically and once resolved, always seeking the next challenge would dominate and shape my afterlife as well.
I was not like most other people. I knew it. Everyone else, for the most part, had a different take on life. Of course those opinions are wide and varied, but I never ran into anyone who saw things like I did. To be honest, I often envied people who were simply content with their lives. There was a peace to them I would never know and could not comprehend. How had they come to reach such a state? I sought what they had, but continually failed because there was always a way to ask, what’s next?
Work yesterday was pretty normal. We were a little bit slow and I found myself doing more daydreaming than usual. I liked to stay busy at work. It made the time pass by more quickly, but it also meant I was working on a problem. And the best part of working on a problem meant you were often the hero went it was solved. Customers and often coworkers would be in aww of me and my group. We were the best and we could fix anything. But this day all my tickets were up to date and I was just staring at my screen when an old memory popped into my head.
I was playing little league baseball. My parents were there in the stands. My best friends Dad was our coach. I played short stop. In the last inning with one out and a man on first. We were ahead by two runs. The batter hit a ball far to my left. I had been cheating that way because he had fouled a couple off towards right field already. I ran towards second and grabbed the ground ball going full speed. The second baseman was heading towards me, but in a flash, inside my head, I saw it all play out ahead of time. And then I made it happen just like I’d seen in my mind. The second baseman wouldn’t get to the base before me so there was no point in tossing the ball to him. The runner coming at me from first was going to meet me at the bag just after I got there. I kept going two more steps and when I hit second base with my right leg I jumped up into the air, up and still going sideways too. Second out recorded. I was now in the air yet moving still to my left. I knew that when I threw to first with a side arm motion and already moving left, the ball would tail back quite a bit to the right. I slung the ball while at the top of my jump and it popped the first baseman’s mitt ahead of the batter who was running to first. Third out recorded. Game over.
Time stopped. Everyone was still and quiet. The umpires didn’t even make the call for several moments. My entire team stood there just looking at me. I thought my pants had come down. The audience sat there silent. My friend, the first baseman was staring at me. Someone in the crowd said, “Holy crap!” a little too loud, but then as a breaking dam sounds of applause and screaming resounded everywhere around the little baseball field. My team was running over to me high fives all around. Members of the other team even gave courtesy claps and the opposing coach came over and shook my hand.
To be honest, I was a bit shocked and I say this next part without conceit. In my head, I’d seen it all in that flash. I saw myself making the play. All I did was execute the program. It was like it was no big deal because I knew exactly what I was going to do and had no doubt of it happening just as I foresaw. Everyone fawning over me was confusing at first, but I certainly enjoyed all the kudos.
Quite often in life I would have this same inner sense of knowing exactly what to do. I learned to trust my gut early on. I can’t remember a single time this failed me. This story was always the reminder to me to trust myself and my own instincts.
I finished out the day at work and went home, still thinking of the play and the way it had all felt.
I was watching TV when I got the sudden pain and shortness of breath. I was gone in moments. My last thought was of throwing a baseball as I drifted through the air.
***
I found myself in the back of a black convertible 1966 Lincoln Continental fitted with spotless white leather interior just like the car from Entourage. I had always loved that car. The top was down and it was a gorgeous day. To my disappointment it wasn’t Turtle, from the show driving me, but instead a rather non-descript man. He had dark, middle-eastern skin, dark eyes, but yet a bright warm expression as if to say he loved his job. He was dressed in a chauffeur’s suit complete with a black captain’s hat. I said hello, but he didn’t acknowledge or reply.
I was in a daze. My mind was wondering all over the place. Thoughts about where I was and what had happened comingled with old memories and emotions.
I decided to focus on the present so I took in my surroundings. There was no sun, and yet it was daytime. I looked for moon, but didn’t see that either. Maybe it was there just not visible at this time of day. But the lack of a sun was really weird. I let it go for now though.
As we drove, I took in as much as possible. I was now in “information gathering mode”. There were a lot of gardens, filled with amazing foliage and for every garden I saw, there were several people attending to them as if they were manicured twenty-four-seven year round. Many of them waved to us as we drove by and the driver always waved back.
The driver did not speak, when I asked a question, he just smiled and waved as if to say “no comprendo”. I let it go. I felt safe here, my gut at work. I decided to simply enjoy the ride. The excitement of the unknown welled up inside me. I loved an adventure. Besides, if this was a dream, it was a good one. One of those rare dreams where everything is in great detail and you feel in control. I wanted to enjoy and remember every moment like a sleeping dream vacation.
But I clearly remembered dying.
The air was pure and sweet tasting. There was no pollution, no trash. Shrubberies by the road were perfectly manicured. There weren’t even any bumps in the road.
There did not seem to be a horizon. As you looked at any direction, you could simply see on and on until your view was blocked by hills or mountains. There was no dust, pollution, smog or fog to block the crystal clear view. There was certainly a perfection about this place. I was really enjoying all this by now. It was like being on the Holodeck of a star ship in Star Trek.
From mind to mouth my question just popped out. “Is this heaven?” I asked. I was dead, right. This place looked really beautiful. It’s a perfectly natural question under the circumstances.
The driver just smiled and said nothing. Was he being difficult on purpose or was he incapable of answering? I still felt a complete sense of safety and comfort. But I was also feeling controlled. I didn’t like that realization. I thought of jumping out of the car. What would happen?
I checked myself. How I felt was important to me. I was comfortable. I sensed nothing menacing. It was truly beautiful here. Whatever this place was, it was elaborate. I tried again to relax and enjoy it. I looked down at myself taking note. I was wearing a dark sport coat and trousers, but my huge belly was gone. I took a deep breathe. I flexed my arms and legs. I certainly felt good. In the drivers mirror I saw myself. I was young again.
***
It[a] was then that a memory of Dan popped into my head. Dan was the founding pastor at the church I had been attending. This may come to you as a surprise, but yes, I did go to church and had done so since I was about thirty-five. Dan became more than pastor, he became a real friend to me and we often would meet for lunch and discuss anything from business, to politics to religion. Dan was important to me, because even though I had decided some things on my own, there was still quite a lot about religion that I was ignorant about or found to be contradictory. We had some tough and challenging conversations.
On this particular day [b]we were talking about life in heaven. I had always believed that there was little said about the afterlife in the Bible, but Dan corrected me on that score. The reason for my failed logic was, one that I had not finished reading the Bible and two, churches focused on coming to faith and good living, for the most part. The afterlife was not a typical series topic.
On this day I was talking about how when the mortal body dies, degrades and returns to the earth. You didn’t take it with you. And therefore, you would be without a body in heaven. I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t want to be some kind of ghost or spirit or just a floating soul without form.
But Dan corrected me. He said that upon your entry into heaven you would receive a new body and it would last you forever.
That seemed to quell my fears for about thirty seconds until I visualized the reality of it. Not a human body, right? I was thinking. The human body had certain things about it which would be completely obsolete in heaven. In heaven there would be no need to reproduce, so that meant no male or female, no hormones, no brain chemistry. Wait! No brain! I began to panic. Without a brain and all the things that made up my body chemistry, I would not be me anymore! I now hated the idea of getting a new body.
I relayed this all to Dan. He thought about this for a while. This was how our conversations went. I could always make him think and force him to drawn on everything he’d learned in order to satiate my concerns. This is what he got out of these chats. The challenge. And it made him a better pastor. He didn’t always have the answer right away and I applauded him for admitting that when it happened. Dan was the only spiritual person I’d ever met who actually admitted to me that he didn’t have all the answers. Everyone else always seemed to have some snappy pseudo-babble come back mired in circular logic. I really disliked those people and equated them with used car salesmen. Dan was the real deal. He wasn’t afraid to be challenged or to even be wrong. He didn’t shy away from things in the Bible that contradicted themselves. He wasn’t anti-homosexual and didn’t believe that they needed to be retrained. Dan was like me. We accepted the things that made sense, challenged those that didn’t and tried to work them out. But in the end we came to our own conclusions. And we always kept an open mind. We were a lot alike and that’s what made us good friends.
I did envy his certainty of everything. I was a believer, now, finally after a life time of working it out. But Dan had a peace about himself that I might never know. I sought it and that was a big reason why we had these lunches. I needed to work these things out.
On this occasion Dan had an answer. He said that he believed that our body here on Earth was designed to serve Earthly purposes and the body we receive in Heaven will be designed to serve those Heavenly purposes. Furthermore, going from Earth to Heaven is an ascension and we will therefore become a higher being. The essence of who we are remains. The compilation of our mortal experiences shapes us and even when you strip away the chemicals and flesh of earth, Max is still Max and Dan is still Dan.
Now, I don’t think that there are any passages in the Bible that say just that, but I respected it when Dan shared with me what he truly believed. We left the subject there and I hoped he was right.
***
In the back of the Lincoln, looking at my new self, it would seem that Dan was right and that my faith was well rewarded.
I once again began to focus on my surroundings. We drove for maybe another fifteen miles. It was starting to get dark. There was a loud CRACK! of thunder, yet there had been no lightning, no storm, no clouds. When I asked about it, the driver only smiled.
Just when I was thinking, This country drive is great but, what’s next? we turned down a small road which bent around to the left. On our right was a two hundred foot slope of front yard and perfectly manicured grass leading to what looked like a large manor house. I starred at the huge place. I’d seen this before. I’d been here before. This was a hotel in Scotland, probably my favorite hotel in the world. I’d stayed there twice while on business in the UK. I remember thinking that going down that slope in a sleigh or toboggan would be an incredible ride. Too bad it wasn’t winter.
We pulled up to the front entrance. Men were standing there waiting to open my car door. With a heavy Scottish accent, one of the men said, “Welcome sir”. The driver shook my hand, smiled and got back in the car. Then he drove off leaving me there. I tried to make sense of it all.
This all reminded me, a little, of the movie, Defending your Life. In the movie dead people stayed at hotels until it was determined if they would “move on” or return to Earth for another shot at getting it right. In the storyline, ones time on Earth was all about overcoming fear. Fear, according to the story, being the basis emotion left over from our more animalistic pasts. To prove that you had evolved, you had to prove that you had overcome fear. The movie didn’t deal with good versus evil. Just fear. Earth was the proving grounds. Overcome fear in life and you get to move on. The thought of having to defend myself and the contents of my life was scary. I knew at little about the concept of Judgment from church. While I’d led a relatively honorable life, I was no saint and I was not proud of my formative years. Above all, I’d lived a very selfish life and I was not proud of that just now.
But other than this being a hotel, I saw no other reminders of the film. There were a few other “guests” outside, enjoying the grounds, but they seemed to be simply going about their business and none seemed concerned about me at all.
I looked around. It was just past dusk now. There were stars, still no moon. There had been no sun setting yet the darkness came upon us as if the sun had gone down. The stars were not familiar to me. I looked for Orion and the Big and Little Dippers, but could not see them. I did see the Milky Way however. The familiar band of dense stars cut across the middle of the sky and so I had comfort that I was “close” to home. I laughed to myself. I was literally happy about being in the same galaxy. Talk about grasping at straws.
As I entered the hotel, I realized that this was indeed the hotel I’d stayed in while visiting Scotland. There were tributes to William Wallace, display cases of various high-end Scotch Whiskeys and the receptionist had a hefty Scottish accent. “Welcome, Mister Morgan. Your room is waiting for you.” She simply greeted me and handed me a room key. Ok, playing along here. I smiled and took the key and then obediently went to my room. The room was lovely, off-white walls with crown molding, a large desk, comfortably soft bed and the TV had every channel could think of. I flipped channels wondering when something would happen next, but nothing did. I stopped flipping when I came across the first Matrix movie. It was about 30 minutes in. The main character Neo was in a room with Morpheus and Trinity. Morpheus was sitting in a high back chair talking to Neo about how each of them had always suspected that there was something wrong with the world. If you know the scene, you know that Neo was presented with his choice of two pills. Take the blue pill and he would wake up the next day and go about his life. But if Neo took the red pill, he would learn the truth. The promise of truth is a compelling thing to someone like me. Here I was in a new place, clearly not Earth, yet not unfamiliar. I wanted this to be Heaven. I wanted it too badly. I needed to remain objective. Perhaps I was still alive and in a coma. Perhaps I was still dying and my brain was dreaming, filled with endorphins as my body struggled to hold on.
I laughed at the irony of my situation versus the movie. I actually looked around to see if there were two non-descript red and blue pills in the room. No. As I drifted off to sleep, Neo in the movie was being instantly taught martial arts via download. Zero to Bruce Lee in three seconds. Very cool.
CRACK! Another loud smack of thunder woke me. I called to the front desk and asked about it. The sweet voice replied, “Nothing to worry about sir. It happens sometimes. Try to get some rest.” I did fall back asleep, but kept in mind, this was twice now. It wasn’t raining. There was no lightning. Why was there thunder?
I woke the next morning, presumably. There was no clock. But it was light outside. I felt good. I was energized. I felt clean. Really clean, I guess it’s fair to say I was perfectly clean, but I took a shower anyway. The feel of the hot water and soap and the feel of normalcy was nice. Another cool thing, the steam had not fogged up the mirror above the sink. I grinned…nice touch.
I took stock of myself. I had a fully formed, human looking male body. I would have to say it was indeed a replica of my body as I was around the age of twenty-two. I was in good shape, well-toned, no scars, and no blemishes. If this was the body of the afterlife as Dan had described, then it would indeed seem he’d been right about this and I was very pleased.
I did notice one more thing. I’d gotten up but I hadn’t need to pee. I felt no need to do so. I quickly thought about food, digestion and evacuation wondering how it would all work here.
I found some clean clothes in the dresser and closet. They were all the same style and color as those I had arrived in. As I dressed, I started to consider some possibilities. Was this fantasy, magic, science or divine? I believed I was in heaven and that all this was divine, but I still had doubts. I wanted to believe it. What if I was indeed in a coma? What if Dan was sitting next to me reading some book or talking about the old days and I was incorporating that into my fantasy? The thought of being trapped in my mortal body, medical bills piling up made me feel sick at heart. I found myself hoping and praying I was dead.
I decided that I wanted breakfast even though I wasn’t hungry. When I’d stayed here “in life” there had been a grand dining room on the first floor. I’d spent enough time pondering, it was time to do something even if that something was as simple as having breakfast. I was sure that doing so would move things along.
Downstairs was a large dining room with gorgeous hardwood walls and lots of windows to see the rolling hillsides. The hills were covered in all manner of trees and shrubs and these were of every autumn color one could imagine. I found myself staring at the total beauty of it all for a long time.
And there was indeed food to be eaten. Other guests were there, going about their business, having meals. Some ate alone others were paired. I found that interesting and suddenly wanted to begin inquiring as to how they came to be here. But something stopped me. It was my gut and it was telling me that this experience was personal. It was personal for me and for them. I didn’t feel it was my place to intrude on their experience.
There was everything one could imagine for breakfast. Eggs, bacon, sausage, cereal, oatmeal, French toast, pancakes, fruit of every kind and on and on. There was even a bottle of Scotch next to the porridge. I guess a wee nip in the mornin’ is not frowned upon. No matter, I hated porridge anyway. I was tempted to try the scotch, just for experimental reasons, but decided to be a good boy instead.
I only exchanged pleasantries or “excuse me’s,” with the other guests. I did not try to engage with anyone, but would have done so if they had done so with me. No one asked me what I wanted to ask them. Where are we? What happens next? Did you die yesterday? It was all very business-like. Everyone seemed fine with where they were and what was going on. The lyrics from Hotel California crept into my mind and were quickly dismissed.
I ate and thought about everything. I then realized that I had no idea how long I would be here. I could be stuck here a very long time. And when you are dead, “a very long time” takes on a new level of concern. And again I thought about the movie, Defending your Life. What if they sent me back?
I didn’t want to go back to Earth, re-incarnated, no memory and struggle through it all again. If I could retain something from one life to next, then that might be different, but I was pretty sure it didn’t work like that. For one thing, it would be a serious advantage to those who’d been through the process a few times. I didn’t want to stay here either. I liked it here at the hotel, but I didn’t want to be here for a long time. I wanted to know….what’s next?
I decided it was time to stop letting things just happen. I needed to figure some things out. I went back to my room and turned on the TV at low volume. I was a logical person who always had excellent problem solving skills. I could reason my way through this. Going with it all was no longer working for me. I needed to understand it.
Let’s start with what I know. Well, I knew nothing for certain. I would have to rely on what I feel to a large degree. I think I am dead, but I could just be in a coma or something. So therefore I had no solid premise to start from. I decided to choose a premise and work the problem from there. Let’s assume I am dead. I remember dying. I remember the pain. I remember the lack of oxygen, the constriction in my chest. It was over very quickly. Maybe I threw a clot to the brain and died almost instantly. And I can’t get away from how right this all feels. Since the moment I arrived here, in this world, I have felt a sense of calm, safety and serenity. I was not worried about my past life. I was not really worried about all this, in fact. I was only merely curious. It was an unknown and I wanted to understand it.
This suddenly reminded me of when I would get a new online roleplaying game like World of Warcraft. There was never much in the way of documentation about the game. It was up to the player to discover the world, the characters, the story, and their abilities and so on.
There were a lot of things from my life here. The hotel, the room, the food and the TV shows and movies were all familiar. If this was my fantasy then I would be in control of it, right? I didn’t feel in control. I felt like I was going through something that was a designed process. There was this feeling of being directed, if not actually controlled. What would happen if I deviated from where I was directed? Would the staff stop me? Would an invisible wall prevent me from leaving the area?
I searched the room for clues. A hotel room should have information on local shops, entertainment, room service, hotel services, etc. I jokingly wondered if there was Wi-Fi. I found nothing except a blank notepad and pen. No computer. I began to notice other things. There were no brands on anything. The TV, thermostat, soaps and shampoos, nothing had any kind of brand marking. I was dressed in black jeans and wearing a collared shirt, but no tags or labels. If this was a fantasy of mine, I don’t think I would have removed the brands from things. My jeans would have been Levi’s or Wrangler and my shirt would be likely Polo. There was no polo jockey on my shirt. It seemed to me that I was being put into an environment that would be familiar and comfortable, but I saw no indication that it was of my own making nor that I had control.
I decided to get bold and test my environment by trying to sneak out the back of the hotel. If memory served, on the first floor past the reception area is a bar and then a corridor to the left which lead to a rear entrance/exit.
The elevator was empty. I was glad of this. I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone. I tried to act casual. The door opened and I turned right, heading towards the bar.
“Good morning, sir” a smiling receptionist called out. I was a little surprised and perturbed. The one time I wanted them to ignore me and it wasn’t starting out well. I looked over and did my best imitation of the limo driver’s smile and wave.
“Sir, your car is waiting.” That stopped me.
“My car?”
“Yes, the driver is ready for you.”
Right. Thinking fast, I said, “Ok, I’ll be right there” and did my best to smile naturally.
“Of course sir, take your time”, came the polite reply.
I’d not noticed until now, but she was really lovely. Long straight red hair going down her back in a ponytail. She had rounded bangs that met her sparkling green eyes. Her bright smile was welcoming. I actually felt guilty for rushing past her and for intending to be deceptive. I also noticed one other thing. While I appreciated her beauty, I had no physical interest in her.
I became more acutely aware of the people around me. The entire hotel staff was young and attractive. The ladies were dressed in full length business skirt suits and sporting golden name plates. The men wore single breasted suits matching the style and colors of the ladies.
I stopped in a lounge area across from the bar and slumped down onto a high-backed couch. Dan and I had talked about this. New body. No hormones. No need to reproduce. No sex drive. I sat there mouth open contemplating it all. A bartender brought me a glass of amber liquid and ice. I knew what it was before he handed it to me. Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks, just how I took it. My favorite drink.
I took a small sip. It was the real thing. Perhaps smoother then what I remembered. I thought about my life and the women I’d known. It was a short list, but I had some good memories…and some not so great too. I thought of them all. I seemed to have perfect recall here in this moment. I found myself smiling or briefly chuckling as I went through the memories in my mind and sipped my drink. I remembered the emotions. I remembered the love. And after reliving it all, I felt fine. I focused my eyes and saw a lovely waitress. I felt nothing for her physically. I simply thought she looked like a nice person. I took note of the bar tender who rescued me with the drink and I realized that he looked like a nice person too. I had as much interest in talking to and getting to know either of them, but absolutely no physical interest. Is there no love in heaven? I asked myself.
I gathered myself up, remembering where I was going. I was more determined to test all this than ever. I set about past the bar and took a left at the end of the hall, following a long corridor lined with photos of movies stars and other famous entertainers, mostly from the 50s and 60s. I suppose they all had stayed here at one time.
The exit doors lay past the photos and my pace quickened. I began to wonder what I would do if I made it outside. I had no desire to run. I just wanted to understand what I’d gotten into. I pushed the doors open and breathed the morning air. I was in the back parking lot. Surrounding the parking lot, except for the drive way was there was just forest. It was gorgeous.
I had expected something to happen, but nothing did. The doors hadn’t been locked. The driver hadn’t magically appeared around back. I was just there in the back of the hotel. I was disappointed. Confused, I began to walk around the hotel counter clock wise. I passed the delivery area, then the dining area and around to the front. As I turned the final corner I saw the car and the driver. I saw nothing on the journey that was out of the ordinary. I could have ran into the woods supposedly and no one would have stopped me.
I looked around the fore grounds. There was the long grassy slope in front of the hotel. There were some benches looking down. I decided to take a seat and rethink my situation.
I wasn’t being controlled. I wasn’t being herded. I was free to do as I wished. The receptionist had said that the driver was “ready for me” and to “take my time”. I wasn’t going to get solid facts here. I was working off my gut. How did I feel about all this? I still felt calm, comfortable and safe. I felt young and energetic. I felt no sense of danger or fear.
I didn’t even miss my old life. I didn’t miss Dan or the church or my job. I wasn’t worried about my funeral or my estate. I would have liked to have seen the last couple of Dodger games. Did heaven get cable? If so, I hope they have a DVR. I’d kinda like to keep up with my shows. I smiled. The only conclusion that I could draw was that I seemed to not mind the things that might hurt and cause me emotional pain. I was mildly, almost playfully interested in the things from my life that I’d enjoyed, but even then, if I never saw another baseball game, I think I would be ok with that. This all had to be by design.
I made a rash decision. I didn’t have all the facts or any facts perhaps. But I didn’t believe I could create all this from being in a coma or lying on my living room floor, endorphins rushing into my brain. I decided to accept what I felt. This was heaven and while my mortal life was over, my immortal life was just beginning. An eternity of living and learning and seeing and doing lay ahead of me (I hoped).
An image of Dan came into my mind. He was smiling at me as if from a distance. He said, “You made it buddy”. Tears filled my eyes. I felt a warmth fall across me. Perhaps all along, I had just needed to accept it.
Ok, what’s next?
***
The driver was standing by the car smiling at me, door open held by his hand. Various hotel staff had gathered to see me off.
I heard several voices as I approached. “Do come see us again.” “Hope you enjoyed your visit”. It almost seemed like they knew. Like they knew that I had just accepted my circumstances and were applauding me. I was too happy to fully notice.
I met the driver with a firm handshake, “Good morning, “I said smiling. Would he talk to me?
“Good morning sir. Are you ready to go?”
“Where to?”
“Your new home sir.”
Again I was in shock. But in retrospect, I really shouldn’t have expected anything else.
Chapter 2
One of the things Dan had been fond of reminding me of was that God was faithful to us even though we were not faithful to Him. This theme would reoccur throughout my living life. He really stuck by me, all those years, even when I refused to acknowledge Him or ignored Him or disrespected Him. His faith in me was perfect. My faith in him was horribly flawed. My only saving grace was that my faith in God was strong and that was due to the fact that I came to Him having crawled through a river of misery, having worked it out myself what I believed in and why.
I was very stubborn about it too. With so many people telling me their version of the truth, plus what I knew to be logical and believed to be true from science, reconciling it all was difficult. I remember telling God that, “You gave me a brain and the ability to reason. You’ve also know that I am an analytical person.” I never got the sense from God that He expected me to take it all on “blind faith”. It had to make sense or I wouldn’t believe it. So for me to believe in God, he was going to have to show me something. I count myself as very blessed because, that’s exactly what He did and I don’t get the impression that He does that for everyone. Then again, God is just, right? Therefore, perhaps He gives everyone an equal amount of information, pushes, attention to us all.
Today the driver had said that I was being taken to “my house”. I was going home and I was so excited about it that I could hardly sit still in the back of the convertible. The gorgeous scenery passed by on along the smooth blacktop road. All I could think about was the house. I couldn’t wait. The house was what I’d asked for, prayed for and was the most important part of my afterlife experience. That and one other thing. When I was a young boy, I had a dog. She was the greatest dog a boy could ever have and I wanted her back.
Oh and I wanted her to be able to talk.
As we drove, I recalled the conversation I had with Dan which lead me to ask God for the house in the first place.
***
It was a bright, sunny, summer day as Dan[c] and I sat outside on the patio of our favorite restaurant. I was telling him a story about a man I’d met a few months prior while attending my first men’s small group. The small group was a common Christian utility whereby members would meet weekly and either take themselves through a guided bible study or sometimes simply discuss all things religious. On that day, this man, Dave, a fellow Christian, older then my by about ten years, was distraught and our session focused on him.
Dave was felling lost. He’d been a Christian for about five years. At first it was wonderful. It was all new and exciting. He was saved! He was learning and growing as a man, a husband and as a father. His lifelong worries about life and death were gone. He had invited Jesus into his heart and become forever changed. But, as with so many things in life, the newness wears off.
At the time, I was the “new Christian”, only a few months since being baptized. For me it was all new and powerful and wonderful.
The conversation went on and I listened only, having nothing I could contribute. I had neither the wisdom nor the credentials to give this man advice. But, as our session drew near to close, I found myself, having listened to Dave and all the learned men around the room, very confused. I basically blurted out, “I don’t get it.”
The room came to a halt and all eye’s turn to me, the young Christian. I was young in my faith. I was thirty-six years old in life. I was still the youngest man in the room as well.
“What do you mean, Max?” Dave asked.
“I mean, I don’t understand why you are feeling this way.”
Dave smiled sadly, knowingly. “Max, you are new to the faith, right?” Dave didn’t know much about me. He was making a statement based on my mannerisms and previous questions and comments I’d made in group. He didn’t wait for me to answer, “and you burn with the fire of a young Christian. And that is a wonderful feeling, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“Wait five years”. And the session ended on that note. I never forgot his challenge and sure enough, after a few years, the newness wore off for me too and new questions and concerns rose up.
Dan had sat quietly as I relayed the story. And when I finished he smiled and waited several moments before saying anything. “And now having been a Christian for a few years, you’ve come to understand how Dave felt.”
I nodded.
“Do you still feel the presence of the Lord within you?” Dan asked.
“Yes.” I agreed. “But the intensity of it has faded.” I thought for a few moments. “But that’s not what is bothering me.”
Dan looked at me, now confused. “Dave was feeling as though he was lost because the newness of it all had gone from him and that feeling, being so vastly different than how he felt when he first became a Christian, made him feel as though he’d lost the grace God had bestowed upon him.” I knew this because I had called Dave on a number of occasions to further explore this topic. He did, of course, find his way back to his peace. But his concerns were not the same as mine.
“I agree. And Dave’s struggle, I think prepared me for that. I came to realize that it is human nature to look at it all in a different light, years later. The shiny new toy loses its luster. I am the poster child for ‘what’s next’ after all. No, I think I was prepared for it and therefore realized that I am just as saved today as I was the day you baptized me.”
“Well that’s good then.” But Dan knew he wasn’t going to get off this easily. “So why did you tell me the story?”
I took a deep breath, a long pause and began, “For those of us who come to faith later in life, who are not raised religious, it is a very different journey. This rings true with any faith, I assume. Those who choose it, as an adult are truly making the choice as fully realized adults. This is very different than for someone who was raised with a religion. The choice was made for them.”
“Yes, however, everyone must choose as some point whether they grew up with it or not.” Dan came back with and I nodded to that.
“Agreed. But for those of us especially who had no religion in their youth, we have a very different journey. ‘Why am I here? Was I created or just came to be? What is the meaning of life, if there is any?’”
Dan inserted the big one, “What happens when I die?”
I nodded, “Those others already have at least some answer to those questions. For me, and for a very long time, there were no answers at all.”
I said evenly. “And when we accept Jesus or Buddha or Allah or whichever faith, the reward is answers!” I paused. “And perhaps for most people that’s the end of it. In fact that’s what I’ve noticed. The church doesn’t talk much about the afterlife. Once you are saved, that’s the end of that and then things seem to focus on how you live and how to be a good person. And people seem fine with it, but I am not. I keep thinking about what’s next.”
Dan was starting to get the point of today’s contest.
I continued, “Heaven is supposed to be basically eternal bliss. But think about that. Really think it through. What does that mean? You get everything you want? You are reunited with departed loved ones? You live out eternity in perpetual happiness?” I paused for effect.
“Well, what about struggles? What about having a purpose? I don’t want to be on some permanent vacation where everything is always perfect. Not only would I have no purpose, no reason to get up in the morning, but I would get bored of it eventually. You can give me everything I want and that might go on wonderfully for a thousand years, but eventually I am going to have done it all, seen it all and get bored. And that’s when I realized, “I again paused.
“That really heaven is a really nice prison but a prison nonetheless.”
Dan choked on his iced tea at this.
“Eventually, I will be miserable. And then I will be living an eternal life of misery. I don’t want that.” I finished.
“How am I to avoid that fate?” I asked.
Dan sat silently waiting for me to complete my point and in a bit of shock over my logic and conclusion. After several moments he smiled and said three words.
“Pray for it”.
And I did. I asked God for two things. I wanted a very special house with some very special features. I also wanted my dog back. When I was a kid I had this great dog. She was really special. I wanted her back.
And I wanted her to be able to talk[d].
Chapter 3
I’d been lost in my head thinking about conversations with Dan and prayers I’d had with God about my idea of an afterlife that would suit me. We had been driving for about twenty minutes. It was a beautiful day. I guess it was about seventy-five degrees outside and with the top down it felt perfect. The sky was a breath-taking blue and there were scattered fluffy white clouds. Still no sun though which I now found oddly comforting. It reminded me that I was not on Earth.
After leaving the hotel we had driven down a two lane country road and then merged onto a larger road. I don’t remember seeing any road signs. As we travelled, there were few other cars, but I did see a fair number of large touring busses and trucks pulling campers. Do people in Heaven go on road trips and camping?
The idea of camping in heaven sounded good to me actually. I’d never been a fan of it in life. Too much work, dirt, bugs and crappy food. And too few amenities like Cable TV and Hi-Speed Internet. But to explore heaven, to witness God’s design in a perfect setting sounded really nice. I could see how one could spend many lifetimes just camping, moving on and camping some more. I wondered if there was a map. What if I did an internet map search, what would come up?
There was a very loud “CRACK!!” of thunder once again as lightning struck somewhere far off in the distance. I didn’t see any flash of light, but the thunderclap was strong enough that I felt it. I was so startled, I jumped. Even the driver changed lanes to further us from the strike area that was on our right. “Was that lightning?”
“Indeed”. At least this guy does talk, if not very much.
“I kinda figured there wouldn’t be thunderstorms here. I don’t see any storm clouds over that way. Why is there lightning?” I asked him.
“I can’t say. Happens sometimes”, he simply replied.
I didn’t know if he was ignorant of the reason or unwilling to go into detail, but again I began to question where I was. What if I was in a coma and someone in the hospital room just dropped a bed pan and my subconscious mind represented that to me as lightning and sound?
I was now frustrated. I’d been trying to play along. I’d tried to figure it out. But, I was nowhere closer to understanding anything.
I did feel safe here. Was that part of it?
I decided to engage the driver. “What is your name, sir?”
“I am just the driver mister Morgan.”
I was afraid of that.
“Where are we going? Is it much farther?” I asked.
He pointed first to a city just over the horizon and then beyond in the hills above. “Not far. Just beyond the city”.
I was hoping that this was all real and hoping that the driver was taking me to “the house” I had prayed for and wanted so much. I was excited but worried. What if this was all a dream? I didn’t want to let myself accept all of this blindly.
It took me years to reconcile what man was telling me versus what God was saying in my heart versus what my brain was trying to accept logically including scientific truths. In the end I’d been able to satisfy enough of my objections and concerns that the rest didn’t matter. God had been faithful and generous and shown me the signs I asked for. When all was said and done I was left with my faith. And my faith was based on my conclusions and experiences. I always felt a sense of certainty about my faith because I had questioned it so harshly and for so long. I had been patient. I was truly blessed in that God chose to give me so much. I felt always guilty and undeserving over this. Did all believers feel as I did? I didn’t think so. Many believers I’d met in life were very unsure when you peeled back the layers and those who were not unsure, were usually following blind faith indoctrinated by their parents or culture or social group. Their faith was often fragile. Mine was not. I was so very blessed. I wasn’t questioning the existence of God or Heaven today. I was simply questioning if I were dead or not. If I were alive then this was a dream, if I were dead then this was Heaven.
I wanted this now so badly, that I was afraid to believe it was happening. I wanted to be dead. And I did find that funny.
We drove through the city. It was just a simple city medium in size with outskirts, suburbs and a modest downtown. There were places to live and eat and shop and be entertained. People walked and talked and seemed happy and friendly. The city architecture seemed to have a mix of Greek, Roman, European, Asian and Western influences. A true melting pot. Yet it all flowed together in perfect harmony somehow. And as with the roadside gardens, everything in the city was perfectly groomed and maintained.
I saw people of all shapes, sizes and nationalities. The diversity was amazing. And the fashion collage was all over the place and beautiful. I saw Greek and Roman robes, military uniforms from several ages, a zoot suit, Asian dresses and so on. Some women were dressed very conservatively Victorian, Japanese kimonos or even Habib’s. There were a few wearing tribal attire of African, Native American and what looked like Aztec to me. Others were dressed as if they were living in Hawaii. Men in OP shorts and flip flops, women in shorts and tee shirts. And everyone seemed happy.
We stopped at a light and I could hear people exchanging greetings as they walked to and fro. Everyone spoke to everyone. There were no cliques among the differing races and nations. People went into shops, sat outside having tea and coffee.
I wondered about languages. Could all these people talk to each other? I was thinking and speaking in English. Had God put in a universal translator? I started noticing signs. Everything was in English, yet I could also perceive a little Spanish or French. When I saw a Stop sign and thought about the French language, the sign seemed to change to say Arret instead of Stop. So it would seem that there was something at work here so that everyone could interact. Seeing the sign change was very cool.
The car stopped at another light. While we waited, I saw what looked like a native of somewhere in Africa speaking with what seemed to be a Native American Indian. And they were speaking in English as far as I could tell.
After the wonderment of what I was seeing wore off a little, I realized that there was no way that all these people shared the same religion[e]. That I took special note of. Could it be that heaven is made up of all kinds of people spanning many religions? If so, that begged the question; what was the requirement? Was it a goodness versus evil thing or about believing in God or...well the ancient Greeks and Aztecs, which we walking around here, certainly had never heard of God. They worshipped multiple Gods. And in looking around, unless these people were heading to a costume party, many of them would have worshipped some other God or Gods.
As I wondered about it, I remembered having a conversation with Dan about the difficult topic of every religion seemingly stating that their way was the right way and all the others were wrong.
For me personally, I surmised that God was perhaps naturally occurring force in the universe; a bi-product of all the matter and energy forming into an omnipotent force that existed everywhere. I wasn’t sold on that notion. I also thought that maybe God was a being and He created the universe or perhaps even all the universes and governed them all.
And perhaps there was life spread throughout all the galaxies of all the universes. I certainly believed it was very likely. And for a time that negated the existence of God for me, but then I thought…why can’t our God be God to another group of beings somewhere else, maybe not too far away.
It was true that there were many things I’d not figured out. My journey was not complete. Nowhere near all the questions had been answered at my time of death. But along the way, there came a point at which I could no longer deny the existence of a higher power.
On the day I was recalling, I had asked Dan about the fairness of it all. What about the guy who’s born, raised and dies in a small village in the middle of the African jungle. He’s never heard of God or Jesus or Christianity. Does he burn in Hell for all eternity?
Dan had said he thought the answer was no to that. And so did I obviously. The answer to that little conundrum for me lay in the belief that God was just and fair.
If you accept the premise that God is just and fair, then every one of us would receive a fair opportunity to come to faith. Perhaps there was a reincarnation mechanic. Or perhaps there was simply a more broad truth to what God wanted from us then any one religion had defined.
I tuned my attention back to the drive.
The downtown gave way to suburbs again. There was no ghetto. Some homes were bigger others smaller. They were of every possible design from ancient to modern. No matter the style they were all in perfect condition. I took notice that there was no long grass or unkempt shrubs. There was no trash anywhere. There were no gutters either. The city didn’t smell like a city. It smelled like a flower garden.
“What is this city called?”
“Cropolis”, came back the answer.
Hmm. That told me nothing. What a generic name. Might as well call it “City”. “Are there other cities?” I asked.
“Yes”, came back a straight answer.
The road narrowed and we ascended bit by bit. Highway became two lane road again and wound through the hillsides. Eventually I noticed a road sign. Hilltop Road. And of course, true to its name the road wound and ended on a hilltop overlooking Cropolis. I took in the view of the city as night fell and the lights took hold. It was glorious. The crystal clear air left no distortions in my sight. In life you could always expect some haze or smog to obscure such a view, but here there was none.
As I looked around I saw on the outskirts of Cropolis I saw what looked to me like Native American Indian’s set up in a clearing. I could see teepee’s and fires. There were men and women in leather clothes. Over a small hill, I could see what looked like an Aztec or Mayan pyramid. I started to notice other things. I saw Roman and Greek statues and monuments. I thought about ancient Greeks riding around in cars. Down the hill from where we were now, there was a couple just sitting on a blanket enjoying the view. This was an amazing place.
We parked at the back of the cul-de-sac and there it was. The house. Just like I’d imagined.
I began to get very excited. There were no other houses within sight. I saw before me a two-story white house with black roof, shutters and trim. Offset by this was the red front door. Large windows were flanked by outside box style shutters.
I looked around the back. The driver chose to stay with the car. There was a deck coming off both the ground floor and the second floor. Beyond the deck was a large swimming pool. The second floor deck had a diving board. The deep end of the pool came up to this point and was at least 30 feet deep. At the bottom of this deep area of the pool there was coral and all matter of colorful fish. It was a pool and aquarium. I didn’t even remember asking for this but it was so beautiful that I just stared at it in awe.
Beyond the pool was another acre of grass before a border made of brush. I could see a trail heading through the brush leading to what I guessed was the lake. I had asked for the house to be near a lake like the one I where I grew up.
The grass continued around the sides of the house and back into the front lawn. There was lots of room to enjoy the outdoors. Beyond the threshold I could see dirt paths heading off in different directions. The terrain sloped down ward and I could barely make out the water of a nearby lake. This was so perfect. I rejoined the driver at the front door.
“This way sir.” He opened the door and let me in. The open concept house began with a dining room and living room both connecting to a large kitchen complete with a small dinner table for casual meals. Everything was furnished and decorated for me. The living room had both a couch and a smaller love seat. Good, I hated shopping anyway. In the kitchen I saw something interesting. There was a stove, sink, microwave, etc. but next to the fridge was a large console with blinking lights and an opening about the size of a food tray and about eighteen inches tall.
“What is this?”
“That is a replicator sir”, said the driver. “Its voice activated and capable of materializing food, drink and other small items, as needed.”
I was so excited and pleased, I couldn’t think of one thing to order, but I couldn’t wait to try it. I said the first thing that came to mind, “Tea. Earl Gray. Hot”. Even knowing what to expect, I was still astonished. A hot cup of tea solidified before me and I picked it up and smelled it. BLECK! By the way, I hate tea. It smelled horrible. I was so tickled by this; I thought I could piss myself. I looked over at the driver. I could swear I saw a hint of a reaction out of the driver. The most imperceptible smirk. I set the tea down in the replicator and as it had appeared, it disappeared.
The refrigerator was stocked with all my favorite foods and drinks. And I did like to cook. Perhaps even with the replicator, I would still like to make myself something. I shrugged. I went over to the sink and turned on the cold then the hot water. The hot water was hot immediately. I smiled at that. Another example of how this couldn’t be Earth, I joked inwardly. Above the sink was a small window and outside I could see the pool, yard and trees. It was all so very picture perfect.
I thought about the scene in Star Trek: Generations when Picard came to visit Kirk in the Nexus. Kirk was living in a cabin and in the middle of nowhere and was just starting to make breakfast. Eggs, bacon, toast. To Kirk, no time had passed since his arrival. I thought about the concept of time briefly. Did it exist here? How long had I been here? Had it already been days, weeks, years in Earth time or did time here coincide with time on Earth or was it all just completely outside of any concept I had of time?
Having had my look around the kitchen, the driver led me to the master bedroom which was on the first floor. King size bed, large LED flat screen TV, big closet full of clothes, and a huge bath with a shower that had three different shower heads. When I saw that shower, I thought to myself, I’m am in heaven after all!
I wondered if I would get sweaty here in heaven. I noticed there was a water closet. Would I need it? I thought of the idea of eternal bliss. Was there sweat and body odor and urination and pooping in heaven? Not a blissful one. Bliss would be that you could eat anything and never poop.
The driver laughed and then so did I. I realized then that he was in my head and at that realization he nodded. I dismissed the invasion of privacy and said, “Thank you,” with a smile, “I needed that. This entire experience….I hadn’t realized just how stressful it’s been”. The driver smile back.
“Indeed sir. All is well.” He clasped me by the shoulder. “You made it sir and He has been faithful. Let me show you the rest.” Suddenly he was conversing with me. I didn’t’ fully understand why we had to go through the whole process of the hotel and the drive. Maybe it was to allow me time to accept my circumstances. The driver nodded at this thought. I wondered if everyone went to the hotel first. Probably not. That hotel was a comfort to me, it would not be so for another. Apparently these guys up here in Heaven know what they’re doing. I guess they’ve been at it for a while. The driver smiled and said, “an eternity sir and an eternity more to come. I have the best job in heaven. It’s a delicate process. You’ve been one of the easiest I’ve had. Some people refuse to accept things for years. Others beg me to send them back. Those are the hard jobs.”
That all made sense. No matter how I felt in my gut, if I had died tragically or in some gruesome manner, I would have probably been very scared for a while. And while I was as ready as I could have been at the tender age of forty-two for all this, I suspected that was not the norm.
Next he showed me to my office. State of the art computer system, built in surround sound, three thirty-two inch transparent LED monitors and another TV so I could game and watch TV at the same time. It was the computer room of my dreams. I pressed the power button and the system booted up instantly, a desktop with icons presenting itself to me. Oh! The operating system of my dreams too! I opened the internet browser and Google Heaven was the default web page. I checked the internet speed by going to speedtest.net. Instead of a number for a result the screen displayed “God’s speed”. I laughed.
“In the garage, just down the hall, you will find your car, the Lincoln we came in. Of course you can have any car you wish, but that one is there now.” The driver said. “Plus you have a basement with plenty of room for more cars.”
“What about the second floor?” I was anxious to see the grand finale and main attraction of the home I’d designed in my head and asked God for. A home that would keep me busy and entertained for the rest of eternity.
“Yes of course”, and he led me upstairs where we found a simple hallway with doors on either side. “I trust you know how this works sir. Everything is as you designed. Enter through a door and you will have entered the world of a book, movie, TV show, video game or anything else you can imagine.”
I was a bit speechless. I turned to the first door and opened it wishing to see what was inside. I saw a view of a fantasy city in the trees just like I’d read about. And entire village amongst the trees. At the center of the village was the largest tree and the largest building. It was just as I’d imagined, the Inn of the Last Home from Dragons of Autumn Twilight. It was more beautiful than I could have imagined.
There were in total three doors. I had actually expected more. The driver explained. “On the left you have your fantasy worlds. On the right you have historical and reality venues. See a live baseball game or go back and witness something in the past” I nodded in understanding. The doors would go to where ever I needed. I didn’t need a door for each place. I walked forward to the door at the end of the hall. It was locked. I looked back questioningly.
The driver shrugged, “I actually do not know what that door is for sir, “he offered. “Perhaps you yourself have not decided its purpose, but as it is here, I am sure there is one. There is a purpose for everything on Earth and in heaven sir.”[f]
We retreated downstairs and through the garage, past the convertible and out onto the driveway. Another, smaller vehicle waited for the driver. It looked like an electric car of some kind.
I sighed taking it all in. “It’s all even more perfect than I imagined.”
The drive finally said something that seemed more real and less robotic. “God rewards your faith.”[g]
“So this really is….” I began.
“Heaven. Welcome home sir.” And he smiled.
He left me there.
Why didn’t you just say so to begin with?
Over his shoulder, the driver replied, “Sir, you of all people should know that you have to see, experience and come to your own conclusions. If I’d started off with ‘welcome to Heaven’, we might still be at the hotel. He pressed the gas and drove off giving a wave as he did.
Dangit, he was right. Who’s idea was it to have snarky chauffeurs in heaven?
Chapter 4
I went back inside. I’d not forgotten about Rena. Before I dreamt of this house, I’d begged God to be re-united with Rena. She had not been there when I was taking the tour of the house. I was hopeful that she would visit me soon. All dogs go to heaven, right? I know it was silly, but I could only hope that we were all reunited with our pets in heaven.
God rewards your faith.
God had certainly rewarded me.
Checking myself I went inside again thinking about her. Twenty years of guilt welled up inside me.
Since her death in my late teens, I’d been wracked with guilt over the horrible way I’d treated her. I had neglected her for so long. All those years when I was focused on myself I could never get back. I wasn’t even there when she died. I never got to say goodbye and I never got to tell her how sorry I was and how much I loved her.
My dog. My Rena. How I missed her.
In life, I’d been around many other dogs, even considered getting one many times, but when it came down to it, there simply was no replacement for Rena. She was unique and special. Getting another dog felt like a betrayal and would only be a let-down anyway. No other dog could take her place.
I went back inside to the living room. She had not been there just a few minutes ago but there she was lying on her blanket sleeping. It was the same blanket she’d had all those years ago.
I burst into tears. She was so beautiful and perfect.
She was curled up face buried in her back legs resting blissfully, her breathing deep and regular. Under her left paw was the old rubber squeaky pipe we’d bought for her as a puppy. And of to the side, just off the blanket was an old tennis ball. It was her blanket, her pipe. These were her things. Off to the side lay her old red collar. She never like wearing it. And she never would again, I tried a smile through my tears.
I caught myself staring at her. She looked to be about 3 years old. The grey around her mouth and throat she’d had later in life was gone. Her black hair was shiny and vibrant. The white patch on her chest was untarnished.
This was the happiest moment of my life, no pun intended. I quietly went over, lay down beside and wrapped my arms around her. She stirred and woke but did not move.
This was Rena. This was her. I was certain of it. Not some replica or shadow of herself. This was her. I felt her soft ears with my hand, held her tight and scratched her chin and ears. Everything was perfect about her down to the way she smelled. It was her.
“I missed you Max” she said. I began to cry again. God had answered my prayer. Rena was talking to me and that meant I could finally apologize and do so properly.
When I’d recovered a bit, I told her how sorry I was, how much I’d missed her and loved her. In life, I’d been about 11 when my Mon took me to a breeder somewhere north of San Diego. We were living in the country, having left LA for the simple life. Mom owned a trailer park partnered with a friend from school. We lived in the park and had a yard now suitable for a dog. We were next to a lake and surrounded by wilderness. My house in heaven greatly resembled the area and the lake. The breeder had had an accident. The male father was half Great Dane and half black lab. He was the family dog. The mother was a champion pure bread Vizla and the union was not planned. The resulting puppies were being sold for very little. We took two of them that day. One for me, Rena. She looked a lot like a Black Lab. Her sister had the same color as the Vizla mother, a kind of auburn. They were both gorgeous. Rena’s sister was given to my Mom’s friend. They lived down the road from us. Rena would see her sister on a regular basis.
The first two years, Rena and I were inseparable. She started living in a box in my room, but then she was potty trained and allowed to move outside to her dog house. My mother got her own dog soon after we got Rena and she was a pure bread Irish Wolf Hound. Mom was a Star Trek fan, like me and she named her dog Uhura. Rena and Uruha were like sisters. They played together and rarely if ever became cross with each other. Uhura had little interest in the outside world beyond our yard, but Rena was an adventurer and explorer, a hunter, fisher and retriever who loved the outdoors and the lake.
We spent all summer that first year either at the lake or off hunting. And the next year was the same, but after those first two years something profound happened in my life, I got a computer. It consumed me and all my time. I learned everything I could about the computer. I taught myself BASIC, the programming language. I learned about the hardware, the CPU, the RAM, etc. By the time I entered high school, I knew more about computers then anyone I knew and I could have taught the computer class that was offered. My first job would be with Texas Instruments in San Clemente, CA as a production technician. This was without any formal training or college education.
Rena was not like other dogs. She was absolutely brilliant. She learned in just one afternoon all the commands she would ever need to know. She could open the gate to the yard on command and close it afterwards. We talked to Rena like she was a person. There was always something there behind her eyes that let you know that she knew exactly what was going on. She definitely had a very good grasp of the English language.
About twice a year, Rena would disappear for a few days. She always brought back some kind of trophy; an old shoe, a bone, a fish head. And we soon realized that Rena was not living with us because we were keeping her, but because she chose to be there. She was truly special and I didn’t treat that gift with the respect that it deserved.
I’d left Rena behind. From year three onward, the time I spent with her, grew less and less. She rarely left my side while I lived at home. She would sleep in my room or even on my bed. We would play in the yard and sometimes go down to the lake. But it was all so much less than before.
I was working at TI when my Mom called and told me Rena had passed. It all hit me then. How I’d ignored her, taken her for granted and left her alone for years.
All the years since her passing, I’d felt the guilt of it. Even when I’d been baptized and my sins had been forgiven and the weight of all that guilt and sin had fallen away, I still felt the weight and guilt of how poorly I’d treated Rena. I sat there now in the afterlife, apologizing for it all, her wrapped in my arms as I cried and let it all go. She listened without stirring and when I was done, tears in my eyes, she turned to me full of tears as well.
“Max. You were the best boy a dog could have wished for. You were kind and loving. I cherished every moment we had together. Now, stop wallowing in unfounded misery,” she said kindly. I couldn’t help but snort a teary laugh at her vocabulary. It was like talking to another person in every way. She kissed me then, well licked me, and said, “And thank you Max.”
“For what?” I choked out.
“Wanting me here. Asking for me. For loving me. I never thought it was possible to be so loved.” She put her head on my shoulder and we sat there a moment. I just held her.
“I watched you Max, all your life. You’ve had such horrible struggles at times, so many years alone and feeling lost. You’ve endured much pain. I am glad you found your faith and that you found your way here and to me. I’ve waited for you. God told me about your prayers for the house and for me. I waited for you and I thought it would be much longer, yet time is funny here. And then you died so young. I never expected that. You missed out on so much of your life. I was so sad when you died. But I am so grateful that you are here. We are going to have a wonderful time. Heaven is amazing. I think you are going to find that it is so much more then you ever imagined.”
And with that we got up, she smiled at me picked up the tennis ball and held it in the side of her mouth. The she leaned down low to the ground with her back side still up in the air, tail wagging furiously. “eRrowww, rowww, ROWW”.
I reached for the ball and she darted to one side. I reached again and she dodged me. The third try I got hold of the ball, but she didn’t let go. She growled at me and began to pull. I held on for a moment, but it was wet and I lost my grip.
Rena raced out to the back yard in triumph, stopped on a dime turned back to me and sat. She spat the ball out and waited.
Full of joy, I went after her, picked up the ball and threw it. She raced after it, scooped it up and slid to a halt before racing back to me and depositing the ball at my feet.
I don’t know how long we played. Tennis ball, Frisbee and tug of war with a short rope, but it was magical. She was fantastic with the Frisbee launching herself out over the pool, catching it and splashing down in water before returning to me. After what seemed like hours and hours we both jumped in the pool to relax.
We ate dinner that night. Rena had Gravy Train with chunks of steak mixed in. I had a rib eye and baked potato all from the replicator. We watched some TV. While I am sure there were hundreds of channels, I didn’t check any. When the TV first came on, an old movie had just started, Support Your Local Sherriff, a favorite of mine, we’d owned a VHS copy when I was a boy.
I zoned out, thinking about everything that had happened from the moment of my death to now. My mind was spinning still struggling to take it all in.
After the movie Rena spoke up, “Get some sleep Max, you’ve had the biggest, craziest day of your life. Eternity begins tomorrow,” she gave me a kiss and went in to the bed room with me in tow. There on my king size bed at the foot far side was her blanket. She Popped up there and did about eight 360 degree turns before finally settling down into a ball to sleep. This was great. It was just like when I was a kid only now the bed was bigger and we both had more room.
I woke the next morning and I felt a kind of refreshed that I’d never known before. Even with all the activity and play yesterday, I felt perfectly clean and energetic, but I still showered anyway. I loved the shower. The water did not need to warm up. It was the perfect temperature. The three shower heads were something very special too. As I moved, so did they. When I put shampoo in my hair the heads shot lower until I was ready to rinse. Heaven is very cool.
When I came out of the bed room dressed and ready for the day, I noticed that Rena was gone. That didn’t really bother me. After all, what had she done while waiting for me to die? Had she been in suspension of some kind, immune to the passing of time? Or did she have a life here? A job perhaps? I began to wonder if I had selfishly stolen her life from her. What if she didn’t want to be here? Did she have family and friends here in heaven? So many questions.
I meant to ask her about it later, but the newness of everything distracted me. I was barely conscious of the fact that I was relaxing and accepting everything as it was. This was my design, yet enhanced by God. It was all familiar to me. It was so easy to accept. It was so comfortable and right.
I ate breakfast alone. I replicated eggs, bacon, sausage and French toast but I was missing something. Coffee. I went over to the replicator and asked for a “Heavenly cup of coffee” grinning ear to ear as I did. Oh my God it was good. Columbian beans, with hints of cinnamon and mint and somehow had an after taste of dark chocolate. No cream or sugar was needed. It was perfection incarnate.
Eating and grinning I sat there thinking again that in life, Rena would take off about twice a year for a couple of days. The first couple of times, this scared me, but only a little. For some reason I’d always trusted her beyond any level that made rational sense. This was yet another time in my life that I went with what I felt rather than what was logical.
Mom liked to think that it was Rena who had chosen us and not us who had chosen her. I liked that thought and the fact that she only seemed to be there by choice only made it all more special. So it didn’t bother me too much to find out that she wasn’t there in the morning. I felt about Rena as an equal. She would never be someone I owned, nor did I want to. I can’t describe how I feel about her in conventional terms. The closest thing would be a sister. I loved her. I would do anything for her. I trusted her completely. The relationship reminded me of Hope and Spirit, brother and sister from Piers Anthony’s Bio of a Space Tyrant. Hope trusted Spirit completely. She was family, confidant, surrogate mother at times. Hope loved her completely and purely. Rena would never betray me or hurt me, nor I her. I would do anything for her and I would love her until the day I…until the end of time. There was always a bond between us and it was always special. I squandered it in life. I would not do so here in the afterlife.
Rena came home late morning. I asked where she’d been and she just said “exploring”. And of course she had a trophy. This was a bit of a strange one. As far as I could tell it was a broken tip of a wooden dagger. She’d chewed it up pretty good and seemed very pleased with herself. Before saying anything further she went outside and buried it in the yard.
“I bet you want to jump right in and go through one of those doors up stairs,” Rena started.
“You know about those? Of course you do. So does this mean you’ll come?” I asked.
“For some of them, I’ll come along. The first couple, definitely, we’ll see about the rest.” The way she said that sent goose bumps up and down my spine. Would she not like to take part in some of the stories? I paused, running through the list in my head. I couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t “companion” friendly.
Chapter 5
We went upstairs and through the first door. Calling it the “first door” was a bit silly. We went through the fantasy door. After all, where the door led to, was all about what was in my mind and had nothing to do with the door itself. I still found myself wondering about the third door [h]and why it was locked. There was only one logical conclusion that I could come to and when I thought about it, I was fine with it. That door and it being locked to me meant that there was something that God had in store for me that I was not yet ready for. Furthermore it meant that God was exerting an interest and some control over what I was doing. At first I’d been a little bit perturbed by the door and it being locked, but after some thought, I decided to simply let it go for now. The mystery of it intrigued me.
I’d always imagined the first place I would visit would be Solace, the city of tree homes in the realm of Krynn, created by Margaret Wies and Tracy Hickman for their beloved DragonLance series. Solace was the setting where the hero companions would meet at in the first book. That book and the city of homes in trees and the Inn of the Last Home was always special to me and I always dreamed of visiting, if anything but to just have some of Otik’s spicy potatoes and sit by the fire. And so the first door would take me to Solace in a time before the first book, before the return of the dragons, when darkness is brewing but life is still pretty good and relatively peaceful for the citizens of Solace.
****
I found myself alone in a small wooden house. There were two rooms about 8 foot by 8 foot, one a bed room and the other the living room.
In the bed room was a small bed, side table and a clothes rack. The bed was made of the same wood as the rest of the house. It looked like unfinished oak to me, but I really couldn’t be sure. Trees were never a strong suit for me. For a sleeping surface there was a mishmash of large animal skins no doubt taken from the various beasts of the land. I was curious about the two pillows because I’d always hated feathers. Sure enough I found the pillows to be welcome anachronisms. The pillows were stuffed with poly fiber and not feathers. I grinned.
As I moved to the closet, I began to think that I may want to sleep here rather than home in heaven after all. It just all seemed so comfortable, simple and eclectic. The closet, no that’s the wrong word, there was no door to it. But I can’t think of the right word. Anyway, there was just a hanger pole going across and on the hangers were various mage robes, cloth tunics, cloth and leather pants plus a chainmail shirt. Above the hangers, a shelf contained belts, pull string pouches of all sizes and a metal helmet. One of the pouches was clearly full. I grabbed it and peered inside. I saw little misshapen coins of copper and silver mostly. There were a few small ones made of gold. Most had different designs on them and there were a few that were just plain and appeared to have been simply mashed flat from nuggets. On Earth it might have been several thousand dollars’ worth. I kept the pouch and turned my attention back to the clothes. On the floor, I saw leather boots in both black and brown. The boots had leather straps and instead of modern rugged plastic souls, the bottoms were simply made out of hard leather layers. Everything was very authentic, except for those pillows. I was very tickled and enjoying it all.
I got myself changed into proper attire choosing the tunic and leather pants together with brown boots. I put my little pouch of money inside my tunic and went into the main room. I had intended to become a wizard and while it was true that in this world, wizard wore robes, I just didn’t find that to be my style. Who cares? It was my fantasy.
There was a wood fire stove in the middle that served as heater and cooking appliance. To one side was a lovely desk made of reddish wood and masterfully polished to shine. The desk was stocked with pen and parchment already waiting for me. Above the desk there were three book shelves with books of all shapes and sizes. Some were clearly very old with pages coming loose and others appeared brand new and had silver runes around the spine and edges. The books comprised, various history’s of Krynn, alchemy, a map book and a couple of really nice surprises. There were three spell books. Those were the ones adorned in pure silver runes. They were bound and locked. And finally I noticed that there were six leather bound copies of the DragonLance books I had read. It was a really nice touch.
Taking note of the chair, I realized it was another welcome out of place item. Made of the same red wood as the desk, it had executive style leather with plenty of padding. The chair was on a swivel and rollers. It all looked like wood, but as I sat down and played with it, did not function as such.
I felt a ping of guilt as I sat in my fancy out of place chair. No one else here would have access to such an item. But then again, why should I suffer? I was here to have fun. I wasn’t here to be uncomfortable. The idea wasn’t to hate the place. This was my fantasy and while I’d given all my fantasies a life of their own to a certain extent, I didn’t see the need to torture myself.
Conversely, I didn’t want to know what was going to happen next. Each fantasy was built in my head so that while I had control, I didn’t know what was going to happen or how my actions might affect my surroundings. To be otherwise, would just be boring.
The detail of the home was so much more then I’d ever imagined in life, but as I looked about, every detail was still exactly what I would have wanted, as if God had not just read my mind but knew the things I wanted that I hadn’t even thought of. Now that’s omnipotence.
Next to the desk was Rena’s blanket, same as at the house, but she was not here in the house. That didn’t bother me. She had said she was coming, she came through the door with me and so she must be around.
By the wall, opposite the desk and shelves, there was a large trunk with more armor. There was both a full set of studded leather and a full set of plate mail. I closed the trunk slowly having just noticed the item directly beside it.
With great anticipation I slowly took in the detail of it from top to bottom and back again before even thinking about touching it. This was the talisman I’d dreamt of having all those years and my dreams were coming true.
Before me was Raistin’s staff in all its perfection except for a couple of minor details. I had modified the design in my mind from the original to more suit me, but this was still his wizard’s staff. Made of a deep matte black wood it stood 6 and a half feet tall and about two inches wide at the top. The lower half of the staff narrowed slightly to half diameter at the other end. Atop the staff there came out small wooden branches which acted like fingers and they clutched a magic crystal of white blue in color. I peered into the crystal with amazement.
Raistlins’ staff. This was it.
The staff itself was indestructible and could only be wielded by me. It would kill anyone else who attempted to use it. The staff was the center of my wizard power. I would cast through it and my spells would be amplified.
Raistlin had sacrificed greatly to obtain this object and now I held it. I could feel the power of it flowing into me. “Shirak!” I said the command word and light came forth from the staff brighter than what a torch would be. It was white and warm. With a thought, I let the light die out. I stared at the weapon admiring the detail. I wanted to take it home with me, I thought, smiling ear to ear.
Rena came in from outside where she’d been looking out over the porch and took me in. I asked, “What do you think?” I paused as she surveyed me and didn’t say anything at first. “I look like someone who just dressed up for Comic Con, don’t I?” Suddenly, I felt like a complete fool.
But she shook her head, “No you look good actually, but something is wrong, that’s for sure”.
I looked down at myself arms outstretched, “What?”
“You need a beard.”
“Really, you think?”
“Yes, everyone here will have beards except children.” She explained.
“I don’t remember that at all. Tanis had a beard and so did the dwarf. And Sturm had his moustache but Raistlin and Caramon went clean shaven.” I remembered the characters created by Wies and Hickman. The first six original DragonLance books were the only books I ever read twice in my life. This place was most special to me and I had to come here first. I’d dreamt of living in the city of Solace for many years. All I wanted was a quaint little home in the trees, as all the other homes of Solace were. And now I was here. It was all so very perfect.
“Well I never read the books, but I’m must telling you that in medieval times, all men wore beards or they were mocked,” Rena was saying.
“So you are a historian now?”
“Well I did have a lot of time on my hands while you screwed around down there on Earth”, she said mockingly.
I chuckled, “Ok, I hear ya, but the fact is I hate beards. They are itchy and you’ve always got hairs running up your nose. What if I am casting a spell and that happens and I sneeze? I could blow us blow my own head off.”
We both had a laugh.
“Oh! You could be the Headless Wizard.” She joked.
I grabbed the staff and went outside to visit the wonders of my surroundings.
We stood on the desk overlooking the city. Just as I had imagined. There were very large trees surrounding us, most with trunks at least twenty feet wide and reaching a hundred feet tall. And in most trees, just at the apex there was a home just like mine. I looked back at my own place. My home was nestled among the branches which seemed to be almost a part of the home itself. The harmony between tree and man was undeniable. There were no stumps, no cut branches. The wooden walls of home were built around and within the threes they relied upon.
Looking back towards my neighbors I started to notice all the colors. I began to see vibrant color everywhere. It was such a startling thing that it really took me aback. It was as if, up until now, I had been seeing everything in oak brown and black. Now I saw big green leaves on the trees. Many of the houses were painted or stained and then highlighted with colors. There were red shutters, green doors and black roofs. No two homes were the same yet the basic colors all flowed together in a perfect kaleidoscope of beauty.
I was about sixty feet up. I took in the surrounding grounds. There were many gardens, mostly at the base of each tree, but I saw off in the distance a large garden. People went about their business tending the plants carrying buckets of water and rudimentary tools. It occurred to me that I would be able to create food and water with magic at will, yet these people would work the land so they could eat.
Of course I would have to learn those spells from the spell books. Right now, all I could do was make the crystal glow to provide light. And this was by design. I wanted to study the magic and learn it. I did not want everything handed to me. Where would be the fun in that?
Winding around the city were horse paths. There were farmers walking, carts in tow. I saw small armed parties on horseback wind their way through town stopping here and there to talk with citizens. Most of the business were on the ground. This made a lot of practical sense. I could see a grocer with fresh fruit and veggies displayed, a tinker shop, smiths with their forges and even a clothier. I could also see the tell-tale covered travelling sales wagons. I briefly wondered what kind of snake oil was sold in this world. In life I had often joked about modern day products which I referred to as “snake oil”. This included pretty much every weight loss product and hair loss product.
One could not help but notice the largest tree of the city. Its majestic branches spanned a hundred feet in all directions. The main trunk was nearly 40 feet wide at the base and the spiraling stairs wrapped around seven times. The tree had to be two-hundred feet tall in total. Nestled amongst the huge branches was the Inn of the Last Home and where the DragonLance story started in the first book. It was a very special place to me and the main reason for why I loved this city so much. I was looking forward to visiting.
Rena and I descended to the ground over our much smaller spiraling wood walkway. At the bottom of our home there was a horse trough and rein bar.
“Do I have a horse,” turning to ask Rena.
Rena was no longer a dog. Before me stood a sleek black mare. She had Rena’s eyes and her white patch upon the chest. She reared up with a loud horsey Neyyyyyy and after coming down she said triumphantly, “Yes you do!”
I was astonished. This had never been a part of my fantasy. Actually I hadn’t ever even thought of Rena joining me on these trips. I don’t know why. Maybe it was my uncertainty about her being in Heaven, but in all my time thinking all this up, I’d never included her. I was so grateful she was here. I think I would have been lonely without her. I’d never minded being alone in life and spent a great deal of time by myself, but to experience all this and not share it with someone, I now realized, would have been a shame. I wondered to myself if her being here was God’s design answering my unknown and unspoken prayer or Rena’s own personal desire.
I saddled Rena but did not mount her. It felt really weird the thought of riding my dog.
“Oh get over yourself and get on,” she ordered.
I hesitated then complied, gently climbing up from the left. She never flinched or sighed. Obviously bearing me was not a bother to her at all.
As a very young boy, I’d taken horseback riding lessons and those had come in handy a few times later on when the odd occasion to ride had come up. I was perfectly comfortable riding and therefore I instinctively forgot myself and as I lifted the reins with my left, I brought my feet back towards her ribs to indicate I wished to go forward. Thank goodness I caught myself.
She looked back at me, “Are we ok back there?”
I sighed. I needed to relax. I was babying her. Years of guilt had skewed my perception of our relationship. I remember what she’d said to me yesterday. “Max. You were the best boy a dog could have wished for. You were kind and loving. I cherished every moment we had together. Now stop wallowing in unfounded misery.” I didn’t believe it then and I didn’t believe it now, but still a thought did occur to me. If I didn’t start to let myself enjoy this time with her, it wasn’t going to be any fun for her or me. She wasn’t here to feel bad and nurse me. She was my friend and wanted to play with and be with me. Get your head out of your ass and go have some fun, Max. I told myself. And so I gently kicked back my feet, grazing her sides and Rena started forward making no joke or comment.
The Inn was large. Two stories, plus attic. On the main floor was two fire places and at least 30 large tables, plus the bar and kitchen. The second floor had rooms for rent. The late morning crowd were breaking their fast. I looked around and then went over towards one of the fireplaces sitting in the corner to watch. Rena, back in dog form, sat next to me. She was very alert and still as if she were posing for a picture. I could tell she was listening intently. That made me happy. I wanted her to enjoy these little fantasies. It was important to me. She seemed to be really into it so far.
I ordered a cold cider and spicy potatoes. Both were terrific. I could not place the kind of spice in the potatoes but it was heavenly. Pun intended.
Part of me wanted something amazing to happen and part of me was just enjoying my surroundings. This was what I’d dreamed of; the house, the Inn, the city of tree houses. What I had read about, I was now experiencing and it was a whole new story. I knew the story line of the books, but what would be the point of reliving that? I wanted my own story. Having no idea what might happen next, if anything, I decided to simply relax and enjoy the moments as they passed.
I can honestly say I would not have cared if nothing happened. But just then, something did.
The old man came in, I saw him immediately from my vantage point. I was expecting him to show eventually. This was Paladine, one of the three God’s of this realm, in the guise of a doddering old man. He was bow backed yet still stood taller than my 6 feet. We wore a dirty and patched full length greyish robe with a hood and leaned heavily on his walking stick. He had white, long hair and beard. But his young eye’s sparkled like those of a child. They were full of life and vitality.
The old man, to my joy, came right over to me. The young waitress, Tika, met him with a mug and a plate of spicy potatoes and he thanked her. He sat down, looked at me and smiled. And I just grinned.
He knew me and I knew him. I am not sure how I knew that. Perhaps because he’d come right to me, but there was more to it. Beyond instinct and more than just a just feeling, I knew that this was more than just a character in a fantasy. Had this been a live version of Dungeon’s and Dragons, which the book series, DragonLance was based up, I would have said that this person represented the Dungeon Master. I could ask him questions and he could provide me with guidance.
I only had one question though. “Is this,” I gestured to the world, “to be my story or something else entirely?”
He smiled at me and answered, “This, my friend, is your story. Yet you’ve given it a life of its own. What happens here is just as real to you as your life before was. There is turmoil, hardship, suffering…glory and riches all to be experienced and enjoyed. I have no idea what you might do or what the consequences will be.” Paladine smiled down at Rena and she lowered her head in a show of respect.
“Suffering?”
“Possibly yes. What you have started here, you must finish.” Paladine sat back and drew a deep breath and let it out relaxing. “Remember that.”
I had a sudden thought and blurt it out in a near stutter, “C-can I, you know, m-make a difference here?” It had occurred to me in a flash that being here, immortal, invincible was actually a bad thing. If I created this world and it had a life of its own, I wanted to affect this place in a positive way. My original desire to run around killing monsters with fireballs was gone years ago. Doing so was too easy and a foregone conclusion were I so powerful. There was no meaning there. It would be like all this was a life-like video game. I needed a purpose. My time here needed to have meaning or else I would simply get bored in a few hours like with any other video game.
And while I created this world, I still felt a sense of responsibility. He was right. These people were real to me. I felt that in my heart. My perspective on this all changed in that momentary flash and I was reinvigorated.
Paladine had been taken aback by my question which was telling in and of itself. He smiled at me with pride. It was the sort of pride a father has for a son who’s done well.
“Max, you most certainly can make a difference here[i].” The way he said it made me think he had some other meaning than the obvious. He continued, “I will look forward with great anticipation to see what you do and how well you fare.” He smiled and patted Rena on her soft head. Rena went rigid at this. Clearly she had not expected the fantasy character to “pet her”.
I stared at him for another minute, wanting to savor the moment and then gathered my things and set about, Rena in tow. I was so excited, I could hardly stop shaking.
We rode through the middle of town on our way back towards the house. Rena was right about the beards. Everyone had them, even the very young men. I sighed. I wasn’t going to give in though. And I had even realized that a beard in heaven probably wouldn’t itch. I shook my head. Having a beard just wasn’t me. Besides, I’d not needed to shave since I died, I thought, realizing. Why mess up a good thing?
The middle of the city at ground level was much like any other. There was a well at the center which fed a lovely fountain made of smoothed and polished granite. Kids were playing in the water and parents stood talking, many holding sacks of supplies. People, women mostly, stood in line to get fresh water from the fountain. Around the square there were shops. Everything from food to tools to sweets could be found. There was also a municipal building where I assumed the city guard and leaders held offices.
I heard a little pop and looked over my shoulder. There was Paladine surrounded by a dozen small children. He was making popping flashes with an old worn wand. I stopped to watch him. His little fireworks show continued with flashes of blues, greens and reds. Then he began to shoot little bolts of light into the air about ten feet, each bolt then proceeding to pop and explode into expanding points of light, again of various color. He looked over at me and winked. I nodded with a smile and we moved on around and then out of the square.
“You mind spending the night here,” I asked Rena. She shook her head. “Do you need any supplies?” Another head shake. “Hay?” She bucked but I held on both of us laughing. “Right, no hay”.
I stopped by a couple of shops and picked up some dried meat, soft cheese and a very dark red wine which they put in a skin for me. I gave the man his money and turned to leave.
“New in town? You’re in that nice place over to the south with the back roof and red door?”
I paused. I was not really expecting the general locals to interact with me. I really didn’t know what to tell him if he asked me very much. I had not prepared any kind of background story or anything. I decided to try to just be affable and hope for the best.
Turning back and extending by hand, “Yes, just arrived today. My name is Max and that’s Rena outside.”
“You named your horse?” the shop keeper was genuinely surprised. I felt awkward for making the mistake.
I recovered myself and replied, “Of course. Don’t you name yours?” trying to turn the tables on him. It didn’t work. Un-phased, he said, “I have never known a man to name his horse but,” looking outside towards the mare, “she sure is pretty. I can’t blame you I guess. How much you want for her?”
Now the tables were turned on me. “She’s not for sale!” I shot back and way too harshly.
The man’s eyes went wide for a moment. “I’m sorry sir. I, uh, m-meant no offense”.
“No, no. I didn’t mean to…it’s just that...” I sighed, “No offence taken” and I turned to leave.
“Oh uh, Max sir, what is your trade? Others been asking too”.
Without turning back I said, “I’m a wizard.”
I heard him say in a low voice, “Ain’t got no need for one of them around here.”
I walked with Rena beside me, supplies in her saddle bags, heading towards the house now. As we were leaving the town center I noticed a bulletin board. Curious, I stopped by to look. There were many posting, notices and even job offerings.
PIG FOR SALE
JOIN THE SOLACE CITY GUARD
TWO COWS FOUND, UNKNOWN BRAND. HAPPY TO RETURN UPON PROOF OF OWNERSHIP AND COVERING OF EXPENSES
MERCENARIES NEEDED TO CLEAR OUT GOBLIN CAMP
I stopped there. That sounded like the perfect job for a wizard. I pulled down the notice and began walking back to the house excited.
“Hey Max,” Rena said in an almost whisper.
“Hmmm?”
“Uh, do you know any spells besides the light bulb thingy?”
I slowed down to a stop. “Well, I know the names of quite a few of them, but in this world a wizard has to study his spell books every day to re-learn his spells, memorizing complex incantations. He must also purchase or go find rare reagents.” I explained and she only nodded. “But, I kinda decided to cheat a bit. First, I use the same command word for all spells. Second, no reagents, just the staff. And third, once I know a spell, I know it.”
“So you basically skipped everything.” She said mocking me.
“Yup.” I said matter of factly. “The point is to have fun. I am not spending several hours every day learning countless spells all over again. And I’m not spending the time to search the world for herbs and such. That also would not be fun. This way I get to experience the studying, but then go and have fun.”
I did have one problem that I didn’t think of…space to practice. I couldn’t be blasting fire and lightning in the city or my house so I needed some place safe. In my hand, I held the food and wine I’d bought and that reminded me of a couple of spells. Create food and Create Water. Those spells I could practice at home, but pretty much after that, I would have to find a safe location.
Back at our home, a fragrant stew cooking over the stove, I poured through all the books that came with my new home. Like with other things, I was able to read all of them as if they were written in English, but I also could see that the words were not, if I focused. I found where to begin, Beginning Magic for Wizards, but I could not seem to open the book. It was held by a clasp and leather thong and bound by silver runes. There was no lock and no indications as to how to open it.
“I need to open the spell book and I can’t figure it out.” I said to no one, but Rena was there. She was a dog again since we were in the house.
“Can’t help you there, Max.” She said.
I stared at the book and then around the room. Desk. Furs. Door. Stove. Clothes I threw on the floor. Muddy boots.
Staff.
I had an idea. Grabbing the staff I walked over to my desk and slowly placed the crystal barely touching the book. It worked. The runes began to change and the bindings undid themselves. It took magic to open the books because only a mage had any business looking inside.
I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening studying my spell book and practicing with my staff. Rena mostly slept but every now and then she would head out and scout around for anything interesting. I could tell she was a bit bored and I didn’t blame her. I thought for a moment about just how I wanted these “fantasies” to function. I could have designed it to be a more instant gratification type thing. But that’s not what I had wanted when I really thought about it. I wanted to do the grunt work, to a degree. I wanted to spend real time here. I wanted quiet evenings to soak in my surroundings and enjoy the incredible details like the sounds and smells. Having resolved myself, I returned to my studies with a smile.
Well into nightfall, with my staff lighting the room and a small fire in the stove, I decided I’d had enough for one day and went out onto our deck with a cup of wine. Rena was there laying down, at the edge of the deck, but not sleeping. Her head was up and she was looking all around from her vantage point, turning towards any sound curiously.
“How did it go with your studies,” she asked me as I came out.
“Very good, yeah. The living room has created food and water all over the place. The first few that I made tasted funny. But the last ones I did were much better. The food was very good and the water sweet, cold and refreshing.” She nodded. “And that’s enough for my first day I think.” She smiled. “Did you find anything interesting in town?”
Rena sat up and turned to me, “Actually, yes. Those goblins we read about have been terrorizing the farmers to the east beyond the city. I overheard people talking about it. They are taking the livestock and burning the crops. The goblins beat or kill anyone who resists or get in the way.”
“Any idea what kinds of numbers we are dealing with?” I asked.
“No, but it can’t be an army. These are hit and run strikes for food.” I found her choice of words interesting. Very military.
“Yeah, it sounds like one group to me. How often do they attack?” I continued.
“As far as I can tell, from what little I heard, I am guessing they hit at least twice a week. And they always take a few chickens along with either a goat, cow or horse.”
“Why hasn’t the city done something about it or the local guard?” I asked her.
“Apparently, the able men are mostly in the north. There seems to be a war brewing. The remaining city forces are ill-equipped and small in number.” She paused and we thought about it.
“Oh and one more thing, about two weeks ago a small adventurer party came through and took the job from the notice board. They were well armed and provisioned and left for the goblin camp that same day. No one has heard from them since, the attacks continue. So they are presumed dead...” She trailed off.
I didn’t like the sound of that. Just because I couldn’t die again didn’t mean I couldn’t fail. Maybe this wasn’t a good first test of my magic skills. And even now, all I could do is blind them briefly at night with light and throw food at them. I took and deep breathe and let out a sigh.
“When was the last attack?” I asked.
“Last night.” She said.
So at best I had two days before the next attack if I was lucky. Two days to get myself in order and find some help. I was even more exhausted now.
“I think we should get a good night’s sleep. I want to start back up first thing in the morning learning and practicing. But there is a problem. I can’t do any more spells in the house because it’s not big enough and I don’t really wish to scare the locals. Do you think we can find a suitable training ground?”
Rena thought for a minute. “There really aren’t any mountains nearby so that means no caves. It’s a dense foliage area so that means fires could be started. Do you remember what is nearby from your reading?” Again, she surprised me with her tactical thinking. I knew she was smart, but I had not expected this sort of equality in our interactions. She was not just smart for a dog, she was just as smart as me, perhaps smarter. Rena continued to be an enigma.
I’d been a teenager when I read this book the first time and in my late twenties when I read it again. And the gang rarely spent any time in Solace. But there was…”a lake. There’s a lake nearby. Raistlin used a Sleep spell when he and his companions were attacked at the lake.”
I thought about the infamous mage for a moment. I had no wish to meet Raistlin. He was brilliant, selfish and evil. He may have found his way back to the light in the end, but all the pain he caused along the way was too much for me. I feared him. I would use his staff and his story to plot my own, but mine would be a story of good deeds. Conversely, I would love to meet his brother Caramon and any of the rest of the gang, but I cared more about carving out my own story, so I never made meeting any of them or getting to know them a firm condition of the fantasy. And it would be a few years before they would all meet at The Inn, as they did in the first book.
“I suppose the lake will have to do then. Just try not to kill all the fish,“ Rena was saying and we went up and to bed there in Solace but I found it to be too strange. The bed was lumpy and the creatures of the night too noisy, so we went home to our house in heaven. Perhaps I was not one for roughing it.
I lay there in bed, flipping channels for a long time, thinking about the first day of the rest of my eternity. I came across a Dodger game about to begin. They were playing the Braves in Atlanta. Great match up, I thought. The commentary started with Rick Monday doing the pre-game show and interviews. I had a hard time telling when this game was taking place.
After the pre-game show, the game started. No commercials, no product placements. And to my shock Vin Scully was calling the game. Now any Dodger fan knows that Vin Scully does not travel east with the team anymore, but there he was starting the game with his signature line, “Hi everybody and a very pleasant good evening to you all where ever you may be.” The where ever you may be bit suddenly took on a whole new meaning for me and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud waking Rena who rolled over and drifted off again.
It was a great game, but the Dodgers lost. Those Atlanta boys just never gave in and finally in the eighth inning a bloop and a blast broke the game open and the Atlanta closer sealed the deal. I must have fallen asleep just as the game was ending because I don’t remember anything else. To be honest, I was shocked that I’d stayed awake for the whole thing. I always used to fall asleep during Dodger games. But tonight, after this incredible day, my mind swimming with so much new information, I managed to stay awake.
The next day we returned to Solace and headed out to the lake. To my chagrin there were dozens of spells in the three books, many of which I would not have any use for in the upcoming fight. For example, there was a spell to create a cottage so the mage could spend the night in safety. Not going to need that. And if I were to try to learn them all, I wouldn’t be able to do it in a day or even a week. Time was short so I focused on the basics. Offense and defense.
The first spell I practiced was Magic Missiles. Like with the food, it took me a few tries, but soon I was shooting bright red energy arrows across the water of the lake. The more I practiced, the more arrows shot out with each attempt and the farther they travelled. Next I practiced a defensive spell called Burning Hands. My hands lit up. Anyone getting to close to me, I would be able to fend them off with a touch.
Feeling better about the learning curve, I decided to jump ahead to a big spell, Fireball. This spell proved much harder to manage then any of the others. If I didn’t angle the staff correctly the ball would go into the air or splash into the water fizzing out. Thankfully I saw no dead fish raising up. Plus there was a recoil and I had to grip my staff with both hands. After shooting flame balls everywhere but across the lake like I was trying, I finally got the hang of it. I worked the rest of the day on two more spells, Lightning and Sleep. Rena was not keen to be the test subject for the Sleep spell, so practiced on wildlife, but the spell never worked. The best I got out of it was a yawn from a rabbit who then hopped away down his hole. It was hours later that I saw the note in the book in small print next to the spell “humanoids only.” That was some comfort.
That night at home, I did not sleep. I was going up against a relatively unknown force tomorrow, just myself and Rena where previous veterans had failed. Waiting until I was a better mage was not an option. I couldn’t just let them attack again, if I had a chance to stop them. Just because I couldn’t die, didn’t mean I was not taking this seriously. I was nervous. When morning came around, I had come to the conclusion that I was vastly over thinking this. I was here to have fun. Being a wizard was fun. So I dumped my concerns like a bag of bricks and got up.
We had our breakfast and just before going up stairs, I got an idea. I went over to the replicator and said, “Wizard’s hat, pointy, dark brown, leather.” The replicator complied and before me was the hat. I carried it up and through the door. At our house in Solace, I got dressed and donned my hat. That’s better. Now, I feel like a wizard.
Rena came in and started laughing. She laughed so hard that she fell down and over on her back.
I made a motion as if to say, “what?!?” and went to look at myself in the reflection of a window.
Sigh. I looked like an idiot. Maybe if I wore the robes, I could pull it off, but not dressed like this, in a cloth tunic and strap leather pants. I went past the recovering dog and changed.
Rena met me downstairs, she was in horse form and saddled and fully recovered from her ordeal. I patted her on the side of the face gently, ginning and mounted, staff in hand.
It was early morning in Solace and few people were yet out and about. We rode through town center and later past the Inn of the Last Home. I could smell the spiced potatoes being cooked for the morning breakfast. I decided that a victory dinner later on tonight at the Inn was definitely in order.
Rena led the way out of town at a trot. We travelled for about thirty minutes and then she slowed and started picker her way through denser brush at a quiet pace. After a long while, she stopped and I dismounted. I gathered myself and took a deep breathe. Rena become a dog again and nodded her readiness leading us forwards again. Ahead of us we could see dying smoke from the previous night’s camp fire. Rena had brought us in from the perfect vantage point. We were down wind and on a rise which was heavily camouflaged with foliage and trees. We could see the whole camp and both ways in from north and south. And they couldn’t see us.
Looking down into the camp, we saw sleeping goblins strewn about. Over the fire was a spit and what was left of a large animal. I guessed horse from the size of the rib cage, but there were no legs or head so it could have been something else like a cow. It was clear they had had a feast last night. And from the looks of the bones and trash piled up everywhere, they were having a party pretty much every night.
To our left and right were path’s leading into the camp. These were being guarded by well-armed goblins. I could see four on the left and at least three on the right. There might be another group farther out to the right because the three I could see seemed to be talking in that direction. We would have to check both sides thoroughly. If we lost the element of surprise, we would lose the fight.
Directly ahead of us and at the far side of the camp was a large cave. From inside I could hear echoes of soft guttural voices and the occasional laughter. The party it seemed was still ongoing for some.
I thought about my strategy and decided it was best to take a risk with the Sleep spell even though it hadn’t been fully tested. I sent Rena over to scout the left path and I did the same for the right. I moved carefully and slowly. To my surprise there were only the three guards on the right. They were just talking to themselves after all. Rena came up to me having seen her side and catching up with me. “Four on the left. That’s it.”
I nodded. Here we go.
I raised my staff and with confidence invoked the Sleep spell at the three guards with a soft but commanding, “Shirak!” and to our mutual surprise, they dropped softly to the ground all three.
We snuck over to the left side of the camp and performed the same spell. Now every goblin outside of the camp was asleep. We moved down and into the camp taking up position at the side of the entrance to the cave. I had no way of telling how many Goblins were in there.
“I don’t suppose you can make out how many are in there by smell or something.” I asked Rena.
She whispered back, “If I go by smell alone, I’d have to say ten, no twenty………thousand.” She smiled up at me.
“Funny, but not helpful.” I peered inside. I could see from the torch light within that there were more sleeping goblins, but quite a few milling about and one group in the back were sitting at a table talking angrily in a heated words.
I made up my mind.
I turned and faced into the cave and “Shirak!” shot a Fireball right down the corridor burning everything in sight. This of course caused the goblins behind me to stir and start groggily figuring out there were under attack. I was ready for them. I began firing Magic Missiles multiple bolts fired out with each spell cast. Red sparkles, half-screams and thuds of body hitting ground was heard. Rena stood there tensely guarding me against attack, hair stood up at her neck and down her spine. Her teeth barred. But soon the camp was still again.
It was then that I heard sounds of pain from within the cave. Rena and I looked at each other. I lit my staff and we went inside. Everything was burned. Little goblin bodies lay here and then. At the back of the cave, we could see the table had been scorched to pure black and barely stood. The back wall of the cave was burnt and glassy in spots.
To my right I heard a moan of pain. I turned quickly intending to put the poor thing out of its misery when my heart stopped. I was looking at an iron cage and inside were two burned bodies. Humans. One larger, full grown in size, a man, the other diminutive and lithe, a child. The man was still alive. I was in shock. But before my eyes, and before I could think, the whimpering in man gave his final breathe and died. I simply stood there. Rena hung her head and after a minute slowly left the cave and me to my thoughts.
I was in agony. I had decided that this was meant to be fun. I thought I’d checked the cave well enough. Nothing like this had ever happened in any book or while playing D&D. I was mortified and stood stone like with grief. There would be a widow somewhere nearby, probably on a farm. Her husband and child now lost at my hands. Thoughts of reward, fame and heroism were gone from me. There would be no celebration in Solace, no toasting the hero, no drinking of wine until too late at night.
I didn’t even return to Solace. I went to Rena and with a thought, we returned home to the house in heaven with a flash.
Chapter 6
I took some time off after that. I stayed in the house. I slept a lot. It took a while but eventually I started going out with Rena. She had been very patient with me. We talked if I felt like talking and we didn’t if I didn’t. She was the best friend you could ever have. After a few days, maybe a week, it was hard to tell, I decided I needed to get out of the house.
She and I spent many days after that swimming, playing fetch and Frisbee and just talking about old times. I eventually managed to put the failure in Solace behind me. I knew that I’d not killed anyone who was real. I knew that in my adventures there would be lot of killing of fictitious bad guys, but the father and son I killed were innocents and fictitious or not, I felt guilt for killing them.
Rena was handling things in her own way too. She started spending nights out of the house, off doing her thing often coming back late morning. One particular morning she seemed quite weary.
“Breakfast is ready,” I called out to the bedroom. Nothing. Let her sleep I told myself. We were going out to the lake today. I had decided to try fishing one more time to see if I still hated it as much in death as in life. Tomorrow I wanted to go into town and see what kind of stuff was there. It sounds silly, but for the first time in my life, I was genuinely interested in going to a museum. Had to be one, right? And I wanted to meet some other people. I’d been here a while and not spoken to or met anyone and frankly it hadn’t really occurred to me to do so until now which I found a bit strange in and of itself.
After I’d long finished my breakfast and was playing the latest Call of Duty game in the office, Rena got up. I heard her crunching away on her breakfast. She came in slowly, “mornin’” and bounced up to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.
“You look totally exhausted. What’s going on with you lately?” I asked.
“Nothing. I am perfectly fine.” She wasn’t any better at lying than I was. We both showed our emotions right on our faces and with our tone and our body language.
“Rena, I’ve never been tired once since coming here and each day I wake up and never feel groggy. But you look like you are quite tired.
She sighed, “Well you don’t actually need sleep.”
“What do you mean? We sleep every night,” I asked completely confused.
“Yeah but it’s not required or necessary, we just like to do it. Sleeping is just like anything else around here. Do what makes you happy.” She told me.
“Ok, assuming I accept all that, which…sure, I do, why do you look like stir fried crap lately?”
She snapped a look at me, “Hey!”
I smiled, “You know what I mean. What’s going on?”
“Seriously, nothing. I have just been going out a lot at night. And maybe while I don’t require sleep, I don’t know, maybe there is something about that recharges me a bit. I suppose it could be that I am mentally tired. I don’t know.”
Rena had had her life without me in both life and death. I didn’t own her. She was not my pet. I never told her to do anything, we were friends. Best friends. Eternal friends. I didn’t get what she was telling me but the look on her face made me think it was private. And why shouldn’t she have her own life and her own private time? She owed me nothing. I was grateful for every moment she spent with me. “You don’t owe me an explanation and I won’t press it. Your time is your own and I cherish any time we get together. I’ll never take it for granted. Not ever again. But don’t expect me not to worry.” I told her.
She smiled at that. It looked menacing when I dog smiled and always made me laugh, but not this time. “Thanks Max. I do have my own life, but know that you are a very big part of it and always will be. We are connected by love and faith and I do not take it for granted either. Right now, you need to focus on your own acclimation to heaven. We have eternity after all.”
“Yeah, ok. Hey you still wanna go out today?” I asked.
“Yes, of course.” And she walked back into the living room, but out of the corner of my eye I saw her limp on just one step and I know I heard her grimace faintly. “I’m ready when you are Max. I’ll be out back.”
I saved my game and got dressed, grabbed my fishing gear and we headed out. We walked out back past the pool, through the back yard and down the path. I followed her on purpose, but that was always the case anyway. I studied her, but she never showed again a sign of injury. I don’t know, maybe it was all in my head. I felt a bit stupid actually. Injury and pain in heaven…kinda goes against the eternal bliss thing. I laughed to myself.
Rena led us down the path and to the lake. This was pretty much the lake we’d grown up next to but I doubted it was as big. The part we used was certainly a perfect replica of where we used to go when I was a kid. We called it “the Cove” because, you guessed it, it was a little cove maybe a five hundred feet wide with a round beach at the shore which then opened up into the lake proper. You could wade out about seventy-five feet and still touch ground.
Rena had asked me bring an inner tube down for her so I had replicated one. After blowing it up, the tube was as wide as she was long. It was made to fit tires for a small construction vehicle. We had such a tube in life and I had taught her to sit on the tube front paws on one side and hind legs on the opposite side. People around the cove had taken pictures and marveled at the dog on an inner tube. Rena had always done things that were human like. I know I am biased because she was my dog. Just as any mother or father is biased towards their own child who is always just the most beautiful child ever. But, I really believed that that was something special about Rena. I wondered about other people being reunited with their pets in heaven. Did they have the same kind of relationship as we did?
While I fished, Rena was lying across the tube floating in the water, head down over crossed legs – she’s a lady you know, watching me and all the things around. Her fur glistened in the sun wet from being in the water.
She soon started in on me on how I was the worst fisherman that ever lived. But that only redoubled my resolve.
I was casting from the shore and getting nothing. I had my old fishing pole. It was a short pole, designed for a kid, and it had a closed reel. I had my old tackle box too and the contents had not changed. I was fishing for smallmouth white bass and I was using a lure called a Pico Pop. The hardest part for me was remembering how to tie the lure using the blood knot. I hadn’t tied a knot like that in about thirty years. It also took me a while to be able to cast, but I was always well coordinated and after half a dozen tries, I was getting the lure out where I wanted most of the time.
Rena was right though. I was not doing well. No nibbles or bumps on the lure. It was a warm day and we’d long missed the normal morning fishing hours. I decided to wade out a bit and see if I could get into some colder water. I walked out, fully dressed in jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes. The ground was squishy. It was a bit of work to not lose a shoe or get stuck and fall. The thought of Rena laughing at me hysterically over falling into the water, pole, basket and all, was keeping me focused.
I glanced over at her and waved smiling muttering under my breathe, “yer not gonna see me go ass over tea kettle today young lady, so just stop looking at me like you are eating popcorn and waiting for the good part of the movie.” She grinned at this reading me like a book.
I casted further out into deeper water and started getting some bumps and nudges. The Pico Pop was designed to float and look like a fish from below. A good fisherman would cast it out, then reel it in, doing so as to make the lure behave like a fish that was swimming along the surface. The lure had a plastic lip under the pseudo mouth and this made the lure dive down a bit when you pulled on it. I was trying to find my rhythm with it all. I was casting well, but I knew that my reeling in was way too erratic. The lure was diving down then flying back up, turning over on its side which caused it to sort of skid on the water. If a fish was looking at this thing, there was no way it would think this was food.
Oh great, the fish are laughing at me too.
After some more practice I managed to get my pole at the correct angle against the tide and wind so that I could pull on the lure making it dip down, then reel in as it came up. I still didn’t know if the thing looked like a fish to another fish, but what I was doing was at least a little more consistent and had a bit of a pattern.
I got a hit on the lure and felt the pole jerk. I jerked back. Way too hard.
The lure came flying at me and I had to dodge to the side.
Rena was laughing so hard, I thought she was going to pee herself and fall off the tube. I just glared at her for a moment and then recovered myself.
I pulled the line and lure in to me which had flown past my head. There was a piece of fish mouth on the lure. I had pulled so hard that I ripped the lure completely out. I felt sorry for the fish. I wasn’t here to hurt anything. That thought gave me pause. Catching a fish would be painful to it. I hadn’t intended to keep what I caught, but throw it back. But was I torturing an animal for pleasure? I wasn’t here for that.
Rena was staring at me. “What?”
“Nothing,” I replied.
And then I prayed for the first time since my death. Dear Lord, thank you for all that you have given me. I am overwhelmed and humbled by your generosity. Lord, I have hurt an innocent animal because I did not think this through. Please heal the fish. Amen.
Rena was beside me. I’m not sure how she was maneuvering the tube. “Max, you are overreacting. Look here” She pointed to the water with her head. A fish was staring up at me a hole in its mouth. Before I could do anything, the hole mended itself. And then the fish spoke. “Max that was very nice of you. God hears all prayers. You can’t accidentally be cruel here. You are not perfect, but God is and He’s got your back”, and the fish smiled with its perfect mouth.
“Now, catch me if you can!” the fish swam a way.
Smiling, I casted again and again searching for my elusive fishy friend.
I was about to give up thinking he knew what the lure looked like and wouldn’t hit it again. I hadn’t even considered that there were other fish out there. This just seemed like a game between me and that one fish.
The lure jerked and this time I simply held the pole taught setting the hook. The fish jumped in to the air and yelled at me hook in the side of his mouth he sounded like Bill Cosby doing his dentist routine. The part when he was shot up with novicaine and trying to talk. “Yuurrr not boing to get be!”
There was no pain in his voice only a friendly, oh it’s on now pal! attitude. I focused on reeling him in. He fought and jumped. Rena was sitting up on the inner tube now barking, tail wagging, ears up. The fish zig zagged. I had to let him swim but eventually I was reeling him in steadily. He might be immortal, but not immune from the physics of me pulling against him at an angle.
Within reach now, I pulled my pole back and held the fish in my hand, keeping him in the water. He brought his head up and said, “You mind betting shish book outta my moutibs.”
I stared at him. I had no idea what he said.
He said louder now, “the book, the book, takits the bookibs outta my moutibss”.
Facepalm! The hook!
“Oh sure”. I put my thumb into his mouth like I was taught as a boy and held him up. With the other hand, I gently removed the hook. I was pleased to see that as the hook removed, it left no hole or damage. The fish was fine.
And then he bit me.
I dropped him and he swam away.
Rena was laughing so hard that she tipped the tube too far and lost control. She fell in awkwardly and it took a moment for her to hook a leg around the tube and steady herself.
I was already laughing at the fish and then at Rena. Rena was still laughing at me when she lost grip and went down again. We both headed for shore. I grabbed the inner tube.
Somewhere the in distance a fish jumped up out of the water heading out of the cove.
As we packed up to leave I realized that I had learned a great deal here today. I felt a sense of relief and peace, “God has your back”, the fish had said.
***
The next day we got up and ready to go into town for the first time. I had suggested that we eat a late breakfast in the city and Rena agreed. When I came out of the bedroom, I headed over to the kitchen counter and looked around.
“What you looking for?”
My keys, wallet and cell phone, I thought.
I paused. I hadn’t gone anywhere since coming here. I hadn’t gotten up in the morning and went anywhere since I was alive. I was following my old routine.
“I don’t have any keys or a wallet or a cell phone, do I?”
“Nope”
Right.
“Do we have a car?” I asked having just now realized that I’d not seen one. But then again I’d not gone out the front of the house since arriving. We always left out the back and came in through the back.
“Yeah, it’s in the garage,” Rena said plainly.
Right! The convertible. The driver had left it for me.
We headed for the garage.
We got in. The ignition turned without the need for a key. Under the sunscreen was the garage remote. I pressed it and the door opened.
“Now take it easy with the clutch. It’s new.”
I turned to her. “Seriously? You drive? You’ve driven this car?”
She just shrugged, “Well yeah, I like to take a drive sometimes.” The image of my dog driving a car. That was just too much. This place wasn’t full of surprises, this place was crazy.
“You want to drive?” I asked sarcastically.
“No, no, you go ahead. I like sticking my nose out in the air.”
Of course. That made sense. But I still couldn’t understand how she could drive.
I gave it a little gas and let out the clutch easy. She was right, the clutch was new and really touchy. Shifting would mellow out as the clutch wore just a bit. The car was powerful and big. It drove very smooth, but handled like a boat.
At the end of our cul-de-sac there was a T at the stop and a sign across the way.
←CROPOLIS
POINTS BEYOND→
“What is over there if we go right?” I asked.
“There are more cities and endless landscapes, oceans and islands. There is some pretty cool stuff out there like amusement parks and racing tracks. There is even a space port. I’m not sure how that works, but you can explore the universe. I heard that there are people living on the moon.” came the answer. I was impressed. I suppose if one could imagine it, here, they could do it. And it would be cool to see those things. But today, I wanted to see the city so I turned left.
The road wound down our hill and into the city outskirts. I remembered this all from my drive in. I saw little farms, football and baseball fields. There were kids playing on the fields and in the parks which I guess answered a question of mine. So there were children in heaven. Had they been alive and died? Where they born here? Were they stuck at a certain age? What about schools?
“So there’s kids,” I called over to Rena.
“Oh yeah, lots of them, but I really don’t know much about their lives here. For some people, it would be their dream to have children and so, I guess some of the children, are born here. And that brings up more questions.” I nodded at her statement. She continued, “but perhaps others are those who died on Earth. Perhaps some wishing to remain as they are, others wishing to grow up. The truth is I never really concerned myself with any of it.”
“I am sure that God provides all they need.” I stated.
“Of course.” She paused. “After a while Max you realize that is pretty much the answer to everything and I guess I stopped questioning it all a long time ago. Someday you will too. Someday you will realize that God has provided and that simple answer is enough. Not everything has to be ‘figured’ out.”
I couldn’t argue with that and wouldn’t, but I was still curious about it. However, Rena didn’t know and I had no reason to worry about it, so I let it go. Just because I was curious, didn’t mean I had no faith in God to care for the children and everyone else here. My faith in all that and God was absolute. No my curiosity had to do with understanding how heaven worked. I wanted to know everything eventually, but I had a long time to learn it all and a lot I wanted to do first.
As we got closer to downtown, I saw a sign for City Park Center. That was perfect. I followed the road that way and we eventually came to a large park. There was a lake and around it with a walking/jogging path. Going down the main drag running alongside the lake there were vendors and carnival rides. I parked and we got out.
Rena and I walked through the park together. She was not on a leash, of course. There were other dogs running around, playing with each other, kids and adults. We watch one little dog catching Frisbees by jumping way up into the air.
People passed us with their dogs, but Rena paid no attention to any of them. After a while, I noticed that she was not socializing with the other dogs at all. She didn’t smell them, bark, growl, nothing. And frankly, I don’t think the other dogs were interested in her either. In fact, I was pretty sure I saw once or twice a dog go out of their way to avoid Rena.
I saw a little outside bistro. It reminded me of the one that Dan and I would go to and have our talks. “Let’s eat here” and pointed. Rena nodded and we went over. We were greeted and seated with a view of the lake, the people and I could also make out a fair down the road a bit.
We ordered breakfast. Rena had bacon and ham only, with a side of water in a bowl. I had eggs benedict and coffee. It was the best eggs benedict I’ve ever had. The sauce was buttery but not overwhelming and the bun was slightly toasted just enough to give it a tiny bit of crunch. And the best part, there was no bill. I loved this place!
I decided to ask Rena about the other dogs, but I wanted to break the ice with something easier. “What do you know about the service staff? The driver, the chauffer, the door men, bartenders, waiters and waitresses. Are all these people like me? I find it hard to believe that so many people would find that it’s their dream to work at a restaurant.
She looked up surprised and took another drink of water before jumping into the chair across from me to address me proper. “I think you’d be surprised at how many people love the work they do. Lot’s of people always wanted to open a business in life but didn’t get the chance or they did and it failed. Here failure is not much of a consequence. Think about the driver. Can you not think of any reason why he might enjoy his job? All the people he gets to meet? How he gets to start them all off in the afterlife? Surely you can see how someone might love doing such a job. But, you are still right. This is a perfect society. If there is a job that needs performing and no one to perform it, then God sees to it, one way or another. Again, you have to understand that everything here, works out, always. You’ll get used to that. After a while, you just accept it and stop wondering just how it all works. I got over it a long time ago.”
I accepted that God was all powerful, all knowing, surely He could put together the perfect society. “So everyone here is like me? Dead?”
Rena looked around. “Let’s put it this way. You’ll probably know it when you meet someone who’s not from Earth because they will usually tell you. Not everyone here is from Earth, no. Really though. Must you figure this out? Can you not just accept it and enjoy it?”
I pondered her challenge. It was not like me to accept things on blind faith. I always had a desire to tear it all apart and understand it all. But, I think her point was that perhaps I should focus on my afterlife and perhaps not so much on Gods design and just simply accept things. I had made it. I was here and should just relax and live my wonderful new life. Rena should have known that I could never do that. I might let something go for a while, but it would nag at me until I figured it out.
But for now, I did decide to table my deductions. “Ok, okay! I get it. No more detective today.” Rena gave a stern look. “I mean for a while!” I smiled. She seemed to accept that. “But one last thing. Why were the other dogs dissing you?”
Rena sighed. She thought about her answer carefully and I was starting to wonder what was so hard about it that it was taking her so long. “Max, you know that I am not like other dogs, right?”
“Well, you are not like any dog I ever met that’s for sure. I always thought you were special in life, but being with you here, I think you are even more special” I replied.
“Well I am, I have lived here and on Earth and I’ve experienced more than perhaps any dog ever has. I suppose other dogs can see that in me and they shy away. I guess I am not much like them anymore. To be honest, I never really thought about it and today was the first time I interacted with other dogs since I died after being with you.”
I nodded. It made sense. She was not just a dog to me. I could have easily pictured her as a human. She was every bit a person to me. And in a flash I saw Rena in my mind as a woman. Cute and intelligent with dark eyes. I shuddered. How weird!
“alright moron, let’s get outta here” she said and hopped down.
We walked for a while, not talking. We went along the lake and past the people playing in the park and towards the fair.
“Let’s take a look over here, “she nodded ahead of us towards a clearing. “I want to see that.” I looked ahead and found us coming up to a grassy clearing and I could see smoke from what looked like camp fires.
What we saw looked to me like a Native American Carnival if there was such a thing. Well I guess there was, here. There were teepees and larger tents where people had obviously been camping. But mixed in were open tents with games including archery and rock toss. There was also face painting, Native American artwork and clothing. At the center of it all was a stage and people were lined up to reach it. I was intrigued by this and decided to see that the deal was.
Upon the stage sat a very old man in a big wooden chair and beside him a younger man dealing with the line. People came up and talked to the old man and then left. We waited in line, watching the archery mostly. The men running the game were very kind and helpful especially to the children who had never used a bow before. Woman of all sorts were looking through the clothing for sale, their men nowhere to be seen. Just like Earth, I thought.
When it was our turn, I stepped forward to face the old man properly and gave a little bow. I didn’t know any other way to show respect. He raised his hand to the air and said, “Welcome, I am Chief White Moon of the Sioux and this is my son, Two Wolves.” Then he lowered and extended his hand to me. I took it and we shook. He had quite the firm grip. His hand was well calloused. He was dressed in long sleeve leathers and had grizzled skin. His face was wrinkled and dark from years in the sun. Both men’s faces were painted white and red in patterns.
I was thinking how very cool this all was. Everyone was having fun, even I. And I had always hated carnivals with their rinky dink rides, bad food and dirty employees, in life. But this was very nice. I turned to the son, “How did you get your name, Two Wolves?”
He turned to me with pride, his chest rising and spoke, “At the time of my birth it was also a time of war for the Sioux. Our homes were being raided nightly. In order to protect me and my mother, father moved us into the hills away from the great fire. He believed we would be safe from the raiders there. And we were. But there are other dangers in the world.”
The line was turning into a crowd now and Two Wolves spoke louder. More and more came to hear the story.
“My mother was free to give birth, but we were unfortunate. As the moment of birth approached so did two wolves having smelled the scent of it the air. And just as the wolf would stalk a deer and attack the weak fawn, so would they come for mother and I. Father saw the wolves and readied himself to protect his family.” He gave a nod to his father full of pride.
“The wolves waited just beyond our fire. As my time drew near, my great father had to make an impossible choice. He could leave the tent and my mother to attack the wolves hoping to kill or drive them off, but in doing so leave us vulnerable. Or he could guard us at the tent knowing the wolves would come in closer as my mother birthed me. My father did not like the idea of the wolves getting close to us. Any mistake and my mother and I would be dead before father could stop it. So he risked an attack while the wolves were still gathering up their courage.”
White Moon nodded at this and sat even more upright in his chair upon the little stage.
Two Wolves continued. “There was a long fight. The wolves circled father separately one in front and one behind him. They would feint in and out, growling and drooling. Finally, when one attacked, so did the other.” The Chief pulled back his right sleeve revealing long deep scars from the claws. I looked around. Everyone was listening now. The games had stopped. All workers and customers; men, women and children stood around the stage listening.
“Father managed to grab one wolf by the throat even as the other clawed him. He kicked the other wolf off and was free to stab the first through the heart. The great beast fell dead before him.” Two Wolves directed the audience to his own chest. Draped over his right shoulder was a grey pelt. He pulled it forward and showed the hole where the knife had penetrated, the dark and dry stain of blood still present on the edges of the skin. White Moon held forth the makeshift knife, dry blood upon it and the children could all be heard, “oooo. OOHHH.”
Two Wolves smiled at the crowd then turned serious. “Father turned to the other wolf and it balked, sniffing at the air. My mother was trying to keep quiet, but it was impossible. The beast began to move towards the tent where I was being born at that very moment. Father began to beat his chest and taunt the animal. He showed the gash down his arm, fresh blood dripping to the ground. The wolf refocused on father and lunged.”
Two Wolves looked at his father now as he paused. His look reflected sorrow and pride. “But White Moon was not so fortunate this time with the blade. He stuck upon rib and the wolf bore into his chest.” The Chief pulled aside the leather shirt halves to reveal more scars. These were the kinds of wounds that a man did not survive. The crowd oohh’d with sympathy and the Chief nodded to them then returned to hold his head high. Two Wolves turned back to the crowd. “Father was going to die.” He said placing his hand upon his father’s shoulder. “He knew it. It would be just a moment before the wolf would reach his neck and tear out his throat. And so giving up on all defense he raised his blade in both hands around the wolf, even as the beast tore at his chest and pulled down with all his might. The blade penetrated both beast through the back of the neck and man through the heart.” The Chief raised his shirt from below and showed the crowd the straight wound of his own knife though the middle of his chest.
Two Wolves brought forth the other pelt which lay across his left shoulder and showed everyone the long gash in the center of the pelt where the top of the spine would have been. “My father held the writhing beast to himself until the air left it and beyond. When my mother found him, he was still holding the beast and knife.
And so my mother gave me the name, Two Wolves in honor of my father, the great warrior, and of his sacrifice.” He concluded.
All in the crowd including myself were affected. There was not a dry eye in the place. Both Two Wolves and White Moon were politely thanking and shoooshing the crowd by holding their hands up and smiling. When Two Wolves raised both hands, the crowd settled. “Thank you. And let’s take a moment to thank the two great wolves for their story,” and indeed the crowd clapped thankfully as I looked around. When I turned back to the stage, at either side of White Moon stood a very large wolf. Their pelts matched perfectly to those worn by Two Wolves. The Chief was petting both. It seems they had become friends in death. I sensed there was more to the story.
Rena regarded both wolves, each gave her a bow and she returned a nod. Did Rena know these wolves? This was a different exchange than with the dogs. These wolves were showing Rena respect. But the story and the emotion of the moment turned my attention away from that.
The story was tragic and beautiful. Enemies in life, friends in death. It was said that wolves were among the most loyal of animals. It occurred to me that Two Wolves would have never known his father and yet they were here together in death, side by side. I wondered about my own biological father, whom I’d barely known in life. Was he here in Heaven? Probably not. Neither of my parents had been religious.
As we returned home, I was deep in thought about the events and revelations of the day. Whether Rena chose to admit it or not, there were mechanics here at work beyond the simple afterlife. That night I dreamt of a thunderstorm and the two wolves and the two Sioux.
Chapter 7
The next day I told Rena I wanted to go into the Star Trek door. She was really excited which surprised me. I kind of thought that she would balk at space travel but nope, she was bouncing around the house and kept nagging me through breakfast to hurry up.
This was a big step for me after the failure in Solace. I had reconciled myself to understand that even in heaven my actions had consequences. And I understand that it was I who had decided on the conditions of the fantasy, including the possibility for bad things to happen. I had done this to give the experience a life of its own so that I would be entertained. Finally, I did know that no real person had suffered in any way. But, even in accepting all the logical conclusions, I still felt bad about what had happened.
I had only ever contemplated that these doors would lead to fun and adventure and not anything negative. I realized that my actions could have adverse effects and I decided not to change anything. I wanted to continue on, as designed. This was one of those moments when I chose a path based on instinct and not logic. I reminded myself that these were fantasies and characters do die in fantasy stories. I would not treat this like a video game, but I would not change the conditions either. I would instead try to make the best decisions I could at every turn and remember to enjoy myself as well.
****
We stepped through the door and found ourselves in the curved officer quarters of a star ship. All the familiar sleek décor and instrument panels were there. The main room included a bed for one person, Rena’s blanket next to that, a full couch and coffee table with three chairs facing the couch. Next to the door was a flat computer station work area. And on the wall behind the desk was a replicator much like the one in our house except this was a wall unit and had a slightly smaller materialization area. I walked over to the desk and touched the smooth glass surface.
Behind me and next to the replicator was a door to the wash room. These had never been shown much in the TV shows, so I was a little curious about just what would be in here. I was delighted to find a full bath with a large shower, sink and private water closet.
I was absolutely in awe of the perfect detail. The room had three long windows separated by bulkheads and as I looked out it occurred to me that were travelling at warp. The blackness of space was breathtaking. I stood in awe as the long lines of stars, planets and other bodies passed by as we travelled at faster than light speed. I could feel the engines of the ship in my bones. The rhythm was actually soothing. This was amazing.
I knew what to do. There were no questions here. I had confidence. This was all very familiar to me. I went to the closet and changed into uniform noticing first my rank, Ensign. I checked myself in the mirror. My comm badge was missing! I looked around and found it setting on the coffee table. It was shaped like an “A” but had line crossing the top of the “A”. The comm badge affixed to my tunic without the need for clips or magnets.
I turned to Rena who had been sniffing around the room and was currently laying across the back of the couch, up against the window staring out in the space as the stars flew by in long tracer lines. “How do I look?”
She turned to me and smiled, “You look kinda fruity and you need a beard,” she teased.
“Thanks.”
I went over to the desk and spoke, “Computer. What is my current rank and assignment?”
The voice of Majel Barrett came back in reply, “Ensign Max Morgan, currently assigned to the U.S.S. Tiberius as an observer.”
“Tell me about the Tiberius”
“Intrepid class star ship launched Star Date 66302, commanded by Captain Yun Katal. The First Officer is Commander Andrew Mills. The Second…”
“Stop. Computer, display deck by deck floor plan of the Tiberius” I reviewed the ship in as much detail as I could. With fifteen decks and a crew of just over 150, I was not going to be able to simply memorize it all this way. I needed to get out there and see it. However, I was lucky in that this was basically a scout ship and much smaller than a vessel like the Enterprise, for example. This ship would be easier to learn. So I took note of certain key locations like the main turbo lifts, sick bay, holodeck, bridge, lounge and engineering.
“I’m going out. You coming?” I told Rena.
“Yeah, I don’t know. How many dogs are roaming around the ship?” She asked.
“Probably none, but it’s my fantasy. No one will care.” I reminded.
“Still. I think I’ll stay here for now. I like watching the window. I like the vibration of the engines. It is very soothing.” She seemed quite relaxed.
“Sure. No problem. You can call me via the Computer if you need me and there’s a replicator over there next to the desk,” I pointed. She nodded dismissively.
I took a deep breath and walked up to my door. It slid aside making the expected wooshing sound. I still couldn’t help but to grin like a little kid. I exited and the door closed behind me. Across from me was a sign, Deck 6, Section 1 Starboard. The turbo lift would be to my left and I headed that way. I entered the lift and said firmly, “Bridge”. The doors closed and I was taken vertical for a bare few seconds before they opened again.
The bridge was amazing. If you’ve never seen one, it’s a circular room with two turbo lifts. An officer sat in the captain’s chair in the center, but I couldn’t be sure who it was. In front of him were the navigation and weapons control consoles and in front of them the main view screen showing us traveling at warp. Around them in the outer part of the circular bridge were tactical, science, communications, engineering and astrophysics stations all being manned by their respective duty officers. The other turbo lift was next to the science officers station about ninety degrees to my right.
I realized that I was standing in front of the turbo lift gawking so I recovered myself and started walking around the bridge, hands clasped behind my back, trying to do my best to look like I belonged.
“Ensign Morgan.” I turned and found the man in the center seat addressing me.
“Yes, sir” I replied as I came over.
“Welcome aboard Ensign. I am Chief Engineer, Glauss. How are you finding our ship? Well I hope.”
“Yes, sir. Very well. It’s a beauty that’s for sure. I am still studying the…” I started what would have been a very long answer, but I was cut off.
The Computer voice came on and the lights dimmed. “Yellow Alert. Yellow Alert. Destabilization in warp field detected.”
The Lieutenant and I both called out at the same time, “Astrometrics. Report!” There was no time to berate myself. I simply stepped aside out of Mr. Glauss’s view and let him do his job an ashamed look on my face. I was too eager.
“Sir, sensors are showing a micro fracture in sub space. As we passed by it, our warp field was altered. Attempting to compensate.”
Lt. Glauss came out of the Captain’s chair then and moved to the Engineering station next to Astrometrics.
“Sir, I can bring us out of warp,” came the request from the Navigation officer.
NO! I thought. And I was happy that I kept my mouth shut, but the Lieutenant saw me and took note.
“No! Without a stable warp field you would tear us apart even in the deceleration,” Glauss yelled out.
“Bridge. This is the Captain. Report.”
“Sir, we’ve hit a fracture in sub space our warp field has been compromised, attempting to compensate,” replied Glauss to the intercom.
”Attention all hands, this is the Captain. General Quarters. Make preparations for structural failure. All senior staff report to your stations. Red Alert.”
The lights changed again. Now instead of yellow, lights along the walls, now slowly blinked red also an audible alarm started. I always hated that sound and felt that it was more of an annoyance and breaker of concentration than anything else.
Glauss was working furiously at his console now assisted by the Science Officer. The Captain arrived on the bridge in the middle off chaos, “Captain on the bridge!” I called out. It might not have been my place to do so, but the sense of disorder was sitting wrong with me. Informing the bridge staff the Captain was here was not only protocol but the right thing to do, I felt.
“I have the conn.” Pressing a button on his chair. “Computer mute that blasted alarm.” The noise ceased. “Security, report condition General Quarters.”
The voice of a British man came in response, “Captain. General quarters. All personnel except Ensign Morgan accounted for and secure.”
“He’s with me Commander. Computer, deploy emergency bulk heads and force fields on decks two through twelve.” He turned to his left. “Chief, tell me some good news.” On the main tactical display I noted that the bulkheads were engaging and force fields going up all over the ship. Now should there be some kind of structural failure, the damage and injuries should be greatly diminished.
The Chief gave his report, “Sir, we can’t stabilize the warp field. The sub space fracture had a unique energy signature and we cannot compensate for it.”
The Captain considered “Suggestions?”
The Science officer, a Vulcan female, offered first, “I suggest we attempt to come out of warp normally sir. The damage to the ship with emergency bulk heads and force fields in place will probably not cripple the ship. The may be a small percentage loss of life, but I calculate a ninety-two percent chance that our mission will not be compromised. Therefore this is the most logical course of action.”
I think everyone on the bridge was in agreement regarding her logic.
Glauss then said, “Sir, I suggest we eject the core. The warp field will collapse around it as we drift and slow to a halt. We can continue under impulse.”
The Captain said, “When the field collapses, the core will be likely destroyed. We would need to be out of the blast range even with shields.”
“We would be out of the blast range sir,” continued the engineer.
“And dead in space. We would not reach our destination and there are lives at stake there.” The Captain explained.
“I have another option sir,” I spoke up.
The Captain seemed amused. “Mr. Morgan you are an observer here.” And I thought for a moment he wasn’t going to let me talk, but then he softened and said, “But by all means, what is your thought?”
“Sir, we use the deflector dish. We can use it to bring us out of warp by outputting a deflector field at the inverse to our warp field. It will be bumpy, but with shields at maximum we will be able to take it. As the deflector works against the warp field, we slowly reduce power to the engines. The two fields will disperse as they work against each other, while the lack of warp drive will slow us down until we reach impulse speeds.”
The Captain was staring at me. I stood my ground. I knew this would work.
After an eternity the Captain turned back to his Chief Engineer who nodded, then to his Science Officer. She too nodded in agreement. “Ok everyone. Let get it done.” To the Navigation officer he said, “Mr. Webb, monitor the warp and deflector fields and reduce power proportionally from one hundred percent to zero percent as the field strength lessens.”
“Aye sir.”
“Mr. Mills, please man the deflector.” I had not even noticed the first officer enter the bridge. He must have been seeing to the General Quarters and security of the crew. Mills was thin and fit. He glanced at me and then said with a strong British accent, “Aye, sir. Deflector online and charging.” The captain relayed our plan to Mills who nodded while staring at me.
For several moments everyone was working furiously at their consoles. I was watching the main science display over the shoulder of our Science officer which she probably didn’t appreciate, but it was the most informative display. We were travelling at warp 5. The deflector was powering up and would be ready in moments. Security and medical were deployed and ready. Emergency repair crews were reporting in.
The Captain then said, “Raise Shields. On your word Number One.”
Mr. Mills took charge. “Beginning inverse deflection in three…two…one.”
The affect was instant and I fell forward hitting my head on the inner railing.
“Emergency power to inertial dampeners!” I heard someone say. “Aye, sir!”
I managed to pull myself up and return to the Science display. Blood was flowing from over my right eye but I ignored it. The deceleration was working.
“Warp 4…..Warp 3….Warp 2…” came the call from Mr. Glauss as he backed off the warp drive slowly. The stars stopped streaking by and the main display became static. “We are at impulse. Warp field is dissipated, deflector dish, now also at zero output.” Mr. Glauss reported relief quite apparent in his expression.
Mr. Mills called out, “Damage Report!”
“Engineering reports minimal damage to port nacelle. Minor injuries only.” The call came in over the comm from Engineering.
The reports continued. It seemed I was the only one who was stupid enough to get hurt on the bridge. The ship was safe and had sustained a bare minimum of damage. I sighed a relief. I wondered about Rena and hit my comm. “Morgan to Rena, are you alright”. I asked quietly.
“What are you doing up there? This isn’t supposed to be a toss the dog around game. Knock it off!” I sighed again and smiled, she was fine.
The Captain stood then, “Well done all.” He looked around the entire bridge acknowledging the team effort. I was now being attended to by the weapons officer who was using a dermal regenerator on my head. “You’ll be fine Ensign except for a pretty good headache.” He told me.
“Thank you.” I said standing and straightening my uniform, a little wobbly at first.
Then the Captain turned to me and said, “Mr. Morgan. When you are composed, please see me in my ready room.” He turned to his First Officer and nodded and they both walked to the Captain’s ready room. At the door the Captain turned back and said, “And Mr. Morgan,” so the bridge would hear, “well done.” And he smiled. The first officer gave me a nod only and they went in.
I stood there for a moment. Other officers were coming by to give me pats on the back. The Vulcan science officer nodded curtly. Great praise, I thought.
I steadied myself and headed to the Ready Room pressing the button beside the door. “Come in Ensign,” the Captain called and the door opened. They were sitting on two of three large comfortable looking padded chairs each holding a cup of coffee or perhaps tea. “Would you like something Ensign?” he asked as he gestured to the third chair for me to sit.
“Yes sir, a coffee please.” The captain rose and walked over to the replicator and brought back my drink. I tried the drink and found it to be exactly like home. Then I realized that I’d just let the Captain of a starship serve me as if that was appropriate. I began a cold sweat.
“Quite a first day for you Ensign, first fifteen minutes to be more accurate,” said the Captain.
I smiled, “Yes sir. It’s all a bit of a blur.”
“You were sent here to observe, but you certainly did more than that. From myself and Mr. Mills and the entire crew of the Tiberius, welcome aboard.” And he smiled raising his cup.
After our drink, I was excused. I headed back to my quarters and told Rena about what had happened. I think she was really impressed with me and that pleased me very much. I wasn’t sure why I sought her approval, but for some reason, it seemed I did.
I had no other duties to perform and really no official duties anyway. The ship would be back at warp soon, after repairs. I decided to check out the ships common room and meet some people. Rena came with me this time. The common room, like Ten Forward on the U.S.S Enterprise was the place where crewmen went to socialize. On this ship it was called The Chief’s Cabinet. Apparently the name came from the famous Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott, who was known to keep various sorts of Earth and alien drink in his quarters’ in a cabinet.
We found all sorts of people here. Some came by to give their congratulations on the warp deceleration. Others stopped by to be politely social to the new junior officer aboard. Rena moved around and found herself a spot by the window. She was really fascinated by the black backdrop of stars and galaxies. I sat at the bar and had a syth ale. I was shocked by the flavor. It was much like scotch, which I loved, but it also had a light fruity flavor I could not place.
After a while, Cmd. Mills came in. The entire bar stopped for the smallest of moments to give the commander his due respect before turning back to their own concerns. Mills came right for me and sat down.
“Enjoying yourself Ensign?” He asked nicely but curtly.
“Yes sir, it’s an amazing ship. More than I ever dreamed of, “ I replied with a smile. Mills seemed to key on the word “dreamed”.
“Well enjoy yourself then. We will speak again. Soon.” And with that he left without having had a drink or socializing. I decided to end the day there, curious about Mills.
We retired back home for the evening. After a nice dinner, we watched a movie that Rena picked, Marley and Me. It was one of my favorites too and I hadn’t seen it since it first came out. As we watched, Rena lay beside me head across my knee, I absently petted her and scratched her ear.
Suddenly there was a flash of lightning and a CRACK of thunder. I jolted out of a half sleep. “Rena, what was that?” No answer. “Rena?” I asked looking down at her. She had closed eyes and her breathing was steady. I didn’t want to believe she was asleep, but maybe that was just in my head. It was not lost on me that every time there’s been a thunder clap, the person with me conveniently had no answers. Thunder and lightning was so out of place here. But I let it go, again, for now.
Before the end of the movie, I fell asleep and when I awoke in the morning, Rena was still there and I was very pleased.
We went back to the Tiberius. I was allowed to attend Senior Staff Meetings in my capacity as observer and the computer informed me of such a meeting about to begin. I left Rena and headed to the meeting.
The Captain reviewed damage reports and repair progress from the previous day’s events. There had been minor injuries all of which had been treated. And there had been damage to various subsystems including the deflector dish and port nacelle.
The deflector and nacelle had been fixed by repair crews overnight and we were now travelling at warp six to our destination. We would still arrive on time. I was relegated to replacing gel packs at several subsystem locations throughout the ship and given a data pad showing me where to go.
After the assignments were given the Captain reviewed our mission status. We were heading to a Federation Colony where many years of peace had been abandoned and outright conflict between the native peoples and the Federation citizens had escalated beyond the means of local government and local Federation Security to handle. Our mission was to restore the peace. The remaining repairs would be completed in transit. We had three hours before arriving to complete all repairs.
I set about doing my work. In Engineering there was a cache of gel packs. I grabbed a tricorder and four packs and set off to the first junction. The work was easy. I removed the indicated panel, cut the power to the failed gel pack, then replaced and restored power. I then tested with the tricorder which would indicate to me that all was working within acceptable parameters. I found myself seriously enjoying this menial labor. This is sooo cool!
Afterwards I returned the equipment, disposed of the bad gel packs and reported the work to the current Engineering officer on duty. I had another hour before we would arrive, so I decided to tour the ship some more. After a while it all looked pretty much the same to me. I saw transporter rooms, cargo bays, crew quarters, etc. But when I saw the sick bay, I decided to stop and have a look.
“What do you want?” an angry voice came at me after I entered sick bay. The Doctor. It was the EMH or Emergency Medical Hologram and everyone just called him the Doctor. He wasn’t real. He was a hologram programmed with all medical data The Federation had. And he’d not been given a very good personality. He scanned me with his medical tricorder and stated, “You are fine. Why are you here?”
“I was just looking around,” I said quickly.
“Listen Mr. whoever you are. This is a sick bay not a tourist spot. Kindly leave now or injure yourself. You are wasting my time.” Said the Doctor before turning and moving away.
Wow, I thought.
“I’m going,” and then I turned back to him and said, “It was an honor to meet you.” I knew that would drive him mad.
As the door closed behind me, I honestly thought I heard him swear.
Haha, this was so much fun for me.
I headed to the bridge and resumed my “post” off to the side and out of the way. We came out of warp and the captain hailed our colony. There was no reply at first. But after several hails, we received back a burry image. The man on the screen was injured and dirty.
“The outpost has been over run. Long range communications are down. We are evacuating to…” and the picture faded.
“We lost them sir. The signal was terminated at the source.” The communications officer said.
“Captain,” the first officer spoke up, “I’m looking at the schematics for the outpost. There is a complex system of underground tunnels and what looks like a bunker at the deepest point. If they were over run, they are probably trying to get to that bunker.”
“Agreed, Number One. Assemble an away team and beam down to the bunker. Assess the situation and report.”
“Aye, sir.”
“Captain to Security. Make ready for a ground assault to re-secure the outpost. Assemble in Shuttle Bay One and await further orders.”
“Aye, aye Captain”, came the response.
“Captain to sick bay, prepare to receive survivors.”
“The sick bay is already ready and standing by,” The EMH responded.
Commander Mills was walking towards the turbo lift. The Navigation and Weapons officers were with him. I stood looking at them. Mills turned to me, “You might as well come ‘observe’ Mr. Morgan,” he called back to me. I sprang forward.
Inside the transporter room I received my tricorder and a small phaser which I kept at the ready for transport.
We were joined by a medic and two security officers making the away team seven and filling the transporter pad. Beaming down was wild. I felt like I was being held by an anaconda. I couldn’t move or breathe. But then the sensation was over and I took a deep breathe only to begin choking on smoke and ash.
We were in the bunker according to my tricorder but it was heavily damaged and there was no sign of life except us. I manually checked the immediate area for life signs and reported to the commander, none.
“Let’s make our way up”, he ordered.
We moved out and into the corridor. Everything down here was made out of your basic durasteel. We passed by blown out panels and had to redirect steam with phaser fire but as we ascended upwards we found no one. And as we climbed up the damage became worse and worse.
At the exit to the surface we saw the problem. The entire corridor was crushed by debris from above. Anyone coming down here would have been trapped and anyone on the other side would have had to seek other shelter.
“Away team to Tiberius” called Cmd. Mills.
“Go ahead Number One, report”, said the Captain.
“Sir, no one made it into the tunnels or bunker because it’s been completely cut off. Manual search confirmed. There’s no one down here.”
“Acknowledged Commander. There are enemy forces above you and the fighting continues in pockets. I have just launched our security forces via shuttles. When they secure a position, they will transport you to their location. Take charge Commander and secure the area. In the meantime, continuous scans for life signs please. We will monitor your readings from here.”
We waited and scanned. I should have been bored by this turn of events, but I wasn’t. This was amazing to me. I had no control over what was happening or how this would play out and no “instincts” about it. Unlike before in Solace, I was not in charge. I was not making the decisions on what to do next. I was now just a player in a group and I was enjoying playing my part of follower just as much as I enjoyed being the one in charge.
I thought about Rena sitting up on the ship doing nothing. Now that was boring.
Normal protocol was to check in every fifteen minutes. Cmd. Mills hailed, no response. He repeated. Nothing.
“Mills to Tiberius Security team,” the commander hailed.
“Alpha Team here sir. We just landed and have engaged sir. The opposing forces are using disrupters sir. They do not appear to be the natives. Sir…there are Klingon fighting alongside the natives. We will call for you when it’s safe for transport sir.”
“Acknowledged, we’ve lost contact with the Tiberius. Please confirm you have contact.” The commander sounded worried. This was not going to plan at all.
“Aye sir….Alpha Team to Tiberius…..come in Tiberius. Alpha Team to Tiberius….Tiberius come in.” With a raised voice, “Commander, no response from the ship. Will keep trying. Sit tight sir, we’ll have you out of there in a minute.”
There was a long pause then a new comms message with the computer voice, “Shuttle one to away team, please prepare for transport.” We got into our designated positions. Mills touched his comm badge, “Seven ready to transport, energize.”
After being transported to the surface we found ourselves in a pitched battle. I picked up a phaser rifle from a fallen officer and started firing. This was not like a video game. It was hot. Sweat poured off me. The smell of burned flesh and cries of the injured seared my mind and distracted me. I kept firing, dropping one after the other. I was a very good shot to my surprise but I was in the middle of a war and that was like nothing I’d ever been prepared for or conceived of.
Even in life I had always been extraordinarily calm in a crisis. I was the guy you wanted in the middle of a fire or a car accident. I kept my head and did what needed to be done. It was always afterwards that I would get panicky and shaken. I pushed the heat and the smells and sounds from my mind and focused on one target and then the next.
We’ve lost contact with the ship. The natives were using Klingon weapons. Klingons were directing their attack. I became worried for Rena. If they were down here on the ground then they had ships in orbit or very near and since the Klingons used cloaking devices, the Tiberius would not have seen them until it was too late.
Rena! I called out in my head, scared.
****
Back on the ship Rena had her paws full. She’d been watching the window when the two ships attacked. They were much smaller and more agile. The Tiberius fought to keep them at bay but well placed shots to our rear sections had knocked out main power. The ship was boarded.
When Rena heard Max’s voice in her head, she was literally fighting off an invader. He’d drawn his disruptor on her and she lunged and bit the gun and his hand forcing him to drop it. Rena kicked the weapon away and turned to her foe who was drawing a knife from his side with his good hand.
The Klingon came for her but she was ready. Rena caught the man’s blade wielding right wrist in her mouth and jerked to the left while at the same jumping up with her back legs she was able to kick him in the face and tear out the blade. Now they were even. Dog versus smelly, hairy, ogre man.
This time the man stopped having been forced to respect his opponent. He took up a balanced stance and kicked out at her catching Rena right in the jaw. Blood trickled down her lips. But Rena had no intention of playing around here. Max was in danger and this guy was pissing her off.
She crouched and growled at him and then made a faint to jump at his throat. Mister smelly took the bait and made ready to catch her in his big hands. Instead Rena darted between his legs and bit through his heel cleanly. The ogre dropped like a stone. Rena took no pleasure in it as she bit through his neck at the back severing everything and killing him instantly.
She spat out the taste and then ran down the corridor looking for the next fight.
Max, I’m alright. Watching TV. Golden Girls is on. Oh that Blanche cracks me up.
Yeah well we’ve lost contact with the ship, Max sent back. Hey, wait! You can hear me? We can like telepathically communicate?
Rena sent, I guess so Max. We got boarded by ogres. Do you have ANY idea how bad they smell and did you know this before you brought me here? It’s disgusting Max and you are talking to someone who brought home a dead catfish. That was flowers in the spring compared to these nasty ogres.
Klingon’s. They are called Klingons. I told her.
Whatever. I’m going to be washing my mouth out for days. She informed me. But I could tell she was having great fun. And apparently she was quite capable in a fight. So I worried less about her.
I was in shock over the conversation he’d just had with Rena, but at least she was ok, even if nuts. The security teams along with the help of the away team had built a perimeter around their landing zone. We were still surrounded though.
I called over to the Beta team leader, “Ensign, do those shuttle craft have any weapons?”
“No sir, there are non-military. Transport only.”
Darn. We had to find a way to gain the advantage. “Do you have any large weaponry?”
Keeping his head down, “Just the missile launcher sir, but we can’t use it here in close quarters, the backlash would kill half of us.”
“Leave that to me,” I said. On my knees I looked over at the commander. He nodded. “I’m coming with you!”
We boarded the shuttle and took off. Our little ground team was more exposed now and they had to tighten up further. Mills and I didn’t have to discuss much, he had a pretty good idea what I was going to do. He brought the shuttle to about three hundred feet up and held it there on auto pilot. I was getting the launcher out of the weapons case and studying the controls. I nodded to him and we went to the back of the shuttle and opened the back door ramp which was used for loading troops and equipment. Mills then proceed to strap me to the door, laying in a prone position, from my belt.
I hoisted the launcher up to my shoulder pointing it towards my feet and braced myself. “Ready!” I called out. The commander returned to the front and took the controls. The shuttle began to rotate and me with it. As I held myself in place the launcher slowly came down to bear on the ground below. I took aim on the most concentrated group of forces and fired. The backlash went up and the missile went down just as I hoped.
The force of the blast blew me back and around to the outside of the shuttle. I held on to the launcher for dear life and rolled to my left which swung me back around with a painful thud.
“Are you ok?” Mills called back.
“Yes! Lining up another shot.” I took aim and fired again. Ready for the recoil, I held myself this time. We began to draw small arms fire from below but it was too late. I fired two more times and the enemy routed. Our teams moved out and Mills provided cover fire from the shuttles phasers as needed until the entire area was secure. The commander landed and let me loose.
We found the bulk of the survivors hiding in what used to be the command center. They had been trapped inside by falling debris which probably saved their lives. We were able to beam them out. We continued on patrol for more civilians.
The Commander came over to me. “I want to you take one of the shuttles up and see if you can visually assess the situation with the ship.”
“Aye, sir. I will be right back.” I was hurt and tired, but not about to stop now.
“Just don’t get any ideas. And don’t get too close. I don’t need you getting shot down by a Klingon Bird of Prey. Visually inspect then return and report.”
“Understood.” I acknowledged.
I took the shuttle up not even realizing this was my first time piloting a space ship. It might just be a shuttle, but that was pretty awesome to me. I ascended just until the sky began to turn black.
There she was, the Tiberius. She could not be under power. The ship was rotating slowly at an odd angle. The nacelles were dark and there was visual hull scaring. But I didn’t see any breaches. There were two debris fields as well. Whomever had attacked the ship appeared to be destroyed.
****
Rena was charging forwards. She rounded a corner at full speed seeing a fight ahead of her, she jumped onto the back of a Klingon and bit down on his shoulder as he wielded a Bat’leth. He roared in anger, but it was too late. The distraction allowed his crewman opponent to reverse the blade and drive it into the Klingon’s gut and chest.
The crewman sort of starred at Rena and then finally said, “Thanks.” Rena just looked at him and then ran off looking for another fight.
****
Max returned to the surface and reported his findings. The Commander seemed satisfied and returned to his work. They all went about searching and helping the injured until finally a call came down from the ship.
“Tiberius to away team. Tiberius to security teams, please report.”
“Captain. Mills here. Federation outpost is secure. Heavy civilian casualties and the outpost itself is all but destroyed. Our teams took a beating, sir. Multiple casualties.”
There was a pause as the Captain no doubt reflected on the thought or more loses, “Well done Number One. More Federation ships entering the system as we speak. You will be relieved shortly. Out.”
We continued to help the wounded Federation, Klingon and civilian alike. Soon medical teams were beaming down. After a few hours our away team was recalled.
We returned to the ship. I headed to my quarters and found Rena there just as she was getting out of the shower. “How did you?” I wondered.
“Voice activated.” She told me.
“Right.” I said amused.
“Hey can you do me a favor and dry me off.?” She asked.
I dried her and she thanked me. I then gladly peeled off my uniform and took my own shower. When I got out and was dressed again in a fresh uniform I asked her about the ship, “So what happened?”
“They came out of nowhere and crippled us. Main power was offline and we were boarded.” She explained.
“Wow. What did you do?” I asked already knowing that she’d gotten quite involved.
“Nothing really. Oh I did bite one of them on the ankle. And another on the shoulder. You know they taste even worse than they smell?” She said failing to mask the severity of it all.
“Well I am just glad you are alright.” I knew that she’d gotten into some serious fights and come out of it just fine. I wondered why she was being so glib about it.
“Of course I am Max. I can’t die you know.” I was feeling a number of things. I was happy that she was ok. I was impressed that she decided to fight. I was glad she chose to involve herself with the fantasy. Also the telepathy thing was pretty cool.
“Yeah, yeah, I know but….look it’s silly, I get it, but I worry about you.” I told her.
“I get that.” She said and gave me a lick. Her breathe smelled like rotten gagh, a Klingon dish. I didn’t actually know what it smelled like, but I made myself laugh.
“Mills to Morgan, please report to my quarters.” The call came from Cmd. Mills.
I was really shocked. I was just about to suggest to Rena that we go home. “Aye, sir.” I checked myself over, found the location of his quarters and headed out. “I’ll come with you,” said Rena already behind me. “Yeah, sure, ok,“ I replied confused. First she wants to sit in the room all day, then the next I know, she’s biting Klingon’s and tagging along with me for meetings. I could not figure her out.
I arrived and pressed the button. The door opened and Rena trotted in ahead of me. The Commander was standing in front of his coffee table and Rena just went right up to him, raised up to his chest putting her front paws on him. Mills smiled at her and simply started scratching her ears. She came down moved around behind him and jumped up on his couch like she owned the place and then turned and sat facing us as if to say, “What?”
The Commander smiled at her then turned to me and frowned. He stepped forwards to me and reached up, removing my Ensign rank insignia. I was completely taken a back. Without a word he turned and went and sat down on the couch next to Rena. He then removed his own rank.
“Please have a seat. Now we can talk,” he said as he tossed the rank buttons on the table.
“Sir, I don’t…”
“Oh you don’t have to call me sir. Call me Andy”, his English accent was harsher than before. He was being sarcastic and I knew it.
“Commander, if you are displeased with me…” he cut me off again.
“Oh to the bloody contrary I am! You’ve done amazingly well. But I do have a problem with you wearing that uniform and that rank. You have not earned it.”
I was speechless. I looked upon Commander Mills again. He was different. He had the same knowing look about his that Paladine had when we met at the Inn of the Last Home. This was not part of the fantasy. He knew who I really was.
“You know who I am.” I stated plainly.
“Yes,” he petted Rena. “I know who you are and I know you Max. And I know you never took something you didn’t earn. You never cheated your way to the end of a game, you never read the last chapter of a book early.”
I thought about what he was saying and he was right and yes I had felt like an imposter here, but that’s why I was just an observer. Then again, I hadn’t done much observing.
He went on. “Max, you are going to make one very fine officer one day. [j]I’ve seen you in action. But don’t you think it’s time you earned it?”
I was getting the picture now. This person, this non fantasy person, perhaps one of the people whom Rena had mentioned at our bistro lunch, was trying to give me some direction not regarding my fantasy life, but my real life. My after life.
I considered what he meant. When I wanted to become a wizard, I studied. Later on when I planned to become a Jedi, I would start out as a Padawon and work my way through the training and the trials to become a real Jedi. It was only here, that I had skipped ahead. All the knowledge and instincts I’d exhibited had been built into the fantasy. I’d skipped over the training. Mills wanted me to go to Starfleet Academy and train properly to be an officer.
“I understand sir, but to go to the Academy? It’s more time then I’d planned on taking. I guess I wanted to jump right in.” I said.
“And so you did. You gave yourself all the answers. How did it feel?”
I searched myself. I had had fun, but he was right, it was empty.
“I see your point sir.” But four years! I didn’t want to go to school for four years. I sighed, “Four years, wow.”
“Max, first of all you have an eternity. Four years would be and is nothing. However, I promise you, it won’t seem like years, it will seem more like weeks to you. Time is a funny thing in heaven. Trust me, you’ll hardly notice it.”
I was re-charged. College! On Earth, in San Francisco in the 24th century. How cool is that? “I’m in!” I said.
“Good! Tomorrow, report to the holodeck where you will begin studying for the Academy entrance exam."
“Exam?”
“You want to skip that too?”
“N-no, no sir.” I sighed. “I just hate studying sir.”
Andy roared with laughter at that and dismissed me.
We went home and I was a little down. Again, it hadn’t been the heroes ending to a heroic day that I expected. But overall I was still excited.
I must have slept a little because I dreamed. I was driving our old Chevy truck. Rena was in the back loving the air and all the smells that came with it. She was wearing her red bandana. I’d forgotten about that bandana entirely until now. It flapped in the wind. I got off the road and followed a long dirt truck path for another mile. Then we crossed the bridge of a dead creek and I turned us to the right and off the road.
I unpacked our gear. Shotgun, ammo, folding chair, binoculars and an ice chest.
We walked for about a quarter mile until we came upon our favorite spot. It was a cluster of three large trees. Don’t ask me what kind. I set up my chair under the shade and settled in. Rena did some poking around and then came over and sat beside me. I was dressed in camo and watch the skies for dove.
We sat there quietly, the smell and sounds of nature around us. Rena perked up and was looking back in the direction of the truck. I raised the binoculars and looked too. I flock of 4 dove were headed our way. I set the binoculars down and raised my shot gun. I had a long barrel Remington 1100, twelve gauge loaded with bird shot. The birds were coming right at me. Rena sat there ready, silent and still. I tracked them with the gun, leading them about five feet, finger on the trigger. The birds passed by. I lowered my weapon and we went back watching and listening. I had no desire to kill a bird for fun. I woke.
Of course in real life, I had shot at those birds and Rena had brought them in. But this was not a mortal life. I was different. And I liked my new self.
We ate and headed back to the ship.
****
The holodeck was astounding. I spent the next few days working in there on the various key areas for which I would be tested. Commander Mills tutored me personally several hours a day. To my surprise I found that I was able to understand what I was being shown and taught. There was no 24th century mumbo jumbo. It was all very simple really. These are the components of a tricorder. Here is how a transporter works. This is how a warp drive operates. I understood warp theory! I would later learn that I could not take that 24th century knowledge with me, but none of that ever mattered to me anyway.
I passed the test for the Academy and Commander Mills wrote me a recommendation letter. I began school the next day.
Between breaks of off days where we just hung out at the house or went exploring or into the city, I attended Star Fleet Academy. I won’t bore you with the mundane details of this time. To me it was very exciting. I had never really gone to college in life. Here I was, young and for all intents and purposes, in college. I focused on classes that would help me to be a good command officer. This meant leadership and tactics. Engineering, Operations and the Sciences did not really appeal to me as much. I wanted to be a good leader and maybe someday earn my own ship command. I studied every battle I could from ancient times and through to present. I spent hundreds of hours in the holodeck reliving battles, trying to turn losses into victories or duplicate a great victory.
Andy was right, between breaks at home, the Academy only took a few weeks. Time seemed to compress when I was there.
When I graduated, I put in a request to be posted on the Tiberius. Cmd. Mills was now Captain Mills and accepted my request. When I returned to see him, he welcomed me aboard and even though I was already in proper uniform, he handed back to me the Ensign rank that he’d taken off me.
“Congratulations Ensign. Now, you’ve earned these.”
I began serving as helmsman that very day. Flying a ship like the Tiberius was truly amazing. I stayed on the ship for several weeks before going home.
****
I returned home feeling a great sense of accomplishment. Rena and I sat on the couch together watching TV. She was flipping channels and I was lost in thought. I had become a Star Fleet officer. I could literally go there and stay there for 40 years and have a career in Star Fleet. And it would be as real as is possible. I could have a life in the stars full of adventure. A whole new life from the beginning. I could even have a family…
Wow. That really stopped me cold. I’d never considered that. The possibilities were endless and I wasn’t sure I liked the results. For instance becoming romantic with a fantasy person, that was sad and just wrong. No matter how real or how unique she was, we are still talking about a fantasy that was pulled out of my head somewhere. I might be able to forget on purpose and live 40 years having a career in Star Fleet, but I would always be aware that a woman was just a fantasy. Not real. It didn’t matter if she was the perfect mate or the mate from Hell. Not real. I wondered why the thought had even occurred to me and surmised that it was because all the characters in Star Trek pretty much did find mates. Would it be sad of me to serve forty years in space and never meet someone special? I didn’t know. But at the end of it all, I just didn’t care about finding someone anyway. I was perfectly happy just as things were. And with that I never thought of it again.
Rena was watching the news. Bleck.
“Hey, I think next week, I’m going to start another one.” She pressed pause. Bleck. That meant she wasn’t interested in it.
“You don’t want to return to Star Fleet?”
“I do and I will. Just like I want to return to Solace. I love our house in the trees and the people and the Inn. But I haven’t been back there since the goblin incident and I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to try again.
“I love the Tiberius and I will return many times, but I don’t want to spend the next 40 years there. This house has much more still to explore, plus the city too, I want to move onto the next door. I feel like I am driving towards something and that next door is important. I want to get started.”
“Max, maybe you should slow down. Eternity. Remember? There’s no rush. There’s no need to rush. Enjoy yourself. Spend ten years in Star Fleet, spend another ten in Solace. We have time.” Rena was being sincere, but I was too absorbed to listen to her. Later on I would recall this conversation and realize how right she was and wish I’d not rushed into everything all at once seeking, like a gamer….instant gratification. But right now I couldn’t see it and no one could deter me.
“Rena, there is something about that door. Something about the Star Wars fantasy that is calling me. I need to go there. I’ve known it since I first moved into the house.” I tried to explain.
“Well, why didn’t you go there first then, “she asked.
Chapter 8
I pondered my answer. I had indeed been avoiding that door. In both of my lives, Earthly and heavenly, I’d followed my gut. And I always seemed to have feelings about things. When it came to life decisions, I would get a feeling and go with it. And every time I took a leap of faith and followed my gut, things had turned out well.
The feelings I had about this door were definitely mixed. I felt drawn there. I was like a magnet pulling at me, but I was also afraid. No not afraid. It wasn’t danger I felt, it was something else. I couldn’t be hurt physically. Apprehension. Yes, I felt hesitant about it all. But I couldn’t understand why. Ultimately why I had waited was because I was a silly creature. Star Wars had always been the third adventure in my head so it was easy for me to pay more attention to the apprehension than the feeling of being drawn there.
Let’s find out. Through the door we went.
****
We found ourselves in a small X-Wing fighter travelling through space. I was wearing the expected orange flight suit with white straps. I read the display. We were on Auto-Pilot. Good.
Destination: Dagobah. The home planet of Yoda.
Good. That’s where I wanted to go.
I heard an angry series of beep and blip sounds and looked down at the console to see a message forming on the display.
SCREW YOU MAX! THIS BLOWS!
I looked behind me and there was a black astromech driod in the maintenance slot.
“Rena?” I asked shocked. “Is that you?”
The screen blipped at me again angrily.
OH IT’S ME ALRIGHT AND WHEN WE LAND, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.
I laughed.
DO YOU KNOW HOW COLD IT IS IN SPACE MAX?
I knew she was fine but the fact that she was roleplaying and making fun of the situation and herself astonished me. She was truly an incredible creature.
We landed and Rena released herself from the maintenance slot. She used her droid thrusters to bring herself down to the squishy ground next to me.
“I am sorry Rena, I honestly had no idea you would be a droid”
And then she shocked me with her electrospanner before wondering off beeping angrily the entire time.
THIS IS SO EMBARASSING.
I actually did feel bad, sort of. She was my best friend and an equal in every respect. I had never fantasied about her as a droid. At least I didn’t think so. But where else was she going to sit in the ship? My lap. I know she was mostly playing it up, but still I had not intended to embarrass her. If it hadn’t been so funny, I might have been able to take it more seriously.
I looked around. Through the dense and wet brush was the home of Yoda. The lights were out. The fire gone cold. No signs of life. But I was not expecting to see him anyway. Yoda was dead. I was here to see Ben.
It was the logical choice. Paladine and Andy Mills. Each knew me for who I was and I suspected that in this place it would be Ben Kenobi who would be the one to follow the trend. I would learn later on that I was both right and wrong.
A soft voice with a distinguished British accent came from behind me, “Your intuition serves you well Max.” I turned to find the blue white glowing figure of Obi-Wan Kenobi sitting on a log and petting Rena who was now a dog again.
I went over and sat next to him. “I want to become a Jedi, Obi-Wan” I stated plainly.
“Yes, but why Max? You have magic, you can do anything you want. You could pick up a lightsabre and wield it.” Ben’s tone was not accusatory, but that of genuine interest. He wasn’t being cryptic like Paladine or stern and commanding like Mills. I think he really wanted to know what I was up to.
So fine, I told him.
“I have re-learned a very simple lesson Ben. When one does not do the work to achieve a goal honestly, then the rewards, in whatever form, have little or no substance.” I paused and put my head down. “I did not respect what I had learned. I went from simple spells to the most complex in one day. I wanted to wield them all and due to my arrogance, people died. On the Tiberius, I skipped training altogether and infused the knowledge and instincts into myself within the fantasy. I didn’t even realize I was doing it really. While exciting, it had no substance. I may be dead, but I still wish to grow and learn. I have discovered that I want to be more than I am and taking the quick and easy route is not the way.” I looked at him then, “Something which I believe you caution against as well.”
Ben only smiled that that and waited.
I took a very deep breathe and long pause.
“I cut corners in Solace and people were hurt. I know they were not real. I remind myself it was all a fantasy, but there is something to it when the fantasy and all within were created by me. It feels personal. I wanted to save them. I genuinely did.” I explained. The concept of feeling personally responsible for my creations was something I’d not expected. To God, we humans are insignificant, but yet He takes responsibility for us, loves us and nurtures us. Perhaps it was not so strange that I should feel something like that as well.
Ben was quiet, Rena was looking up at me with sympathy.
“I understand how you feel and you are right, I do caution against the quick and easy path, even in this context. The fact that you feel empathy and responsibility for your own creations is admirable. But consider this: Other people died in both Solace and on the Tiberius and down on the surface of the planet you went to support.”
I nodded absently, not understanding.
“You created that fantasy, therefore all that happens within is your doing. Do you feel like you killed all those other people or just the two in the cave?”
He was right. But, I still felt like I had killed two innocents.
Ben seemed satisfied that he’d taken through what I needed to know. That was true. There was nothing more to say. I needed to decide for myself what was real and what was not and figure out how to deal with it.
After a few moments, he said. “You must go to Yavin 4 my friend. There you will join other young padawan’s and learn the way of the Force.” He got up. “The Emperor and Vader may be gone, but there is still much to do. There are remnants of the Empire’s military all around. The New Republic struggles to govern and maintain the peace. Become Jedi and then you will be ready to play a valuable part in our future[k].” He was walking away and faded out. “And remember, the Force will be with you, always.” The voice came from a far distance.
Rena looked up at me, mustering her best indignant look, “I am not going to this Yavin 4 place in the back of that ship”.
I laughed, “No problem. You ride with me in the canopy and later on we will get a bigger ship, something Corelian.”
She grumbled, “Fine. No more droid then.”
“God no. You looked ridiculous” and with that she snarled and jumped me, knocking me over. I wrapped my arms around her in a big hug. Rena gave me a few kisses and said, “Let’s get outta here. This place gives me the creeps.”
****
We arrived at Yavin 4. I have to say hyperspace is very cool. The movies really don’t do it justice. It had been tight sharing the cockpit, but we were fine. I did get some funny looks as we disembarked. I’m not sure anyone here had ever seen a dog before. And they certainly were not used to seeing one come out of the cockpit of an X-Wing. But Rena made fast friends like always. I looked around for someone in charge.
I called for a deck officer, but no one acknowledged me. Everyone in the hanger was busy with their various jobs and I didn’t see anyone in uniform. After turning this way and that I found myself facing a young human girl.
“Welcome to Yavin 4. I am Yara, padawan to Master Da’ll Mar.” None of these names were familiar to me. “My master has foreseen your arrival and has asked me to see to your training.” This young girl, perhaps 12 years old standing before me with a big smile was to by my Jedi Master and teacher? She was perhaps one point five meters in height and very lithe with long straight honey hair and a freckled face. I was quite disappointed and tried my very best not to show it, but I already sensed failure. She held her huge, ridiculously out of place smile, anyway.
I regrouped and smiled. “Thank you Master Yara, I am Max.“ I pointed, “and over there is Rena.” I sighed. Rena had her front paws up on a work bench and was sniffing all the engine parts and tools. “She’s very smart. She’ll probably be building hyper drives by next week.” At that moment Rena had decided to lick something on the table and immediately regretted it. She came down with a thud and began furiously wiping her tongue off with her paw.
Yara was sweet, “She is beautiful. What is she?”
“Oh. She’s a dog.”
“A dog. What an interesting animal. I’ve never seen one before. Are they more of her kind?”
“No, there really aren’t,” I said in mocking reply. Rena was still trying to shave her tongue.
Still looking at Rena, Yara went on. “I will show you to your quarters now. And by the way it’s just Yara. I am to train you, but I am still a padawan and I am therefore not comfortable being called Master even if technically correct.”
“I understand Mast—, uh Miss Yara.” Turning over to the brilliant canine I spoke up, “Rena, c’mon, let’s get you some water.” She looked at me and came over. As we walked through the hanger and down into the ruins, she kept her mouth open the entire time. I looked her over. Her tongue was black with some kind of grease, but I didn’t see any burning or other damage.
We were in the ancient ruins of an ancient Jedi Temple from some five thousand years ago. After the destruction of the Emperor and Darth Vader’s death, Master Skywalker took it upon himself to rebuild the Jedi order starting with his sister Leia and then scouting the galaxy for more Force sensitive candidates, both young and old. By this time, there were many dozen padawan’s and Masters along with support staff and an ever growing number of ships and weaponry.
We descended below ground through ancient corridors and across vast ceremonial rooms that often had one hundred meter high ceilings and were equally wide and long. Most of the architecture was angular in nature. Pillars, walls and corridors were all of the same basic shape with the base or lower section being wider than the top or upper sections. It gave everything a very geometric feel. Everything looked like a trapezoid to me.
As we walked away from the hanger and deeper, signs of technology lessens quickly. Soon there was no artificial lighting and instead battery powered torches lined the walls providing light. Perhaps the Jedi felt that the lack of technology was more conducive to training and meditation? Some of these rooms were still in ruins and others had been rebuilt for various purposes. The first of such was a training room made up of pillars free standing at various heights. I watched as a young Jedi used the Force to jump from pillar to pillar. On the other side another was doing the same except his lightsabre was drawn and he was fighting off several remotes as he made his way across the room. It was impressive to watch the training firsthand and I found myself very excited.
Yara lead us on and finally to what would be mine and Rena’s very humble dwelling. There were no comforts here. The long hallway we were in was made of ancient stone and every five meters on each side was a doorway with no door. She led me inside one of the rooms. There I found a small cot with very thin bedding. There was fresh water and a basin for washing. The only thing familiar was Rena’s blanket which lay on the floor. It was good to know that some things never change.
I did not let my disappointment at the décor show. “Thank you Yara. If I may ask, when do I start my training?”
She turned and smiled to me, “Right now. I want you to meditate and in doing so focus on the Force.” She paused for my reaction. I simply nodded deciding in just an instant not to question but to obey and do my best because I realized that if direction had been required, I would have received it. “Good. Do not try to use the Force, you are to feel it. Let the Force guide you. A Jedi is at peace. He is calm. Find peace within the Force.” I nodded again. “When you have accomplished this task, I will return.”
Rena had spent several minutes washing her mouth out with water, “Max you do your thing, I am going to look around.”
“Ok, thanks, try not to lick anything.” I poked at her.
“Not funny Max, not funny,” she shot back as she left.
I removed my flight suit and made myself comfortable laying down on the bed. I had no idea where to start. I knew that because this was my fantasy, I was therefore Force sensitive and capable, but I had no idea how to connect with it. In my other adventures, there had been a clear understanding and expectation of what to do and how. But here I was a little lost. But then, that’s how I wanted it.
Mediation.
Ok, that was something I did know a little bit about. When I was about this age in life, I spent a winter living with my aunt and uncle. During that time, I met a guy named, Markus who was really into the whole astral projection stuff. I had always had an open mind about things, but just like my long road to God, I’d not yet experienced anything to make me think there was anything to out of body experiences.
Markus and I talked quite a bit about the whole concept. He insisted that he was able to leave his body when meditating and while I never really believed him, I was curious to understand the subject. And in order to begin the road to that end he taught me a method of meditation which I did practice for a while after. I found that through the method he taught me, I could get myself into a state that I thought was meditative. The idea was to relax my body, breathing and heart rate and let my mind drift without direction. I was never very good at it and gave up the practice long before achieving anything truly meaningful. However, the knowledge of meditation did serve me well on occasion when I need to calm myself or when I had trouble falling asleep.
I closed my eyes and put my arms at my side. In my mind I pictured a blue sky. Markus told me that blue helps meditation. Then with my mind only, I began to tell my body to relax, starting with my toes. Relax toes. Relax. I wriggled my toes and felt them relax and go motionless. Moving upwards to my lower legs, upper legs, chest, neck and back out to my arms I repeated the mental exercise. I took my time. At several points random thoughts would come to mind and I would have to refocus to push them away, reacquire my blank blue space and continue. My body felt heavy now and relaxed. I then focused on my breathing. Relax and slow down. Slow down, relax. Finally, I worked on my heart. Markus had warned me emphatically to always tell your heart to slow, but not stop. He told me that it was possible to stop your heart through this type of meditation. I recalled TV shows where a character had supposedly lowered their heart rate in order to simulate death. Perhaps there were people who could do that and if so, it being accomplished through meditation, seemed logical. I didn’t really believe it, but I saw no need to take the chance. I spoke to my heart and told it to slow but not stop.
I did feel a little more relaxed but my mind was not. Random thoughts about my childhood, my death, Rena, the two Sioux, swimming in the lake and so on kept me from the focus I required. I started the process over again this time really trying hard to focus on just my body. This seemed to work for me. My mind was focused on my body and nothing else. I began to remember things from my past. A baseball game where I hit a home run, a long drive across the country. I began to direct my thoughts a little, seeking the Force. I thought about Obi-wan, Yoda and Luke. I remembered Luke’s training on Dagobah, the cave and the failure he had in raising his ship out of the swamp.
And then a new vision came into my mind. I was standing in a place with no walls and very little light and a man was walking towards me. He was a little shorter than me and had a full dark beard to match his long dark slightly greying hair. He was wearing a short sleeved Hawiian shirt, OP shorts and flip-flops. He looked a bit like Sam Ax from Burn Notice but his features seemed to remain out of focus and shimmering as if I were under water looking up and he was out of the water looking down at me.
“Who are you?” I asked, but to be honest I knew the answer already. I just didn’t want to admit it because I didn’t want to deal with what was about to happen. The question was only to give me time to think. It was he who had been pulling me here. But why here? I also understood why I was hesitant to come here. Seeing him would cause me pain.
“It’s me son, it’s your Dad.” The man said with a big smile.
I didn’t know what to say. This was my biological father. A flood of emotion came over me despite my best efforts and I felt many things all at once and almost lost my meditative state. I was relieved at the thought that he had made it into Heaven. I was angry that he had left me just when I was getting to an age that we would have started to have a relationship. I was bitter because he was never there to help me with ANYTHING! I had to struggle alone through it all with no mentor and with no one to give me. Just even a little insight into why I was the way I was would have been helpful.
But as fast as that all came it and with such force, it all melted away and I was left with feeling the joy of a son who is being reunited with his father. In truth I had made peace with all this a long time ago. I had forgiven him and it wasn’t magnanimous, I’d forgiven him when I realized that I was just as flawed and him or anyone else. I had made terrible mistakes in life and carried around lifelong regrets. My father didn’t deserve my anger and I had no right to judge him. My only job was to love him. I think the first thoughts were simply a reflex. I had put this off. I had avoided it, but now, here in the moment, there was no anger and no regrets.
I embraced my father with every fiber of my being and held on to him for what seemed like days. When we broke we each had to recover ourselves.
“I’ve only got one question Pop,” It just came out. I didn’t know what call him.
“Only one? This is going to be much shorter of a visit then I thought. So go ahead, shoot.” He said, smiling.
“When I was really struggling in life, I began to feel that you were with me,” I paused. “Was that real?”
He smiled but there was pain in his eyes. It might be only one question, but it was a big one. This had happened to me when I was younger between the time that he had died and up until I was baptized. He looked at me and answered. “I was there. I tried desperately to guide you, but there was no reaching you. I shared your pain and your struggles, but was powerless to do anything about it.” He took a long pause. “That was my punishment; to be with you and not be able to help.”
I paused and considered. “Perhaps it wasn’t about that Dad. I think that it was simply about you’re being there for me. I felt you. I spoke to you and sometimes I thought I heard you reply. Weather you realized it or not at the time, feeling your presence was a big help to me. I was not alone. My father loved me. That was enough.”
He smiled at that the pain melting away. “You are very wise Max. You are right. That was my cross to bear. How many times you would say to me how much you appreciated feeling my presence? That kept me going. You were not the cause of my pain, I was the cause.” He said realizing the truth.
In life, when I’d found out that my father had died, it was already too late to go to the funeral and I was too far away to do much anyway. Years passed and I never visited him. After my baptism and on my way to my new job, I visited my grandparents who had lived near enough to my father and had attended the funeral. I asked them to take me to see his grave.
I remember being nervous. My grandparents escorted me to the grave and then let me be alone with him. This was another special moment in my life. Like with other similar moments it all came to me in a flash. I was going to be ok now. I was at peace with myself and my father. All the pain and anger had been washed away by time, experience and by God’s will and my baptism. I sat down next to the flat engraved granite head stone and spoke to my Dad, “I’m ok now. You can rest easy. I got through it. The bad stuff is behind me. Thank you so much for being with me. I pray we see each other again.”
In looking back at the apprehension I had felt it was clear to me now that I was simply nervous about seeing him again. I felt silly now. He’s my father and I knew so little about him and there had been so much drama. I think I just wanted him to be proud of me.
I looked at my Dad. It was alright, everything was alright. And now I realized he was going. He started to fade away. I felt the Force pulling me back to reality. “Come visit me?” I asked after him.
He smiled big, “I’ll come by the house. We’ll barbeque up some steaks and catch up,” he said walking away and fading out of sight.
Max…..Max.
I heard Yara’s voice.
“Open your eyes Max,” came the soft young voice of Yara.
I did so, but remained calm. I felt so good. I didn’t want to lose my meditative concentration. I looked over at Yara. She was holding a rock in her hand. Rena was still gone. I had no idea how much time had passed, but it felt like many hours. I wondered where she could be and how much trouble she was in.
“Max, raise this into the air. Use the Force. Feel the Force around the stone and raise it into the air.” She told me.
I looked at the stone. I saw it and I saw the energy around it. I saw the energy in Yara. I saw the Force in the walls, the floor and the ceiling. I perceived the Force all around me. This was all completely new to me. I focused on the rock. I felt its shape and size. I willed the rock to rise.
The rock rose. It rose straight up and floated calmly. I was as calm as the rock.
“Excellent!” Yara exclaimed. “Now, I sense you wish to find your companion.”
I nodded. “Have you seen her?”
Yara had last seen her in the Great Temple watching the Jedi practice sparring with lightsabres. I made my way there a few wrong turns along the way. I wanted to go home. The meeting with my father, as happy as it made me, had really shook me as well. Each fantasy, so far, had had one person who was “real” and out place. Here that had been Obi-Wan. I had not designed this. There was an obvious pattern, but I couldn’t think of a reason for it.
The Great Temple was probably the best preserved part of the ruins. In the center of the room was a large area being used for sparring matches. Around three of the sides there were stone stairs which also served as seating. On the final side of the Temple there was a raised platform with several chairs in a line facing the sparring area. Some of those chairs were occupied by what I assumed to be the Jedi masters.
Rena was easy to find, but easier to hear. She was barking at the sparing opponents and wagging her tail. I came over to her and she met me with her, “eRrowww, rowww, ROWW” playful happy greeting.
We watched the matches until they were done. The combatants were not using lightsabres as I thought. These were vibroblades. It was a solid stick meant to mimic the feel of a lightsabre. The blade itself was charged with power and a hit from one would hurt, but not slice through you like a lightsabre would. The energy charge made them look like lightsabres from a distance. I took note of the fencing styles, moves and counter moves as much as possible.
****
When we got home, I told Rena about my Dad.
She listened to it all, including the back story of how he and my mom married and divorced when I was only two and how I’d waited all those Saturday’s on the porch for him to come get me for the weekend, but never came. Rena seemed to feel my pain and I had to keep reminding her that it was all alright.
I wanted to dive in and press her for information. I wanted to understand the three people who’d shown up in my fantasies. I wanted to know about the thunder. I wanted to understand why I felt there was something more to heaven than just what I was seeing and experiencing. But I left it. I told myself that I was letting it go for now because I wanted to think about it some more. And that was technically true, but it was also truthful that I was apprehensive about forcing the conversation.
I took a couple of days off before returning to Yavin 4. I played on the computer some and went swimming in the pool. It really was an amazing pool. At about 20’ down, the coral and plant life began. There were plants and animals of all sorts including various tropical fishes, jelly fish and crab. There was much more there than I could identify. I found that I didn’t need to hold my breath or even breathe at all. I could stay under water as long as I liked. I let myself float freely near the bottom and relax. Being there in the water surrounded by all the life and plants, I felt a kind of calmness I’d never known before. It was a beautiful experience.
****
My second day of Jedi training began with physical training. Yara and I ran through the jungle. She would speak to me, giving instructions and encouragement as we ran. She explained how a Jedi draws his strength, speed and endurance from the Force. At this realization I began to mentally run through my meditation exercise even though I was running. I used the meditation to tap into the Force. Once again I began to perceive the Force everywhere and in everything. I drew upon the Force for its strength and allowed it to augment my performance. I ran faster but my breathing slowed. I leapt over fallen trees and across short streams. When presented with a twenty meter high cliff wall, I bounded up and onto it, never losing stride. Faster and faster I ran until, to the standing still naked eye, I would have been a blur. So lost in the power of the Force and the feeling of it flowing through me, I’d lost track of Yara. I slowed myself and halted. She was nowhere I could see. I reached out with the Force for my master and found her.
I headed back and found Yara to be about a kilometer behind. “I am so sorry Miss Yara. I did not intend to become so lost in the Force.”
“You are truly gifted my padawan, but remember to always be mindful of your surroundings,” she cautioned. “Do not just get lost in the Force.”
I nodded, “Yes Yara. I will be.”
“Come let us return to the temple. And try not to leave me behind this time,” she said with a smile.
I returned the smile though mixed with embarrassment and we resumed running.
I chose to stay at the temple that night and for the next many days and nights. Rena came and went but for the most part was absent, off doing her own thing and living her own life. I was pleased to think that I was not monopolizing her time. I wanted to immerse myself in the padawan life so I gave up the comfort of my house in heaven and stayed at the temple.
The bed took a little getting used to, but I soon found that a little effort with meditation and I could sleep without waking up sore and tired. For a while, Yara focused on the physical, honing my strength, speed and jumping all augmented by the Force. We also spent a lot of time standing 30’ in the air upon a single wooden pole, not more than 3 centimeters wide. The Force gave me unnatural balance and agility. I was soon able to leap from pole to pole. After a while one could not tell that I was moving across poles. I made it so effortless, that it seemed as if I were moving upon solid floor.
Yara began insisting that I take my meals in the great hall and encouraged me to be more social. I had not realized this, but until now, she had been virtually the only person I had interacted with. I did as I was bid and began to take breakfast, lunch and dinner with the rest of the Jedi Order.
There were perhaps fifty padawans, nearly the same number of Jedi Masters and a couple dozen others in the great hall. I also noticed soldiers and pilots of the Republic and a great many of those were former Rebellion having served in the overthrow of The Empire.
What struck me most was the diversity of the group. There were humans, Twi’lek, Trandoshans, Zabrak and so on amongst the Jedi. The Force did not discriminate. When I concentrated, I could see the Force in all of them, Jedi and even non-Jedi, but to a significantly less degree. The Force was everywhere. It had a Dark side, I knew, but I could not perceive it.
I guess I’d never really thought about it before, but I now realized the similarities between God and the Force. Both were everywhere and eternal. Both, in their own way, had a light and dark side. Those of the light continued on after death and those of the dark were punished or ceased to exist. The only difference I really saw was the while there were references to the “will of the Force” there was not really a consciousness to it, unlike with God. There were obviously other things that made them very different, but I was focusing on the similarities right now and the realization of those, I contemplated a great deal in the days ahead.
****
The melting pot of the Jedi Temple had reminded me of all the people in Cropolis. I decided to take a day off Jedi training and go into the city. Rena was more than happy to come along. I’d found her by pool laying on her back soaking in the warmth of the day with no sun. I watched her for several minutes. She would sneeze, the convulsion causing her to flip around, then return right back to her pose, legs up, belly exposed. I giggled at her and went outside.
“I see you’ve been busy without me around to drag you off on some adventure,” I started playfully knowing it would get her blood up.
She refused to look at me. “You know Max, you should really try to relax and enjoy your life. Is it not everything you ever wanted? Why can’t you just let it all go and embrace your afterlife? Trust me, you’ll be a lot happier.” She turned towards me to emphasize her sincerity.
I understood her point. What am I fighting against? I lived my life of pain and struggles as a human. Here I was, in a complete paradise, by my own design and yet I could not just simply enjoy it. I sought conflict through fantasies. I could not let the anomalies of those and heaven go. They nagged at me. The more I set them aside the louder they became. The less I tried to think about them, the more I focused on wanting to know and understand.
“I’m going into town to see some more sights. Wanna come?” I asked her abruptly.
Rena rolled over and stood up, blinking her eye at the difference between looking up into the sky before and now trying to focus on me. “Yeah, I’ll come. Someone has to keep you out of trouble."
We entered the garage and I thought about my one car and yet all those empty spaces below for more. I hadn’t gotten around to getting any more. Maybe while we were in town, we could do some car shopping. I liked the sound of that. A test drive through the country side sounded very nice. And I happened to know that there were no speed limits.
We drove into the city and this time I kept going until we hit downtown. I wanted to be around people. I wanted to hear their stories. The Sioux story was fascinating, but it had brought up some questions as well.
I found a parking garage and placed the car there. We walked along the sidewalk taking in the various people and shops along both sides of the street. It was early afternoon and even without a sun, there were shadows as if there had been. We were in complete shade which felt great.
As we walked, Rena spoke up. “Max?”
“Yeah?” I looked down towards her.
“Are you not happy with your life here in heaven?” She asked.
I was taken aback. I had let it go before at the house when she’d brought it up and now she was bringing it up again. What was going on with her today?
“I am very happy here. Why would you possibly think otherwise?” I replied.
“Well, do you intend to ever go back to Solace or The Tiberius? What about other places from books or movies or just your imagination? You built the house to do so much….” She looked up at me. I knew she was trying to read my face. It was then I was glad that the whole telepathy thing was not mindreading but a voluntary mechanic. She could only hear my thoughts if I wanted her to.
“Actually I am going back to Solace soon enough.”
“So you are happy with the house….and…and me?” She was looking down now.
“With you?!? Are you kidding? Where is this coming from? You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I stopped and knelt down to her. She turned up towards me and I held her face with my hands. “I am very happy Rena. I love my life here with you. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” I gave her a hug and then stood back up adding, “but you have to admit there have been some weird things. And I know,” waving her off, “I know you want me to drop it, but you know I can’t do that. I can’t just blindly accept things that don’t make sense. I’ve never done that and it’s served me well, so I’m not about to start now.” I paused to let her argue, but she said nothing. “I used to say that God gave me a brain and the innate desire to question everything. He knew I would not accept Him nor anything blindly. He built me this way, so it was foolish to think I should become something else.” Rena nodded in defeat.
“You know what I found Rena?” I asked rhetorically. “I found out that conclusions and beliefs and faith are all much stronger when one fights through the ambiguities and controversies. My faith is strong because I challenged everything I was told and even what I felt.”
Rena looked away ending the conversation. I could tell she was disappointed. She wanted me to be happy and while I may be, she also knew I was not completely happy. She loved me. I sensed that from her more than anything. She only wanted the best for me. I loved her all the more for that.
The city was beautiful and unique beyond imagination. And none of it was of my imagination. I think that’s what drew me here the most. Everything here was a surprise. As we walked down the immaculate sidewalk, an oxymoron anywhere on Earth, I tried take it all in. I suppose the downtown area was a little like Manhattan in that there were department stores with window displays and little bodegas mixed in with small restaurants of every kind of possible imagining. I took special notice of a few places. There was a Greek food spot where the entire staff was dressed in ancient Greek attire as well as quite a few customers. I got the distinct impression this was how they dressed and not just playing at costumes. I have to admit it smelled wonderful as we walked by. We passed a hobby store that sold life size trains and plains that you could put together yourself and having a working life size “model”. And finally, we came upon a museum and that I could not pass up.
It was the Museum of Human Architecture. We went inside and walked for hours. It would have taken all day and speeding through it to have seen it all. The exhibits on Incan, Mayan and Egyptian included demonstrations on how each built their pyramids and temples. I spent about an hour at both the Roman and Greek displays. One of the exhibits showed Rome being built in, you guess it, a day. Every day they built Rome right in front of you. The entire process taking about eight hours. I only watched a small portion of that, but I left astonished.
Like with anything, no matter how amazing, after a while, you start to accept and understand and even find less awe in what you are seeing.
I started to notice the other people more and more. This city was truly home to all races. But moreover to all races from all time. I saw people who seemed to be from ancient Japan, rural Africa, European Aristocracy and so on. And don’t get me wrong. The population was not made up mostly of ancient types. I would say about half of the population was from the last two hundred years I just found them to be less interesting. Talking to people who had lived and died thousands of years ago was fascinating. Many of them lived now, just as they lived then, in most respects. And most of their mortal lives had been unremarkable. They grew up, generally lived in the same area their whole lives and worked until their demise. I didn’t meet any kings or queens or anyone whose name I recognized. They were all just ordinary people.
There must be famous people here…somewhere, I thought.
And everyone was on their best behavior it seemed. That really stood out for me. People greeted one another as they passed. Hats were tipped, salutes given and returned. Men bowed and women curtseyed. There was no fighting of any sort, no whispering behind the backs of others, no point and laugh at attire or culture or mannerisms. Whatever biases these people had in life, did not seem to carry over here.
“Rena, I’ve been dying to ask. How is it that all these different types of people are here?” I finally blurted out.
She chuckled at me and shook her head. “You know the answer to that Max. You don’t need me to spell it out.”
She was right, of course. I guess I just wanted to hear it from her. I was pleased. The enormity of God’s grace was evidenced all around me in these people many of whom would have never heard of God or had lived their entire lives in a polytheism. They were all here it seemed.
However, one question remained. I had thought of it when I spoke about this to Dan and I had thought about it during that drive on the day I first came to the house.
“But Rena, what is the common thread? How is it that people who would have never heard of God or heaven, Jesus, Allah, Buddah or even Zues or Ra, have all come to heaven? Certainly the Sioux did not believe in any of them. They worshipped spirit gods if memory served.” I wanted a straight answer.
“It’s simple Max. What do they all have in common?” She raised an eyebrow hoping I would chime in, but I didn’t, “Max, they all believed in a higher power, in life. That higher power is, by definition, God. Those who enter the kingdom of heaven are those who took a leap of faith and believed in something more than themselves forgoing self-worship.”
“Why did He make it so confusing then? So many religions. The arrival of Jesus a mere two thousand years ago.” I asked.
Rena laughed, “I think it’s you humans who made it so confusing.”
“Why not make Himself known to the whole world? Everyone would believe in Him then,” I asked impertinently.
“I don’t know Max. God is God and I don’t presume to know His mind.” She stated, flatly.
I was in awe of it all. How simple it was.
****
The next few weeks were a blur of lightsabres, pun intended. Yara started me off with a vibroblade and basic fencing. Balance was the end all be all of fencing and the Force augmented my balance. I learned to remain balanced on a single point or use the Force to buffer my stance and make pushing me back or off center nearly impossible.
After time, Yara taught me to open my mind beyond what was in front of me. Reminding me of one of her first lessons, be mindful of my surroundings, she opened my eyes to the entire world around, behind, below and above me. She taught me to remain focused on the fight, while at the same time aware of everything else. And when I could sense everything and still focus, she taught me to use the Force on anything available for use as a weapon or defense. Yara would take my blade away from me and make me fight her with Force thrown objects only, while at the same time dodging her lightsabre. When I mastered that, she made me do it blindfolded.
It wasn’t all fun and games. There were numerous singes and little miscues that would have normally required time in bacta tank, but none of that was needed for me and Yara never said a word, rightly so.
When Yara had taught me everything she knew, she turned me over to the sparring matches. The same that Rena had been watching that first day here.
I still did not have my own lightsabre and neither did the other padawans I was fighting. I began sparring matches with others. There was a ladder format in place. Each padawan had a rating from one to one hundred. By winning a match, you increased your rating depending on the differential in rating between you and your opponent. If you fought someone of higher rating and won, your rating increased. If you lost, it stayed the same. Conversely winning versus a lower rated opponent did not affect you, but losing to one did, negatively. When you reached a rating of one hundred, your Master would decide if you were ready for the Trials. Yara started me with a rating of fifty and I thought that was a little odd, but she insisted that it was correct and cautioned me to focus and “be mindful of my surroundings.” I smiled at her with that and entered my first match with confidence.
That first match did not last long. I could see everything before it happened. I blocked his first five blows with ease. He grew impatient and scared. I grew even more calm and relaxed. At his next attempt to attack, I disarmed him with a crisp stoke to his sabre hilt.
My matches continued over the next several days. Rena started coming to watch. She really seemed to love the sabre combat mixed with what would normally be impossible acrobatics and the use of Force powers to push, pull and throw.
For each match, I tried to enter combat in a state of meditation focusing on balance and my surroundings. This served me well. Yara, it seems was a much better sabrewoman than any of these padawans. She had prepared me well. Arrogance is the path to the Dark side. It had not been Yara’s voice, but a man’s. I was in meditation, a match about to begin. Perhaps Ben was watching over me. I pushed the thoughts about who aside. The who didn’t matter, the message did. He was right.
The moment you think you are better than your enemy is the moment you have defeated yourself, I told myself and resumed meditation.
After a week of this, I was at level one hundred and had done so without being beaten. The vibroblade sparring matches were over for me. Many congratulated me. I tried to remain humble, thanking them, especially those who had been opponents for their help in my training.
Yara was approaching me now along with her master, Master Jedi Da’ll Mar. I bowed to the Jedi Master and nodded respectfully to Yara. She nearly blushed. “Stop it. We are equals now Max. You are no longer under my tutelage. Master Da’ll will complete your training.” She smiled.
I was confused.
Master Da’ll spoke, “It is permissible for a Jedi Master to have two padawans under special circumstances. We here at the New Jedi Order are more liberal than those of the old ways. Keep in mind young one, it was the Old Order and their ways that brought about the prophesy which in turn brought forth a most terrible and costly ‘balance’ to the Force.” She paused for my reaction.
I nodded in complete agreement.
“Max, you have learned all you can from Yara and she has been a good teacher. But you are an exceptional student. I say that without emotion. It is a fact. You will require my personal tutelage to complete your training.” She explained.
“I understand my Master.” I turned to Yara and she lept at me for a hug. I had actually intended to shake her hand, but the hug was good too. “Thank you Yara. I will never forget your teachings. Master Da’ll is right, you are a good teacher. I foresee you will become a great Jedi Master and train many, many Jedi.”
She held on until I finished and then stepped back, tears in her eyes, “Thank you Max. You taught me a great deal as well. You’ve been a good student. I thank you.” She managed to get the words out even through a constricted airway.
We all parted ways and Rena and I returned home for the night. I watched a Dodger game and took a late night swim. I was perhaps starting to feel less and less the need for sleep. After my swim I did head off to bed.
I was awakened by the sound of the doorbell. I’d never actually heard this sound before, but I sorta guessed that was what is was. I sat up, hearing the door open and Rena speaking. Of course! Of course she could open the door. I laughed.
“Max! Your father is here.” Rena called.
“Coming.” I called back and quickly dressed in my padawan tunic sans robe.
Dad greeted me with a hearty laugh and chiding about my “outfit”.
I therefore commented on his 1970s, four inch wide collar and dirty flip flops. He laughed.
My Dad was a product of the sixties and seventies Southern California life style. He loved the beach, loved his flip flops and he love his short sleeve button up shirts with wild designs. He, like me, was younger in appearance. His body fat gone, his full beard was neatly groomed and vibrant. His blue eye’s sparkled, identical to mine. After a moment of sizing each other up, we embraced. I can’t accurately describe what it was like to embrace my father for the first time as a man myself. I could sense the connection between us. He smelled like me and yet not. And even though we did not exchange thoughts like Rena and I had, the embrace did include an exchange of unspoken apologies, forgiveness’s and reconciliations.
Rena chimed in having decided that the hug had gone on long enough. “Are you hungry?”
He turned to her I guess still a little surprised that Rena was talking and replied, “Sure. Do you cook?” He asked half serious and half jokingly.
I laughed. “Well you are going to love this. What do you want? You can get anything.” I said.
“Um, ok, how about Eggs Benedict?” He offered.
I laughed again. “Make that two, “I said to Rena, who was shaking her head at the silly men.
She raised up her head and spoke to the replicator, “Two Eggs Benedict and one medium Rib Eye steak, pre-cut and with extra gravy.” I walked over as the machine swirled our meals into existence. Dad was impressed. I handed him his meal and placed Rena’s on the floor and took mine.
“ok, I am getting one of those, “ Dad said. “What did you call it? A replicator? That’s a Star Trek thing right?”
“Yup”, I said, “You know, I don’t think we’ve ever actually cooked in that kitchen.” I paused thinking about my house design. “But to get rid of the kitchen just seems wrong. I mean this whole entire room would just be weird.” Dad nodded. “So I’ll leave it.”
After our meal we retired to the pool area. Dad loved the pool and all its fish and plant life. He had a smoke and we all talked about trivial things like; the back yard, my convertible (which he had to see and take for a spin), the Dodgers and we even touched on politics to briefly discuss the first African-American President of the United States.
I let Dad steer the conversation. I was perfectly fine. I felt no need to delve into anything serious. I honestly just loved having some time with my Dad. He stayed all day. We had a great time.
We all went swimming. We took turns diving off the 2nd story diving board. Dad could do some pretty cool stuff off the diving board and his cannon balls were devastating.
He drove my Lincoln and I drove his Corvette. Dad always had a Corvette in life and so of course here as well. We’ll not mention that he died in a Corvette too. His was a gorgeous machine; a 1965 Glossy Black Corvette Stingray Convertible. It was all black and chrome and power and beauty.
When we’d taken our turns he asked me why I settled on the Lincoln.
“It came with the house,” I replied.
Dad stayed the night. He was well past the concept of sleeping any more. So we both stayed up watching a Dodger game and then a few movies. By the way, the OnDemand in Heaven had basically every movie and every TV show, ever made. You could spend eternity catching up and trying to keep up. Perhaps some people did. Perhaps I would too, someday.
The next day over breakfast Dad blurted out, “I’d like to stay here with you for a while son, if that’s ok.”
I don’t think I showed but the slightest surprise before saying, “Of course, Pop. Stay as long as you like.” And then I added out of curiosity, “Any particular reason why you want to be here now? I spend most of my time on Yavin 4. That’s where I was when we made contact.”
Dad looked really confused. “What’s Yavin 4?”
I proceeded to explain the function of the doors upstairs and then I summarized the adventures Rena and I had been on so far. Dad knew about seeing me, but to him, it had been like some kind of waking dream or something.
“Totally bitchin’ man!” He exclaimed. “You’ve really done something very cool here son.” He paused, considering, “Would you mind if I used that other door to go see some Laker and Dodger games?”
“Of course not Pop. Have a blast. I’ll be back tonight…probably.” I said and with that took off upstairs leaving them behind. Rena knew she was welcome. I gave her a look and she shot back a small shake of the head. So I went on without her.
****
Master Da’ll Mar was waiting in my quarters when I arrived. She was sitting on the dusty floor and in full meditation. Wishing not to disturb her, I simply put my things down and sat across from her beginning my own meditation.
Today my thoughts were wild and hard to grapple. The influx of my father into my life and his indefinite plans to stay with us had brought much of the past into the present. I was very happy to have Dad with me. That wasn’t a problem. It was a good thing. The chance for us to finally bond was priceless to me. However for my task at hand and the advancement of my training, it was disruptive. All these resurfacing emotions and memories were clouding my connection with the Force. Perhaps Master Da’ll knew this. Perhaps her being here and in meditation was no coincidence.
Having worked through the logic of it, I know focused on the problem. In my mind I created a box and labeled it Dad. I then put all my feelings and memories about Dad into that box. Then I closed the box and put it away, not to be forgotten, just set aside until needed. For me, this type of imaginary visual exercise had served me well in the past few weeks. I was now able to focus. I found my blue empty space. I talked to my body and relaxed. Once relaxed, I reached out with my mind and heart. I could feel the Force around me. I saw Master Da’ll. The Force was very dense within her, more so then Yara. The Force surrounded her, radiating in layers, each a little less dense then the preceding. I could sense the entire room around me. I reached out further. I felt every person in the Temple. I let myself stretch out further and further. I could feel the life forms of Yavin 4. The Force flowed through me. I now sensed Master Da’ll’s consciousness. Go farther. I let my feelings stretch across oceans, seas and rivers, over islands and mountains.
Wait. There is something wrong. My control wavered a moment, but then I regained it. There was an island. I could not get close to it. When I tried I was repelled by force. That force felt cold, dark and uncomfortable. I tried to push my way into it. I was cold. I became nauseous. This was the Dark side and it was my first experience with it. I felt my Masters satisfaction at this realization. She lent me her strength. I pushed again. Our combined minds were too much for the barrier. We pushed through and now we could both see.
The island had been formed into a Temple. There were steps leading up to the entrance. The Dark side was everywhere and strong. It was not comfortable for us. Master Da’ll pulled at me and we returned to ourselves. We were both tired and took several minutes to recover.
She looked up at me.
The memory of Luke and the cave on Dahobah. I remembered Yoda’s words and saw them in my Master’s mind.
“In, I must go,” I nodded to her and she did the same in return.
****
We travelled by shuttle to the island. I was piloting. My Master was silent and calm.
“This is the Tomb of Exar Kun. Is that correct Master?” I asked finally.
She nodded, but then I knew that.
But then you knew that.
“Why must I go inside the Dark Lord’s Tomb, Master?” I asked.
“Ahh, that is the correct question my young apprentice. And I will give you an answer.” She paused and drew in her breathe. “You have the ability to see the Force within all things. This is a rare gift. However, you cannot, yet perceive the Dark side. Perhaps the Dark side’s greatest weapon is the ability to blind those attuned to the Light side. You must learn to overcome this. Taking you to the Tomb of Exar Kun, you will be blind and overwhelmed. You must teach yourself to see.”
I think I was genuinely scared for the first time in one of these fantasies. My only knowledge of Exar Kun was that he was an ancient Jedi who fell to the Dark Side. He was so powerful in the Dark side that he controlled everything around him and endured even after his mortal death, unlike those attuned to the Dark side should. Inside lay not only his center of power, but his Dark spirit as well. For all intents and purposes, I was going to face the greatest evil known in the galaxy. Greater then Vader, greater than The Emperor, Exar Kun was the worst of the worst. I would be doing it alone. Master Da’ll would not be coming with me. So, yeah, I was scared.
We landed and I proceeded to prepare myself through meditation. Master Da’ll spoke to me as I meditated reminding me of my training.
You admit you are afraid. Good. Understand that fear. What is its genesis? Fear of failure? Fear of death? Fear of the unknown? Heed the words of Yoda. Anger. Fear. Aggression. The Dark side are they. But remember fear is an emotion, it is only in your mind. Discipline your mind. Do not ignore fear, remove it. Fear of the unknown is the most basic and common cause of fear. Find the core cause of your fear. Understand it and it will have no power over you.
The Dark side was palpable. It pushed in on me at all times and from all sides. It sought to suffocate me, to penetrate my mind and feelings. It wanted to know my weaknesses so it could twist them for its own advantage. I was cold, nauseous and sweaty.
When I was ready, I rose and stood before my Master. She held forth her hand and I gave to her my vibroblade. She and I both knew that weapons were not needed here.
I bowed and turned towards the steps. As I walked away, Master Da’ll said, “Max, the Force will be with you.” Her sentiment reminded me of Ben and I began my task feeling her support.
The Force flowed through me. My ally was the Force. What was my fear? I began the ascent.
Each step was covered in water. The design of the Tomb was in such a way that one was meant to look down as they approached, bowing in respect to Kun. I refused and held my head high. I could sense each step. I pushed out with my mind. The Force was like a bubble of Light around me. The Dark side pushed in at all times, but I calmly kept it at bay.
My focus was strong. I climbed up the steps and entered the temple. I had read about this place. That’s why I knew something of it. The story of Exar Kun was not in any of the Star Wars movies. But I had read some of the Star Wars extended universe books and in one of the series the spirit of Kun was responsible for nearly destroying the New Jedi Order through his manipulation of one young and very powerful padawan. I did not know what to expect from the spirit of Kun, but I knew it would be dark and powerful. I summoned my resolve. I was genuinely scared and also fearful that being scared would make me vulnerable to the Dark side.
Fear of fear, how strange. I thought.
The entry way lead me to a long hallway which eventually lead to the main chamber. The building was simple enough. I knew there were catacombs beneath me, but Kun’s arrogance in design put himself as the main attraction. I entered the chamber. It was large and dark. Torches provided some light, but in the shadows and only in my peripheral vision, I kept seeing shapes and movement. When I turned to look at any of these, I saw nothing.
I could feel the presence of Kun, it pressed in on me and my bubble of light. I could hear some of his thoughts, but it was all anger and made no sense to me. I didn’t pick up cohesive thoughts, just pure emotion.
At the center of the chamber there was a long table with two chairs at either end. This was different than what I remembered from the book. I chose, as usual, to go with it and took my seat. I could feel him getting closer.
Kun did not keep me waiting. His figure rose from behind his side of the table. If he were wearing clothes, then he was draped entirely in a dark robe. His visage wavered in and out of sight and never let me see a clear image. He also took his seat, across from me and placed his hands folded neatly in front of him.
“You do not belong here, young Jedi.” His voice echoed in the chamber. Or was it in my mind? I could not tell. His presence further pushed against my bubble. The movements in my vision came closer. Everything was closing in on me.
I tried to remain calm and focused through a cold sweat. I gathered myself to respond, “Why not Lord Kun? Why do I not belong here other than the obvious?” I asked and he was almost imperceptibly taken aback. “My Master says I must face you. The Force wills it. So I am here.” I smiled. “It seems I am right where I should be.”
Kun laughed, “You are a bold one. You have controlled your fear. I can taste it. And yet, you are so certain of yourself. Why?” He asked.
I considered and smiled, “Because you cannot hurt me.”
Kun raised a single finger and I was hit with the Force so hard that I was thrown from my chair, which did not give did not move. Up and over the back of the chair I was flung, tipping end over end in the air. After a moment of shock, I re-focused and used the Force to guide my descent to the ground landing on my feet instead of head. I took my seat again and looked at him. He tried again, but this time I was ready and the blow simply passed me by.
Kun was smiling. “There are different kinds of pain Jedi. Nothing can shield you from these, not the Force, not anything.”
My thoughts immediately went to Rena. I was suddenly grateful that she was not here. Kun could have used her against me.
Kun kept on, “Yes, your friend, she could be made to cause you pain. One would simply need to cause her pain.” He stated.
But then he smiled again. “Unfortunately, you are not here today as an enemy but as a student. You think your test is to resist me. You are wrong. You think you’re fear is a weakness, it is not. We all have fear. Even the most accomplished Jedi. Fear makes you aware. When you control your fear it makes you focus as you are doing now.” His words entered my mind and I found myself unable to find the manipulation I expected in them. He continued, “You are here because you are blind.”
Again the ring of truth in his words.
“Lower your defenses and see the Dark side.” He commanded.
I smirked, “I will not.”
“You must,” he said and it was not a command.
“Let us not waste time Jedi. Eventually your focus will waver, but why waste the time? Lower your defenses. Reach out with your feelings and see.” He said again, this time not a command but an instruction as a teacher would give a student.
I was confused. I’d expected a battle of light versus dark. I expected to be attacked. Kun was trying to convince me to see. I could sense nothing of him. The Dark side was a void to me. Everything here was empty. I’d grown used to seeing the Force in everything, but here in the power center of the Dark side, I was indeed blind.
I decided to do as I was instructed. If he attacked or the creatures in the room attacked, I would be ready. I relaxed my bubble but retained my focus and calm. As the buddle withdrew, I began to see Kun more clearly. When the bubble was gone, the entire room lit up. Everything became clear.
“Good,” he said. “Very good. Now see through the Force. See the Force in me. See the Force all around.” He gestured.
I stared at him in complete surprise but then tried to do as he suggested. I reached out with the Force seeking sight. I focused on Exar Kun. He was a void. From a force perspective, everything here was pitch black to me.
“Stop fighting. See the Force. See the entire Force.” He urged.
I let everything go. I was aware of nothing. I was vulnerable to attack. I meditated and sought the living Force, but this time, I sought it as it was, in whole. I paid no attention to light or dark. Soon I began to see. A red outline began to show around Exar Kun’s entire body. I looked to the left and right. I saw streaks of red. I willed the Force to show me. The reds became more brilliant. I turned back to Kun. He looked like Obi-Wan had, a ghost shrouded in the Force, except instead of white or blue, I saw red.
The Dark side was red.
The realization brought it all to me. I looked all around me seeing the red aura of the Dark side. I turned to Kun and focused. His red outline was strong. Anger and fear emanated from him like red snakes lashing forth. I looked deep within him and saw more. I saw a feint white light inside him, buried deep. I grasped it with my mind.
“Enough!!” He screamed at me and the force of his will pushed me back slightly with the power of the Force.
He was bent over and his balance was off.
After a moment, Kun righted himself, his cool demeanor fully returned.
“You may leave now.” He said plainly.
That’s it?
“I don’t –“, I started.
But he cut across me, “Leave. Now.” And his visage faded away.
I left as bidden, confused and worried. This experience had not been anything like what I’d expected. Kun seemed to indeed be training me, not fighting me. When I began to perceive the Dark side, I expected him to try to turn me at that point. I was completely vulnerable. But there was nothing.
When I reached the shuttle, Master Da’ll was waiting. “I believe I have failed Master. Exar Kun only spoke to me and then dismissed me. There was no conflict.”
She smiled, “You sought conflict, did you?” Her smile faded. “Look around and tell me what you see.”
I starred at her a moment and then did as I was bidden. I used my Force sight to see the world around me. All through the island I saw the red glow of the Dark side. In my Master I saw the white light of the Light. Beyond the island I stretched out and saw many plants and animals of the water and within them I saw both white and red.
Da’ll spoke then, “Your sight is now complete. The Dark Lord has helped you to see.”
“I thought I was to be tested, perhaps he would attempt to corrupt me…turn me.” I said, still confused.
“No, my Apprentice. I asked Exar Kun to help you with this training as no Jedi in the Order could have accomplished this task.” She smiled.
“Why would he agree to such a favor” I asked. It seemed ridiculous that an agent of evil would be so willingly helpful.
“Exar Kun was and is a student of the Force. He is now a part of the Force albeit the Dark side. When I told him about my apprentice, he was all too eager to meet you…Perhaps you will meet again.”
“Do you foresee such a meeting, Master?” I asked again becoming scared.
She closed her eye and concentrated for a moment, “Difficult to see. I see that you will face him and yet you will not. I see that you will be enemies and yet the greatest of friends. Or perhaps none of that will occur. Your choices will determine your destiny, Max.”
I stood there thinking. If anything, this gave me a reason to keep coming back to this “door”. I was very intrigued by Master Da’ll cryptic prediction.
“Come, let us return to the Jedi Temple, tomorrow we begin new training,” she paused for effect, “with lightsabres.”
Heck ya!
****
That night Rena, Dad and I had a B-B-Q outside by the pool. He cooked up steaks and baked potatoes and grilled veggies. We all ate and sat by the pool admiring the view around the property. As it started into dusk, I noticed for the first time the vibrant colors as the sky changed slowly from blue to black. Pink streaks shot across the sky during the change and became more and more full and reddish before giving way to the night. Some of the images reminded me of my days experience and I smiled inwardly.
“Great meal Pop, thanks.” I said sitting there sipping a Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. Rena nodded her agreement.
“It was my pleasure son. I haven’t done that in a while. It was nice to cook for other people. I usually just cook for myself.” He sat there looking content, leaning back in his patio chair holding his own drink. He told me that it had been his wish to be able to drink and have it never hurt anyone, so when he drank, he never felt the negative effects.
So that was his thing? I understood it. Alcohol had been the thing in his life that had caused him the most pain. But it bothered me that he alluded to being alone.
“Dad, do you not have anyone else in your life here? No girlfriend or wife or anything?” I asked.
He smiled at me shaking his head. “I’ve got lots of people Max. Your Grandpa is here and we play Golf almost every day. You should see him, he’s looks about twenty years old and whips my butt up and down the course on a regular basis.” He paused to smile and chuckle then continued. “You know it’s funny, I’ve not really been here that long, but in the time I have been here, I’ve not really been interested in any kind of female relationship. I have some female friends, but that’s all.” I looked over at him surprised. One of the few things I knew about my Dad was that, unlike me, he’d always been very popular with the ladies. He continued quickly, “Don’t get me wrong, I still love women. It’s just that…well, I guess it’s just not important anymore. Other things fill my life.” Rena perked up at that with a sort of quizzical look. Dad looked over at her and went on, “I’ve got my Golf, oh and I hang out with my brother a lot. You never knew him. You should definitely come visit. Dad, your Grandpa, would love to see you. You’ve got lots of relatives up here, you know.”
I realized that I’d not thought about family really at all since my arrival. All my Grandparents were here except my Grandmother on my mother’s side. And there must be countless cousins. I tried to remember who’d died during my life. It was all a little fuzzy.
I supposed I could trace my lineage back to well, the beginning. That could be very cool, indeed.
What my father was telling me seemed to confirm my theory that things here were meant to make it easier for us to deal with grief, loss, etc. Those things seemed to have no teeth here. And just as I surmised that day with Dan, I had no sex drive or desire to meet women for the purposes of sex. I did notice that I had the desire to meet people. There were so many fascinating people here. And I could see myself becoming romantic with someone. But there was no human instinct for sex since there was no need to procreate. It was a weird feeling. But it all made sense to me anyway. I had no hormones driving me, so what was left was my real interest in people. I wish it had been that way in life. I know that relationships between people would be much more genuine and healthy. Marriages would have lasted and the divorce rate would have been very small.
I took note of the fact that while I felt no need to procreate, I did certainly, feel the need to create.
Life on Earth was feeling more and more distant to me. When you compare your eternal afterlife to your short mortal life, the mortal life seems very trivial. It’s the same feeling I had after being out of high school for a few years. All the stupid things that were so important to me in high school became insignificant and I would wonder why I ever cared about such things.
All my mortal life, I’d sought “the meaning of life”. I think I had it now and it was simple. Find and have faith in the Higher Power, no matter what form it takes for you. Just find it and have faith. Life on Earth was about a leap of faith. We all seemed to be born with an innate feeling of being disconnected. That is our lack of connection with that higher power. But many of us chose to create a connection with money or power or other humans rather than a higher power.
We all sat there in our thoughts for a while. I felt mentally exhausted from the day’s events. “I think I’m going to head off and get some sleep. You two enjoy. See you in the morning.”
“Good night son”, Dad said as I gave him a hug.
“Night Max”, said Rena as I lent down for a kiss and gave her a hug.
I entered the house and crossed the living room heading for the bedroom when there was another one of those loud thunderclaps. I turned and looked back. Dad and Rena were looking at each other. I almost went back to ask about it again but decided that rest was more important. Perhaps Dad knew what it was all about. Rena didn’t seem to care about the phenomenon at all. As I started to turn back towards my room, they both got up and came inside.
“Max, I’m going to head home for the night. All this talk made me want to see your Grandpa. I’ll be back in the morning after he beats me in a round of eighteen. Sleep well.” Dad said.
“Ok Pop, see you then.” I replied.
“Max I’m going for a run and perhaps a swim down at the lake, I’ll be back later and try not to wake you.” Rena headed out the back. Dad headed out the front.
****
Master Da’ll was pressing the attack. I was trying to focus solely on defense. The calmer I became the more in advance I could anticipate her moves which in turn caused her to press harder.
We had been at this for days. When I returned, after the night of the barbeque, she presented me with my own lightsabre. It was astonishing. The hilt was the same color, look and feel as that of my Raistin’s staff. At the very bottom there was a small replica of the wooden fingers wrapped around a small version of the same crystal as in the staff. The stone acted as a perfect counter balance for the sabre. When I lit the sword it was white light that shot forth. I’d never seen a white lightsabre before. The irony of fantasy crossovers was brilliant. I loved all the little surprises. I thought back for just a moment to all the conversations, prayers really, I’d had with God, in life, about just how I wanted my afterlife to be. He had granted me every desire and yet made it all so much more. I was so grateful.
“Attack me.” Master Da’ll was saying. I stopped and looked at her, “You need to practice attacking as well, young one.”
“But Master, the Force is for knowledge and defense, not attack.” I stated, quoting Yoda.
“You are correct padawan, however, when diplomacy and defense are exhausted, a Jedi must defend others by defeating those who would cause them harm. Or do you seek a stalemate in all conflict?” She did not wait for answer, “Now! Attack me.”
I raised my blade and made a clumsy thrust forward. Master Da’ll knocked my sabre out of my hand. I sighed and retrieved it with the Force. She waited for me. I gathered myself and remembered my sparring training. I had not had any problems then attacking. Why? The answer was simple. When sparring with virbroblades, I could not have hurt anyone. Here with real lightsabres, I was worried about hurting my Master. How arrogant. I should not worry about hurting a Master Jedi with my pitiful skills.
I relaxed and with calm and focus, I attacked.
Da’ll was much more agile and coordinated that I. She routinely made me look clumsy and caused me to lose my balance. This was nothing like sparring with other padawans whom I had seemed to have the upper hand right from the start. As I improved, so did Da’ll, continually out matching me and then I realized she was doing to me what I’d done to her. She was only defending.
I straightened up and took a deep breathe. Standing before my Master proper, I saluted with my sabre and attacked while at the same time anticipating her defenses. Before, I had been able to stay away by using the Force to give me pre-knowledge of her attacks, now I was using the Force for both. She leapt to the side and my sabre was there, she countered me and spun, my sabre was there. She jumped over me, I used the Force to reverse myself. When she landed my sabre was at her throat.
She smiled letting her own sabre fall and power off. “Good.”
I nodded.
The next day she raised the bar again. She moved us to another chamber for our sparring. Now we were in a room with plenty of random object, ledges, elevations, steps and around us were stadium seating set in darkness.
I could feel other padawans, Jedi and Jedi Masters in the room watching. Through my Force sight, they all lit up like white ornaments of a Christmas tree.
We began. Da’ll thrust and also brought with her sand and debris from behind her at me using the Force. I saw it all coming and knowing I could not block it all with my sabre, I used the Force to push her and everything else away from me. It was my turn. I summoned several medium sized rocks and shot them at her from all angles. She simply leapt up and over them.
The battle raged. We matched Force for Force and sabre for sabre. At last our lightsabres met. Sparks shot out from the connection in brilliant light. We were deadlocked. She attempted to push me back, I decided to let it come and absorbed it, never letting my sabre waver in our deadlock.
“That’s enough, I think,” came a voice from the side. The voice was calm and pleased.
I turned to our intruder and found myself starring at Luke Skywalker.
Master Skywalker gave a nod to Da’ll who bowed to him and I did the same.
“Raise yourself, young Jedi.” He said politely.
“I am not yet a Jedi, Master. I am still a padawan, but I am eager…” I began.
“Oh you are a Jedi, Max.” He turned to Da’ll and she nodded.
Master Da’ll, taking great pride in her student said to Luke, “There is no more I can teach this one, Master. He has surpassed me in the ways of the Force. I foresee he will be a great Master Jedi.” She looked to me with pride and emotion. I’d never seen her show any kind of real emotion before.
I was overwhelmed.
“How did you do it?” Luke was asking me.
“Do-d-do what Master?” I asked confused.
“How did you absorb Master Da’ll’s Force push?” he asked and I sensed the entire room listening. All focus was on me.
“Master, I—I chose to”, he starred at me questioningly. I continued trying to explain. “I simply chose to take in her energy. I accepted it and it became my own. I’m sorry Master, I am not explaining it very well.” I looked down.
“No, no, you have explained it well enough.” He considered for a long moment, “Take this one piece of advice Jedi?” I nodded. He went on, “While none of us have been able to absorb the Force as you have just done, it would be something entirely different to absorb a Force push from a Dark Lord. Accepting that energy might prove, difficult. But remember this. The Force is the Force. Dark or light, it is still the Force. I suggest you meditate and continue to develop this skill further.”
I nodded thankfully. He was right. Absorbing the Light side energy was nothing compared to doing the same with the Dark side.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jedi.” Luke said and took his leave. The others filled out of the room and I was left with Master Da’ll. She looked upon me with great pride.
“Tomorrow you will face Master Skywalker in single combat. You are Jedi now, but consider this your final test. And understand this young Jedi. Master Skywalker has faced the Sith and his own dark self and come out of it. He will not be defeated easily.”
****
I went home. Max and Dad were not there, so I had a quiet evening to myself. It suited me on this night. After a lot of thought about facing Master Skywalker, I forced myself to sleep. In the morning, the house remained empty. I returned to the Jedi Temple, first thing, for my final test.
****
I only had one thought as the battle was about to begin. Hold nothing back. All fear and apprehension were purged from me. I knew that in order to acquit myself well in this fight, I must give it my all. I sat in the middle of the Great Hall, cross-legged, meditating. Even as what seemed like every single person who trained in or worked at the Temple poured in around me, taking up seats. I meditated. My calm and focus were pure and strong.
After a time, the room quieted. I sensed the nearing presence of Luke Skywalker. I saw the Light of the Force inside him. The Force was indeed with him. It burned brightly. Brighter than anyone I’d encountered. I looked deep within and saw his Dark side as well. Just as Kun, just as us all, he had a bit of the Darkness inside him. And his, like most, was suppressed now. But I could sense the immense power of it. Should Master Skywalker become fearful or angry, he would become more powerful an adversary. A Dark Lord Skywalker would be all but invincible.
“You see my secret young Jedi.” He was talking to me and I rose out of my mediation and stood to face him. “The truth is, Max, the Dark side can be a powerful ally, but one must learn to accept it for what it is, make it apart of himself and keep it controlled. We learn not to fear…fear. That is why we here at the New Order embrace a slightly broader view of the Force than that of the Jedi of the Old Republic. Things are not so black and white as we were lead to believe. Remember that if you remember nothing else of this day.”
The battle began. Luke was not afraid to go on the offensive. I countered and pushed him back with my white sabre against his green one. The match turned into a Force powers contest. He met my every push and throw with a push back or dodge and I did the same.
“It would seem this contest will not be resolved by our respective knowledge of the Force,” I said, quoting as best I could the line from Attack of the Clones.
Luke smiled broadly and we both engaged. To me, it would go on for what seemed hours. In reality it was over in less than a minute from then.
Attack and counterattack. Spin and jump. We both held our balance and our focus. Luke was the better fencer having had countless more time in practice and in real battle, but I was faster than he.
After several flurries and clashes and resets, I finally saw and countered in what probably looked like a risky move, but to me, there was no risk. I’d already seen it.
He came down and across from my right to left in a viscous slash. Instead of dodging or blocking I raised my blade at an angle to only deflect his blade far enough so as not to touch my left shoulder. With his blade on the outside of mine, it was a simple matter to let it slide down the shaft of his sabre.
Luke’s right hand and extinguished lightsabre lay on the ground.
He was buckled on his knees holding his arm. I was at his side in a moment and calling for a medic.
Softly I heard his voice, “I am fine. I’m fine.” He gently pushed me away with his good arm and rose looking down at his mechanical hand laying on the ground still clutching his lightsabre.
People were drawing around us, some were clapping in the distance in appreciation of both a good match and that no serious hard had been done.
“You know Max, I’m going to want a rematch, “said Luke with a huge smile. Then he looked at me, “Well done….Jedi. Well done.”
After a bit of a banquet and lots of congratulations and noting that Master Skywalker already had a replacement hand, I left Yavin 4, knowing I would return one day, but that for now, I was done here. Until then my lightsabre would rest in my office at home along with my plain brown robes as worn by Jedi for countless millennia.
****
I returned home to find Rena waiting for me. She was not herself but would not say why. She had something on her mind and I had no idea what it could be. It was only much later in the evening that she finally spoke up to say more than two words.
“Max?” She asked.
“Hmm.?” I answered groggily.
“You remember when you first came here and were so sorry about how you thought you’d treated me poorly in life?” She went on.
Sigh. “Of course.” I said.
“I want you to understand how things were from my perspective. You held me as a puppy. And you were so kind. You were never once angry with me. You loved me so completely and I felt it as I still do. I was completely safe with you. And yes those first few years may have been the most fun, but I got older too, you know. I didn’t have the energy to spend all day playing. And when you think you were off by yourself learning computers, you forget that I was right there with you. And that time in your life is what shaped your entire future. And if I wanted something or needed attention, you always stopped what you were doing and gave me your time and affection. Your Mom used to say that ‘I raised you’. I always like that thought and I felt responsible for you. And then when you moved away, I missed you, of course, but I never regretted. I’d done my job and you’d turned out well. I know you had hard times, really hard times, but you also know that you had to go through all that to come out the other side, whole and reborn in your faith.
“So when I said you were the ‘best boy a dog could have ever had’, I meant it.”
She paused. I was in tears and could not speak. “I just thought you deserved to know that. So whatever guilt you feel or felt, just drop it like a bag of bricks because, it’s all in your mind.”
“I love you Max.” She said.
I love you too! I thought, but could not speak, so I just held her.
“Thank you Rena. Thank you.” I said finally. “You are my best friend and I am so grateful for you. We will be together…always. I promise.”
Chapter 9
In the days to follow, life became a bit more routine. I had other fantasies I wanted to explore, but right now I was simply enjoying life in the “real world”. I started taking drives, hanging out at the lake, we got a boat and did some more fishing, speed boating and water skiing. Rena was an excellent driver and skier. Why should I have been surprised?
Dad came along fairly often. He loved to grill lunch by the lake for everyone. And we kept playing golf. Life was good and Rena was right, I did worry less about things that had previously bothered me, it was easy to relax and let everything be perfect.
I was sleeping less too. Often when it was night and there was nothing really to do, I would simply just sit and ponder things or meditate. I enjoyed meditation. It was one of a few things that I had taken from a fantasy and integrated it into my life. I also kept my staff and spell books at the house. I liked studying the spells and practicing in the empty basement parking lot. There were scorch marks everywhere. My lightsabre was laying on a shelf. Finally, I kept my Starfleet uniform in my closet and I displayed my graduation from Starfleet Academy certificate displayed in my office. Vain perhaps, but in my old life, I’d never gone to college.
As good as things were, I eventually started to wonder about things again. One day I spoke up. Rena and I were sitting by the pool. I was dangling my feet over the edge into the perfect temperature water watching the fish. Rena was laying down on the first step into the pool, her head resting just out of the water, eyes closed, sun reflecting off her black fur, the water coming up to midway on her prone body.
“How long have I been here?” I asked.
She took a deep breathe, “What do you mean?” She did not even look up.
I tried to word my next question properly but it came out weird, “Well, how long have I been dead?”
Rena was perturbed at this disturbance of her serenity to have a serious discussion and I didn’t blame her, but the question had nagged at me and finally just came out. Besides, every time we’d tried to talk about the realities of heaven she would deflect. I knew why. She just wanted to enjoy herself. To her, this was all just fun and she was perfectly fine with everything. But I always wanted to understand. She knew it would gnaw at me. These conversations were inevitable.
She sighed, “I lose track of Earth time. It’s hard to keep up with and after a while, since it doesn’t matter anyway, it’s easy to forget about it entirely.” She looked over at me. “And you will too Max. Who cares how long it’s been? It makes no difference. We are here for eternity.”
I did not let up, “Well I spent all that time at Star Fleet academy and it felt like about three months to become a Jedi. Plus we’ve gone on countless excursions and baseball games and how many days did we spend just doing nothing but watching TV or goofing off?” I thought about the first time I went golfing with Dad. Rena came along to see what it was all about. She could not understand for the life of her why she didn’t get to chase and retrieve the balls we hit so she never came again.
“Speaking of which, we get new movies and games. But there aren’t any dates on anything. Shoot, do we even have a clock in the house? No. There’s no calendar either.” I thought some more. “I don’t know what day of the week it is.” My computer didn’t even have a clock or date on it I realized.
Rena sat up and faced me proper, “Look, I honestly don’t know how it all works, but I will tell you my theory if you want.”
“Please”. I asked.
“Ok, I think that time here is a bit personalized. I think your own perceptions and even desires, shape it. Since we’ve been here together, I think we are both experiencing the passage of time in the same way, for the most part. But I don’t know how long it’s been since you died, not in Earth time. It could be days or millennia.”
I honestly didn’t know what to make from all that. We had watched the news on TV and it never really occurred to me before, but it didn’t really seem like much had changed on Earth. I let the matter go for the time being, not being able to come up with anything else to ask, but I knew it would continue to bother me until I figured it out.
****
Dad was over for dinner and we were just chit chatting. He had stayed with us for several weeks during my time on Yavin 4, but after a while, returned to his own routine.
Everyone was talking about nothing in particular. I was lost in thought, contemplating all sorts of things and remembering others. Having Dad around was great. We had really come full circle. I felt like I had a family here. In time, I would make sure to get to know the extended family too.
I started to wonder about my ancestry. I could probably spend a hundred years getting to know them going back and back. I made a note to look it up on the computer. There was no telling how many were here. I also had to accept that not everyone would be in heaven and that was tough. I hated the thought of them in Hell or just ceasing to exist.
“Dad?” I piped up.
“Yeah?” He looked over with mildly glassy eyes. He couldn’t get drunk, but he looked like he was feeling pretty good.
“How did you get here?” I asked and when he failed to answer, I elaborated. “I mean, you never were a religious man as far as I knew.”
The light went on, “Ahh. That’s easy son. AA.” He raised a glass, “Cheers.”
Rena was giggling, but I didn’t get the joke. He must have picked up on that and explained.
“You see, part of AA, is that you must learn to accept a higher power. It took me a long time and a lot of pain and even more failure before I finally realized that I was powerless against my addiction and the only way I would overcome it was through a higher power.” He explained. And then, quite sober he leaned over to me and said, “And you know, as soon as I gave in, gave up trying to control it, gave the whole thing over to God, admitting to Him, that I was powerless and I needed His help, that’s the day I got sober.”
Rena and I nodded, proud of him. “That’s really great,” I said.
“He saved me.” Dad said. “I didn’t deserve it, but He did it anyway.”
Then he looked over at me. “So tell me son. Tell me your story. How did you come to faith?” He asked.
I took a deep breathe, “Are you sure you want to hear it? It’s a much longer story than yours, I’m afraid.”
He nodded taking a sip of his drink, “Yeah, now I really want to hear it.”
***
I was about thirty-three [l]and having just come out of an eight year relationship, I had moved a way to reset myself and my life. I know I’ve spoken about “bad times” in my life, but not explained them. That relationship was one of those times, although not the worst of them.
After it ended, I was lost and fell into a deep depression as I and other members of my family were prone to do. It all fits in with and contributes to the alcoholism. My predecessors drank to deal with their pain. I didn’t drink so the depression would debilitate me. I would spend days in bed. I lost my business, my house and almost all my belongings.
About six months removed from the relationship, I left and got a fresh start. I found a job at a small computer shop, in a small town in Southern California and lived in the apartment around back of the same building. I was vastly over qualified for the job and it only paid ten dollars an hour, but the commute was fantastic. I was leading a simple life and that’s what I needed.
And on rent day, the land lord would came around to pick up checks from me and the store. She was a nice lady. Her husband had a good job and she was a mother and homemaker; your typical soccer mom. After a couple of months, she asked me how things were going. In my blunt and honest fashion, I told her the truth.
“Not great,” I began. “I’ve been going to a church, but it’s just not right for me.” A friend of the computer store owner had recommended the place. It was a forty-five minute drive away. The people were nice enough. I could never come up with a solid reason for it, but I just didn’t like it there and stopped going.
She said, “You should try my church. The pastor there is the real deal. I always get something out of it.”
I’d been looking for a church for a while really. Even during the relationship, I’d suggest that we start going to church. I wish we had. Maybe things would have been different. In hindsight, I wish I’d just started going on my own without her. Again, I think I would have come out of the relationship handling things better and perhaps would not have lost everything.
I didn’t know what I needed. I was just going off of feeling. I’d reached a point in my life where I had come to the conclusion that I did believe in a higher power. I’d accepted that higher power as being called God because the name didn’t matter. But I knew I didn’t like traditional churches. God or Yhwh or Allah, it did not matter.
I’d been to various churches as a kid on several occasions, usually as a result of a sleep over or spending the weekend somewhere besides home. I needed a place I felt comfortable and well, that’s what I finally got.
After speaking with my land lady for a few minutes, I agreed to try her church. I had nothing to lose.
She met me at the church that next Sunday. The building was large, with several sections and play areas. It looked a lot like a small elementary school. Her family was already inside so we went in as well.
I will never forget those double glass doors.
When I crossed the threshold of the church door, something strange happened. I felt something. I can only describe it as feeling like an electrical charge. It was too real to dismiss and yet I then noticed a bunch of people inside and my attention was taken away from what had just happened. But I never forgot that sensation and would think about it often in the weeks and months to come. It had definitely not been static. What I’d felt was over my whole body. No hairs raised up or anything. And it was somehow a very warm feeling. To be perfectly honest, and I’ve never told anyone this, my first thought when it happened was. I just did something very right.
That’s when another, less strange, but still notable thing occurred. I looked through the crowd and noticed a tall older woman. Her eye’s locked on me and she made a bee line for me. Now, I’d had this happen before. Churches will put people in the lobby as greeters. They find new people and welcome them and get them situated. They were also very annoying…to me. She came right at me and that’s when I realized that instead of wanting to run, I was fine with it. I had this feeling of being comfortable and safe and this really coincided with the static feeling. We talked and she was really nice. She asked me if I was new here and I said yes and she simply said welcome. And she meant it. Then she just pointed to the coffee and the sanctuary and let me be offering to be of service should I have questions or need help. And that was it.
I actually felt welcome here. It all felt so very right and yet nothing had even happened yet. I went in and sat near the front by myself. Sitting in front was also unlike me. I liked to hide in the back, always, but not today or after. I always sit up front at church now.
The background music ended and the band came out. Yes, a band. And they played three very contemporary Christian songs and put the words up around the room. I didn’t know the songs, but I found myself signing along anyway once I got the melody and rhythm down.
Later on, Dan came out and gave his message. I wish I remembered it verbatim. All I can say, and it’s a big cliché, but it didn’t matter, the message seemed to be written for just me. He spoke about how we can get lost and how hard it is to pull yourself up and out of it. He spoke about the faithfulness of God and how He was always there with us, in good times and in bad. He said that God never sends us challenges that we can’t handle and that every challenge is a growth opportunity. And while it may be hard to keep your faith in the darkest of times, it was then that having faith, one would find the strength they needed to persevere.
After that first message, I was hooked. Every week Dan seemed to be speaking to me as if his entire message was written with me in mind. That continued for a long time. And when I was reaching the point of being fully recovered and ready to go back to rebuild my life, that’s when his messages seemed to be about me less and less and more about living a life putting God first above family, job and personal desires.
That’s a hard concept to follow. It requires giving up on self-love, love of money and love of others over love of God. I would struggle with trying to live this way until I died. But I don’t think that choosing to live a life of God first was a destination but a journey.
In my heart, I could always sense that God was pleased with me. He knew what I’d been through and to have come out the other side and still to have found His welcoming arms, I knew that God was forever pleased with me, just for that. He never asked anything more of me. But I still tried.
As I kept attending church, I started writing Dan emails and asking questions. These eventually led to us having regular lunches where we would talk about anything and everything, but mostly I would hit him with my most challenging questions about God and the Bible and Christianity. It was a period of tremendous personal growth and growth in my faith. And the rest of my short life was greatly affected.
About eight months after my first visit to Dan’s church, I felt the very strong calling to be baptized. The church did this about once per month, right at the end of service and there were always lots of people giving their life to Christ.
When Dan baptized me I had another special experience.
I remember feeling very calm that morning and having no idea what to expect. I stood in line and when it was my turn, sat in the tub. Water overflowed due to my size and Dan smiled at me as I drenched his trousers in a tidal wave. The whole thing was on camera and being displayed throughout the sanctuary. People laughed and I gave a smile, not mad at all, but focused on what was about to happen.
Dan leaned in and suddenly it was just the two of us. The entire room melted away. I’ll never forget the sincerity in his eyes as he asked me, “Max, do you accept the Lord Jesus Crist as your personal savior.”
I nodded confidently, “I do.”
And I had. All the questions and contradictions of my life long journey to faith had been dealt with well enough. I still had questions, but I knew that there was a higher power, God, and I knew that He loved me. What I hadn’t figured out before starting to come to church, due to simple lack of knowledge, Dan and the church had answered for me and did so without circular logic. What I was learning here made sense. And Dan had never told me what to think, he only told me what was historically true, what was in the Bible and what he personally believed. And as you know, I’d seriously challenged him and would continue to do so after this. So for me, Jesus, was the conduit to God and I had consciously asked for, accepted and received Him into my heart. And I felt His presence within and would until my demise. I was connected and it could not be broken by any means or even through my own action.
And so with that answer Dan said, “Then, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit I baptize you.” And I went under.
I was only fully submerged for a single moment in time. But when he brought me up and I crossed that threshold from water to air, I felt it again. The electric charge.
I felt God’s reaction. He was over joyed with me. I could feel it from Him. And I also knew several things that I’d not known a moment before and never thought about prior.
First, all my sins were forgiven. The memory of those sins were still with me, but they no longer had any weight. It was as if God had taken them all, put them in a sack and dropped them in the ocean. I could feel the difference. For days I literally felt lighter.
Second, I knew that all the hard times of my life were over. I would never again struggle as I had before. I still knew that life would present troubles and things wouldn’t always be perfect, but I would never again suffer like I had.
And finally, I knew that I was done there in that city and with the job and the life I currently had. I had done what God wanted me to do. I had done what He’d waited all my adult life for. I had made it. But, that part of my life was over. It was time to move on. I didn’t know how I was going to do that. It wasn’t like I had any opportunities that would allow me to move away.
But it didn’t matter, I knew these things in my heart and they all came true.
Three days later, I got a job offer from the company I would work for the rest of my life. It was in the next city over and I moved there, but I was still close enough to keep going to Dan’s church and continue our lunches.
From that day until my death, I never again experienced anything like the dark times of my youth or early adult life. And when I had problems to overcome, they just didn’t seek to have the effect on me as before.
A few years later, while in a small group, which happened to have my old land lady as a member, she recounted the story to the group of the day she brought me to our church the first time. We had never spoken about it. The group had asked each of us to recount a special memory and she was telling them the story of my first day.
“It was strange you know. I remember that was one of the only days that we (her and the kids and husband) got there early.” She began laughing at herself. “The kids wanted to go right in, so my husband took them and I waited. Max, didn’t know them anyways, so it was probably better, I remember thinking.” She couldn’t help but smile big at me.
“Max showed up. I was so relieved. I was very unsure he would come. We met and went in. And…” she paused in memory, she reached up to hold herself, “when I walked in, the weirdest thing happened. I felt this kind of static, but it wasn’t static. It felt warm and I was filled with this feeling that God was pleased with me. I will never forget how that felt.” The entire group was enthralled. “Anyway Max went in and I’ve been inviting people to church ever since. And Max is still here.”
The group clapped and everyone was feeling very good. People went over and hugged my former land lady thanking her for sharing such a wonderful story.
I spoke up, “I’ve never told anyone this, but when I crossed through those doors that day, I felt something that I could only describe as an electric charge, like static.” The group fell silent and I went on, “It was warm and I felt at that moment that I had made God very happy as if He had waited a long time for me and I had finally made it.“ I was crying.
Through all the muck and dirt and hard times, I had crawled my way out and finally…I had got to where I was supposed to be. And He was very pleased.
***
Dad and Rena had listened to the recounting of my story intently. Afterwards, we all just sat there for a long time. I felt drained. The story always took a lot out of me as I relived it all again. I loved my story and I loved that it was mine and it was unique and it was powerful.
I had always intended to write it down, maybe share it with others, so they could maybe come to their own conclusions, as I had, but I died before I got around to it and that made me a little sad. I could have easily seen myself, at retirement age, relating that story to a small group of people or even a large group, at my church and perhaps even other churches. I never preached to anyone and would never have done unless I felt a directive from God to do so. I didn’t like being “preached” to. I had to figure things out for myself. But if my story ever helped someone, I would have maybe felt like my mortal life had had a purpose. That opportunity is gone now. The chance to make a difference…gone.
****
The next evening, without Dad, Rena and I were flipping channels and The Matrix was on. I remembered the hotel when I first arrived in heaven and how apropos the red and blue pills were to the situation. After watching it, I thought it would be fun to go learn martial arts and it would certainly compliment my fencing skills.
A Matrix fantasy was actually one of the bigger fantasies I had thought about in live for the house, but I never really managed to flesh it out in my head. After a time, I forgot about it.
There were others like that. I had one about being a pilot in the world of the remade Battlestar Galactica. There were several ideas about vampire fantasies. And while I loved those TV shows and movies in life, I wasn’t sure that they belonged in heaven. But then again, I hadn’t thought about those or the others since before I died. I was not in any rush, there was an eternity of material to draw from.
But The Matrix thing sounded like fun. “Hey, let’s go. You can be my sparring partner.” Rena looked over at me with a plain look. “Max, I’d rather not do that.” She paused, choosing her next words carefully, “I love going on adventures with you and I can still taste that foulness of that Klingon.” She made a sp’too’ie noise. “You know I don’t mind a little action, but I just don’t like the idea of fighting against you, okay?”
I was a little surprised, but it didn’t bother me. If she didn’t want to do it, I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it.
“You want to come with me and watch?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’ll do that.” She agreed.
We headed upstairs and through the door.
****
We found ourselves and a vast empty space, surrounded by white, but with no walls or even a floor. It was just white everywhere. I was dressed in all black. T-shirt and jeans and boots to match. I felt a vibration in my hand and heard a phone ringing. I had a phone in my hand. I answered it.
“Max. Welcome to the Construct. It’s not the actual Matrix, but the properties are the same. There is just no content until we upload it. We use this place for training. We can load up anything.” Suddenly we were in an office building, then it shifted and we were in a meadow, then it shifted again and we were in a dojo.
“Dojo is perfect.” Max said. “I am here to train. I want to learn martial arts.”
“Which discipline,” asked the Operator.
“All of them.” I said with a grin.
“At once?” Asked the Operator.
“Yeah, hit me with it all.” I instructed.
“That’s not a good idea, Max, it will be too much information for you to handle.” The Operator explained.
Rena nodded in agreement, but I was feeling bold.
“Send it all, I can handle it.” I told him.
Without warning a flood of information came into my mind. There were too many to keep them all straight and way too much overlapping information. I could make out Bajan, a form of stick fighting, Jui-Jitsu, wrestling and grappling, Karate, Taekwondo, Tai chi, Aikido and modern boxing. The Operator was right it was too much. I found myself on the floor holding my head. When I looked up, Rena was in front of me, talking, but I could not hear her.
I tried desperately to relax but I couldn’t at first, then I tried to meditate. Down on my knees I focused on my toes, then feet, legs, chest and so on forcing the new information out of my immediate consciousness. When I was calm, I pictured all this new knowledge as being in a small blue box. The box was vibrating and jumping around like a big Mexican jumping bean, but I kept my concentration on it. Relax box, slow down. Relax.
After a time the box become much calmer. I opened the box. The knowledge of thousands of years of martial arts swam inside, jumbled about. I told the knowledge to swim together, to become one and be in harmony. Soon all the knowledge was swimming inside the box in the same clockwise direction and there was peace. I took the contents and absorbed it all.
I came out of my meditation to Rena’s voice, “MAX! Are you alright?”
“Yes, I said. I am perfectly fine,” I said smiling big. I was very pleased with myself at that moment. All the new knowledge was there and it all made perfect sense. I saw the overlaps across all the various disciplines and I distilled it all down into a single all-encompassing perfect blend.
“What?” She was staring at me in total confusion. To her it must have looked pretty bad when it all had hit me like that.
“I know martial arts. All of it. I see it all. Every move and counter move. I know the best defense based on the offense and vice versa. It’s all here.” I pointed to my head.
I opened my phone and redialed the last number. The Operator answered.
“Operator, I need a sparring partner.” I said before he could speak.
The line went dead and a moment later a woman appeared in front of us.
She was dressed in a one piece skin tight leather garment that was all white except for the arms and then again from the calves down. Her boots seemed to be a part of her garment as well. She had long dark brown hair and sparkling green eyes, high cheek bones and very full lips.
Miranda. I recognized her. This was Miranda Lawson. A fictional character from the Mass Effect video game series. She was brilliant, deadly and passionate. One of the possible story lines in the game was that Miranda fell in love with the main character which was being played by the player.
“Hello Miranda. Very unexpected.” I said calmly.
“You know what Max, let’s skip the chit chat”, she said with her Australian accent and came at me.
I managed to block the first two or three of her blows, but she caught me in the chest with a palm thrust that was so powerful, I was knocked across the room.
I was unhurt, but out of breathe. Miranda paced back and forth waiting for me to recover. We engaged again and this time, I was able to fend off her blows for a bit longer, but unable to mount any kind of assault. I kept blocking, but she was getting faster, hitting harder. Finally she tied up my hands, spun and brought up her heel into my groin.
I dropped.
I should have been in agony, but I wasn’t. I was shocked, but not in pain as expected. I rose up, ready.
Miranda caught me with reverse leg kick right up side my head and before I could think, I was down again.
She walked away, “You know what Max? This is a waste of my time.”
I ignored her and stood ready, focusing on putting myself in a state of meditation.
She came at me, faster and harder than ever before. But I was calm and focused now. I saw every blow and was able to block or dodge them. My calm and focus increased. Time slowed or I sped up, I could not tell. This was not like using the Force. I didn’t know what she would do before she did it. This was something else and the more focused I became, the slower time seemed to be or perhaps the faster I became. I could not tell which.
Miranda attempted another palm thrust, I stepped aside, taking her wrist while pulling and twisting it. She had no choice but to flip over lest her wrist be broken. I released her arm and she composed herself.
Frustration was showing on her face. I was calm. She attacked again and again. Each time I reversed her or put her in a hold. She never hit me again.
I also realized that I was no longer mounting any kind of offense. After being in close quarters for a few minutes, I found that I had no will to hit her.
She attacked again, this time with everything. She was composed and faster than ever before, but it was no use. To me it was all in slow motion. She never touched me. I held my hands behind my back and simply moved out of the way of every attempt at a strike.
“That’s enough!” She finally said, panting and angry.
I bowed to her. “Thank you for helping me train.” And I turned to go. I noted that Rena was sleeping off to the side. She apparently had no interest in this.
“One question. Why did you never hit me, not once?” Miranda asked finally.
I smiled at that. It wasn’t because she was a girl. I knew I couldn’t hurt her. I knew she wasn’t even real. She was less real than anyone else I’d encountered. Miranda was a character from a video game.
I smiled and departed.
I’d left the question unanswered because I didn’t know why myself. From a Jedi perceptive, I could say that I was using my abilities for knowledge and defense, not to attack. Maybe it was because I had liked Miranda when I played Mass Effect and just didn’t want to hit her. But, none of that felt like the real reason. Eventually I let the matter go. This was one anomaly that didn’t merit a great deal of time trying to reason out.
After I’d walked through the door and Rena then followed a moment later.
I smiled at her, “That felt good.” I said. “You know in life I’d only been in perhaps two fights, both as a kid and both times, I did not fare well.” I paused. “I always wanted to be able to defend myself. And now I can.”
My daily routine now incorporated elements of the new things I had learned. I like starting at dawn. I would practice martial arts and incorporate my staff. Each day I meditated. Rena came with me sometimes, but usually left me alone to my workout and solitude. I chose different locales. Sometimes I would train on a small rock in the middle of the lake, other times I would sit in a meadow or at the beach near Dad’s place.
****
One evening I was watching the news. In my Earthly life, I had stopped watching local news broadcasts by my late teens. They were all the same, “What could be harming your child at school? Find out tonight at 11!” Then later on, I gave up on the national news for much the same reason. All they did was blow things out of proportion to get ratings. And it was all distorted by the opinions of those producing and presenting.
I began to listen to talk radio instead. The news that I caught at the half hour and hour marks, was condensed enough for me. Just the facts. But talk radio became just as tedious. They too, in the end, were all the same. After listening long enough to anyone on either side of the political landscape, I found that they too, just blew things out of proportion to make their point.
In life I had truly hated sensationalism. So by the time I was about twenty-five, I wasn’t paying attention to any news source. I had realized that if it was big enough news, I’d hear about it from coworkers or friends. And that worked really well for me.
But now I was interested again. Since I wasn’t working in an office or socializing with mortals, I wasn’t getting any news at all. What was happening on Earth? I wanted to know. Earth was fascinating. Will the Dodgers win a world series? What’s going to happen in the Middle East? What about new inventions? New cars? Where they ever going to have flying cars? The story of the Earth was the greatest story there would ever be, as far as I was concerned. I wanted to keep up with it. But, even thought I was watching daily, I still found it hard to care about.
I had a sense about this area of my life and it was telling me that Rena was right and I needed to let go. But I was stubborn.
When I wasn’t exploring with Rena, going into town, watching TV or playing games, I went to Dodger games and Vin Scully was calling every game. Sometimes I would sit in the press box with him and listen as he called the game. But what I loved most was sitting down in the dugout with the guys. Sometimes, I’d get to be a bat boy. Other times I worked out with the team playing both shortstop and throwing batting practice. I knew it wasn’t real, but I loved it and it all felt great.
I even spent a few weeks going back and watching every single Dodger World Series game. Both in Brooklyn and L.A. Again Vin Scully called every game. Even those which he had not actually done in real life. So cool.
I was happy and my life was very complete with family and activities. But there was still something missing. The thought crept into me like a virus. Rena had been right in that I had stopped worrying about little things like the passage of time. But as things continued in this way, the virus became stronger and stronger. My happy life routine was becoming an unhappy rut, slowly but surely. I knew it and there was nothing I could do about it.
Finally after, who knows how long, I realized something that changed everything. It was so simple. And the truth was, I’d made a terrible mistake, starting with the house.
I recalled the conversation I’d had with Dan that started it all. All I knew of heaven was that it was bliss. Eternal bliss. I didn’t want someone else’s idea of eternal bliss, I wanted to be me and live my life. And that’s what I got. And I created the house to keep me entertained.
Forever?
What I had done here was create a much better version of my old life.
While here, I’d learned that the purpose of mortal life was to gain faith in a higher power and ascend to heaven. But I’ve done that.
Now I was here and there was no goal, just play. My life hadn’t meant anything and neither would my afterlife. Just play. Eternal bliss. I was a fool. I should have realized that after a week or a month or a millennia, I would get tired of fantasies and adventures and all that other stuff.
I remembered that I didn’t want an afterlife of pleasure and anything and everything you can dream OnDemand. No matter how much I entertain myself, I will never have any purpose or meaning.
It was a prison after all and it was such a nice prison I hadn’t even realized it until now.
****
With this new revelation, I knew that the fantasy door was now of no use to me. But, there had been one thing I had intended to deal with and I decided to do so before closing the door permanently.
“Rena, we have some unfinished business in Solace.” I got up and she came trotting behind me. Staff in hand, we went through the door.
I purposely sent us back to the Goblin camp at the time of the battle. We arrived just after the fighting was over and the bodies had been discovered.
“We’re going to make a livery,” and Rena nodded. She shifted into horse form with a full saddle and waited, letting me do my somber work alone. That’s how I wanted it. Perhaps she had read my mind. There was no talking as I did my work. From around the camp I found enough wood, door fragments, nails and rope to fashion a flat wooden plank large enough for our burden. I set the plank on the ground and bound it to Rena through the saddle.
Retrieving the bodies was a careful job. They were badly burned. I knew that any slip would cause flesh to fall from bone, further adding insult to this grievous crime. I found some leather outside that used to be a tent and took it inside with me. Laying the bodies within, I wrapped them gently and carried them out to where Rena was waiting for us.
After placing them onto the livery, I magically levitated the back so the bodies would travel as gently as possible. Rena walked forward with me at the back and we made our way back to Solace.
We were met outside the city by a two man patrol from the city guard and they walked with us on it to the town. The guards insisted on helping us carry the bodies, but I emphatically refused. “Has anyone gone missing recently” I finally asked as we all walked into town.
“A few over the last few months, but we found everyone, eventually in one state or another. One man got kicked in the head by his own horse. We found him dead on his farm. A couple others were obviously killed by goblins during attacks before people started giving in and letting them have their way.” One of the guards reported.
“A father and son went missing the other day after a raid.” Said the other guard. My heart sank. “We only found out about it this morning. He was a widower. When a neighbor thought them overdue, she reported it to the City Guard.”
“No family….” I said softly.
The men stopped. Rena stopped. The men looked under the leather cover and each gave the other a grieved look. Then turning to me, “You found them, wizard. You have our thanks. They will get a nice burial from the City, don’t know their names off hand, but I know he was a good man and his boy was never trouble.”
“I will pay for them to be buried.” I said, making it an order, “I insist”.
We took them to the undertaker. I gave the man instructions to bury them proper and to hold a funeral with the whole city invited.
The Guards suggested buying me a drink at the Inn of the Last Home but I refused. “I need to speak to the mayor or head councilman, or whomever is in charge.”
“The city is under military authority right now due to all the problems to the north. You’ll be wanting our Captain. He’s the man in charge and he’s at the Inn. We will take you to him.” One guard explained.
Nodding, I followed them. Rena disappeared for a few minutes then showed up behind me as a dog again. We made our way to the Inn which was full of patrons having lunch. Paladine was asleep in the corner by the fireplace, snoring loudly, which was barely covered up by the merry conversations of the room. I was glad that the god was here, but did find it odd. He wouldn’t always be here at the Inn of the Last Home. I guess it was me who was putting him here.
The Guards let me to a table in the middle of the room and then stood at attention in unison. “Sir, this mage wishes to speak with you. He brought in the missing father and son reported this morning. Dead sir. Killed by Goblins”
“Actually that’s not true. I killed them.” I stated flatly.
The air of the entire room seemed to be sucked out. All talking ceased. The guards were staring at me. Rena moved closer to me. The Captain turned and stood up facing me, head cocked to one side slightly with a confused look on his grizzled and bearded face.
“You killed them?” He was a big man and in full scale mail armor. His left hand rested upon the hilt of a broadsword that looked like it could cut through me with a single stroke. His right hand rested upon another hilt, concealing a dagger. He was certainly ready to act upon my next words.
“Regrettably, yes sir. I took the job on to get rid of the Goblin camp,” showing him the job posting which I’d kept. I slumped my head down and rested all my weight upon my staff.
“What happened wizard?” He spat the last word at me like it was venom.
“I put the guards to sleep and then snuck into camp. Most of them were inside a cave, some sleeping others talking. I sent a Fireball into the cave, killing them all.” I said head low and teary eyed.
“Go on.” The Captain ordered.
“I heard a noise from the cave and figuring there were still Goblins inside, I went it. The entire area from floor to ceiling and all the walls was scorched and glassy. At the very back of the cave…..” I paused the memory of them hit me with the power of a Miranda kick to the chest. “At the back of the cave, there was a small alcove and within a cage. The father and son were in the cage. I had not been able to see this alcove from outside the cave. My fireball killed them too.”
The room was silent.
“The boy was gone, but the father lasted a few moments longer and then passed as I watched powerless to help.” My staff was the only thing keeping me upright.
“Murderer!” came a whisper from behind me. The crowd began to speak, “That’s what you get when you let mages roam around the country.” “Can’t be trusted.” “He burnt them alive.”
Murderer.
Murderer.
The crowd was becoming a mob and the Captain raised his hands to them as if to ask them to calm down and let him speak. But he didn’t get a chance to speak.
The roof of the Inn of the Last Home, exploded.
I was on my knees, right hand holding my staff and left hand around Rena. I looked up and a good chunk of the roof was completely gone. The force of the impact or explosion had shifted the building and people were falling and sliding. Right next to Rena was a large hole where there used to be floorboards.
“Blasted MAGE! He’s escaping!” A voice yelled from the right and turned only to see a bearded man kick me in the hip. Rena and I toppled out of the Inn and down towards the ground. I took a quick second to lock my left arm around Rena and then invoked the Featherfall spell, “Shirak!” Our decent slowed and after a few long seconds we were on the ground softly and safely.
I looked up and the Inn. What I saw there was astonishing. There was a large red dragon on the roof of the Inn, it was reaching down into the building. I saw it scoop up a man and fling him into the air, only to burn him then swallow him whole. There were bodies on the ground and a couple dozen still up there inside the inn.
It was then that we heard a tremendous CRACK! followed by more CRACKS! We turned to see another, much smaller blue dragon. It was breathing lightning into trees, blowing apart trunks and branches, setting fires. I watched as it swooped down to pick up a kender then toss him high and far into the air to die upon impact.
Starring into the air, still I yelled, “Rena, I think we need your horse form.”
“We need more than that.” She replied and whinnied loudly.
I looked over at her and found a magnificent black horse…with wings.
I mounted up and Rena took off at a gallop and then leapt into the air. I didn’t mess around. With the first turn I sent a barrage of Magic Missiles right into the red dragon’s chest. This seemed to only piss him off. He roared at me and shot fire right at us. If Rena had not dipped down, we would have been an extra crispy boy and dog.
The dragon took flight, leaving the Inn alone, which was the whole point of attacking him. But he was now after us, of course. And this was a huge beast. It had easily covered the roof of the inn when you include the wings. Rena as a horse was about as big in the body as any thoroughbred and the blue dragon was about the same. The red dragon was about four times Rena’s size. Its wings combined spanned over a hundred and fifty feet. And from first appearance it seemed quite agile from what I could tell as it leapt into the air and after us. I was not feeling good about this.
Rena flew, hard and fast upward and away from the large trees of Solace, the big red coming at us from behind. When we were in the clear from possible collateral damage I shot a Fireball which completely engulfed the dragon. But there was no effect. The dragon laughed at us and spoke in a gruff, haughty voice “Puny things. I’m going to grind your bones up in my mouth after burning you alive.” It laughed and I swore I felt the air concussions from his bellowing.
Rena banked to the right and I shot Magic Missiles at the dragon aiming specifically for his right exposed wing. A few of them hit and blew holes in the beasts’ thin webbed skin. It roared in pain and shot fire back at us, Rena tried to climb but was singed in the rear. Her tail was on fire and her back legs had been hit. Rena screamed with pain and I nearly panicked. I turned, created water and poured it on to her tail.
I did not think that Rena could be hurt in these fantasies. It should not be possible for either of us to be physically hurt that much. Take a punch, a few bruises, maybe a little cut to keep the realism of it all, but this was way too much. She was really hurt and in serious pain.
“I’m ending this!” I called to her.
“The Hell you are.” She shot back. “I’m pissed off now. Get ready Max. I’m coming around. Fight fire with cold, Max.”
Fire came at us again from behind, but Rena was too quick this time. After dodging the plume of fire she reversed us in midair and shot off at full speed going underneath the beast who could only come to a halt in air and then turn, looking for us. But that’s all the hesitation I needed, “Shirak” I invoked the Cone of Cold spell shooting it up from underneath. The freezing cone hit the dragon and actually burned its scales along the torso and froze the left wing solid. When the dragon tried to move that wing it shattered like breaking glass and the beast fell to the ground writhing in pain. Rena and I swooped down and I hit it again, this time finishing the job.
“No!” came a scream from the sky. The female voice of the blue dragon screeched at us piecing the ear.
Rena took off and rose into the sky. This was a different fight. Much more like a dog fight, no pun intended, the two were like WWI biplanes, agile and fast. The smaller blue dragon matched our every move and we found ourselves circling each other, Rena and I dodging lightning bolts and the dragon dodging my spells.
When I finally managed to hit the dragon with my Magic Missiles or a Fire Ball, the spells had had little effect. I knew not to fire my own lightning at her, but none of the other spells did much either. This could not go on. Eventually Rena would guess wrong and we’d be hit by one of those bolts which came at us at the speed of light obviously. Only the angle of the dragons head gave us indication of where the bolt would go.
“I don’t know what to use against lighting.” I yelled to her.
She was dodging and we nearly over turned.
Rena yelled back, “Wood! It doesn’t conduct electricity.”
“Of course!” But I had no wood spell. I sighed. If this were another fantasy I could have perhaps used a sharp fallen branch and impaled the dragon, but I wasn’t in that fantasy.
Then it hit me and I knew what Rena intended. “No! it’s too dangerous. I don’t know what could happen to you. It’s like the safety is off here. We might get really hurt or even worse.”
“Max, shut up and get ready, I’m going in.” She shot back.
I got myself ready and Rena took off going high pressing against the air with all her might. She took giant breathes and we soared high and fast. When we were a hundred feet above the dragon Rena dove, speeding towards the great beast. It was ready for us, flapping its wings, hovering in the air. It shot out three bolts of lightning. Rena did not deviate. The bolts passed us by, missing closely. The smell of ozone in the air was overwhelming. Rena folded her wings in and we closed on the beast at a very fast speed. The dragon balked and seemed surprised at first, then smiled a terrible menacing teeth barring snarl, having realized we were coming in for hand to hand combat. She raised up her claws, opened her jaw and prepared to meet us.
Rena collided with her and I drove the small end of my staff as if it were a lance into the blue dragon just beside the shoulder. The claws which were just getting hold of Rena’s chest and left wing went limp. The weight of the beast transferred to me holding my staff. I released it and the beast fell to the ground dead, its heart pierced. Then my staff began to glow bright. Brighter and brighter as we watched. I had to look away. When the light subsided, all that was left on the ground were the ashes of the dragon and my staff.
I guess it was true about others not being able to touch it.
After the battle the citizens of Solace were a little less angry about the accidental death of their fellow villager, but I was not. The Captain was trying to explain that my motives were pure and that the deaths were an unfortunate, albeit, understandable accident. The citizens of Solace were all very grateful of what they’d just seen Rena and I do.
“It doesn’t matter Captain,” I was saying. “I am still responsible for their deaths.”
“No, you’re not,” he said “and what I was going to say to everyone before this attack started is that you had no way of knowing those people were there. And while it’s a shame that many died do to the goblins, you did us a great service by removing them. And you will get the reward you rightly and justly deserve.”
I hung my head, “I don’t want it. Give it to the undertaker and the family.”
Rena and I started walking away, but people around us began to cheer, clap and clasp my hand.
“Thank you wizard.”
“Dragon Slayer!”
“You saved us.”
I gave a smile to the crowd only as a courtesy and continued on to our tree house. Upon our arrival, I put away the staff, locked up the spell books and the house and we went home to our house in heaven. Upon our return, I checked Rena and she was perfectly whole and unmarked by the fire she’d been burnt with. I was still unclear as to how she could have been hurt so badly in the first place.
****
“Max! That was incredible. It was amazing.” I don’t know if Rena was really that excited or if she was trying to cheer me up. “We killed a dragon! Two dragons.” I tried to smile, “When you put that staff through that last ones chest, there was a moment, I thought it was going to laugh at us, and then eat us. But you got her. You got her Max.”
The doorbell rang. Everything changed. Rena’s went completely still. She looked at me. I’d never seen such a look. She was scared. She shook her head vehemently. “Max. No. Don’t answer it.”
I gave her a strange look. She lowered her head, sighed and followed. “Max, stop.” I stopped looking down at her. “Max, trust me. Just let it go. I’ve been telling you along to let it go. Max, please trust me.”
I figured it was Dad at the door and Rena was having some kind of battle shock. Besides, what could happen? We were in heaven. But it wasn’t Dad, it was a dark skinned man facing me with a stern face. Rena took one look at the man turned and walked away. The stranger raised his eyebrows for a moment before turning his attention back to me. He had very dark wavy hair. If I had to guess, I’d say he looked Greek, but his eyes were bright blue and that seemed out of place for a Greek.
“May I help you?” I asked.
“That remains to be seen. May I come in?” And with that he just came in. I was startled and found myself moving out of the way then following him to the living room.
He turned to me and said, “I am Gabriel and you are Max. Please have a seat.” He sat down on the chair next to the couch. Rena came and sat on the couch, almost as if she wanted to be between us. She regarded the man intently. He was dressed in what looked to me like a very expensive suit. Maybe an Armani.
I offered refreshments, “May I get you something Gabriel?”
He simply waved a negative and I went over to the replicator. “Johnnie Walker Black, a double, on the rocks.” The machine came to life and produced my drink. I didn’t usually drink doubles, but after what we’d just been through and how Rena was acting and this strange man, I thought a stiff drink was in order.
I joined Rena on the couch and waited. I was no longer surprised when people here, well in the fantasies, really, knew who I was. This Gabriel had started off with his best prima donna from the moment I opened the door so I decided to match Gabriel with my own calm confidence and let him make the next move. I sat there silently. He regarded me for a few moments. He seemed to be unimpressed.
A memory came to mind in that moment. Gabriel looked like the guy from the Dos Equis commercials. If I’d not been concentrating on my demeanor, I would have smirked. Inwardly I was laughing heartily….the most interesting man in the world. Haha. I loved those commercials.
Gabriel then looked over at Rena but spoke to me, “How are you enjoying yourself here Max? It’s a marvelous home you’ve built here. I’ve not seen another like it.” He looked around and then up at the ceiling and out the back, but he paid special attention to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
Again I asked, “What can I do for you Gabriel?” I received a very strong look in response.
I waited.
“Fine, let’s cut to it then. You have been here a while, had your fun and now you are wondering what’s --”
I cut across him, “What’s next.”
He couldn’t help but smile at that. “Right. You seek purpose. I am here to provide you with that purpose.” He said plainly.
I thought about Dan. I thought about the closure I’d sought in Solace. I would not return there for adventure any time soon. I might go visit to read my books or to visit the Inn, but I would do so as on ordinary citizen and will the fantasy to be peaceful from now on. I thought about the Tiberius. I had spent so little time there. Only a few days and a good chunk of that not even on the ship. Then I was off to the academy in San Francisco. I would revisit the Academy surely. And I would go back to the Tiberius. I wanted to serve as an officer and explore the galaxy. I really could spend forty years there. And I did want to explore the Star Wars universe with Rena. Maybe we’d get that ship and perhaps we’d try the Kessel run. I smiled. A parsec was a unit of distance not time. Good grief George Lucas. And there would be more adventures in countless other fantasies. I’d go visit Xanth, a magical place created by my favorite author, Piers Anthony. And so on.
But! Eventually I would get bored of it all.
;
Rena turned to me and spoke, “Max….I don’t like the sound of where this is going. You don’t have to listen to this. You can simply ask him to leave.” And with that, I noticed Gabriel’s complete surprise at her followed by a very stern look. Did they have some kind of history?
I trusted Rena, but I wanted to know more. “How can you, Gabriel, whoever you are, give me purpose?”
He turned his attention back to me and smiled like a sales man who had his prey just where he wanted them. And he did. He hit me with the big one liner that would change everything. “God is at war.” The response to my question just held there in time. Rena lowered her head, Gabriel stared at me unblinking. I could not breathe.
I was looking right at Gabriel but asked Rena, “Rena, is this true?”
She was looking right at me. She lowered her head, her shoulders slumped. “Yes, it’s true.” She said. “The thunderclaps you hear from time to time? That can happen when there is a large battle or certain powerful enemies clash.” She paused. “You—“, she stopped and started again. “Your father served for a while in the war, Max.”
I just sat there trying to take it all in.
“Max, most people in heaven don’t know about the war. It’s only a few who feel the calling. You’ve felt it since the moment you arrived. I tried to distract you, but it was impossible. I’ve never seen anyone so drawn to it all. But, Max. I love you. I don’t want you to fight in the war. And you don’t have to. You can live here or anywhere. You can live on Earth if you want. You can have anything! Don’t you get it? Anything.” Her words bounced off me.
“And you knew about it and didn’t tell me,” I stated.
“It was not, is not, my place to tell you about the war, Max.” she looked up at me with profound and sincere sorrow. I gave her a reassuring ear scratch. I wasn’t angry, I was confused.
Gabriel cut in, “No one can be told about the war Max….not until they are ready to hear it.”
“Well I was not ready to hear it!” I stated a little too harshly.
He smiled for the first time in a genuine way, “You’re wrong about that and you know it.” He said flatly and he knew he was right. “It is time. You’ve begun to question your existence, even here as you did in life.” I waited for him to continue and after a long moment he did. “Not everyone comes to heaven, Max. Those who come here by and large never will reach the conclusion you have because they are completely content or simply ill equipped to sense what you sensed. And finally, of those who are told about the war, fewer still are willing to fight.” When he said that final thought, I felt anger. Why would one not fight for God?
I shook my head. “You are here to recruit me.” He nodded.
Behind Gabriel appeared several other people, Paladine, Captain Mills and Master Da’ll Mar. They looked on me in fond greeting and approval.
“These are some of my Captains, “Gabriel was saying. “They evaluated you, and guided you during your time here and reported back your progress. “You can make a difference here,” Paladine had said. His words had stuck with me and now the context was clear.
Captain Mills had challenged me to become an officer. “Max, you are going to make one very fine officer one day.” His double meaning also was clear now. He wanted me to have proper military training including tactics, chain of command, etc.
Mills continued, “There is more you should know, Max. Rena is my lieutenant. She’s been with me since the[m] beginning and is my chief,” he paused, “scout.”
I looked down at her. My dog was an immortal angel soldier scout for God?
“Yes, Max. It’s my job to scout Earth for potential soldiers and then watch over them. Our being together was not an accident.” Rena explained feeling ashamed. I gave her a reassuring pet.
I didn’t know what to say. I thought Rena was like me. I thought we were together because we loved each other. She was like a sister to me. She was my best friend and I loved her completely.
“I was just a job to you….” my voice trailed off.
She shook her head and started to protest. But I raised my hand halting her. I thought about all the stupid TV shows and movies where one character had started a relationship with another under false pretenses and then later on found themselves hopelessly in love. After which the truth would come out and nearly destroy the relationship. Rena didn’t have to answer. I knew that’s exactly what had happened. I would not punish her for doing her job and then loving me?!? That was stupid.
“No, I shouldn’t have said that, Rena. I know how you really feel about me and you know how I feel about you. I may have started off as an assignment, but what we have is real,” I told her.
She nodded, trying not cry, unable to speak. She didn’t need to.
I turned my attention back to my guests.
I was unclear as to what Master Da’ll’s purpose had been with me. I had learned so much with her. I regarded her then and she smiled at me, that same proud smile had bore last time I saw her.
She spoke up, “I first appeared to you as Obi-wan Kenobi, and then later, when you were ready, we met properly.”
I smiled at her. I still regarded all the Captains as mentors and I was glad to be meeting them here in their real roles. And their appearances in my fantasies now made sense. God had given me everything I asked for including the opportunity to have what I really wanted. Purpose.
Rena fought it the whole way and was still trying to fight it, but she could not.
I thought about it all, purposely taking my time.
God had been so good to me. I lived my whole life seeking Him knowingly or not. Yet He was there with me the whole time. God was faithful to me long before I became faithful and loyal to Him. God was there when I was in so much pain, when I struggled so much. He gave me everything I ever asked for, from the “smack in the face” to this home……to Rena and countless other things over the years. I was happy to serve God. I was grateful for this opportunity.
My life would indeed have purpose.
Rena cut into my thoughts, “Max, you don’t owe anyone anything.” She was so sincere and I felt all of her love.
“Quiet!” Gabriel commanded.
I shot Gabriel a menacing look and began to raise up. He raised his own hand in apology then softened and said, “Forgive me. This is your home and I should respect that. What I meant is that, this is your decision and yours alone, Max.”
I didn’t understand how God could be at war. How was a war fought in the afterlife? What would happen to me if I were killed in the war? Would I come back here? That made no sense. Then it’s just a video game with endless lives and chances.
“So if I fight in this war, I could be killed? And then what? I come back here?” I asked.
Captain Mills spoke up, “No, it doesn’t work that way. You are immortal. You can’t be killed. But immorality has its weaknesses.” I didn’t see his point. As if knowing my confusing he continued, “If you are captured, you could spend an eternity in misery held by the enemy on their side.”
Their side?
“Sounds like Hell. You mean, I would go to Hell? Are we at war with the Devil?” I was a little freaked out now.
Gabriel smiled for the first time since arriving. “Relax. Let me explain. God is at war with another God. They are equals. Omniscient, all powerful over their respective planes. We call the other one the God of Fear. Our God is the God of Faith. Our universe and theirs meet at a certain point here at the edge of heaven. We call that the Battlefield. War is raging right now and it will continue until there is a victor.”
I nodded.
Master Da’ll continued on for Gabriel, “There is a Hell and a Devil, but these exist only on our side. The God of Fear created no Hell or Devil. He does not need those things.”
“Ok, stop. This is got to be the biggest information overload in history.” I needed to get my head around all this.
Gabriel waited.
“There are two Gods and they are at war.” I said.
They all nodded, except for Paladine. He was asleep on his feet.
“God needs soldiers to fight in the war.” I said.
“Does God fight in the war?” I asked.
Gabriel answered. “No, neither God fights. They cannot. As equals they would only reach a draw. Through creation they build armies and the war is fought.”
Nod.
“You are asking me to join in the war.” I said.
“Yes,” came from Gabriel and “No!” came from Rena.
“I can’t die, but I can be captured and essentially be trapped in Hell for all eternity.”
“That can happen, yes.”
“Ok, why do we call the other God, the God of Fear and ours the God of Faith?”
Da’ll answered, “That’s simple. The other God instills fear in his people and they use that fear of Him to fight us. Fear is their fuel and their power. The more they fear their God, the stronger they are. Remember your training?” I nodded and she continued, “Conversely our God asks that you have faith in Him. Faith is what we use to fight the God of Fear.”
I was beginning to piece it all together. “There are no guns, bombs or tanks in this war, are there?”
“No”, Mills answered.
“We fight with…..Faith?” I asked. “How?”
Gabriel now spoke up and answered me, “The how of it, we will teach you. You wanted to know your purpose? You wanted to know the meaning for your existence, the reason why God created you and all mankind in His image? This is why. God needs soldiers with Faith. God gave man free will and just enough information and opportunity so that each of you would have your chance to decide. Those with the strongest Faith make the strongest warriors. However, not all of us who serve have faith, like us for example.” He gestured to his group.
I was confused again. I rolled my eyes. “You want to explain that one please?”
Gabriel answered. “I am an angel, created by God. I command his armies in Heaven. The difference between me and you is I know God exists. He speaks to me and reveals Himself to me. There is no uncertainty. Faith requires doubt. It is the difference between knowing and thing and choosing to believe in a thing.”
I shot back, “But I know God exists too. All the things that happened in my life and now this house and Rena is here and my Dad and everything just as I wanted and more. That’s proof that God exists. So, I know it too.”
Gabriel shook his head, “Max this is not a bad thing, and it’s a necessary thing. God will never reveal Himself to you. There will always be the tiniest glimmer of doubt inside you and that doubt is crucial. Without doubt, there can be no Faith.” He repeated.
I couldn’t breathe again. He was right. Everything he was telling me made sense. God was omnipotent. God was everything and everywhere. Why did God create man? In life, I’d been taught that God created us to love Him. That never sounded right to me. An all knowing, all anything and everything being would not need to create puny animals to simple love and adore Him. He would be well beyond such a need. But, if that God needed an army, then creating man, made sense.
Actually, it all made sense to me. It also gave me a purpose and the missing answers. I now understood why God created me. He needed me after all. I have real value to Him and I “could make a difference”.
No more playacting. When could I start?
As if reading my mind, not sure that’s not true, Gabriel spoke up, “Max will you join us? Will you fight for God?”
I smiled and looked down at Rena. She had put her head on my thigh. “I have to do this,” I said to her.
She looked up at me defeated. “I know Max. I’ve always known, I just didn’t want it to happen so soon and I thought maybe I could keep you from it. Foolish. I’ve always known you would join the war and that you would be a great soldier, that’s why I chose you. I just don’t want to lose you.”
“I thought you said time had little meaning here.” I tried to joke.
“Not funny, Max, not funny.”
And so I had discovered the true and complete meaning of life, finally. God created man so that He could nourish our Faith in Him. The purpose of the mortal life was to find ones faith. Then in the afterlife, if they reached the point I had, they would be given the chance to serve and fulfill their purpose.
Chapter 10
After our company departed, Rena and I were left to our thoughts. I wanted to know everything and Gabriel had said, before leaving, that my training would start tomorrow but I couldn’t wait. As much as Rena had been against this, she might as well get on board now.
We had the rest of the evening to talk. A lot had happened. I’d almost forgotten about how the day began, in Solace and with the death of so many and with Rena getting hurt. I was so worried about her when that fire had hit us, I knew something of the fear she must feel in thinking that I was going to the war.
“What are you?” I finally asked, starting with only one of the obvious questions.
She was still resting on the couch with me, head on my leg, she took a deep breathe. “Relieved.” She started ironically. “No more secrets. I can tell you everything now. I never liked holding back information from you Max, but those are the rules,” she explained, “and I agree with them, in this case.” She raised up and we turned to face each other. “I am like Gabriel and the others, although I know them by other names. They all have so many it doesn’t matter. Mills, to you, Andy Mills, is my commanding officer. We all have served God since the dawn of creation.”
I sat there in awe staring into the empty and unused fireplace which served only to hold up our huge TV. I was living with an angel. I looked over at her. My dog was an angel.
“Why are you a dog then?” I asked. I supposed this was not her natural form.
“I’ve always been a dog. Sometimes a little longer fur, but always a dog. Always me. I only change to other forms as required.” She looked at me and smiled. ”I am not a human or a woman, Max.” She stated. “I was created as a dog. And what you see here is my true form.”
“I know. I know…that you…you’re not a woman, I just—“, this was weird territory. As strange as it sounded, I just couldn’t picture my best friend as a woman even though I saw her as an equal in every respect.
She continued, smiling, “and I’m an angel, not human.” She paused to make sure it was sinking in for me, “angels come in all kinds of forms, Max.”
Let’s move on, I thought.
“And it’s your job to recruit for the army?” I asked and she nodded. “You’ve not had to do that job since I got here?”
She shook her head, “Time here is a funny thing Max. I’ve done quite a bit of work while here with you.” She laughed. “I guess I’ve had a lot of practice. From your perspective, I am guessing, I would take off for a day or two, maybe a week at the most, yes?”
I nodded, “Yeah, but you always come back and usually with a trophy. By the way how much stuff is buried out there?” I pointed to the back yard.
“None of your business!” and we both laughed.
“What was days to you, Max, sometimes was years to me.” She admitted. “We can also be in more than once place at a time. We are not omniscient like God, so he gives us the ability to be several places at once.”
I was astonished.
She tried to help me understand, “Your Dad, Max; how long had it been between his death and yours? Twenty years?” I nodded. “Well he doesn’t think he’s been here that long and because he thinks it, well that then is his reality.”
It was all very bizarre. Rena said one more thing about time, “There’s only one thing that is certain about time, Max. It only moves forward. There is no going back, no pausing it, no controlling it. It moves forward. The only thing that can change is how you perceive it.” She explained. “You can view the past, but you can’t travel into the past. Time is not a river or a big circle or anything like that.”
This made me think about the famous Bible story of how God created the world in seven days. If time was “in the eye of the beholder” to such a degree, then maybe seven days to God was seven billion years to humans, or vice versa. I grinned. And perhaps the people from the Old Testament, whom it was written, lived hundreds of years from their perspective.
We were both mentally and emotionally tired. But the conversation continued on as I prepared for bed. Rena went into the bed room and laid down on her blanket at the corner of the bed where she always slept. I went into the bathroom to take a shower. She was telling me about some of her recruits, both the good ones and the bad ones. She told me that she’d seen in me the greatest potential for faith than those of any other potential recruit. That was her gift; her talent on loan from God, as it were. She could see the potential in others for having a capacity for faith.
I finished up my shower throwing “uh-huhs” and “yeahs” back at her the whole time. Then I dressed and came to bed. Now I am in bed with an angel, I thought.
Rena kept talking but I was drifting off almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
“Max? Max, are you listening to me?” Rena was asking.
I perked up a bit and threw a groggy, “yeah” at her.
“I wanted you to know that you are the only person I ever loved. You are the only person I’ve ever chosen to share my life with. Up until you, it was just a job.” She trailed off or I was trailing off.
“I love you Max,” She said and that’s the last thing I remember.
****
I woke up and found myself snuggled up with Rena, holding her tight. I smiled, “I love you too, Rena.”
She rolled over and licked me.
I was again grateful that Rena was not a female pretending to be a dog. I would not love her any less, but there wouldn’t be all the snuggling. If she were a woman, ironically, it would have ruined everything. But nothing had changed. I had the purpose I’d been seeking and Rena and I could finally talk about everything openly.
I got dressed and gathered my things and then I realized, “Rena, do you know where I am going or how I am to get to this training?” I asked.
“Yes, don’t worry, we will drive there this time and in the future you can just sort of will yourself there. The training grounds are just beyond the border and well protected.” She explained.
“We are going out of heaven, to the Battlefield?” I wondered to her.
“Yes, you have to be across the border in order to manifest your faith, so the training grounds are technically in the Battlefield. But rest assured, it’s very well guarded. There’s not been an attack in years.” Then she got silly, “Or maybe it was yesterday. Who can tell?” She started laughing. I threw the nearest thing at her, a pillow from the couch.
“Can I bring my staff?” I asked. I felt like I needed to bring something and dress a certain way. I was dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt and it just felt wrong.
“Bring it Max. Many of the human warriors have talismans. It’s about faith and often people use an object to channel their faith. It could be a ring or amulet or a sword or anything else.” She explained. “Others fight hand to hand. You should use what you think is right for you.
“Right. Be right back.” I went upstairs and into the fantasy door for Solace. I retrieved the staff and returned to the house. I felt better now having something as a weapon.
Rena was waiting for me by the garage door. I nodded to her and we got in the car and took off. At the end of the cul-de-sac she told me to turn right, away from Cropolis. And so I did and we headed to
POINTS BEYOND→
The road took us down the other side of the hill our house sat upon and over and past other hills. At times I could see bits of the lake but soon it was gone and the road leveled out. After about twenty minutes we came to a fork in the road. Rena told me to go right and I did but after about a quarter mile I could see ahead the road dead ended at a wall of ancient stone. The was at least forty feel high and crumbling in many places, but that only let me see that it was at least five feet thick, perhaps more.
“Keep going straight,” Rena said and I looked at her for the joke, but she was serious. I left off the gas and looked forward again. At about the one hundred yard mark, the wall changed. What had been solid stone was now a tunnel, completely black inside. I pressed again on the gas and we went in.
The tunnel was not long. As soon as we entered, I could see the end. We came out a few seconds later.
“The wall is the boarder of heaven, “Rena said. “People who don’t know about the war, will not see the fork in the road and should they somehow find the wall in their travels, they would never find an entrance or a way around. Only we can get through.”
I nodded, simply accepting it. The mechanics of heaven did not surprise me like they used to. We drove and I took note of the landscape. On this side of the wall, plants and vegetation dwindled and soon were gone altogether. It was barren. No trees, no life. The ground was hard and cracked in places from what I could only assume was drought. There was little in the way of features except for a few rock formations. The road was paved but also old and cracked.
“Why is it so desolate? Why not rolling fields or hills covered in grass. Where are the trees?” I wondered aloud.
“This is no longer God’s domain. It is a neutral place. God’s grace does not bless this land.” Rena said. She sighed a little.
I thought about God’s grace as we drove. I’d been selfish my whole life and in the afterlife too. I had never done anything for my maker. At times, in life, when I thought about this, I had told myself that He was simply happy that I had come to Him and accepted Jesus and loved Him. While technically true, I also knew, deep down, that was arrogant and complete cop out. I had only done the bare minimum. The truth was, I was selfish and lazy. I wanted what I wanted and I gave none of my time, my money or myself to anyone else. I had never served. Now was my chance to right that. I had a real purpose. I smiled. This is how the Crusaders, as misguided as they were, must have felt. To be called to duty was a great honor. To have a holy duty was the greatest calling.
“Take the first left you see,“ said Rena, pulling me out of my thoughts. It wasn’t long before we came over a small raise and I saw a castle bearing left. I took the road and followed it for a few more minutes. The place was massive and looked like an English castle. There were four conical spires and a main gate that I could see. In front of the caste there was a large parking lot with very few cars and a couple of motorcycles.
Across from the castle, on the other side of the street as we entered, I noticed what must have once been a very nice single family home community. But it was all now in a state of disrepair. Everything here so far was in such stark contrast to what I had become accustomed to.
We pulled in and parked. Rena was leading me to the gate. “Max, I wanted to show you this first. This is where those we’ve captured are living.” She stopped at the main gate and a man came out. He was dressed something like a SWAT police officer. He had on dark navy blue cargo pants and matching long sleeve shirt. He wore black steel toed boots and a black beret. He carried no handcuffs or weapons, however. Rena spoke with him. He seemed confused at first starring at her and then me and then her again. I noticed something odd just then. Rena seemed to shimmer for a moment. Light bounced off her body which looked like it was vibrating at high speed. It was only a moment. The guard blinked a couple of times and then his expression changed. He snapped to attention. Rena nodded and then called to me. “C’mon Max. Lot’s to see and do today.”
As Rena passed him by, the guard then looking upon me relaxed noticeably but still remained at attention and didn’t speak to me. I remembered that Rena held the rank of Lieutenant according to Captain Mills, so I could only deduct that he did not recognize her until she “showed” herself to him or something. But then why did the other all recognize her? I thought about the dogs in the park that day. Frankly, I thought it was pretty cool. Not only was my best friend an angel, but a well-respected officer in the military.
My dog is awesome! I thought, amusing myself.
We passed through the gate and right inside we saw them. My heart sank. I felt heavy as if my feet were a thousand pounds each. I simply came to a halt and starred.
What I saw, I had seen once before, or at least the closest thing to resembling this. The people inside who were not in uniform were dressed in rags. They were skin and bone, faces drawn in, mouths agape and eye sockets sunken in. It was the same image as a World War II concentration camp. I noticed one more thing. They were not human.
All of the beings were taller than me by at least six inches. I stood right at six feet tall. And most of them had to be seven and a few were well over eight feet in height. Their skin color was dark and ashy. It was impossible to tell how that skin would look on a healthy one. Their skeletons were similar to ours and I could tell by the amount of skin hanging from them, that they had all once been well muscled. The males had no hair and yet the females’ hair was disheveled at best and all but fallen out at worst. The faces of these beings, while having eyes and noses, mouths; those features were very different than that of a human. The noses were nearly flat, the ears were small and did not come out from the skull. The eyes were large and multi-colored. I saw yellow mixed with purple and orange mixed with light blue and green just while glancing around. They had pronounced brows but no eye brows. And their mouths were larger than humans. A healthy one of these beings would be impressive and intimidating.
Rena stood there with me. I could feel her distaste as what we saw. She mostly looked down at the ground. “These are the enemy that we’ve captured.” She simply said.
“Why--?” I started but she was already explaining. I was angry at what I saw and to think we treated our prisoners so poorly made me sick.
“They are free to live anywhere they like, here or even in heaven. But they won’t go.” She noticed my anger turning to confusion, turning to understanding. “We tried building them some housing across the way and they hated it. They hate our comforts. They only wish to go home. But we can’t release them for obvious reasons.”
I nodded absently, the horror of it all was too much.
“Being here, cut off from their side and their God, they slowly deteriorate. But they never die. They are already dead, just like us. We try to make it bearable for them, but just being here is torture.” She paused. “Max, this is why I didn’t want you to join the fight. And this is why I want you to change your mind. If you are captured, this is what waits you on the other side. Except, they don’t treat us as well. Those who are captured are tortured, kept in cages, beaten and interrogated for eternity. It’s a fate worse than any you can imagine.”
She paused for what seemed like minutes before saying, “Max? Let’s just go home. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”
I now understood why she’d been so adamant and I was indeed afraid, but I was also angry. Seeing all this did not make me want to hide, it made me want to fight even more. I foolishly told myself I would free those who were captured, I would end this war and bring everyone home. I burned with a fire inside.
Suddenly the “inmates” all turned to me and many of them screamed. Some ran. Some fell down in their hasty attempts flee whatever was hurting them. Many fell to the ground shielding their eyes.
“Max! Max!”
I looked at Rena. I was seething and I felt strong. All over my body I could feel that same warm static that I’d experienced going to Dan’s church for the first time and then again when I was baptized. Except now it was a thousand times stronger and it did not go away just as it had come, like before.
Rena was yelling at me. “Max, you have to calm down. You are hurting them.”
I looked down at myself and saw nothing. I looked around and saw nothing. I felt the warm static and that must be what she meant. I looked around. Could I be hurting them? The thought turned it all off immediately. When the warm static was gone, the inmates recovered, but some continued to flee from me, not wanting to experience that again.
“I don’t see anything. What do you mean?” I asked Rena.
“Max you were glowing white hot with the light. It’s our light. Our faith.” She cocked her head at me. “Remember? In the Battlefield, faith is our weapon. Here your faith is your weapon, Max. You have to learn to control it.”
I felt terrible for scaring these poor defenseless creatures. I wanted to leave. I was angry. I wanted to begin my training. I would learn to control myself.
Rena was saying then, “We should leave.” She was downtrodden. “I’ll take you to the training camp now.”
Was there really nothing that could be done for them? I tried to imagine ours who were held by the enemy. They’d given up paradise, traded it for an eternity of torture, in the name of God and the same could happen to me.
We drove back out to the main road and further on, having taken a left turn.
Rena was shaking her head. “Max, I knew you would be strong in your faith, but I’ve never seen that much power before. I could hardly look at you, it was so bright. Do you know what triggered that? Can you do it at will?
I thought about it for a moment. “To be honest, I don’t know what happened. All I know is that I was thinking about freeing the our POWs from the other side. And then I was thining that I was going to end this war so that others, on both side, would never had to experience this or worse.
We drove. It wasn’t but another two minutes before I saw the sign for the training grounds. We turn right and followed the road just a bit until reaching another parking lot, again, sparsely being used. Next to the lot was a building called “Administration”. We entered and went straight through and out the back. There I saw a tent city.
“Trainees live in tents here until their training is complete.” Said Rena. “I hope you like sleeping on the hard ground.”
Farther off in the distance was a very recognizable building. It was an exact replica of The Coliseum in Rome. It was perhaps bigger and in perfect condition. “And we use that for sparring?” I pointed to it.
“Indeed. But, it will be a long time before you are ready to enter the ring. Just focus—“. Her words were halted by a very loud CRACK! of thunder and in the distance I saw the shot of lighting fly towards the sky in arcs of white and red.
Red lightning? I wondered.
Rena was yelling at me again, “Max! Max!” I turned to her. “I have to go out there. Go to the Admin building and STAY THERE,” She ordered.
I was not used to my dog telling me to “stay”. And maybe later on, I’d have a laugh at that, but right now, I simply did as I was told and headed back to the Administrator building.
After seeing me head in the right direction, Rena took off at a full gallop towards the lightning. I stopped, wanting to follow her. But at that moment, I knew it was wrong. I wanted to help and support her, but I also knew that I had no idea what I was doing and could only cause her and others trouble. So I did as I was told.
Inside the Admin building there was an organized chaos going on. I found a bench and planted myself firmly, watching and waiting and praying for Rena and all concerned.
The next thing I knew I was being shaken by the shoulder. My eye’s had been closed as I prayed. “Hey! You! Come with me.”
A woman stood before me dressed like that of a nurse from the early 20th century. She wore the white apron and hat and her long hair was pulled up tight into a bun. “Come on!” She urged.
“I—I can’t. I was told to stay here…..I—I’m new. It’s my first day of training.” I tried to explain.
She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I need bodies. Our aid station in the ‘field was overrun by an enemy strike squad. We need to get out there and bring our people back here.” I must have looked terrified. She calmed, “Look, recruit. The enemy has left the area. Nothing is going to happen to you, but we need to go and get our soldiers out, ok?” She reasoned.
“Yes, right. Yes, of course.” I agreed. Rena would have understood. She would have agreed to this I told myself.
And I was probably right.
“Good. I am Elana. What’s your name soldier?” She asked.
“Max.” I said.
“Ok, follow me.” She turned and I followed. As we walked she called to others who came running. Some were in uniform others in plain clothes like me. We had a group of about fifteen and set out on foot.
Outside the building we started to jog as a group moving deeper into the Battlefield. After only a few minutes, we came over another rise and was faced with a wall. This one was well maintained. It looked to be made of some kind of steel. It was twenty feet tall and well manned by guards. The wall stretched as far as I could see in both directions and before us was a gate. We ran right up to the gate and Elana called up. “Rescue squad requesting access.”
The gate opened immediately and we went in to a short tunnel that was about fifteen feet long. At the other end was a second gate.
The other side was much like before the wall except perhaps more desolate and in many spots there were scorch marks upon the ground. I also noticed for the first time that there was no blue sky here. Looking up I only saw a sort of grey. I suppose it might be cloud cover, but it didn’t look right to me. The air was thick and dirty. My body didn’t need to breathe, but I was used to doing it and I began choking. After a moment, I decided to just hold my breathe.
We turned left after crossing the wall and began jogging again, increasing our speed until the group was running flat out. I’d not tested myself at how fast I could run previously. We were all moving very fast. I started to have a new found appreciation for my body. I didn’t get tired. I didn’t need food or sleep. I didn’t need to breathe and I had endless endurance. Even running a bit awkwardly as I held my staff, we all had to be running faster than any mortal human was capable.
Elana started to slow us down and in the distance I could make out a structure. She brought us to a halt well away and surveyed the landscape. The building looked like a large Army tent. It was partially collapsed and there was smoke coming from various points. I could smell the freshly charred ground.
Elana turned to the group, “Ok, looks like the reports were correct. I don’t see any sign of the enemy. So we get in, you each grab one or two of ours and we head back as a group. You’ve all done this before...”she looked at me, “most of you anyway. You, newbie, stick close to me.” She ordered. I nodded.
We moved in as a group, quickly but cautiously. Our people were strewn about, beaten and hurting. We found people both inside and outside. I stayed close to Elana, who went inside. She manifested some light which came right out of the palm of her hand and looked around. There were three people. “Take those two. Put them over your shoulders and head out. I’ll be right behind with the other.” I did as I was told. Both of the people I went for were unconscious. I took note that they did indeed looked beaten up, but there was no blood or cuts or even bruising. They were simply just disheveled and unconscious. I was certainly confused about it but I set that aside because I just wanted to get them to safety and before Rena found out I was gone.
Our group reassembled. Everyone had at least one “wounded” to carry, most had two over each shoulder like me. I felt the burden of the weight, but my body was able to bear it quite well. We started off.
I don’t think we made it more than three minutes before it happened. We were travelling back the way we’d come when I heard what I could only refer to as a war cry coming from our left. There was no time to do much. They hit us immediately, and with what I don’t know because I never saw anything except maybe a few flashes of red light. I found myself on the ground underneath my two victims.
I heard the fighting happening all around me. There were grunts and calls for help. I saw flashes of light and sparks flew. I wanted to dive in and help, but had no idea what to do, so I stayed where I was, hidden. It wasn’t fear that kept me there. I honestly did not want to get someone hurt because they had to look after me. Here I couldn’t mess anything up.
The battle only lasted a few seconds. I peered out from under my colleagues to see if I could tell what was going on.The enemy had us surrounded. Elana was being held tightly by a huge beast of a man and our other forces were all subdued or out cold.
The man holding Elana bellowed, “There’s another one, “ he said in a gargling gruff voice having seen me moving under the two I had dropped. “Grab him.” Two more hulking men came and snatched me up. I was holding my staff defensively, they just ignored it and pulled me along.
“This one’s new,” said one of the brutes. He pulled me into the center of the circle that had been formed and tossed me down.
The brute starred down at me, “Get up you pathetic piece of garbage.”
I looked around. Some of my company were watching, most were knocked out or in too much pain to know what was going on. Elana caught my eye and she gave me a look as if to say, “I am so sorry.”
I thought about the concentration camp and Rena’s description of the other side and rose to my feet grasping my staff.
The brute was at least seven and a half feet tall with angular features and the bulging muscles of a professional wrestler. He smiled as I rose and began to smack his huge fists together. “Perhaps there is a little bit of fight in you, eh?” He mocked at me.
I ran the program. My body calmed. My heart steadied. I stood ready to defend myself.
But I have no idea how to fight, I thought.
The next thing I knew I was on the ground. He’d hit me so hard in the chest that I had slid backwards along the ground for several feet before falling backwards to the hard earth.
The enemy crowd was roaring with laughter. I rose and the brute charged.
“Enough!” Came the call of command from in front of me and behind the brute. He stopped in mid swing looking back. “Stand down the voice said.” The brute shot a look at me and then a smile before moving off.
The enemy commander, If he’d been a man, he would be 8 feet tall and he was bulging like a comic book super hero. “What do we have here, eh? I’ve not seen one so new as you before.” He gazed at me and almost, for a moment, looked impressed. I stood there, staff at the ready. “You young ones…always so strong in your blind faith.” He paused and leaned in. “And always so each to crush.”
“Not blind.” I said defiantly.
“It’s not? Do you know what happens to all those we captured here?” He folded his arms and looked down at me.
“They are taken back to your side and held there because you can’t actually kill or destroy us, “ I answered confidently as if answering a questing correctly was somehow like winning a fight. “And you make them live in cages.”
“That’s right. So they did tell you. Good. So you’ve been told about the endless torture they will endure” he asked.
“I’ve been told some things, yes.” I told him truthfully.
He laughed at me and went on, “They didn’t give you the details? I thought not. Your side doesn’t like to talk about scary things. You don’t like to talk about fear. You fear….FEAR!” He roared in laughter and the entire circle joined in. “Fear is the most powerful force in the universe. Fear is what defeated you here today. We fight with fear. It’s is stronger, more predictable and easier to direct that your misguided and misplaced faith.”
He walked around, towering over me. When he reached my front again, he hit me with a backhand and I was down again on my back. I looked up at him seething and yet feeling powerless to do anything. He barely regarded me, but raised his hand into the air. Out of nothing a huge shaft formed in his waiting hand, all red in color. At the end of the shaft formed the head of a hammer rectangular in shape and spanning perhaps eighteen inches long and another six wide.
“You see this? He asked. And I nodded. He smiled at his weapon. I was reminded of my time with Exar Kun and I now understood Master Da’ll’s reasoning for the lesson. I looked around and saw the weapons the enemy wielded. Most had a sword, flail or hammer like the one in front of me, only much smaller. I then realized that I could see the red fear power within each of them just as I could see the Force both light and dark while I was on Yavin 4. I could also now see the light within our own people.
He continued, almost sounding impressed. “That’s good. Usually you new ones can’t even see our fear power. Not for a long time.” He turned serious. “This is my manifestation of fear. Fear creates this powerful weapon and I wield it with all the anger, pain and resentment inside of me.” Then he smiled again, “You’ve never met your God have you?” I said nothing and didn’t move. “No. I know you haven’t. Well, I’ve met mine. The first time, I was nine and my mother had sent me off to fetch water down at the river outside our village. As I drew the water, God appeared over my village and roared in anger. It seems an elderly man of our village had not paid his tithe.” He shook his head. “And so God tore down five oak trees from the forest and in His mighty hand and in His mighty wrath, with the five trees, God beat the village into the ground.” He paused then looking down and then again at his weapon. “The old man lived, you know.” Then looking back at me, “But most of the village including my mother and father, brother and sisters, were not so lucky.” And his anger welled up. He gripped the hammer tightly now with both hands and looked down upon me.
“And when I swing this hammer at you it is with all the fear, pain and anguish of that moment and others. It will crush you and leave you broken.” He stated plainly and viciously. “And I will drag your pathetic faith bearing body back to our side where you will live in anguish forever.”
The crowd roared at this.
But then he held up his offhand calming them to a silence. His demeanor changed and he turned back to me once more and sighed. “I feel sorry for you. So new. I see the potential in you. You have controlled your fear. Perhaps one day you would have made a passable opponent. I would rather send you back for some seasoning and meet you again in proper conflict, but alas we are not allowed to let you go.” He paused, “Goodbye young faith fool.”
This was it. My first day and I was going to the enemy prison. I had failed God and I had failed Rena. This would destroy her. I looked up at what was to come. I tried to summon my calm, my wits….something. But I did NOT know how. Magic Missiles would not help me here. The Force did not exist here. I didn’t have any powers here. If only I’d had some training.
He lifted and swung down with all the power of his being.
It can’t end like this, I thought. I know I could have made a difference. I could have done something meaningful here.
In a moment of defiance, knowing they would all laugh at me later and for eternity, as I languished in captivity, I decided to do something. Part reflex and part desperation, I held up my staff as the hammer came down and shouted, “Shirak!” with closed eyes.
What I didn’t see and only was told later was that a white force field had shot out from my staff’s crystal, a manifestation of my faith power, and expanded. The hammer hit it first and shattered. The bubble expanded and all of the enemy, especially my attacker were thrown backwards some thirty to forty feet. Some of the enemy were knocked unconscious, others recovered and began to move back in slowly.
I got to my feet and found them strewn about. I noted the enemy commander some twenty feet away, clasping onto only a broken shaft. He recovered and rose looking around at his company of soldiers and then to me in astonishment and anger. He went over to where the biggest piece of his hammer lay and after surveying it, he tossed the shaft down and both disappeared into nothing.
He looked at me with nothing short of murder in his eyes and started towards me but a voice from behind me stopped him. Elana? No, it was someone new.
“Stop, Rook!” a woman’s voice called from behind me. Everyone was not focused on her. She was maybe 5’9”, with pale skin that resembled cream. It was soft and pure. She had jet black hair long and flowing that blew in the air. Her round penetrating brown eyes were fixed on the commander. It was Miranda? Then she spoke again to my enemy, “That’s it Rook. You’ve done enough damage here. Leave them and return to your family.” She starred at him calmly without fear, ready to back up her words.
He roared at her, “I have an entire company of my best here“. He pointed to them. Although many were unconscious and none of them looked ready for a fight. “You think you can take us all, Dark Lady?”
She stepped forward smiling. “You know I can.” She said plainly. “I suggest you yield and avoid further embarrassment.”
Rook roared at her in anger knowing he was outmatched. The tables had been turned upon him and this his easy victory had been turned to a day of bitter defeat. He forced himself to become calm and stowed his embarrassment inside. “I seek no fight with you, Dark Lady,” and then Rook turned to me and pointed. “I look forward to our next meeting warrior,” that last word he spat at me with both contempt and respect. He continued, “Not many have bested me, and fewer still have surprised me. You’ve done both. You’ve taken my honor this day and I will repay you soon.” He promised.
I only stood there. The events of the day swimming in my head.
Rena’s going to kill me.
The time it took for us to gather everyone and carry those who needed it back to base was all a blur for me. I sat in the Administration building until Rena appeared about an hour later looking exhausted. I must have looked the same because she bid me to take her paw and the next thing I knew we were back at home, in the garage, standing before our car.
“That’s a neat trick”, I said wearily. And we went inside.
Dad was waiting for us in front of the TV. As I approached, he gave me a huge hug and patted me on the shoulders. I’d never known the pride of a father. I guess this was what it was like. He smiled and handed me a glass of scotch which I proceeded to finish and go off for another at the replicator before joining them both.
“I can’t believe you blasted Rook like that Max.” He said, teeming with pride, as I downed the first drink.
Rena turned to look at me plainly. This was apparently not news to her.
“How did you know…how do you both know about it?” I asked a bit unhappy that I didn’t get to tell the story myself.
Rena spoke first, “I was briefed by the brass.” Ahh. “And I thought I told you to stay put in Admin.”
Dad spoke up, “Well I saw it on the news.”
I turned to Rena, “And I’m sorry, but Elana came over and basically ordered me to go with her on the mission. I told her I was new and supposed to stay put, but she insisted. And there weren’t supposed to be any enemy present. They tricked us, I guess.” I told Rena emphatically.
“It was all planned out, Max.” She explained. “Rook attacked the aid station, but left everyone there.” It was part question and part statement. “Does that not put up some red flags for you? Then all he had to do was wait for the rescue party and he gets twice the captives.” She finished, saying it as if I should have known all this.
Dad spoke up, “Rook is about the worst of them. He’s a cunning strategist and very powerful. His power with fear is the strongest I’ve ever encountered. No wonder he’s Azounstone’s best commander. I tangled with Rook a couple of times and always got the worst of it. You best stay away from him Max. Stay away or bring a battalion.” He took a long draw off his own drink and looked down, lost in his own memories.
“You also fight in the war Pop?” I asked.
He looked at me with a bit of shame on his face, “Fought, son. Fought. I retired a while back before you got here. Oh I’ve done a couple of things since, but I pretty much stay out of it all now.” It was clear that he had scars that haunted him. I didn’t pry further.
“So who’s this Azounestone character you mentioned? He sounds serious.” I asked.
Rena answered, “There are no angels or equivalent on the other side. Their forces are made up of the Fear God’s own mortal children. Nearly all of them fight in the war when they die out of, you guessed it, fear. But their mortal population is a fraction of ours. Still God put us angels in charge of the military, mostly for our experience and strategic knowledge. There have been some human flag officers over the years, but not many. Azounstone is Gabriel’s equal on their side. He runs the entire military and has for some time now. He’s completely changed their strategy and turned the tide of the war. He operates under a strict code of honor and discipline. But that’s all we know of him. No one who’s ever seen him has come back to tell us about it.” She paused, perhaps thinking of those lost to the war and Azounstone specifically. “Rook is his most trusted right hand. Under the two of them, our losses mount and so do their victories. Our command has been searching for an answer.”
She went on, “These newest attacks at the closest points to our borders are the latest of their victories. I think they may storm the inner wall at some point and try to overrun us or at least recover their lost soldiers.”
I hadn’t suspected that things were so bad. Rena had said that the war would go on forever. It seemed like things were a bit grimmer than she’d lead me to believe.
“Who’s the Dark Lady?” I asked. “She was there and scared of Rook all by herself.”
Dad smiled, “She’s one of ours, thank God. No one knows much about her. She comes and goes as she pleases, answering to no chain of command. I don’t know if she’s human or angel, no one does. She fights purely hand to hand, so I always suspected she was the latter.” He got lost in thought for a moment then came back, took a drink and continued, “She’s never been defeated and there are endless stories about her. Like, she supposedly took out entire companies of the enemy, single handed.”
He looked at me seriously now, “And she’s the only one to have ever rescued[n] one of ours from the other side.” Dad was staring at me intently now. “I know this because. I’m one of the ones she rescued.” And he was looking down at his glass.
Rena leant over and put her head on his thigh and gave a little whimper of support.
“Dad, I had no idea.” I started and stopped. “I—,“ but words failed me.
Dad smiled, patted Rena and tried to change the subject. “Son, I’m dying to know. How did you manage, without any training, to blow Rook and his whole company across the ‘field like that?” There was again that fatherly pride.
I thought about it all. It had happened so fast. And I was very scared the whole time. “Well, I had my staff and I just sort of wanted him away,” I gestured with my hands, pushed them up and away, “from me. So I called out the command word and well, it worked. It was just like casting a spell like I’ve done a thousand times in the basement or when Rena and I fought the dragons in Solace. The staff just seemed to do what I wanted.”
Dad starred at me obviously confused by the references to dragons and Solace and the idea of me casting a spell.
Rena chimed in then, “Wait Max. Are you saying you used a spell from one of your fantasies and it worked in the zone?”
“Well, not a spell, but I used the staff and the command word to do something like a spell. But to be honest, I was just scared.” I explained poorly.
She and Dad exchanged looks.
Chapter 11
We all spoke at length about the skirmish that I’d been in and Rena and Dad both felt that there was no point in me attending the normal Training Camp. We were all now dealing with something none of us understood. After long hours of talking, Dad went home and I decided to take a short break.
I went to my office intending to play one of the many new first person shooter games that had come out. I fired up my super home computer. To my surprise, Windows needed updating. I sighed. How ironic. It had never needed that before. But a few moments later I got a message saying…
UPDATES COMPLETE. MILITARY ACCESS GRANTED.
On my desktop were some new icons and my Inbox was blinking at me as well. The email was from Captain Mills and he had cc’d Gabriel and Rena. It was a formal letter of commission.
“…and upon completion of training confer upon you the rank of Lieutenant, jg.”
Around a bunch of military jargon, that was the important line.
I decided that was a nice thing to frame and put on the wall, so I printed it and after replicating a frame, mounted the letter on the wall in my office.
Of course, I had to finish training to be granted the commission and no one seemed to know what to do about that.
The doorbell rang and went to get it. Rena was outside at the pool, but came in to meet me at the door. Upon opening the door, I found myself, once again, completely surprised. I never expected to see this man again.
It was the Driver. The same man who had brought me to this house in the first place when I arrived in heaven.
I smiled and held out my hand, “Hello again.” We shook and I continued, “so good to see you again. Come in please.” As he passed us I looked at Rena as if to ask, Do you know why he’s here? And she shook her head and shrugged before following him to the living room. I closed the door, thinking.
Was he here to take me somewhere? I thought.
I offered refreshments and he politely declined, so we all sat down and I began, “So to what to I owe the pleasure?”
“This morning I received instructions to show you the rest of the house. I understand you have joined in the war again the God of Fear. Congratulations.”
I was taken aback on a couple of levels.
But he stood up then and said, “Shall we finish the tour?” as he gestured to the second floor.
Without waiting for us to catch up literally or figuratively, he went right up stairs. Rena and I followed. He was at the end of the hall standing before the third door. My staff was leaning against the wall.
“You may recall sir that you asked me what this door was for and at the time, I did not know.” He paused letting us reach him. “I know have that information and have been asked to show you. Please follow me and bring your staff.” He turned the knob, which was no longer locked and went in. Rena and I, completely at his mercy and beyond curious, followed, my staff in hand.
I really was not prepared for what was on the other side of the door.
But Rena spoke right up. “Yeah, I don’t get it. We are in the Battlefield. Big deal. We can just flash here if needs be.”
The Driver smiled, “Ahh, but this is not the Battlefield. This is a very special and completely unique place. This is your training grounds. Here you can do anything you could in the real ‘field, but without any real consequences. You can summon your faith weapon and wield it here. You can simulate enemies, random or specific. You can run through combat scenarios. This is the only place in heaven where you can do this outside of the ‘field.”
I loved it. It was perfect. Ugly and desolate, but perfect.
“But why am I the only one to get this special perk?” I asked. Our forces could greatly benefit from such a place.
“I knew you would ask that. The Lord only said that you needed this room. So I would suggest you simply accept it because you’ll not get a better answer.” He told us.
Lord? I am grateful for this and all your gifts. Thank you. I prayed quickly. And I left it at that deciding to try to be humble and accept His gift without question.
“Let’s do a little test, shall we?” Said the Driver. He turned and raised his hand. At about fifty feet away from us, out of the ground, rose a large square stone three by three by three. On the side facing us there was a very crude drawing of Rook holding his hammer up high. He was painted on the stone all in red. At Rook’s chest in the center there was a painted black circle about three inches wide. It was a target dummy. The Driver gestured with his arm, inviting me to have a go.
I looked at the Driver, then my staff and then Rena. I had no idea how to invoke the power. “I don’t know how to do it.” I explained to the Driver. “When it happened before, I was scarred for my life and it just sort of happened. I don’t know how to do it again or to shoot at a target.”
He lowered his hand and gave me his patented smile. “You will figure it out sir.” He came to me, “I have faith in you.” And then he passed us heading for the door. “Don’t bother. I’ll see myself out.” He waved, opened the door and stepped through closing it behind him, leaving the pair of us in a mild state of shock.
Rena spoke up. “Max, I don’t think I can teach you this. Your power is not like any of the other Faith powers. Those are always manifested in the same way. But, you will be able to do virtually anything with your power. You can create projectiles or shields or...well the list goes on and on. No one knows the limits.” She began to walk away too.
“I am going to leave you to it. I believe you have to figure this out for yourself, Max.” And with that, she too exited and I was left alone in the desolate ‘field with just my staff and a target dummy.
I let out a big sigh. The wind was blowing and that made the air dusty. I held my breathing, but still got dust in my eyes. Around me was virtually nothing. It was just me and that target dummy. And for perhaps the first time I could ever recall, I had absolutely no gut feeling or instinct about how to do this.
But I was going to try anyway.
I held forth my staff and concentrated. I summoned my faith to come forth. “Shirak!”
But nothing happened.
I wanted to sit and try to reason this through. I willed for there to be a chair. Nothing happened. I tried again. Again, nothing. Any time I was in one of the doors, I’d been able to simply will something like a chair into existence with no effort at all. But it was not working here.
Frustrated, dusty and irritated I thought about my problem. I had manifested my power twice. Not just once. The first time had been at the prison. I’d become full of righteous anger. I remember thinking how I would end this war and end the suffering on both sides.
I tried to repeat it here and now. I thought of the men and women in the prison. I pictured them. Malnourished, wearing rags, hair falling out. I felt their pain. The pain of being disconnected from their God. I thought, for them, they must have had that connection going back to their mortal lives at a very young age. To be connected like that to your maker and then long after that had become a part of your very being, only to have it taken away, must be the worst kind of withdrawal pain. And it would never end.
Rena said that I had radiated faith as a very bright light and that it was painful for the captives. But, when I did that, I was angry.
Anger, fear, aggression. Paths to the Dark Side.
And the war did feel a little like the Light versus the Dark. Luke had said that the New Jedi Order was taking a broader approach to the Force than before. Could he mean that he had discovered that the Dark Side is not necessarily evil? Which would then lead one to conclude that the light side was not necessarily good.
The people who we fought against in this war used fear as their weapon and they admitted to torturing those they captured, but this did not mean they were evil. Fear is not evil. Perhaps there are more grey areas than one would have thought.
Could there be good, Dark Jedi and evil light Jedi?
Rook spoke about his honor during our first meeting. Dad had said that’s Rooks commander, Azounstone, operated under a strict code of honor.
Even though anger was not necessarily evil or a path to evil, I still felt that harnessing it to wield my faith power was the wrong approach.
I put the thoughts of the prisoners out of my mind and decided to meditate. I sat down on the hard earth, cross legged, staff laying across my thighs, hands clasped together in my lap and began to meditate.
Week of practice had made it possible for me to meditate almost anywhere and in any situation. I was able to summon my calm and focus at will and instantaneously. And even here in the ‘field, my body relaxed, my mind focused on my blue space and was soon at peace, calm and focused.
In the prison I had not been able to see my own light inside, but everyone else did. I decided that being able to do this would be a good first step. To see myself, I would need a mirror, so within my blue space, I pictured myself as I was now, sitting cross legged and meditating. Instead of trying will a mirror into existence, this time I put the mirror in front of the me I was picturing in my head.
And it worked.
I looked into the mirror at myself and tried to see the light inside me just as I would have been able to see the light side or dark side within someone on Yavin 4. I saw nothing.
I sat there in a calm and focused state of meditation and everything I tried to see within or summon my faith, failed. Feeling down and very much like a failure, I began to speak to God.
Lord, I am failing you. Everything thing up until this point has come so easily. I don’t know how to do this. God, please bless me with the sight I need. Lord, open my eyes.
I did not get an answer, but already knew, in my heart that I had to sort this out for myself. I would not be handed this one. I could not read the answer in a spell book. No fantasy character would be giving me just what I needed when I needed it.
I left the room but was not giving up. I had just started.
But the days went by and I continued to make no progress.
After many days of failure, I was sitting at the computer looking at the military information when I heard Dad’s Harley coming down the drive. The doorbell rang and I called out for him to come in and join me in the office.
“Hey bud,” he greeted me warmly and I stood up to give him a hug.
“Hey Pop,” I said smiling.
He took his time. I turned off the monitor of the computer so we could speak without distraction.
“Look son, now that you are ‘in the know’ there’s something I need to explain to you.” He took a deep breath and continued, “When I joined the war it was for many reasons. Chief among them was the need to prove to God that I belonged here. I used to feel like I was undeserving and there are many people in heaven who feel that way. Some feel like that because they are simply humble, but a lot of them are like me. In life, I’d never done anything for anyone other than myself. I certainly never expected to go to heaven. I was completely convinced that, if there was an afterlife, I would be going down, not up.
“When I got the chance to prove to Him my worthiness, I took it. There were many battles, large and small and I saw things that I still find hard to believe.”
“Like what?” I asked.
But he shook his head. “It really is best that you do not know, son.” He waited to see if I would protest, but I didn’t. “Good. Knowing what I know could skew your training and what actions you might take on the Battlefield. It is important that you keep an open mind out there and come to your own conclusions.”
“I hear ya.” I said and gave an appreciative smile.
“And that’s why I am here today, son. Tell me what you know of the enemy.” He asked me.
I started, “Well, not much. I know they are ruthless. They take and torture our people, while we try to give their POW’s a nice life.” I looked for a reaction, but didn’t get one so I went on, “I know they captured you. I know they attacked a field hospital then ambushed the rescue party.” I said matter of factly. “And I know they use Fear as a weapon and we use Faith. They fear their God because, not only do they know He exists, from His appearances, but He’s also been very cruel, thus making his people fear him.”
“Do you think them to be evil?” Dad asked.
Evil? I wasn’t sure about that.
“Because they are not evil. They are people like us. You need to know that. Who told you they torture their prisoners?” He asked.
“Well, Rena did.” I said, a little defensively.
“And she’s right, but it’s not as simple as just that. Did you know that they, the enemy, think that we torture their fellow soldiers that we capture?” I shook my head and he went on. “It’s true. They really believe that. And they are not entirely wrong, you know. Just by being here, so far from their God and surrounded by those who have Faith, is torture for them. It’s like pins being stuck in their minds all day every day. And we are doing that to them.”
I got it. But there wasn’t anything that could be done about it, right?
“There are misconceptions on both sides. When I was on their side, I lived in a tent. I was chained up. I was even tortured for military information.” I put a hand on his shoulder in a non-verbal attempt to say I was sorry. “But I learned that their soldiers live in tents too. And I learned that trying to get military information out of me through violence was something they were not proud of.”
He paused a memory obviously having come to mind. I kept quiet letting him deal with it and move on.
“Over time I learned that they value honor and integrity above all things. They fear their God, we love our God. Did you ever see the movie, A Bronx Tale?”
I answered with the line he was referring to, “is it better to be loved or feared?” the boy had asked the mob boss in the movie.
Pop smiled, “Exactly. And that’s what we are here to figure out. It’s not good versus evil, it’s faith versus fear. Our enemy, your enemy, is not evil any more or less then you and I are. You got ambushed. You escaped. You even blasted Rook. I hate to admit it son, but you’ve got more power in you than anyone I’ve ever seen. But do not start this war with anger in your heart and do not think that your enemy is anything except your worthy and honorable adversaries. Your training had just begun, but you are already more powerful than most of us. I didn’t want you going into this with the wrong perspective. Focus on learning to control all that power you have and you can make a difference here.”
The words of Paladine resonated again, spoken again here by my father, the ex-soldier in the war of Faith against Fear. I was grateful for his counsel. I gave Dad a huge hug and he took his leave.
After Dad left, I went to lay down and think, but I quickly fell asleep instead. I dreamt. This was probably the strangest sleeping experience of my entire existence. I dreamed about everything, jumping around in time and space. It started with things having to do with Dan.
He and I were having lunch and we were talking about the house in heaven that I wanted. He was amused by my imagination and my desire to keep up on the latest video games even in death.
“I’ve never met anyone like you Max,” he was saying. “You see possibilities that no one else does. Your mind is so open to new things and new ways of seeing things.”
“It’s my work. I’ve spent a lifetime solving problems. When the cause is not obvious, you have to look for less likely possible causes or try to see how one thing can affect another when you couldn’t see that possibility before and that makes you think outside the box,” I explained. “The more practice you have at doing this the better you get. After a while, to other people, you seem to draw conclusions that don’t go together at first glance, but when explained do after all go together.”
“Well, I’m not convinced that it’s just because of your work, but it sure does make for interesting conversation,” he replied grinning at me.
And then I saw my Mom. She was sitting on her porch smoking a cigarette and reading a book. I could tell she was happy, long retired and living in Tucson, Arizona. Then she put down her book and looked up right at where I was seeing her from and she smiled, a little tear coming down her face.
My dream shifted again and I saw a vast barren landscape, the Battlefield. On the field there were legion of warriors on both sides. The white manifestations of our sides faith lit up the ranks of men and women fighters. The red power of fear blazed across the ranks of the enemy.
I stood before our army, staff in hand, burning white hot crystal fired sparks of energy which fell upon the ground. And across from me stood Rook. His hammer blazed crimson and he was holding it high in the air. Behind his, his warriors cheered, yelled and screamed at us.
They charged. We charged. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
I woke up with a start. If I had had a human body, I would have been covered in sweat. I went and took a shower anyway. My mind was reeling with memories and confusion.
Rena came in as I was putting on my shoes. “Oh. You are not ok.” She told me and at that moment, I found her strange ability to read me, annoying. But still it diffused my mood. I loved her so much. I knelt down and gave her a great big hug.
I continued to spend most of my time behind the third door, but experienced nothing but failure. I knew that the answer would be something that I could figure out. God had put this task before me and it was mine and mine alone to complete. But never before did I feel so lost when working a problem. I simply didn’t have enough to go on. I had to be missing something obvious, but I kept going through it all over and over in my mind and I couldn’t see what it was.
I spent hours and days, first reviewing everything that had happened since I died, then examining my mortal life. I tried to think of books, movies and TV shows that perhaps would help me to come up with just an idea, but nothing I could think of or remember gave me any insight.
I took long drives by myself. In life, I’d done some of my best creative thinking while driving. I visited Cropolis every few days, having lunch or dinner, talking to people about their lives, both here and on Earth.
I scoured the internet for ideas on how to reach what was inside me. I went back to Yavin 4 and spent days and day in meditation. I even considered visiting Exar Kun, but the thought of enduring his island and his presence, kept me away.
Out of desperation, I thought about going back to the prison, knowing that my feelings upon seeing those poor people suffer would bring the power out. But, I knew I couldn’t do that. Even if it worked, I would be hurting the POWs and I couldn’t stand the thought of that.
Life outside of my “training” was fantastic. Rena and I would play fetch daily, swim and we even cooked out on the deck a few times instead of replicating food.
One night we were flipping channels and I remembered something. “Rena, let’s turn on the news. You know the real news, the channel that covers the war.”
We watched for a while, but there wasn’t much going on. It had been weeks since Rook’s defeat and the war had, so far, been very quiet. Command was sending out scouts and recon teams, but tended to only find a few stragglers whom our side would rarely engage, not wanting to give away their position.
The final story at the bottom of the half hour came on. It was a story on the new recruits being trained. The reporter showed them all marching in formation, fighting training dummies and sparring. Watching the story only further reminded me of my own training and failure at it.
The next day I went back to the room, more determined than ever but I still failed to summon anything or find any inspiration. I left the room and went down stairs and out to the deck.
After briefing Rena on my lack of progress, I told her I was going to see Dad and asked her if she wanted to come, but she didn’t. Apparently there was a Star Wars marathon about to start and they were showing Episodes I through IX, one after another so she was in for the foreseeable future. I think she really got into the lightsabre stuff and loved to poke fun at the droids freezing their gears off in space.
I didn’t bother with driving and simply flashed myself to my Dad’s place. I knocked and he let me in. I had a drink in my hand within sixty seconds and we were sitting on the deck watching the waves of the crystal clear blue waters that made up his beach.
First, I brought him up to speed. I told him about the locked door and the driver coming back and my many failed attempts to produce or see my faith power.
“So Dad, how did you do it?” I asked.
He smiled. “Well it can vary from person to person, but for me I think about how grateful I was that God had saved me. When I think about that on the BattleField I can conjure, throw and direct these flat discs of energy at the bad guys.”
After all the stress of these recent days, this moment struck me as completely hilarious and I burst out laughing.
“Dad your faith power is a Frisbee?” I asked rhetorically continuing to laugh.
He looked over at me and put the pieces together himself before joining me in laughter. Apparently he’d never made the connection.
It was a funny moment and a big stress reliever. We continued to joke about other things he’d had been likely to conjure. A drink – doesn’t hurt the enemy but makes him feel better. A golf club – when he hits someone, he yells “fore”. A golf ball – which he throws at the enemy. Doesn’t do much damage but might leave a mark.
It was a great distraction, but that wasn’t why I had come. I needed to figure out how to access and control my own power. A gave Dad a big hug and flashed back to the house.
It was late and I decided that a good night’s sleep, while unnecessary, might help me to relax and think. I took a long shower and went to sleep. Rena woke me up when she came in, wanting to know how it had gone. I told her, that Dad’s ability was triggered by his own personal feelings…
I had it. Like a flash of insight, like those I used to get, the answer came to me.
“I’ve got it,” I told her. She looked at me questioningly. “It’s personal. That’s what it’s all about and I know what my own personal thing is that will trigger my power.” I got up and headed upstairs, throwing a robe on. Rena followed.
On the other side of the door the target dummy was still there. Staff in hand I summoned the memory of my baptism. I was in the water and Dan was leaning over me, “Do you accept the Lord Jesus Crist as your personal savior,” he was saying. I could feel the power welling up inside me. I recognized it now. I looked up at Dan and said, “I do.” He smiled and continued, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit,” and he put me under.
“Shirak!” I said the command word and pure energy shot out of my staff, hitting the target block of rock which was shattered like glass.
Rena was barking with excitement. “Ok, try this.” She raised a paw up and before me stood the visage of a male enemy. Without warning he charged. I was taken by surprise and simply reacted.
“Shirak!” A bubble sprang forth and surrounded both me and Rena. The charging man, upon hitting it was flung backwards.
“Good!” Rena said. Then she brought forth more target dummies at different distances.
I fired missiles at them and one by one, they blew apart.
“You can do better,” she said spawning more targets. “Take them all out at once.”
I concentrated on all the targets and fired. This time multiple missiles fire and each target was struck. She was right, I could do more.
“Now. Hand to hand.” Rena said and a woman stood before me, red skinned and holding a fighting stick of pure fear energy. She came at me. It reminded me of the sparring I’d had with Miranda. And maybe that’s why Rena chose a female combatant. I focuses and summoned my calm. To my surprise, the speed or slowness, I still couldn’t tell which, came to me. I could react faster then she could attack. After deflecting several blows, and with more focus, I could soon simply avoid her, before finally putting her down. She faded out.
I’d kept the image of Dan just as he’d submerged me, in my mind. The warm electric power flowed into and through me, mind to command into any form I chose.
****
Back home, Rena and I sat in the living room having a very early breakfast. It was still dark out.
“Max, you need to understand something. No one can do that. Every other soldier that has fought in the war could only manifest one item and it was usually something for hand to hand combat. Your Dad’s skill, being able to attack at range, was one of the most powerful and rare faith weapons there ever was. He can also expand the disks making them bigger to take out multiple enemies or even hold onto as a shield. He was one of our best and that’s why they came after him so hard and finally captured him.” She paused.
“Max, they will come after you with everything they have until they get you.” She looked away.
They aren’t going to get me and one day I’ll put an end to this war, I swore internally.
Chapter 12
I came downstairs and got breakfast. I should have been hung over from the previous night’s events but that’s another lovely thing about heaven, you don’t get hangovers. And He must be gentle on the effects of alcohol because I am pretty sure I drank a whole bottle of Johnnie Walker Black last night which should have put me on the floor, but I never really felt all that drunk. Funnily enough, I still found myself rubbing my temples regardless.
“Max,” I turned quickly, startled to find Captain Mills and Gabriel standing in front of the couch. It had been Grabriel who spoke, startling me. Had they been there the whole time and I walked right past them? Maybe I was still drunk, a little.
I smiled broadly, “Gabriel. I’m glad you are here. Listen I’ve been thinking and…”
“Max, Rena is gone.” Mills began. It wasn’t a question, but I didn’t catch that.
“I know. She’s been gone a couple of days. She does that.”
“No Max, she’s not coming back.” He said.
I dropped my food. CRASH!!
I had a sinking feeling. I knew what they were going to tell me but I refused to let it be. In that moment my heart went out to God and prayed that it not be so. The response I got back was a feeling of great sorrow.
“What are you talking about? I’m telling you she does this. She goes off exploring and comes back. She always comes back.” I protested.
“Max she’s not coming back this time. She’s been captured by the other side…by Rook.” Gabriel said.
“That’s not possible. They can’t get to us here.”
“Max come sit down.” Said Mills.
Like a zombie I did so. I actually thought if I did what he wanted, he might tell me how this was all going to be alright.
Mills sat down and looked at me for a long time before speaking, “Max, Rena is not just a dog…”
“I know that!” I exclaimed.
“Let me finish.” He said patiently. “Rena is one my best Lieutenants. She has been with me since the beginning. Rena’s specialty is recruitment. She recruited you Max. That’s her job and her talent.”
I nodded, I knew this also, but I let him continue. I only wanted her back. I paused thinking and then asked, “Where is she? I mean where exactly? How do I get there?”
Gabriel continued for Mills as if I was not asking questions, “And when she’s not recruiting she fights in the war.”
That, I didn’t know. A allowed myself a moment of pride for my friend. I should have known.
“Max she’s been captured.” He finished.
“But you told me that you angels didn’t have faith. You can’t fight. So why was she out there?” I grasped for hope.
“Max we still fight. Rena is one of the best, feared even by the enemy. But you are right, we have no faith. We are strong and experienced and many of us are very good warriors. But we just as vulnerable as you to being captured if defeated…or tricked” Mills explained.
I rose quickly and summoned all my authority, “I’m going after her. Tell me how to find her!”
“No you are not!” Shot Gabriel commandingly. It was clearly an order. And he clearly felt I was his subordinate. He was wrong.
I turned to him soberly, “I am going after her and there is nothing you can do to stop me.” The idea of Rena being tortured by those barbarians filled my mind. I had to go get her. Now!
Mills tried to reason with me. “You won’t be able to get anywhere near her, Max. She is a big prize to them. If there was any way to get her back I would do it, but it’s not possible. You have to live with that.” He did truly care for her and the loss in his eyes was genuine.
But I didn’t have to “live” with it, as he suggested. No! I didn’t.
I left my guests where they sat and began to prepare. I was staring at my closet when I heard the roar of my Dad’s Harley come down the cul-de-sac. When the doorbell rang, I called out to him, “Come on in Dad, I’m in the bedroom.” I heard the door open and then my Dad’s voice.
“Uh, son. I think you better come out here.” The voice of my Dad called out.
I was perturbed but obeyed. When I reached the living room, I was a little surprised. I had more company coming into my living room.
“They were at the door when I pulled up.” Dad said. “Friends of yours?”
Standing before me were the two Sioux, White Moon and Two Wolves and flanking them were the wolves. Gabriel and Mills stood from the couch regarding the new guests. Gabriel looked to my father and a greeted him warmly, “Sergeant Major”, he said in both greeting and acknowledgement extending a hand. I looked to Dad, impressed.
Dad took the hand, “General.” He nodded back. Mills had stood up as well and extended a hand to Dad, “It’s good to see you again Morgan.” He paused, “I just wish it was under better circumstances.”
Gabriel turned to me, “I think I’ll take my leave now. I sense there is nothing more I can do here. For what it’s worth, “he looked upon the whole group, “Good luck.” And with that he left us in a flash, vanishing before our eyes.
I looked at my new guests. Wolves, in my home. That was new, I thought.
I gave a respectful nod to my guests and started to explain to Dad that we had a “family” emergency, but it was unnecessary.
White Moon returned my greeting with a nod and spoke up. “White Moon, Two Wolves and the wolves are coming with you to help retrieve the lost Rena.” They all nodded, even the wolves.
I was so very touched. It was so unexpected. I was completely speechless.
I guess they heard about it on the news? Lovely.
Dad spoke up, “You know I am coming too son.”
“No, Dad, I can’t let you do that. You could end up imprisoned again.” And then turning to the rest of them, “I can’t let any of you risk your selves for this. It is a suicide mission. You know that. I know it. But I can’t sit here and not try. I have to go. You all do not.”
“Actually son, I’m the only one that can guide you to the prison and the only one who can give you a chance of making it out again.” Dad said his bit and he knew I would not be able to argue with it. I had to let him come…for the love of Rena, I had to.
Mills turned to me then, “I am coming too. She’s my officer and there is an eternity of loyalty between us.”
I tried to smile in thanks but failed and only nodded.
“White Moon, Two Wolves and the wolves are coming too.” The Chief stated so plainly and so matter of factly, that my little bit of resolve shattered. I nodded through tears.
THE END
My House in Heaven. By Robert R. Doyle
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved.
[a]Dan Story: Explains how you get a new body in heaven when Max was worried about not being “himself” anymore if his body was taken away.
[b]Dan discussion about losing your mortal body, losing yourself. Dan explains that in heaven you get a new body.
[c]Dan Story: This one deals with the man who said “wait five years” and Max’s realization that Heaven was a prison.
[d]First mention? of wanting the house and Rena and for her to be able to talk
[e]Dan conversation about the idea that people from all walks of life and all throughout history would be given the same opportunity to find faith and reach heaven. Not just a chosen few.
[f]The Driver states, there is a purpose for everything on Earth and in Heaven.
[g]The Driver says, God rewards your faith.
[h]The third door. Bring this into the story starting in Chapter 11. Perhaps bring the driver back to show him the door.
[i]Paladine states to Max that he can make a difference
[j]Mills tells Max that he’s going to make a fine officer one day.
[k]Obi-Wan tells Max to become a Jedi and then Max will be ready to “play a valuable part in our future.”
[l]Max’s coming to faith story
[m]Max finds out that Rena is a scout and an immortal
[n]Dad is rescued by the Dark Lady